Forgotten Freedom:2001 2500

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2001. The Thronehold Accords was not written by Arthur C. Clarke

2002. Nor was it written by J. R. R. Tolkien

2003.The Mourning did not occur because someone hired or employed Homer Simpson.

2004. Mr. Burns is not Vol's long lost relative.

2005. A warforged on a plate cannot use its magnet to escape.

2006. The artificer cannot reverse the polarity of anything.

2007. The kalashtar telepath is not a "l33t mind h4xx0r".

2008. Dragonshards are not made of chopped-up pieces of dragons.

2009. You will not convince any artificer to take a Vow of Poverty.

2010. The wand of fireballs is not your "boomstick".

2008. Correllary to 2005: Not even if it is the LOBster.

2009. Half-bricks in socks will never, ever, defeat a wizard's staff.

2010. No, you may not have an orangutang as a familiar. No monkeys on this ship.

2011. Correction: No apes on this ship.

2012. I don't care how many points you have in your Craft Reserve. You may not make a car out of scrap metal!

2013. For the matter, you may not make a car out of anything.

2014. I don't care if you are 'the warrior from the sky', you may not have an Oldsmobile as part of your starting equipment.

2015. Same goes for the chainsaw and boomstick.

2016. There is not and never will be a prestige class that requires you to score with Jaela. So stop it.

2017. Any use of the words "Jaela" "Mage hand" "Evards Black Tentacles" and "Prestigation" In the same sentance will result in keelhauling

2018. Twice

2019. You may not ask about the ships miles per gallon

2020. You may not ask about the warforged's miles per gallon

2021. For the love of god, FIREBALL IS NOT A TOY!!!

2022. Nor does the captain like being hit by them!

2023. Stop telling the warforged this!

2024. The Warforged is not to use a Hat of Disguise to appear as a Dwarf, then challenge other Dwarves to a drinking contest.

2025. Or a contest to see who can hold his breath for the longest.

2026. If 2019 is broken, we will not call the oxygen-deprived Dwarf 'Papa Smurf' because his face turned blue.

2027. You need far more than bubble gum and a paper clip to foil Vol's plans.

2028. Do not try and get the Artificer to waste time converting a Warforged Titan to a battle mech.

2029. In the unlikely event that he succeeds you are not to hand that mech over to a angsty Japanese teenager.

2030. In fact, should you find yourself with such a weapon, all teenagers in a ten mile radius should be put to death.

2031. You will stop handing out copies of the Evil Overlord list; the bad guys have enough of an edge as is.

2032. YOU ARE NOT JAELA!

2033. For god sakes stop trying to lure Batman into the airship with promises of candy.

2034. Wait....

2035. Dwarfs in full plate are not the latest in missile technology.

2036. Anyone caught mooning royalty will be left behind to explain themselves.

2037. YES even if it’s Aurala

2045: We will not go into the Mournland specifically to steal a lot of beer from an abandoned brewery

2046: You will not sell Cyran Evergold Beer looted from Mournlands

2047: You will not drink said Mournland- tainted beer, unless you bought the pretzels

2048: drinking it will not give you super powers

2049: you will not eat mournland tainted pretzels

2050: Gnomes are not to be used as snacks

2051: or ammunition

2052: "We're going to need subtlety" does not mean "Learn some Silent fireballs"

2053: Or "cut people to ribbons while wearing a hooded cloak"

2054: "Diplomacy" does not involve apologising while blowing people to smithereens

2055: Your wings are not like a shield of steel

2056: So bullettes can hurt you

2057: The sovereign host do not appear in person to give messages to their followers, you're fooling noone trying.

2058: Even if they did, they would send more profound messages than

"3 Pepperonis, 2 meatfeasts and some cheesy garlic bread"

2059: The shifter with glasses is not Dogbert

2060: That's okay, you shouldn't have been listening to his business plans either way.

2061: I don't care how cool the sword looks, you do not HAVE THE POWER.

2062: Nor the right to dress in only a fur loincloth.

2063: Nor call us the Masters of the Universe.

2064: Do not play mind games with any Inspired we encounter.

2065: They will win.

