Forgotten Freedom:46
Last Plot -- Plot Line Home -- Next Plot
Somewhere in the lower decks the past that used to be Bat-Jarlot stirs. It begins to shiver and undulate until suddenly a hairy hand shoots out of the heap. It is quickly followed by the rest of the figure. This new individual looks much like Jarlot except he is dressed as a cowboy, hat, boots, spurs, and all. He rises from the remaining ooze and strikes a pose.
Cowboy-Jarlot: I AM CHUCK NORRIS.
Silver: See? I told you a joke of that magnitude can't just be destroyed. It simply mutates into something new.
Crow: Okay, you're right. You don't have to rub it in.
Satnak: (suddenly appearing on the scene) YOU! You're the one who made off with the chili when Norbaz was on vacation! I want it back, NOW!
Satnak attemps to zorch Chuck Jarlot but it seems to have no effect. Chuck Jarlot however returns the favor and knocks Satnak through a couple of decks and into next week with a roundhouse kick. To the face.
Kanatash: Behold my latest creation....
Savor: Brilliant. It's a perfect reproduction of Jarlot and Aerith.
Kanatash: The pair of them will be inhabited by the darkest and vilest aspects of both their minds....
Savor: Aerith has a vile side?
Kanatash: Everyone has a vile side. A hidden face they keep to the world. In her I simply saw the person who resented being forced to be the lone light against a world doomed to entropy. I nurtured it.
Savor: And now we shall use them to shred the love between the two.
Kanatash: It will be beautiful.
Jarlot: You guys really take the cake you know that.
Sa'vor: Apparently you can see the darkness beyond the edges of the universe and think in 8 dimensions but you can't remember to LOCK THE DOOR.
Kanatash: A minor matter. Yes Captain, I'm preparing further revenge for your Crystal bringing. For bringing me pain for a few moments I intend to draw out your agony and mortal weaknesses strand by strand, moment by moment, and slowly but irreversibly destroy you. Tell me, my dear Captain, what you most cherish so I can take it away from you. You poor, poor, deluded mortal.
Jarlot: You know, Kanatash, I honestly had hoped you might learn something from your experiences here on the Forgotten Freedom but I keep seeing only further that I've wasted my time.
Kanatash: I've learned things you could not possibly begin to fathom. Things that would make your blood...
Jarlot: I don't care.
Kanatash: I beg your pardon?
Jarlot: If there's anything that I'd want any of the people who are Daelkyr, The children of Nyarlathotep, merged souls, creatures from dimensions untold, the persecuted children of cultists, and other dimensional self-styled bad guys on this ship to know... it's that I don't care.
Kanatash: How droll.
Jarlot: It's easy to destroy. It's easy to make something good and beautiful puerile. You and all this ridiculous driving people mad and murdering them or driving them to suicide. Oooooo I'm going to destroy the love a person shares with another person. I'm going to make their lives ruinous. I've made this a home for the people who've had their lives ruined by people whom style themselves good and pure but have destroyed dreams. What I don't have the stomach for is people who think it gives them the right to do whatever they think because they think being a bully is that much more mysterious and cool.
Kanatash: With a snap of my fingers I could bring the Daelkyr upon this planet and destroy it less allow it a few more million years of life before we do?
Jarlot: Possibly. But in the end for all the great power you Daelkyr wield, you have not the ability to appreciate a good meal or what it means to lie with a woman. To read a really good book or listen to music. I'm not afraid of your kind and I don't see you as alien, just the worst lengths a human can go to and doing his best to stay there. It's what I think of the whole Illithid Empire there. You can rule ten thousand planets but can you say eating a bunch of brains while lording over slaves is worth a single moment of family.
Savor: Spoken like someone who comprehends little but thinks he comprehends much.
Jarlot: Whatever. I stared into the heart of Xoriat... Khyber... the Dreaming Dark. The gibbering five mouths of Tiamat that will sing the song that ends the world and found out I wasn't afraid. I exist in this moment and beyond pain, beyond torture, beyond hatred, I have my own will to stand against whatever is to come.
