The Price of Admission
Tuesday, 30 Oct 2525
Trans U, Polaris class Delilah
En route to Albion
00:30 hrs, ship's time
Vikki made sure the recorded message was securely downloaded to her data pad and gathered her courage. What she was about to do would put her in a rather bad position with the Captain, and possibly the crew, but her conscience wouldn't allow her to do otherwise. What she saw at Erebor Station was … wrong … in so many ways, that she couldn't let it slide. She had to do what she could to make it right. It was one of the reasons she'd agreed to track the centaur and send the telemetry to Gandalf however she could. It didn't occur to her for a second what Valentine or the others would have thought of it or even if they'd disagree.
Breaking her promise to Gandalf was not an option. Yet, having given her word, she still had to find a way to make it right with the Captain and the crew. She would just have to find a way to do both. She left her quarters and put herself in front of Valentine's door and knocked.
Committed now, whatever came next.
Val stood up from where he had been sitting at his desk, running through numbers. He didn't have high hopes about the record sale actually going smoothly, so he was trying to figure out how to earn extra money to pay back (with a penalty) their loan. They were violating their contract by leaving Blue Sun space, so Val had been trying to figure out much he would need to make up for it. But it was a fool's errand that the knock on the door was saving him from.
He opened the door to find Vikki waiting at the door. And, although she probably didn't realize it herself, her posture reminded him of years back when he worked on the ranch with his mother. They had three dogs on the ranch, all of which were rambunctious. They would constantly tear things up and cause trouble. Two of them didn't care, but the third, Abigail, always felt guilty afterwards. She would show up at their door with a hangdog expression, and then lead them to whatever she had done.
Vikki had the same posture and expression Abigail did. So the question was, what had she done to feel guilty about?
"Vikki," he stated with a small smile. "Do you want to tell me whatever you need to tell me while we walk? I'd rather not stay cooped up in the room if I don't have to be."
"Oh, um, okay," Vikki bit her lip and mentally regrouped. She didn't want to broadcast what she'd done all over the ship but she could keep her voice down and let Valentine decide the matter of volume. Given the nature of her visit, she wasn't entirely sure where on the decibel scale he'd fall but she was willing to bet somewhere discreet. He was one of the most unflappable people she knew. She was counting on that. She sketched a smile, knowing that no matter what, she'd blown it. "Where to?"
"Let's head towards Deck 1. We're not really carrying anything, so it'll be relatively quiet over there." It would also give him (after talking to Vikki), a chance to look over the shuttle. It had been a while since it had gotten anything but a cursory inspection.
"Sure." Vikki glanced down at her data pad and made sure the screen was secure. She didn't want it to display anything by accident. Valentine let her go first on the stairs and when she came off the last step into the cargo bay, she turned around and waited for him to decide where they would go. No one else was in the bay. They were alone. Good. I won't have to watch over my shoulder as I tell him. As they walked, she keyed up the message—still encrypted—and held the pad up so he could see it. "I, um … when we were leaving, Gandalf contacted me and alerted me to this message. On a hunch, I asked him to record it and send it to me. It's encrypted and likely military. I … didn't feel right carrying this around without letting you know about it first."
This was a step forward. Normally he didn't get the information until it was already a problem.
"That was the right decision, to share that with me, Vikki. I can't prevent or solve problems if I don't know there is a problem to prevent or solve." He gave the pad and message a glance, but it wasn't like he was going to be able to read the message by staring it while standing in the cargo bay. As they walked along, their footfalls echoing in the cavernous space, Val used the quiet to consider his next steps. Would they be better off just destroying the message? Or should they cling to the idea that more information was better? Actually, the real question was...
"Why did he (it?) alert you to this message in the first place?"
"I ...," she began and then stopped. That was actually a good question. Why did Gadalf tell me and not Val? Val's Captain. He's at the top of the command chain, as Tian would put it. Why tell the guy at the bottom? Maybe because ... he ... liked me?