2066: Yes, the captain is positive they will. Don't try your luck.

2067: Just because the cleric holds the faith of the Silver Flame as her personal ideal does not mean you need to make her some WWJD (What Would Jaela Do?) bracelets.

2068: You most certainly do NOT need to make her any WILJTD (What I'd Like Jaela To Do) bracelets, EVER.

2069: Nor should you even think of trying to program such protocols into the warforged.

2070: What the - By the Host, do you LIKE being keel-hauled?

2071: You do?.....OK, that explains a lot...

2072. The airship is not perfect for a 'chicken cannon'.

2073. Neither is the warforged.

2074. Even though it would look really cool.

2075. The wizard is not to use index cards for his spells.

2076. Im not chasing them down when he drops them on a windy day.

2077. Again.

2078. The airship is not 'unleaded fuel only'.

2079. The artifacer is not named Red Green.

2080. Nor does he have a 'handyman's corner'.

2081. Using lots of duct tape is still required.

2082. You may not summon a celestial whale and have it appear 200 ft above the Dealker's head.

2083. And if you did any damage it did would not be considered good alinged

2084. Even though she loses powers if she leaves the Cathedral, you will not refer to Jaela as, "The Sorceress of Greyskull."

2085. Nor the "The Sorceress of Flamekeep," or "The Cleric of Greyskull." "The Cleric of Flamekeep" is okay because honestly, that's what she is.

2094. Stop making Jaela's hat fall off with cantrips.

2095. Jaela's hat being smaller than the previous pontiffs is wrong.

2096. There is no such thing as "Saint Mirron's School for Girl Pontiffs"

2097. And it does not have uniforms!

2098. Jaela is not Chiyo-Chan.

2099. We will not rename the ship the "Lolicon Con"

2100. Or add the word "Carney" after that.

2101. We are not the Bat-Airship!

2102. Merrix d'Cannith does not write the "A City with No People" series.

2103. King Kaius was not locked in a coffin and thrown into the ocean for 50 years.

2104. The artificer cannot retain the essence of a warforged.

2105. The artificer cannot retain the essence of an artifact.

2106. The artificer is forbidden from going back through the dungeon we cleared and retaining the essence of all the magic traps.

2107. There are no such things as living skills, living feats, or living action points.

2108. You cannot tie anyone to a conductor stone track.

2109. While it is a good song, the bard is forbidden to sing "November Rain" while in Sharn.

2110. The bard is also forbidden from singing "Welcome to the Jungle" while we are in Xen'drik.

2111. No, there are no 2001-style monoliths in Xen'drik.

2112. The crew is forbidden, under penalty of death, to use the airship to make paintball 'drive bys'. Its just not right.

2113. The crew is not allowed to send the warforged to "Pimp my 'Forged".

2114. You are not allowed to create a daily pamphlet on what Jaela did that day.

2115. Unless the Captain gets the first copy and half of the profits.

2116 You can play chess with the Warforged as pieces.

2117 Warforged Boxing will continue on Moonday nights.

2118 Do not offer a special scratching post to the catgirl.

2119 No asking for a special prayer from Jaela.

2120 I said no special prayers....

2121 Scrapmetal is not a name for warforged.

2122 Do not ask Jaela to heal the sick..

2123 Or to raise the dead.

2124 Need i remind you of keelhauling?

2125: You WILL buy a squirrel.

2126: Warforged are not required to remove bodyparts during strip poker.

2127: You may not invite Jaela to take part in strip poker.

2128: You cannot ask King Kaius 'how goes the jyhad?'

2129: Even if he is taking part.

2130: The Aurum are not to be referred to as the Hellfire club

2131: House Orien members, when teleporting don't go 'bamf'

2132: You may not substitute your own 'bamf' noises.

2133: In the future, there will not be robots.

2134: It is wrong to tell the warforged this.

2135: You may not sell motivational magic mouth spells whose initials spell out drug names.

2136: You may not have the callsign 'Scarecrow'

2137: Even if your name is Shane Shcofield.

2138: You may not hold money up in fornt of King Kaius to see if he is a Ravnost.

2139: Or a painting to see if he is a toreador.