Kanatash: We have an eternity to know your soul's capacity for agony, Captain. Remember that.
Jarlot: And maybe just maybe... before I die... I can show you and all of the rest of the poor deluded fools whom you've convinced have no choice but to submit... that there's nothing to fear at all. Then, maybe just maybe, I can wreck you all.
- he walks out*
Savor: The gall of that man is only matched by his stupidity.
Kanatash: There's forces at work on this ship that bear at least some investigation. I looked into his mind for a very long moment during this conversation and found out one thing that I will ponder on.
- Kanatash incinerates the doubles*
Savor: What's that?
Kanatash: There is no way to break his feelings. Even if he's afflicted with the most vile and utter hatred or betrayal... he will continue to love and hope. I am... disgusted.
Volrath is walking down to the library, while Nalfein is poking him.
Nalfein: Come on, give me the book.
Volrath: Hmm, how bout, NO!
Nalfein: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaasssssss!
Volrath: No.
Nalfein: Come on, comeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeoncomeon.
Volrath: [SIZE=4]NEVER! STOP ASKING!!![/SIZE]
Nalfein: Give it to me or I will torch you.
As he says this, the beginnings of a fireball start to form in his hand.
Volrath: Don't you realize that if you torch me, you won't be able to find the book, remember, I am the only one on this plane who can find anything with my filing system.
Nalfein: ... [SIZE=5]AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!![/SIZE]
Nalfein finishes the fireball and prepairs to throw it. Just then, one of Volrath's tentacles wraps around Nalfein's arm and bends it to Nalfein's other side.
Nalfein: [SIZE=4]AHGH!! OW! OH, SHAZBOT!! OH!![/SIZE]
The fireball explodes in his hand. Volrath take minor damage, but Nalfein appears unhurt.
Volrath: WTF!
Nalfein holds up his hand, it has a ring on it.
Nalfein: Ring of Fire Resistance, bit*h.
Kithle: Where are you off to?
Terra: Just visiting an old friend of mine. I'll be back in about a day.
She morphs into bird form and heads off into the waning daylight.
(about an hour later)
Arriving at a largely forested area, Terra returns to her normal form. An old cottage, suffering from years of neglect and decay, stands beneath the trees. A well kept garden grows nearby, contrasting with the surrounding foilage as seemingly the only thing showing recent activity. She heads over to it, checking on the items growing there. Several vegetable bushes are ripening, and Terra picks a tomato.
Terra: (taking a bite) Mmmm... perfect. I knew they'd be ready about now. Maybe I'll take some back with me.
Turning toward the house, she walks up to a simple stone marker in the ground at the base of a rather large tree.
Terra: (kneeling next to it) Even after all this time, your garden still grows the best produce I've ever had.
Terra clears away some of the overgrowth, revealing an inscription on the stone: "It is the nature of life to end, but do not accept death without a fight! Enjoy today as if that is all there is, but live for all the tomorrows you have yet to create."
Terra: I still don't fully understand your words, but I'm closer. I'm sorry for not visiting for so long...
Moving more of the foilage, a name appears on the stone: Gaia.
Terra: ...mother.
A chilling voice calls out from nowhere and everywhere at the same time.
???: (laughing derisively) Mother? You have spent too long here if you would call one of those pathetic creatures 'mother'.
Unable to sense where it is coming from, she strikes a defensive stance and continues to scan the area.
Terra: Who's there?! Show yourself!
???: (mockingly) You don't remember me? I feel so hurt...
Terra: Enough of your taunting! What do you want with me?
???: Since it seems you have forgotten, there is no need to tell you right now. To help you remember me next time, I give you this as a parting gift...
Several large Psionic blasts approach her from all sides. She is able to block most of them, but one manages to strike her full force. She is flung into the side of the house and the wall gives way. Getting up, she shakes her head, listening to the voice trail off as it laughs.
Terra: What the hell was that all about...?