Tha was treading close to an aspect of her life that she rarely admitted and Rachel was the only one aboard who knew a tiny portion of it. Vikki stole a look at Valentine. What would he say if she told him? Stick to the probable. "Maybe he thought I would be able to crack it."
"But why, Vikki? Why would he want us to crack it?" He hated to be cynical, but it was hard for him to imagine an AI with altruistic motives. These days, there were times when it was hard to imagine actual people with altruistic motives. That's why he liked having Vikki around. She helped remind him there were still idealistic souls in the Verse.
Val ran his hands through his hair and then scratched the back of his head. "I guess maybe it doesn't matter, unless you can decode it. Do you think you can do that safely?"
Vikki was relieved when Valentine didn't delve too deeply into why Gandalf chose her, if only because, looking back over her short conversations with the AI, she wasn't entirely sure herself. Although, you're already calling Gandalf him. That might be a telling clue, right there. Standing next to Valentine, she could feel the frustration coming off him in waves. Her fingers itched to follow his through his hair, wishing she dared. Instead she stood still and gave his question some thought. "I think so. I would have to be careful not to do it on a digital platform. They're too … accessible to anyone who knows what they're doing. Besides, if I have to, paper's dead easy to burn. This?" She waggled her data pad. "Not so much."
Val thought about that for a second and then made a decision. No point in waffling. In for a credit...
"Go ahead and decode it then. Make it your first priority, after anything necessary to keep Delilah flying. After that, see if you can help our cook friend with his own computer problem, when he's feeling better. I made the decision to have him on board, might as well follow through to the end of that decision tree."
We're already deep in trouble with the Alliance, most likely. Let's see how deep the rabbit hole goes.
Vikki could see Valentine ready to turn away and she realized she couldn't leave it there. Not when … "Val, I'll do what you ask and I don't think what I say next will change any of it but I … I need to tell you something and I don't know how you'll take it." She said the last in a rush, her shoulders hunched and her voice hushed. She looked like a dog that expected to be kicked but still hoped for a more favorable outcome.
And there it was. "Vikki, I can't promise I'll won't be upset, but I will always much be happier when you tell me things, and not keep them secret. This is not a problem I have with you. You forget to tell me things that I could use to know, but it's not because you're trying to hide it."
He smiled and placed his hand on her hand, hoping to get her to relax, although it was 50-50 whether physical contact would have a calming effect. But either way, it would take her mind off whatever crazy punishment she thought he was going to dish out. And the other thing that might distract her ... a school lesson.
"I don't know if you ever read about The Folly of Expecting A While Rewarding B. But it basically says that if I want to get result A out of someone, I shouldn't reward them for doing something else. Conversely, I shouldn't punish someone for doing what I want them to do." He smiled again. "So what kind of captain would I be if I punished you for telling me the truth?"
"Because I … I am about to change what you think the truth is," Vikki said. The warmth of his hands unlocked her tongue and unlocked her reserve, making it impossible to keep the words inside. "About me. About why I do what I do. About how the Universe works. In my experience, that rarely goes well. But you deserve to know, so … here goes." Taking a deep breath and holding his gaze as if her life depended on it, Vikki admitted the one thing she'd been hiding from him since they'd met. "They talk to me and I can hear them. When they hurt, I feel it. When they're happy, I feel that too. When I stepped aboard Erebor, there was so much that was amazing, so much potential happiness locked up in it, that it … But it was smothering, trapped, and that made so much of it … wrong. When I—when Gandalf spoke, I could feel something wake up. Something like … like hope, again. So when he asked me to help, I had to do it, Val. I couldn't refuse any more than I could refuse a naked child the shirt off my back. It—I know it sounds crazy but …."
She faltered and searched his face, unsure of what she saw there. Valentine had years to groom the self-control required to hide his thoughts and feelings. Working a Triad casino, it had kept him alive. Standing with him in the cargo bay, her innermost secret exposed to his judgment and ridicule, that control slew her. But she refused to give up.
