Necessities of Command

Val needed to talk to Vikki and I felt like torturing her a little bit. Andy was game and this was the result. Thanks, Andy!—Maer

Thursday, 05 Apr 2525
Trans U class, Delilah
En route to Rockhaven Waypoint
1630 hrs, ship's time

Vikki gathered up tea for two and when the water was hot, she poured it over the leaves and took everything on a tray to Valentine's quarters. It had been nearly two days since she'd had more than a word or two in passing with the man. The general rancor caused by recent events had her walking on eggshells with everyone. Well, except maybe Nuri. In truth, the other girl seemed serene in comparison to the rest of the crew in the aftermath. Sometimes Vikki wondered how the young woman managed it. Vikki put the thought aside for later. She was at Valentine's door. She tapped with a knuckle, hoping he was still inside.

A scrimshaw button, worn from being rubbed between thumb and forefinger.

Three flattened bullets set on a rectangular wooden plaque.

Half of a wooden staff, the end jagged from being snapped in two.

An antique clock, the minute hand moving at twice the rate it should be moving …

Val moved between the different items scattered throughout his father's cabin, touching each one briefly before moving to the next. He still thought of it as his father's cabin. No matter that the ship, for better or worse, was his now. No matter that he had taken up residence in the room. The collection of his father's life still inhabited the room and with it, a presence that Val found hard to shake. Would he end up having his own collection one day? Become his father whether he wanted to or not?

He shook his head, trying to shake himself free of the maudlin thoughts. The events of the last couple of days had shaken him, more than Val liked to admit to himself. But even as he thought about it, he chuckled. At the rate I'm going, he thought, I'm not going to be captain long enough to have to worry about any of that.

Then a knock came at the door. Hopefully not more trouble, he thought before reminding himself to try and stay positive. So when he saw Vikki at the door with a tray of tea, Val let himself smile for what seemed like the first time in days.

"This is a pleasant surprise," he commented as he motioned for her to come in. "Let me take that for you." And he smoothly took the tray and settled it down on his desk, the only clear space in his room.

"Um, yes. Thank you," Vikki said. She stepped inside gingerly despite his invitation and tried not to stare at the scattered articles around the room. She didn't want to pry and yet wasn't sure where to look. Even so, she saw a few familiar touches: his vest, his shirt, a book or two. Vikki turned her gaze on him, it being the safest for the moment, and lamely continued. "You skipped lunch so I thought ... I don't know what I thought, really, except that I should check up on you and make sure not to do it empty handed. You don't have to drink it if you don't want to ... "

Could you be any more lame? Leave. Find a hole and pull it in after you. Giving him a smile, she started edging for the door.

"Stay, please. I'm glad you came by. Provides me an excuse to both be social and to talk about a few things on my mind." He motioned to a chair, which was clear of obstacles. He made some space for himself on a small stool and sat down. Since his blowup on Beaumonde (of which he was still ashamed), he had been wanting to talk to Vikki about his behavior. But handling the rest of the crew had come first. The penalties of being no being trouble - you were at the bottom of the captain's priority list.

"Are you normally a tea drinker, or just inspired by the meeting with Katarina?"

"Yes and no," Vikki said. She stepped back inside and took the chair offered. "My parents have a samovar at home and we always kept it full. I grew up drinking tea at all hours." She didn't mention that sometimes tea was the only thing they had in their stomachs. She shrugged, one corner of her lips lifting in a self-deprecating smile. "I supposed it's the equivalent of running home to momma. When I get upset, I drink tea. I can pour if you like," she added, thinking that maybe she should have kept that last bit to herself. She didn't knock on Valentine's door to make him feel awkward. Given the events of the past few days, it was the last thing she wanted to do. She took up the teapot without waiting for his answer and filled their cups. "Seeing the samovar the other day made me think of home. Maybe in the future we could get one for the ship. Just a thought though. No need to put a rush on it." Shut up. You're babbling and he said he wanted to talk. She curled her hands around her cup--a heavy mug with a chip on the rim--and brought it to her chin. "I'm all ears."

He picked up a cup and took a long sip before responding. "It's supposed to be my job to be all ears, you know. Part of being a good boss, and therefore, good captain, is to be able to listen." If only more of his crew were willing to talk to him...

Val took another sip before putting his cup down. "So before I starting talking, is there anything you needed to talk to me about?" If it had been anyone else on the crew, he would have assumed that there was a larger motivation behind the tea. But with Vikki, it really could be that she just noticed he hadn't eaten lunch (a bad habit from his Golden Dragon days) and thought he might want something. In many ways, it was nice having at least one crew member that he didn't have to constantly worry about.

Bozhe moi, why did he have say it like that? Vikki sipped her tea and clamped her teeth on her mug behind her lips to keep a tide of words from spilling forth. Her emotions were no help here, either. Since that moment on Newhall's beach, she'd had a personal reason to walk carefully around Valentine. Of all the things she didn't want to inflict on him, it would be her inappropriate crush. She swallowed thickly and tried for humor. "Why is it that whenever someone asks you that, your mind goes completely blank?"

It wasn't quite the truth, but it wasn't exactly a lie either.

Val smiled at her, trying to ease her discomfort. "This doesn't have to be captain to crewmember, if that makes you uncomfortable, Vikki. We're just talking as friends." Another part of being a good boss, Val had discovered, was about being able to shift management styles to fit your individual employees. Everyone was different.

"I ... I'm not sure if that's ...," Vikki hid behind another sip of tea, trying to get a lid on the avalanche his offer started. She wanted to throw herself on him. She wanted to get the hell out of there before she did. Should I tell him? Should I shut up? God, what if he already knows? If he knows, what the hell did he mean just now? If he doesn't ... What the hell am I doing here? Like a drowning man grabbing a floating spar, she latched on the first thought that came to her. "I'm sorry. About earlier. In the hold. With ... that ... Navy Intelligence, was he?"