A glint catches her eye. A purple crystal, about two inches in diameter, rests on the floor amidst the debris. It doesn't give off much of a magical aura, but something compels her to take it with her. Climbing out of the house, Terra prepares to leave.
Terra: I hate to go so suddenly, Mother, but it seems I have something to take care of...
The bowels of the FF.
Cowboy Jarlot - I am Chuck Norris!!
Satnak - I watch waaaaaaaaaaay too much of Ketler's outworld anime!!
Cowboy Jarlot - WTF!??
Satnak - *Burning finger*
Satnaks glowing hand burns Cj's head into oblivion.
Satnak - Okay, I can't zorch it since it's not a deific, so ahah.
Satnak cleans up the mess, scraping out even the walls and floors just to be safe, and rolls the mess into an orb.
Satnak - *GLARE*
The orb quickly disintigrates into nothingness.
Satnak - No next times or I refuse to be responsible for the consequences.
Suddenly the sphere which Satnak pushed the remains of Chuck Jarlot into reappears, spitting out a new Jarlot. This one is black and sports a mohawk.
T-Jarlot: I PITY THE THE FOOL!
In a darkened church. Actually, below the church, in a room only the trusted few know about. It's an arena-type area, except it's not very well done. But it doesn't have to be. Because there is a stake in the center surrounded by a pile of wood. This is a church of the Silver Flame. You can't tell where right now. You don't even know when.
Figures obscured by long hooded robes walk out of the darkness around the arena. They take their assigned places, senior clerics in the front, junior members to the back. The most important member, exact rank is obscured by the robes, sits in an elevated box at one end of the arena. He nods once, and the doors at the other end open. Two gleaming paladins, out of place in this darkened area of hooded people, march out, dragging a limb girl between them. The clerics begin a spontaneous chant of prayers to the Silver Flame. The two paladins approach the stake and tie the girl on. Too tight, it seem. It's clear now that she was tortured. There's something else about her that isn't quite right.
The leader stands and begins a speech. Anyone who's ever heard a sermon against another people has heard this before. And as it goes on we learn the importnat facts: this girl is a lycanthrope, yet she was "masquerading" as a devoted follower of the Silver Flame. The girl whispers something—"I am loyal to the flame."—but her voice is so weak that no one hears it. They wouldn't care if they did. Finally the leader ends with a proclaimation that they will "cleanse her soul with the pure fire of the flame itself."
But first one of his companions is called upon to cast a spell. The hooded figure intones some words and points a finger at the girl. Suddenly she is wracked by horrible pains, screaming with all the power that is left in her. Her body begins to change, growing more muscular, a coat of grey-brown fur, and claws. He head changes, gaining a muzzle, and her ears move until they are higher on her head. A tail appears beneath the simple robe she wears. Finally the transformation is complete. She is in her hybrid form, a cougar lycanthrope.
The leader gives a signal. One of the paladins goes over to a door below the leader's box. He opens it; inside is a small shrine with a silver flame burning on the end of a gilded torch. The paladin reverentially takes the flame, and turns back toward the pile of wood. Loud music starts up overhead: there is a service going on in the church above which will obscure the girl's screams. The paladin begins forward.
Then all the noise above ceases. The leader holds up a hand to delay the "cleansing". It would not do to let those whose faith is in question learn what goes on beneath their feet. But no sound starts up again, no matter how long they wait.
Until they hear an impossibly loud *whumph*, and the ground shakes. The ceiling begins to crumble just above the edge of the arena, catching the senior clerics before they have a chance to flee. Bodies fall down, parishioners of the church above, with a look upon their dead faces that suggests they have seen the greatest horror to a living being. Miraculously the ceiling above the arena floor just disintegrates into dust, falling down along with a rain of more bodies and prayerbooks.
Jarlot is walking out of his cabin, and is stopped by Volrath.
Volrath: Jarlot, that was a beautiful speech.
Jarlot: I thought you were one of them. You know, wanting to destroy reality and all.