2140: It is quite obvious that he is a Ventrue.

2141: The silver flame paladins who took part in the inquisition were not 'agents of the wyrm'

2142: It is wrong to tell silver flame paladins this.

2143. Dog shifters are not named Inuyasha

2144. You cannot have an older true werewolf brother named Sheshomuru

2145. Monk/Clerics who have extremely lecherous sides are okay if they are NOT named Miroku.

2146. You cannot be a schoolgirl from Earth.

2147. Or wield a bigass boomerang

2148. Your paladin's mount is not a giant flying fox.

2149. Strangely no one wants to play Shippo.

2150. Ketler the engineer is hereby forbidden from saying there's a Elemental core breach and one of us has to make a heroic sacrafice against the heat to save us all...

2151. Especially if a warforged can just be sent in....

2152. Or if he caused it deliberately to get rid of the Elf....

2153. Or the Paladin.

2154. Ketler D'cannith is not Scotty nor should he talk like it.

2155. Ketler is not blind nor will he wear a magic visor...

2156. Especially if it's to give him X-ray vision.

2157. Ketler is forbidden from attempting to build a hyperdrive for the ship...

2158. Especially from testing it while we're still on it.

2159. Ketler will not build "Evil Death Rays" that can blow up cities.

2160. These Death Rays will not be fired at Fairhaven.

2161. Ketler is forbidden from maniacal laughter.

2162. Ketler is forbidden from trying to clone the Tarrasque.

2163. Especially so he can hollow it out and build a entry plug...

2164. So Jaela can pilot it.

2165. JUST TO GET HER IN A PLUG SUIT.

2166. Ketler is forbidden from building golems solely to do all the dangerous stuff.

2167. Ketler cannot create nitroglycerine in stick form.

2168. Or attempt to use the proceeds from this to make awards for world peace.

2169. Ketler cannot make molecular bonded armor for the ship.

2170. If warforged are not robots, ketler cannot make them instead.

2171. Ketler is wrong to get special fertilizer to make a gigantic Venus Fly trap...

2172. Solely to help make his production of "Little shop of horrors" more authentic.

2173. Ketler is not a supervillain nor can he use the forbidden laser to hold the Four Nations for ransom.

2174. He will not demand "ONE MILLION DOLLARS!"

2175. It is wrong to attach lasers to sharks...

2176. Especially flaming flying sharks.

2177. Ketler will not save up his plunder to get an evil lair.

2178. Ketler is not a "supervillain in the making."

2179. Ketler may be mad and a scientist...but he will not be allowed to refer to himself as a mad scientist.

2180. I don't care if the plans are on the internet, Ketler cannot build an A-bomb.

2181. Ketler cannot taunt Merrix that he's done more evil than the "rank amateur"

2182. Ketler is not allowed to say "D'Cannith is pronounced Day Cannath"

2166. The artifacer is forbidden to make a Furby homunculous.

2167. Even if he does, he had better not offer it to Jaela.

2168. Especially after he teaches it to say "The Silver Flame sucks".

2169. Or "How about a date in 6 years?"

2170. Those are keel-hauling offenses, Chester.

2171. Weebles wobble.

2172. But they dont fall down.

2173. I may not attempt to change this.

2174. Especially not with a Meteor Swarm spell.

2175. And especially not when Im on the airship.

2176. "Bite my shiny metal ass" is not an appropriate response from a warforged when asked for ident papers.

2177. Nor is is appropriate for the artficer to say "bite HIS shiny metal ass" in the same scenario referring to the warforged.

2178. Unless said warforged name is Shine.

2179. Then it is mandatory

2180. "Fire the warning monk!" is not an appropriate command for the warforged at the start of a battle.

