Mariage in Rokugan

Getting Married In Rokugan

Among members of the samurai caste, marriage is mostly seen as a tool for political for political gain instead of a union of two people in love, and it is not uncommon for marriages to be planned out as early as childhood.

Part 1 - Before The Ceremony

The Mi-Ai: This is the technical term given to arranged weddings, which are mostly used to seal alliances between families and clans. It is not expected for the couple to be in love or even know one another. Mi-Ai begins with a formal interview between the parents of the spouses to be – this can happen when the future spouses are still infants, or long past gempukku. The M-Ai interview, however, does not count as a guarantee of marriages. Usually, these studies are done to compare backgrounds, personalities, and financial and political aspects of the marriage to better assure a happy union.

The Nakodo: Marriage is an institution filled with ceremony and tradition; and where samurai are involved, mistakes are not an option. For that reason, marriages are arranged by a Nakodo, the go-between or Matchmaker, usually older courtiers who are very knowledgeable of all the appropriate costumes and rituals. Furthermore, it is a way for the groom to impress the parents of the bride by acquiring the services of a proper go-between. For that reason, good matchmakers achieve a lot of status and are widely respected… their ability to know the right people and how to dance the complicated dance of court and bureaucracy makes them very powerful – anger a Matchmaker and you risk finding your requests for marriage license denied, or sudden problems arise that demand a lot of time, trouble, and money to solve before you can marry.

OOC Hint: When you go ask with The Matchmaker to hire her services, remember that she is a samurai like your PC, hence, paying in hard cash is considered an insult. However, gifts are always a way to melt even the coldest heart. To quote Imani herself: “The happier your Auntie Imani is, the better she does her job.”

The nakodo helps the families of the bride and groom to barter without causing emotional displays on either side: they will also responsible for helping organizing the ceremony, agreeing on the dowry, etc. He or she also makes sure that the bride has no secrets in her story or stain of dishonor which could compromise the marriage. Should it be discovered that the bride is unsuitable after the marriage is completed, the nakodo often must pay heavy fines to the groom’s family. The go-between also provides the couple the chance to know each other, whether through letters (which the nakodo reads and carries back and forth) or even through a physical encounter if they hadn’t met yet. Either way, the couple is given a few months to get to know each other and grow accustomed to the idea of the wedding. When the nakodo’s proposal is accepted by the ceremonial exchange of drinks between the nakodo and the bride’s parents, and the nakodo and the groom’s parents – the yui-no ceremony. As soon as the drinks with the groom’s parents are done, a message is sent to the bride and family, so that they can organize a farewell party before the ceremony.

The Courtship: Official courtship is now BEFORE the marriage not after, as it used to be, although some families may still respect this tradition. After the ceremony, usually the wife kept living with her parents, and only after she became pregnant or the parents of either husband or wife died would she go to live with the groom, or the groom with her. Before that, a special room would be set (the fukirio, or ‘wiving house’) where each night the husband would visit his wife. In the beginning of the wedding, this would be set often during Winter Court, so that the two families could get together and meet each other. Eventually, and after a few nightly visits, the parents could invite the husband to come in by her parents, and be offered rice cakes – the ceremony of tokoro-awarashi – showing they were accepting him into their lives. Nowadays, most families (with the presence of the matchmaker) use the tokoro-awarashi as a ceremony to indicate the beginning of the official courtship (with no nightly visits included), long before the wedding. From this point on, the engagement is set on stone, and nothing short of the direst of circumstances could terminate it. Should either side try to break the betrothal after the tokoro-awarashi and the other side has the rights to declare a blood feud on them – and be supported by their family and clan on it.

Gift giving: Gift giving, or "Yui-no" is the culmination of the betrothal – it means that both families are to be united in marriage to dine and drink together. At "Yui-no", gifts are exchanged between the bridegroom-to-be and bride-to-be. The main item to be presented to the bride-to-be is an Obi, representing female virtue. A Hakama is given in return to the bridegroom-to-be, expressing fidelity.
The "Yui-no" gifts include as many as nine items of happiness and fortune, if formally prepared, in addition to the "Obi" and "Hakama".

• Naga-Noshi - Prepared from abalones, it used to be an important and costly item in the old barter trade.
  
• Mokuroku - It is the list of gift delivered.
  
• Koku - Money is exchanged as a ceremonial gift.
  