Volrath: That will be fun, but I would throw it all away if my family could be together, just for one day, like it was before. But no matter what I do that will never happen. My mother has gone to an afterlife that is completely cut off from us. My sister is insane beyond all reason. My father can't ever truely die, and therefore can never join my mother. I also can never be destroyed, completely. I will die, but continue existing forever. Then all of my half-brothers and sisters, will welcome me into their fold. That is the closest thing to family I will ever get again...
Nalfien runs up to Volrath.
Volrath: I thought I got rid of you!
Nalfein: Please!!!
Volrath climbs up the nearby wall. Nalfien follows after him, by casting a fly spell. Jarlot is left with mixed feelings of sadness and confusion.
( A platinum armoured warrior rides a white steed along the roads leading to Sharn, his white cloak flutters out behind him and a glittering silver holy symbol clanks against his armour. his white skin is marked with pain and suffering and his silver eyes blaze with zealous righteousness, he rides towards a city, the city of Sharn looms above the rider. but he rides on, the clash of the horse's hooves against the cobbles of Sharn. the horse stops and the rider dismounts, his white cloak fluttering behind him, he walks towards a dirty and old tavern from which the sounds of laughter and mirth emit. He walks up to the barkeep) Dra'vos: I'm looking for the Forgotten Freedom
Barkeep: what would a holy sir like you be doing with a dark ship like that?
Dra'vos: I have... unfinished business
Barkeep: It's docked not far from here. but whatever you do, don't tell them I told you... I don't want any trouble
Dra'vos: ( Hands over a large bag of coins) do not worry, citizen, I won't speak a word.
***
( Sa'vor stands by the ship's railings, tears streaming down his face, it's true he kills and commits evil, but not because he likes to bully. no, it's because he has to fight for his place in the world. and his powers have always been feared. he fights for his very existence in this corrupt world. it's not that that creates the tears, it's this day. this very day his mother was slain. this very day Naz'roth and he were joined and his life of evil began. he would trade all his power and wealth for one day with his mother as a family, to once more stand beside her scaled hide, to earn his place in society. but that was impossible, it was his lot to be the dark one, he chose this path and he wanted to follow it. for the power and glory denied by the light path. Jarlot didn't fear him, it was all as well, a captain shouldn't fear his crew. a leader shouldn't fear his troops. and whom said the illithids would rule? well, that was the original prophecy but even now it's shifting, Kithle's empire will be the greatest, but like all empires it shall fall. and Sa'vor would see its fall and upon that final moment he would be free from this torturous existance. until then, only the mind blade of one individual could slay him. foot steps emitted from the gang plank, Sa'vor turned) Dra'vos: greetings, cousin
Sa'vor: I see you are of pure heart. sought redemption, cousin?
Dra'vos: ( sadness in his eyes) yes, I have. it was wrong of me to torture you so when we were young. I see that now. I'm not here for revenge. I'm here to stop you harming innocents, I'm here to stop the slaughter. though the people of our world are currupt there is some hope.
Sa'vor: So be it, we follow our different paths, and we both face the same destination. let there be an end to this. ( Tara apears)
Tara: Dra'vos! ( steps in front of Sa'vor)
Dra'vos: tara, out of the way. this is a matter of redemption, how dare you despoil this holy battle ground! ( the other crew members appear and begin to watch, Slip also steps infront of Sa'vor, Feal-Thas stands by his father's side)
Sa'vor: ( pushing them away) this is a matter to be settled between me and Dra'vos (Tara grabs his shoulder, and leans in to whisper) Tara: Sa'vor, you know you can't beat him, you know the section of the prophecy.