"Do you remember that day on Parth in the machine shop?" she asked. "When I said I could tell what that metal block wanted to be? That's what I mean about Erebor. I could tell what they wanted to be but somewhere in the past someone or something stole that purpose away from them, stole their song from them. It's wrong, Val. So wrong. I promised I'd help them fix it and when we had to leave, I hated to go because it was like I went back on my word and betrayed them. They may never get their purpose back. They might never sing again. But track Erebore's telemetry and send it back to Gandalf? Or decode this message? That I can do. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't. I know that … well, this probably means you think I'm crazy but I can't deny that's how I feel. It's how I work. It's how this works." Vikki rapped her fist on her forehead and then her chest. "Here and here. I can't stop it any more than I can stop breathing, Val. You could gouge my eyes out, rip off my ears, and you couldn't keep me from seeing them, from hearing them, and … and knowing."
She paused and shook her head. She knew how off-the-deep-end she sounded.
"So … no, you might not punish me for telling you the truth but now that you know it, do you still want me doing what you ordered me to do? Are your orders still the same? Do you think I'm still the person you thought you knew and trusted? If you decide I'm not, if you need to drop me off at the next port, I wouldn't blame you."
"By 'they', you mean machines?" He kept his tone steady and even, a trick he had learned from years on the casino floor. He needed time to think, to process, without having Vikki think the wrong thing. Val had resisted the urge to take a step backwards in surprise. Vikki would have never forgotten that and he needed her around...more than that, he needed her to trust him. And Val waffled quite often about whether that was purely for business reasons.
But in the meantime, he asked about the small details to give himself time to focus on the bigger picture.
Relief took the starch right out of her. Shaking hard, Vikki sat down on the nearest flat surface (a cargo box about yea-high) and blew out a huge breath.
"Yes. Inanimate objects, too, sometimes. I mean, they're all inanimate. I meant to say solids, without moving or separate parts. I don't think I really told anyone the entire truth of it," she added, speaking to the deck. "Mom and Dad, they figured it out for themselves before I even had the words to describe it. Others got little bits and pieces as I felt safe to tell them. Never the whole truth. But you?" She shook her head and dared look at him. "You're the first. You're also the Captain. I know I've just thrown a great big spanner in the works so if you need to, just ask me anything. I've gone this far. There's no point in stopping now."
"Would you hear the spanner complain when you tossed it in the works?" Val immediately waved his hand to indicate he wasn't serious, that he was just trying to keep things light. "Does that mean computers too?" Gandalf was obviously an exception.
"Yes, I would. And I'd hear them both, spanner and works, thank you." Vikki echoed his wave to let him know that though she was appalled at the idea of doing such a thing, she also understood what he'd meant. "As for computers, they're hard for me to read. Let me explain."
Vikki sighed and tried to describe in concrete terms what she experienced only as a nebulous thing.
"Programming code I can do. Can't get through college without it. But the computers themselves? It's like ...." She frowned "It's like I know they've got memory cores and power lines and circuit paths and cooling units and all the rest of it, but I can't hear them thinking any more than Tian can hear the thoughts of the patient she's operating on, even though she knows what his brain and nerves and arteries and organs are and how they work. So I know what circuits and resistors and memory cores do. I know how to put them together. But that's not the same thing as hearing them think or feeling what they feel. If the CPU hums or something, I can tell how well or how badly it's running, but the individual calculations? Hearing it processing the if-then-else decision paths like a conversation running in my ear? No. It's too complex." She shook her head. "Even I'm not that good. I'm not the Singularity the Verse is looking for." She paused as something dawned in her head. "A.I.s like Gandalf, though. He was different. I can't say why or how, exactly, but he felt more like a person, so I treated him more like one. If that makes any sense. God, listen to me. Crazy, right? But ...." Vikki hitched her shoulders and sighed. "Trying to explain it is like trying to nail smoke to a tree. It's not easy."
Vikki looked up again, testing the shape of the idea that occurred to her.