"Let's just call him the Ghost of Tian Past," Val commented, with just the slightest bit of snark in his tone. Funny how the past never stays in the past. For any of us. "I appreciate and accept the apology and I apologize for losing my temper. You understand why I was upset?"

"Yes," she said, back on firmer ground. Don't think less of yourself, think of yourself less, or so her parents had taught her. Redirected by Valentine's query, Vikki gratefully seized on the opportunity it gave her. "They did an end run around you and kept you in the dark where it could have caused you to misstep and get us all killed. For safety reasons alone you couldn't let that slide. But they undermined you and your authority, too, and that's bad for discipline. Someone has to be in charge and that person has to know everything that goes on so he or she can lead effectively." Aware that her tone had gone perhaps a touch too fervent and open to misinterpretation, Vikki sipped her tea again to put a pause on the conversation. After a beat, she added softly, "Authority wasn't the only thing threatened. It didn't do anything to foster trust, either. I know they thought they were doing the right thing, and maybe they were, but they did it in the wrong way."

It was like she was in his head. He had been thinking the same set of thoughts for the last day or so. At least one person understood where he was coming from, even if she didn't have any direct ability to change anything. And even if she could, he wouldn't want her to. It was his job, his responsibility to make it all work.

Val smiled a little and took a sip of tea before responding. "That's generally right, but if they don't trust me, that's a failure from my end. And I'm going to try and work on that. But do you understand why I was snapping at you?"

He didn't make her try and suss it out, he could tell she was already nervous for some reason. That crush of hers, perhaps? He was eventually going to need to address that, but not now. "In a situation, I need to be the face of the crew. I need to be the one talking, the one asking questions. In trying to ask the questions you were asking, you might have given away more information than you got back."

"I know that. Now." Vikki put her cup aside. She no longer needed to hide behind it. "But back then, all I could think of was refuting his accusations. We've done good on this trip and I wanted him to know it but in retrospect, if he'd been following us all this time, he'd have already known and it didn't matter to him. It wasn't the point, after all," she added sadly. "The point was to make an example of Tian, of nailing her to the wall. Why is it that lately, the only time someone notices you or uses your name, it's because you're in trouble? Why is it always bad news that gets reported, that gets people looking at you? Whatever happened to good news? Did good news just disappear from the Verse into thin air? And why is it always thin air? Why not fat air? Or pleasingly plump air? Or … Sorry." Vikki managed a weak laugh and shook her head. Maybe she still needed her cup. "Point is, we all have our past and it's always present. Tian's caught up with her. In her case, I don't think it's for something she did or even deserved. What I want to do is help her get free of it. If I can't do that, at least ... I don't know, Val. Soften the blow?"

She dared look him in the eye and had to look away again lest she fall in too deep.

"I know I'm not saying this at all well, but I don't believe what that guy said about her. I've talked to her in private. I've shared a bunk with her. I've helped her work the clinic. She's ... she saved my life when I could have been shot or worse. You don't ... you don't work—you don't live—next to a person like that and not know what she's made of. I know what she's made of. She's not the monster he's looking for." Vikki took up her cup and said over its rim, "It makes me wonder what monsters of his own he's trying to hide by hunting down someone else's. I think that scares me more than anything he can accuse her of."

Vikki gusted a sigh and said to the ceiling with more than a little chagrin, "And I dragged us off topic, sorry. To answer your question, yes. I know why it was unwise to speak as I did. I just wanted to let you know where my head was at the time and where it is now."

"I appreciate that, Vikki, and you don't have to worry about me tossing Tian out the door." He'd be more worried himself about getting tossed out the door, if he was being honest with himself. But that was for him to worry about. No point in increasing Vikki's worry.

He held his hand out to shake. "Are we good?"

His offered hand promised so many things on so many levels, things too dangerous to indulge. So likewise did his words. She knew what he meant. She knew she wanted more.

Now is not the time. If ever. Accept it.

Vikki clenched her teeth behind a pleasant mask and got a grip. And yet, she couldn't wall off her heart completely...

"We're good," she said softly and shook his hand. It was warm and smooth and it sent an intense shock all the way up her arm and through her chest. Stabbed through the heart and praying it wouldn't show she could only look at him and say, "Whenever were we not?"

"You're my safe haven on this ship, Vikki. I just wanted to make sure my inability to control my temper hadn't put that in danger." He squeezed her hand firmly before letting go. He could feel the sweat on his hand that she had left behind.

Val hoped that the crush would burn itself out before long, but he had no idea what the closed confines of a shipboard environment would do. He felt like he was walking a bit of tightrope. Vikki was the type of person that needed positive feedback and encouragement. If he dialed himself down to avoid the crush, he might end up hurting her feelings and making it harder for them to work together. But if he encouraged it, he didn't think it would work out well for either of them. The trials and tribulations of being a boss. "You know if there is anything I can do to make things smooth on the ship for you, that's what I'm here for."

Vikki knew he wasn't trying to make it worse. She understood what he meant. It didn't make a damned bit of difference in how she felt. Luckily, she had practice. Being a kid from the wrong side of the tracks for too many things, Vikki was better at leaving unsaid what she felt at times like this than most would give her credit her for.

"I know," she said, wondering if he understood how many levels her affirmation acknowledged. "If there is anything I feel you can do for me, I'll let you know."

HOW TO SPEAK RUSSIAN

Bozhe moi = Боже мой = Boh-zheh moy = My God! (exclamation) Sound clip

---

Return to Episodes | Season One | Firefly-RPG Homepage | Crew Page |