Sa'vor: yes, I do. There shall be one of darkness, whom hath been wronged by the one of light, The one of light shall seek redem[tion, while the other shall be a blight. in a bloody circle shall they stand, that only one may leave. ( pushes her away) so it is a duel, Dra'vos, you know the ritual
( Both draw a dagger from their pockets and slits their palms, blood leaks from the wounds, both mutter under their breath and form a half of the circle. then they both stand opposite. each forms a mind blade in their hands, one silver, one black. Dra'vos raises a hand and unleashes a barrage of magic, each spell is countered by Sa'vor. Sa'vor counter attacks with a burst of eldritch power, then using more incantations he fires in rapid succeson every offensive spell he knows at Dra'vos. Dra'vos counters them all. Sa'vor attacks first, he springs forward his blade lowered to skewer Dra'vos, Dra'vos parries the blow and then launches a vicious attack of slashes and hacking motions, forcing Sa'vor back. the redshirts jeer and laugh as one of the attacks strikes Sa'vor. a wound in his left arm oozes blood. Sa'vor smiles, he tries to attack but once again is forced into a defensive, being forced back by Dra'vos's vicious attack. Sa'vor sidesteps a blow that would have clove him in two, he's sustained multiple wounds form the holy blade. Sa'vor strikes now with a slash, Dravos steps aside and forces his blade beneath Sa'vors rib cage. Sa'vor collapses to the floor clutching the wound, he sees the crimson pool that forms around him and sighs. at last his relief from his tortured life comes. all fades to black)
***
(Sa'vor stands up, the world around him is grey and lifless, whats happeing seems to be distant and not part of him. he looks down and sees his own corpse sprawled on the floor) Sa'vor: I am thankful, there is another to continue my bloodline. I'm thankful for my life, though tortured and twisted by pain and agony, there were moments of pure happiness and joy ( he smiles, but his face darkens and he turns around. Before him stands Aerith)
Aerith: Hi, Sa'vor!
Sa'vor: *sigh* I was expeciting someone more grim, with a scythe
Aerith: Oh, sorry, he only deals with Diskworld's dead
Sa'vor: Shame, so, what happens now?
Aerith: you have unfinished buisness, you're not dead I'm afraid. I'm here to awaken and enhance some of your latent and supernatural abilities
Sa'vor: I see... So your an Anthropic representation of death being good? so why did you take Aerith's form?
Aerith: because she's the kindest and happiest person you know
Sa'vor: Ah, thought so. I was hoping to die, but once again my duty calls
Aerith: I know, *smile* but you still have much to complete. I'm sure slip will be very happy you're not dead
Sa'vor: well, let's get on with this, then
Aerith: If you insist! ( theres a flash of bright light and Sa'vor Opens his eyes, he rises, completly unwounded. Dra'vos turns and reforms his mind blade, Sa'vor smiles and forms his, Sa'vor activates one of his more latent abilities: Time Mastery. Sa'vor see's every one of Dra'vos's attacks coming and parries them all effortlessly, he sees an opeining before it forms and prepares an attack, the mind blade plunges into Dra'vos's stomach. Sa'vor moves aside of a slash to the head, then as Dra'vos's guard weakens and his strength lessens Sa'vor leaps over him, he calculates the weakest point on Dra'vos and strikes, straight at the base of the neck ( Dra'vos had lowered his hood) his unmindbladed fist struck in a ancient monk's attack. Dra'vos's neck broke and he died)
Jarlot: WOW! that was a death attack, a sneak attack, a crippling blow and a quivering palm, that defies all the rules!
Kantash: this isn't a game... you know that, don't you?
Jarlot: just because you lost your character sheet
Kaantash: I don't see the relevance in that statement
(the redshirts rushed forwards to rob the corpse but were stopped by a wall of force.) Sa'vor: Do not defile his body, he deserves a honourable cremation, he will join the halls of my ancestors with pride. he is redeemed in my eyes
Jarlot: Joining the side of good?
Sa'vor: no, though the innocent slaughtering will stop.
Jarlot: you never slaughtered innocents anyway, Kanatash did
Sa'vor: true enough. oh and turning him into an undead or stealing samples of his genetic signature counts as well
Random Entity from Non-existence: I will now remove the part of T-Jarlot that is Jarlot.
Satnak: Where did you come from?