"But going back to your earlier question, maybe that's why Gandalf asked me to track the station. There was a ... hybrid ship/thruster package buried under their generator. It was hijacking the entire centaur for its own purposes. Gandalf said his memory units had been damaged. He couldn't say how long they'd stopped operations. The dust had been there a long time, Val. What if some party came in and sabotaged Gandalf so they could take over the centaur and make it go wherever they needed it to go? On the down low? Without anyone ever finding out? I don't know about you but if someone hijacked me, I'd want to hijack myself right back. Or at least know where they were taking me. Maybe Gandalf is trying to do the same and that's why he asked me to help."
"Interesting." It was more than interesting, really, but it was going take Val some time to process it all. He wasn't sure whether he was happy or not that Vikki couldn't interface directly with computers. It would've been an extremely useful skill to have ... but perhaps too useful. Just being able to hear machines was perhaps dangerous enough. And not for the crew, but for Vikki. Val wondered if she realized what people would do to get hold of someone who could do what she did. Given her idealism ... probably not.
But enough ruminating on potential danger. After all, sometimes it felt like they were being hunted by everyone in the 'Verse. What was one more source? More important now was to reassure Vikki that he didn't think she was crazy and figure out a plan going forward. He was pretty sure about the first thing - she would've come to him much sooner...been less afraid of being judged. The second half of that, on the other hand, was up for grabs.
"Vikki, we had Nuri on board for months. She definitely had something going on, not that different from what you're describing." One reads minds, the other reads machines. "I don't know why you think I'd think I'd keep her on board and force you out the door."
What was it with people thinking he was going to toss them out the airlock?
"Because—," Vikki said and managed to stop herself before she could blurt out the rest: you weren't in love with her. Love and trust betrayed could drive people to great lengths to dull the pain and Vikki instinctively knew that for some, no length was too extreme. Not that she believed for a second that Valentine would go that far yet she wasn't certain if anything she did wouldn't drive him to it. After all, she had no proof he loved her and despite trusting him with her odd affinity she didn't dare ask. Unwilling to lie yet unable to admit the full extent of how she felt, Vikki shaved the truth. "It's not that you would kick me to the curb, Val. It's more that I would have left if it would make it better for everyone involved." She sighed and shook her head, forestalling his response. "And maybe you should hold off on saying you wouldn't until you know the whole story. For that, I need to show you one more thing."
"I'm pretty sure about that, Vikki, but go ahead." Val kept his voice calm even as the curiosity bug bit him hard. What could make her more hesitant than admitting that she could hear machines?
"Follow me." Vikki rose and led Valentine to a corner of her machine shop where something lay under a tarp. She pulled the tarp aside and revealed one of the small maintenance bots from Erebor. It sported scratches, dents, and rust from heavy use and still had a thick layer of dust. Its lights and panels lay dark. Vikki put a gentle hand on it and said, "Val, this is Dori."
Val was, for a moment, at a loss for the correct words, so he kept his mouth shut rather than say the wrong ones. Instead, he squatted down next to the maintenance bot, looking it over. He wasn't a mechanic, but he was guessing it was going to take some serious work to fix. Not that it looked particularly bad, but he was guessing that Gandalf had basic maintenance capabilities available to him (it?) and if Gandalf was willing to let this one go....Wait a minute.
"Did Gandalf let this one go or did you take it without his knowledge?" Because God only knew she had taken it without the Alliance's knowledge.
"I don't think Gandalf let Dori go in the sense of giving me tacit permission," Vikki said. "I don't think he knew what I was going to do until I did it. I didn't know I was going to do it until I did it, either. Please understand," Vikki begged, her eyes round as she pled her case. "When you gave the order to leave, I obeyed it. But in all fairness, Val, when I looked back at the airlock and saw Dori just sitting there, left behind like yesterday's trash, I … I couldn't do it. I gave Gandalf my word I'd fix him and Gandalf was counting on me to do it. So, it's not like I actually committed Grant Theft Automaton or anything. I know fixing Dori doesn't help Gandalf when they're on opposite sides of the Verse from each other but as long as I'm tracking Erebor, I might have a chance to bring Dori back home. And maybe Dori carries a clue as to what happened to them. If he does, I want to find it, Val. They deserve to know."