• Katsuo-bushi - It is dried bonito, used in making soup stock and valued high as preserved food.
  
• Surume - Dried cuttlefish. Both "Surume" and "Katsuo-bushi" are presented to indicate "quality to last”.
  
• Konbu – “Konbu" tangles are included for their strong power of breeding, wishing for happy and healthy generations to follow in the family.
  
• Shiraga - Another name for "Asa" or hemp. Strong fibers are exchanged to signify ties and cooperation in the married life. "Shiraga" phonetically means also white hair, expressing wishes for long life together to the newly married.
  
• Suehiro - A fan is always a symbol of happiness, as it expands to the end, suggesting a better and bigger future.
  
• Yanagi-daru - It is a sake cask. Sake casks such as used in "Yui-no" are of willow trees with tender leaves. It is meant to pledge obedience and gentleness in the married life.
  

Changing Houses: When a samurai marries, typically one of the spouses swears fealty to the new family or clan and takes the spouse’s name. In most cases, the female takes the male’s name, but not always. In matriarchal families such as the Utaku, Matsu, and Moshi, the male is expected to marry into the female’s household – and often they expect their males to marry off into their wives’ families. The Doji family generally expects anyone who marries into their household to take the Doji name, whether they are male or female.

OOC Hint: Mechanics wise, the spouse with less Glory marries into the family of the spouse with more Glory. In case of a tie, _usually_ the wife marries into the family and takes the name of her husband – but it can happen otherwise if in the prenuptial agreement both families come to an agreement concerning this point. Notable exceptions are the Doji (the Doji maidens are allowed to retain their family name should they wish to do so, even when they marry off the clan – however, they cannot give their name to their children), the Matriarchal families (which always demand the marriage of the husband into the family as part of the marriage terms). It is possible for a samurai to “marry down”, which means to marry a spouse with lesser Glory, but this has to be cleared and allowed by the family daimyos.

In some cases the bride swears no new vows of fealty at all outside her wedding vows but this is usually limited to very powerful individuals, such as the Shogun’s bride, Doji Yasuyo, and such arrangements are always ironed out well in advance of the marriage.

OOC Hint: When one spouse has more Glory than the other, the spouse with lesser status gains a boost in his or her status – he will be raised to the same Glory rank of his spouse -1. For example, if Doji Ochiru (Glory 4.2) wedded Kakita Sakura (Glory 1), after the wedding, Sakura’s Glory would be raised to 3.0 (= Ochiru’s rank 4 – 1 = rank 3). When Shosuro Hideo (Glory 2) wedded Bayushi Yumi (Glory 1), Yumi’s Glory remained 1. There are exceptions, especially when Matriarchal families are involved. For instances, Moshi Akimi (Glory 2), takes Kitsu Kirimatsu (Glory 1) as wife. Seeing his family is the Moshi, Kirimatsu is considered the “head” of the household, which means that not only does she gain a Glory rank equal to her husband (Glory 2) – but for all purposes, she is now seen and treated as the leader of the relationship.

The Daimyos of both families involve have to agree to any marriages in their family, and in case of interclan marriages, the Clan Champions have to be consulted as well. Marriages that involve a change of caste (a lesser samurai wedding the son of the Lion Champion, or a merchant’s daughter marrying a samurai) must have the approval of the Emperor himself. Technically, ALL marriages must be approved by the Emperor, but barring the inter-caste marriages, usually it will be a minor functionary of the Imperial court who will sign the permission, after he received the confirmation from the Daimyos of both families.

OOC Hint: Interclan marriage is a serious affair. Most of the time, the spouse who marries out of his clan will be considered to have cut all bonds with his\her former family, and will no longer be accepted in his\her clan schools to learn new school techniques, katas and\or rank. They are no longer considered family, with any social perks that might have entailed. The only way you can continue to rank your PC on your original school is if that is included in the prenuptial agreement – but consider this as difficult as having permission to attend a different school than of your original clan. This rule is being enforced on FRO. Your PC is now considered a member of the clan he\she married into, and no longer a member of the clan he\she once belonged to.

Part 2 – The Wedding Cerimony

Traditionally, Rokuganese marriages are held in Shintao style, during the morning, in a Shintao shrine, whether at the family home or Shinsei temple. It is presided by a Shintao priest (a monk or house shugenja) who first holds the purification service of all present. Such a wedding is usually attended by members of both families and close relatives in addition, of course, to the couple to be united and the go-between.