Random Entity from Non-existence: I am a friend of Crow and Silver. I am here to ensure that if any more alternate Jarlots come into existance that they have a stylistic reason for being Jarlot. Barman and Chuck Norris count. Mr. T does not.
Random Entity from Non-existence reaches into T-Jarlot and draws something out. It is the Essence of Jarlot. He hands it to Satnak.
Random Entity from Non-existence: Keep this in a safe place.
Mr. T is suddenly replaced by an awakened Tarrasque at the border of medium to large size.
Satnak: What's that?
Random Entity from Non-existence: Ketler's eternal wand of awakening was used on the Tarrasque. It was then named Mr. T by the universe. Apparently the Narrative Element of the universe decided this was a perfect time to revive his joke.
Mr. T: I pity th' foo' who don't understand that.
Aerith: Yes, Jarlot used to die a lot.
Terra: Isn't it very difficult to raise the dead?
Aerith: Theoretically it should be but after the first couple of times it's done and he's rescued, the spirit becomes unfettered and pretty much has an open door policy on life.
Terra: I... see.
Aerith: Adventurers have it easy.
Pholly is walking about the ship.
Pholly: Need to where did Phollie get to. What is that maniacal laughter I've been hearing? Why is my blood blue?
Satnak - So this Mr. T has regeneration huh? Unlimited chili meat!!
Mr. T - I pity the fool who is me
Satnak - FOR CHILI!!!
Mr. T - Get this crazy bit... MY TAIL MY FREAKIN... NO NOT THE HEAD
Norbaz - Where the hell did all this spiced Tarrasque come from.
Mr. T - it's less painful to just wait here in the f-fridge and rip the pieces off my s-self.
Norbaz - This why the captain never hired any trolls. Lets see we got a big batch to make tonight; Satnak's been pulling extra shifts, so I'll need another tail.
Mr. T - H-here *slice* the c-cold makes this less painful.
Norbaz - Thanks, I'll get you food after the dinner rush.
Satnak - URP that was a great chili. Now what do I do with this slimy thing? I tried forcing it down the captain's throat, I can't seem to destroy it completely and I really don't wanna zorch it because then I would have to touch it without the paper towel. *INSANE GRIN* I know.
That evening Satnak can be seen smearing something across the hull of the FF. In the morning nothing is different except the ship is a little harder to handle.
OOC: Hey, I've got an idea. Let's have the crew of the FF discover a completely new continent.
5348: The crew is not allowed to make up new continents.
OOC: I'm glad I'm not one of the crew.
5349: Entities from the existence beyond non-existence are not allowed to make up new continents.
OOC: This is getting freaky. But anyway—
5350: Authors of the posts on this strip are not allowed to make up new continents.
OOC: Um… how can you know I exist? I mean, sure you can know that you're a D&D character, but—
5341: As a creation of the founder of this strip I am intitled to make up rules that affect those who post on it.
OOC: Aw, man. But what about wide open expanses of sand full of ancient ruins inhabited by reptilian races worshipping gods that haven't been heard of in ages?
5342: All desires to visit a desert full of ancient ruins shall be posted to Xen'drick.
OOC: The screaming desert wounted warriors waving scimitars?
5343: All desires to get your head chopped off by a guy on a horse shall be posted to Valenar.
OOC: The mummies that amble around and moan and occasionally spout out tirades about how their back is killing them and how things would be better if the rules the world again?
5344: Karrnath has way more than enough mummies to meet any need.
OOC: Weird desert plants that have strange mystical powers?
5345: We get enough plant-based mystical powers from Terra's brews.
OOC: Bustling markets full of spices and other exotic goods that you have to weave through carefully to avoid finding your wallets light?
5346: Pirates do not do spice markets. Especially if it involves thieves.
OOC: Scantelly-clad harem women who get charmed by the first roguish pirate who swoops through their window?
5347: Our next stop is a new, undiscovered desert continent.
Volrath: Desert continent, harem women, scimitar, ruins. Can we go to the Nameless City while we're there?! Ppppplllllllleeeeeaaaaaassssse!