2181. Especially if the warforged IS the monk.

2183. Andrea, it is not appropriate to sacrifice crew members to the Dark Six.

2184. Andrea, it is not polite to summon demons to destroy the world.

2185. We are to STOP the summoning of the Rajahs...

2186. AND NOT just so we can summon them ourselves.

2187. Nihilism is not an acceptable answer for "What is your religion?"

2188. It is wrong to attempt to dissolve souls to create a Philosopher's Stone.

2189. Even if it worked on Full Metal Alchemist.

2190. It is wrong to re-animate dead crew members to do your chores.

2191. Especially if you killed them for this purpose.

2192. You will not look at "The Evil Overlord's List" for advice.

2193. Queen Aurala is not your greatest rival for world domination.

2194. The Demon Wastes are not a vacation spot.

2195. Jaela is not to be corrupted to the Cult of the Dragon Below.

2196. Especially in exchange for candy.

2197. It is wrong to tell Jaela that the Dragon below offers Barbie dream house.

2198. Even if it's true.

2199. All the cool kids are NOT joining the Dragon below.

2200. Evil is not more powerful than good because good is dumb.

2201: Choas, however will beat Law because it's better organized

2202 A warforged composite plating does not fall of with a Knock spell.

2203 It is wrong to tell them this.

2204 They don't have kick stands.

2205 Or handlebars.

2206 Do not name a warforged titan Tiny .

2207 Keelhauling is still an option.

2208 Warforged do not "pass gas".

2209 It is wrong to tell them this.

2210 You can not enchant a warforged with the Stinking Cloud spell and have them blast a big one.

2211. Neither will I. I'm Captain, not Evil Overlord.

2212. Suggesting that I'd be better at that job is an appreciated compliment. It is also a keel-hauling offense.

2213: Characters will not be permitted to have Welsh names. They're just too hard to spell and pronounce.

2214: Warforged Scout (MMIII p. 193) characters will not be named Gigantor.

2215: For especially egregious repeat offenses, walking the plank will be substituted for keelhauling.

2216: The Captain's scrying shard will NOT be used to determine if the Paladin Chick is a real redhead.

2217: The chamber pots will not be emptied over the Royal Court of Fairhold.

2218 Chanber pots will not be given to the warforged and told that they are starter foods.

2219 This list is not optional.

2220 Invisible peeping toms will be visibly beaten.

2221 Warforged are not walking ashtrays.

2222 The captain has the final say.

2223 Unless you pay me enough to stay out of it.

2224 They are no halfling warforged.

2225 Stop telling the warforged this.

2226 For the last time Jaela is not interested in you.

2227 Just me

2228. Must not ask the paladin chick if she has 'put on a little weight'.

2229. Musnt tell Jaela that she is responsable for the Gloaming.

2230. Musnt tell the warforged that he is responsable, either.

2231. The Suggestion spell is not a Jedi Mind Trick.

2232. Im not even supposed to be here, today.

2233. Casting Mute on the warforged does not make him Silent Bob.

2234. Despite the Armblade, Armbow, and Battlefist, warforged still arent OmniMechs.

2235. The warforged is not a training dummy.

2236. I should stop telling the monk this.

2237. Even if the warforged is a bit of a dummy.

2238. We do not have LAN parties.

2239. The warforged is not a router, so I should stop shoving wires into him.

2240. Especially the high-voltage ones.

2241. Despite the disturbingly happy sighs from the warforged.

2242. The airship does not have a towing hitch.

2243. I do not have the power of Life and Death.

2244: This also applies to tower 312.

2245: We will not tow Tower 312 about as "our mobile house of pleasure"

2246: Especially if you keep making comments about the size of your erection

2247: We will not ride past Argonessen so you can moon the dragons

2248: The dragon prophecy does not predict the outcome of next weeks Aundair horse races.

2249. The missing moon is not to be referred to as "The Death Star."

2250. Neither the Aurum nor House Kundarak are to be referred to as "Goldilocks"

2251. All right, I admit it, this keel-hauling thing works better as a punishment when an ocean's involved, but think of the splinters!

2252. Gnomish bards do not have access to the "Rubber Chicken" spell.

2253. Nor any magical item by the same name.

2254. Nor are they allowed to invent such.

2255. You are not my "little buddy", and even if we did get stranded on a desert island I certainly wouldn't let you name it after yourself.

2256. Regarding last night's wet toga/Syberis shard/Keeper-on-Keeper incident: We shall not speak of it again. I'm confiscating every last drop of alcohol on the ship, and every single woman who participated in the 'Best impression of the thirteen moons' contest is to report to my office immediately.

