Jing Li: Fears

Boshi looked up as his door gently opened, and then slowly closed. The timid steps approached; he was seated in a corner with a lamp turned far down.

"A great lord hides in a corner?" Kui Ji-min whispered. "Does he fear the shadows?"

"There are many things to fear." Boshi replied softly. "Some are in shadow."

"Some might think you only speak of my body, hidden by the coming and going of the moon." She knelt in front of him and bowed respectfully. "Yet I wonder. Often you speak as a poet, or a mystic. But you claim to be neither."

"The art of meter is not mine, nor do I...command the spirits." A pale stab by the moon reveled Kui Ji-min's hair was still done up and her robes were tight about her frame. "I am but a man who tries to do his best."

"And speaks his heart." She bowed again. "Except when he does not, out of kindness to one who has failed him. I am sorry, my lord. Please forgive my brother and I for hiding our troubles from you while accepting your hospitality. I...I have also failed to meet the terms of our agreement."

"You used the formal term, 'my lord', instead of your personal name for me." Boshi said quietly as he lit another stick of incense and placed it on the lamp. "You present yourself as a supplicant, not as an intimate. Yet you enter quietly where few are permitted. Others could probably explain your behavior, but I confess that I cannot."

"It will be for you to decide." She bowed again. "Once you know the truth."

Kui Ji-min began her tale. Her voice was often animated and carried tones of love for much; her father, her brother, a lost friend, and a lost home.

"That was over a year past and we've been running from place to place, further and further west each time ever since." She collected herself and remained still.

The incense had burned down and the lamp was nearly spent. Night sounds from the house, and a few from the city, wafted in as they sat together.

After a while, Boshi spoke. Still softly, yet without weakness. "Gaoming mentioned some time back that our host has a daughter of surpassing beauty. Even he was enthralled, it seems, you could hear it in his voice." He paused. "I have used you as a shield."

"In war I focused on the men and the next battle. My father understood why I was not about finding a wife and producing an heir. Yet such is not outside of my own desires, either. Later I concentrated on building Hu's defenses and weeding out miscreants. Then later on hosting Little Brother's friend and his hopefully soon to be extended family."

"Ziyan is beautiful." Ji-min said quietly.

"Yes." He replied. "And her family is well connected. Marriage would bring someone power in Jizhou as well as a high place in society. Many a man would be tempted to court her."

"All men?"

"All...save perhaps one who thought he was loved. Such a man could well look at beauty and hope that it found the joy he was already immersed in. Yet perhaps love is not enough?"

"What could one without resources provide, besides love?" Ji-min said slowly. "A powerful lord could seek alliances but the family of an artist has little influence for such. Nor wealth, even if the meager family coffers were available."

"One can be overcome with love, as the poets declare." Boshi said quietly. "But such things pass, given time. One can choose to love, though. Such a choice requires trust."

"Trust can be difficult when one has been at risk for a long time."

"Yes." Boshi leaned forward and cupped her face in his hands. "I have long hoped you would trust me with your fears. You can continue to run, if you want. There is much land to the west and eventually the duke's spies will loose the trail."

"Running is easy. Familiar." She turned her head slightly and tasted her own tear as she kissed his hand. "Yet I have a contract to fulfill. Would you also chase me if I fled?"

"I choose to love you enough to let you find your own path." His thumb softly wiped away a tear. "My hopes surrender to my love."

"My fears battle my love. Often they win, for I have little strength to cling to."

"Surely, it is a difficult struggle. Your fears of an angry duke and a friendly but threatened king must be hard to overcome. Hu is well defended and one could stop running there, at least for a while. But what of the artist father, the loved princess, and the child of one's brother? Could a minor scribe of the Han protect against an angry duke?"

He pulled her close and wrapped her in his own robe. "Stay." he whispered. "Give me your fears."

"They are almost all I have left."

"If you would have a minor scribe from the Han in place of a powerful duke from Buyeo, he would give his love. Could that replace your fears?"

Ji-min snuggled in and let Li Li's arms hold her for a while. He was strong, yet he did not crush her. She pulled his arm close and held tight.

"Li Li?" she caressed his arm through the silk covering it. "Is it possible to get a better style name than 'Snuggle Bunny'? I do not think father would be impressed if his only daughter was called such. Especially if she were to settle for just being the mistress of a minor Han scribe."