Satnak - I'm heading this off right now. *Fist of the mortal flame*
New continent is vaporized.
Terra returns to the FF and heads to her room, carrying the gem with her. Volrath shows up, happy to see her.
Volrath: Hey, welcome ba-...Whoa, you look like hell.
Terra: Yeah, I know. Seems like I missed something big.
Volrath: (sees the gem) Hey, I thought you got rid of that years ago.
Terra: That's the thing. This isn't mine. I found it in my mother's house after I was attacked.
Volrath: Uhhh... that's not a good thing, is it.
Terra: No, I don't think it is.
While Satnak is pigging out on the newest batch of chil, a small sphere falls out of her clothing. The sphere of Jarlot's essence, which was extracted from T-Jarlot by the Random Entity from Non-existance. It falls to the floor and shatters on top of an common, household spider, which is actually extremely rare on this ship compared to the number of mutated/monstrous/extradimensional/genetically engineered arachnids on board. The sphere is drawn into the spider and transforms it into a humanoid in a red suit covered in spiderwebs which, predictably, looks quite a bit like Jarlot.
Former Spider: I AM JARLOTMAN.
Suddenly in the background music starts playing and a tune can be heard, it sounds something like, "Jarlotman, Jarlotman, can do anything a Jarlot can."
Jarlot: (turning to Kanatash) I hate you, you know that right?
Kanatash: Yes, and I still don't care. I must say however I am surprised by the entity's resiliency, I never expected it to last past the second mutation. I should look into acquiring some samples.
Satnak - I already smeared the orb into the ship it's infused it's going nowhere and doing no such thing.
Jarlotman - That means
Puff of logic
Satnak - I am the ***** queen.
Devon: So, what, we have a Tarrasque on board now?
Silence: I think it's, like, one of those 'affirmative action' things again.
Devon: I thought there was some kind of a rule about not naming the Tarrasque "Mr. T"...
Reman: Due to the fact that my client, Mr. T, was not a member of the crew nor aboard this vessel at the time of his aforementioned naming, he is therefore exempt from any and all rules, regulations, or agreements, verbal or written, pertaining to restrictions on his official title. In addition-
Silence: SHUT UP ALREADY!!! Can't you just say it doesn't count against the list like normal people?!
- from somewhere in the bowels of the ship*
Mr. T: [SIZE=5]AH PITY DA' FOO'!!!!![/SIZE]
- Large explosions and the bloodcurdling scream of redshirts are heard*
What appears to be Kithle is walking through some of the lesser used corridors of the ship. Terra warps in a few feet behind him.
Terra: Hello there.
Kithle?: (startled) Ah! Wha- oh, hi.
Terra: That clinches it. You are not Kithle.
Kithle?: How can you say that? Of course I am!
Terra: He's been wanting this vacation for ages. He wouldn't just come back early for no reason. And that reaction was a dead giveaway. I purposely gave off more energy than required. If you were him, you would have sensed my arrival easily. I give you points for fooling me the first time, though.
Kithle?: Well... I... er...
Terra blasts him against the wall, sending waves of arcane power at him. The impact and ensuing attack cause him to return to his normal form. She holds him to the wall as she pries open his mind, forcing him to answer her questions.
Terra: Ok, you little bastard. You're going to tell me what this is (holds up the gem).
Changeling: (hesitantly) That is our symbol, the mark of membership to our cult.
Terra: And why would I have one? What do you have to do with the one who attacked me?
Changeling: You are one of us. The one who attacked you was to give you your first assignment, but you have forgotten yourself.
Terra: The other guy said the same thing. What am I to you people?
Changeling: I don't know. I was only sent to spy on you, to get you to leave the ship and enable the meeting. It was unexpected that you would leave of your own accord.
Terra: You know more. Let me in, or I will make your death seem a sweet release. I know more than a few people that would enjoy such a diversion.
Changeling: Ugh... I know nothing more on this matter, and killing me will not change anything. You will be brought back. Our master has need of you.