The Religious Ceremony: After a ritual by the priest, who summons the Kami to witness and bless the union, requesting their lasting favors on the newly-weds it is customary for the bridegroom to read an oath to keep faithful and obedient his wife and her needs in the married life (note that in Rokugani culture, “being faithful” to a wife means to care for all her physical needs (clothing, food, housing and servants), care for her and protect her). The wife receives a red ribbon to symbolize this oath -- this ribbon is then used by the priest to bound the hands of both bride and groom together, the bride's hand on top. The "San-San-Kudo" or ceremony of the Three-Times-Three Exchange of nuptial cups is then performed by the bridegroom and bride, where three sake cups are set in front of the couple – the bridegroom takes a drink of the first cup, then hands it to his bride who finishes it, and then he repeats the same thing with the second and third cups. The bridegroom and bride proceed to the family sanctuary or shrine to burn seven twigs of "Sakaki", a sacred tree, in honor of the seven main Fortunes. Drinks of Sake are then exchanged between members and close relatives of the both families to signify their union through the wedding.

The Changing of An Era: During the whole wedding ceremony, the bride changes her clothes to symbolize the great change she is going through. In the morning, during the religious celebration, the bride wears fully white, the color of death, to show that she is considered dead to her family (this happens even if the bridegroom is the one marrying into the bride’s family). During the reception of the guests, later on, the bride begins removing pieces of clothing and adding new ones, this time of a bright red. Just before the lunch, the bride finally removes the heavy white kimono to reveal a magnificent red wedding dress underneath and present herself to the guests fully clad in red, which symbolizes her rebirth. Often, the red wedding dress is worth as much or even more than the entire dowry.

The Wedding Reception: The newlyweds now welcome the guests at a lavish ceremony, which can have from 20 to 200 guests, and representatives of the Daimyos and even of the Emperor. The party begins with the introduction of the couple, who mingles and greets their guests. Afterwards, a meal is held, and several guests make contributions in the form of speeches, music, poetry and other forms of performance – or sponsor artists to do it for them. After the reception, it’s tradition that the mother of the family the bride married into takes her home to teach her how to handle a home and a married woman’s life. The husband leaves that very day for a pilgrimage to a holy place, where he will perform several ceremonies, including presenting incense to the seven Fortunes to pray for a happy marriage, and meditate on his new condition.

Part 3 – After the Wedding

After the wedding, it’s usual that one of the spouses takes charge of the household while the partner assumes responsibilities beyond. For example, the husband might continue to serve his clan as an officer in the armies while the wife takes charge of problems that arise in the home village and coordinates the family’s finances. Which spouse assumes which responsibility varies depending on the clan, family, and individuals involved. In some cases, both spouses might continue an active life as bushi or even courtiers and leave underlings to maintain their household.

Marriage & Mistresses Love is an important force in rokugan, but seeing that so many marriages are little more than cold business contracts, it’s no surprise that most of them are loveless. For that reason, it’s not considered badly seen if the spouses take lovers outside the wedlock. Most samurai who are wealthy enough have a geisha as a kept mistress – or seek the company of the ladies of the willow district, choosing one or more favorites to shower with gifts and attention. Mind you, geishas are NOT prostitutes – please refer to the Geisha chapter of this guide. Hence, it is not uncommon for a samurai to have concubines – his wife is always of samurai caste, and that gives her a position that none of the concubines will ever reach, but the concubines can be samurai or not. Of course, only a very wealthy man can actually afford concubines, seeing that are not expected to “work” for the household. If you do not wish your husband to have multiple wives, you must arrange that as part of the prenuptial agreement. Unfortunately, women are not allowed to have multiple husbands.

Seeing that most Rokuganese see love as a curse, not a blessing, (a samurai’s loyalty to his lord has to be absolute, and love for someone else is a distraction and a failure of duty) a loveless marriage is the rule rather than the exception.

OOC Hint: That’s why “True Love” is a Disadvantage, not and Advantage, as most would think.

However, most couples strive to get along well and keep an appearance of harmony and understanding between the spouses. That includes making a blind eye to lovers that either spouse might have. And yes, as long as the affairs are kept away from public eye (and mouth), it is common for the spouses to politely ignore the “other woman” (or other man). As they say, if there is no love, there is no jealousy.