It was a little unnerving how much emotion Vikki was displaying for something that, in his mind, was a non-working piece of machinery. But if she did hear the voices of machines, he could see where she wouldn't have been able to let go, like having to walk by the row of puppies in cages in the animal shelter. So now what'?
"Vikki, we'll talk later about potential consequences of this on the ship and the crew. I'm not going to kick you out of the ship." At least Vikki was bringing stuff on, rather than selling things that belonged to the ship. But it did create new complications. "But you're going to have to tell the rest of the crew about Dori. You don't have to tell them about talking about machines, but you have to let them know you have it." The last thing he needed was another potential rift between crewmates. Poco and Tian were challenge enough at the moment.
"Thank you," Vikki whispered, intensely glad she wouldn't have to jettison Dori. That would have been completely impossible for her to do. As for the rest … "I already knew there was no chance of hiding Dori, Val. I just didn't want you to find out about this secondhand or surprise you in front of the others. I thought telling you right away and in private was the best."
As for what the rest of the crew would think … well, she didn't think their reaction would be all that favorable. In fact, Vikki anticipated getting a fair amount of flak. It didn't matter. She'd confessed to Valentine and her conscience was clear. She could face whatever happened next.
"Well," he commented, "that still leaves us with the question of how to handle your new...or rather my new awareness of your existing ability. I'm going to assume you want this kept secret from the rest of the crew." Before she could answer, Val indicated with a single finger for her to wait for him to finish. "Here's what I can promise you. I will keep it secret to the best of my ability, with a single exception. Should the time come where your talent could save the crew from death, then I reserve the right to say something. But that is an option of last resort." Which is why he specified death rather than say, jail time. And why the crew rather than the ship. If he had to junk 'Delilah, so be it. But he was still convinced that this ability could lead to serious danger for Vikki. And while he trusted the crew (for the most part), the fewer mouths a secret had, the better.
Vikki drew breath to reply and held it as Valentine cut her off. When he was done, she paused to think it through. Then:
'
"If everyone's in danger and I'm not using everything I've got to save you—and I mean everything—I don't care if you shout it across the Verse, Val, so long as I hear it. It's a small price to pay to save all of you." Not that she'd count the cost at all, really. One simply didn't for some things.
Val nodded. "I hadn't figured otherwise."
He looked down at Dori then back at Vicki and then to Dori again before shaking his head, half amazed and half amused. And he had thought the casino job had brought its share of random, off-the-wall challenges. Being Captain of Delilah had that beat in a heartbeat.
Settling his gaze back on Vikki, he said, "Dori is free-time work for you, okay? Decoding that Alliance message and helping Cookie out with his message are first priorities. Is that clear?" Val shifted tone to be more sharp to let Vikki know he was giving an order rather than a request on this one.
"Yes, sir." It was a good thing she'd already decided to take it on the chin with the crew. Valentine's tone didn't faze her as it might have. She held up her data pad. "If you don't need me for anything else at the moment, I'll get right on it."
"Yep." He watched her head out and as she walked out, he called out to her. "One more thing?"
"Yes? " Vikki turned around, unable to squelch the little thrill of anticipation that tingled in her chest. Valentine did that to her.
Val smiled at his mad scientist, who still created all sorts of mixed emotions in him. "Next time you want to do something crazy...let me know first. I might even let you do it." He winked and stuck his hands in his pocket, as he walked off whistling.
That glow in her chest grew bright and Vikki smiled to match it. No matter the cost, Valentine's confidence in her was worth it. Considerably cheered by it, Vikki took to her quarters. If she worked hard, she might have something to show Valentine when the crew gathered for breakfast.
Return to Episodes | Season Three | Firefly-RPG Homepage | Crew Page