Terra: "Our" master? I don't remember agreeing to serve anyone. My help is given, not taken.
Changeling: You have no choice. "He" will come for you soon. When he does, you will not be able to resist him.
Terra: We'll see about that. But since it seems you have nothing more for me, I guess only I'll see about that. :devil:
Closing her hand, the Changeling's heart explodes, killing him instantly. She disposes of the body by throwing it to the demon chocobos.
Terra: Such frightening images. That man he talked about... there's something about him... something familiar.
A throbbing pain starts in her head. As it subsides, she fails to notice that the wall in her mind has ever so slightly begun to break down...
Jarlot: Man, I can't believe you're actually bothering to do this...
- mops up remains of Jarlots*
Aerith: I'm protecting the Time Stream and stuff!
Jarlot: What about the continent a certain demigod destroyed?
Aerith: You're just worried about the harem girls.
Jarlot: Yes.
Aerith: But yes, every Jarlot has an important part in his or her time stream.
[SIZE=6]Ressurection Spell Light[/SIZE]
Aerith: Thus they must be restored and returned to their proper timelines.
Jackie Chan Jarlot: Thank you very much! WO POW!
Jarlot: Wait, if there's a Jackie Chan Jarlot... a Spider Jarlot.... what Jarlot am I? I'm Jarlot Jarlot right?
Aerith: Oh Heavens no, you're Final Fantasy Jarlot. You replaced Eberron FR when... the incident happend.
Jarlot: Say what?
Aerith: Well suffice to say the Eberron Jarlot killed a Daelkyr and you're not supposed to do that.
Jarlot: REALLYYYYY? I thought they were immortal.
Aerith: There's a way to permanently consign souls to oblivion that are outlawed to all but the gods and they have voluntarily left the universe to avoid using them. Even the Daelkyr fear them. Of course I can't tell you....
Jarlot: *scribble scribble scribble*
Bat Jarlot: I wasn't dead! I only had my back broken! Now I must stop Azrael-Jarlot in a 14 part crossover!
Jarlot: So what happened to Eberron Jarlot?
Aerith: Well after he killed the Daelkyr, he absorbed its essence and is trying to work his way through the universe until he eats it.
Satnak - Just keep them from doing anything world-alteringly stupid for a couple weeks, you have powers the gods quail at it shouldn't be a problem, what in creation could cause you more than a headache he says. Well I got one hell of a headache Kithle !!!
Super Jarlot - My only weakness is Kryptonite.
Satnak - You are not helping my headache !!!
5359. We will never again speak of what Satnak did to super Jarlot, and someone get the girl a migraine pill.
Roosevelt - I ain't touching it, you clean it.
Igor - But it'ths Pholly'th turn.
Wild chili - SSSSSSSKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR (recoils in horror)
Pholly - If the chili won't touch it, I'm certainly not going near it.
Kanatash - Oh that's just awful, normally I'd be jealous I never thought of this, but in this case I just gotta *hrrp* (dashes off to the toilet)
Sa'vor - what did the poor sap do to deserve that *hrrp* (dashes off after Kanatash including the 'through the wall' parts)
Jarlot - how is this never speaking of it again *hrrp* (you know the drill)
Volrath and Ketler are sorting through DVDs.
Volrath: How did you get all these? I remember there were only a few on Elminster.
Ketler: That device, that links to the world in my head. It might cause some problems later, but these were to good to pass up.
A diminsional rift opens up. Out of it steps a yellow man, sporting a sparkly white suit, pink sunglasses, and a fro.
Disco Stu: Where is Disco Stu?
Ketler: Who is Disco Stu?
Disco Stu: Disco Stu is the beautiful man standing in front of you.
Ketler: Oh no, he's talking in third person. You know what has to be done.
Volrath: Yes I do. (raises flencing knife.)
Late in the kitchen, Norbaz is spooning out dinner.
Allen: So, what swill are you serving today.
Norbaz: Something Ketler gave me. He calls it Disco Stew
Read Chuck Jarlot's Rules
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