2257. Don't wait up.

2258. Togas, kilts, kimonos, and white plastic shell armor are unacceptable ship attire.

2259. If we crash into the hills, our first priority is helping the artificer get the ship running, not voting on who looks the tastiest.

2260. Well yes, the catgirl does look... wait... this line of thinking will cease and desist immediately.

2261. Look, do you think I dole out punishments for amusement?

2262. That's a good point, but it hurts me more than it hurts you.

2263. Granted, I could be just as sick as you as far as enjoying punishment.

2264. Okay, this joke's being dragged on a bit long... what the hell am I supposed to do to keep you people in line?

2265. Being left bound, gagged, naked, and cast to Jaela's mercy is not nor will it ever be an appropriate punishment.

2266. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.

2267. Mordain the Fleshweaver is not ever to be called Dr. Moreau.

2268. Nor does he live on "The Island of Dr. Mordain".

2269. I don't care how priceless his expression was when you first said it.

2270. What do you mean the other players all chuckled and Jeff sprayed soda? What in Khyber are you smoking?

2271. It is wrong to get tattoos for the sake of restoring the mark of death.

2272. The secret ingredient in Green Dragon's Blood is not people.

2273. We are fighting for freedom and glory, not eeps and swag.

2274. That's it, I'm leaving.

2275. You shall not address your captain as "Fresh Meat", "Substitute Teacher", "Scab", "Second Place", "Filler Material", "New Guy", "Hardass", "Candy Ass","Greenhorn", or "Little Sally Frou Frou, Princess of the Fairy Petals".

2276. Keel hauling is an option.

2277. You shall not address your captain as "Masthead", "Replacement Rudder", or "Dino-fishing-bait", nor shall you ever ever keel haul him again.

2278. Keeper Jaela is not of the age of consent, and even if she were, she certainly wouldn't consent to /that/.

2279. Neither would Erandis d'Vol. And they certainly wouldn't settle things with a pillow fight.

2280. Oh dear Sovereign, I think I'm going to be sick.

2281. You shall not address your captain as "Chuck", "The Hurler", "Sir Barfsalot", "The Technicolor Yawn", "Salad Shooter", "Vomit Comet", "Hurly McHurlerson from the Hurly Kingdom of Hurl", or "Spewy".

2282. When the captain hides in his room and states that he wishes to be left alone, the appropriate response does not involve sending in the shifter to cuddle.

2283. Look, I don't care how fetching she is.

2284. It really doesn't matter which fetching I meant, now does it?

2285. Oh... /that's/ Marish. I see.

2286. What list?

2287. This behavior is despicable, you are all reprehensible for keeping a record of your misdeeds, and if we ever reach 3333 I'm driving straight to Riedra for "Corrective Behavior Modification".

2288. After having met you lot, yes, myself included. Feel... so... dirty...

2289. Psionics aren't better at giving head.

2290. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.

2291. Changeling's natural forms are not blue with red hair.

2292. The next person to tell the warforged that declaring "KILL ALL HUMANS" while walking with outstretched arms and big clanging steps is a good way to make friends and influence people will be shot out of a torpedo tube.

2293. I don't care that they haven't been invented yet. We have ways.

2294. Dolgrims were not created by 'cracking a few goblin skulls together'.

2295. I should stop telling the warforged this.

2296. But I wont.

2297. The shifter girl may be deliciously feline, but thats no excuse for her to use the ship as a scratching post.

2298. Bribery doesnt work on any member of the watch above the rank of sargeant.

2299. Unless youre offering the shifter girl.

2300. You are not first on the server.

2301. Receiving a buffing spell is not the same as "turning on uber l337 h4x".

2302. There is no 'god mode', and if there were, you would not be allowed to turn it on.

2303. It's spelled E-L-I-T-E.

2304. Put down that sword....HEY! STOP TK'ING, NUB! WTF!

2305. The artifacer does not 'jack in' to the warforged to fix him.

2306. The warforged is not vulnerable to 'cyberpsychosis'.

2307. Pray that he doenst find out what that means.

2308. Pray like you have never prayed before......

2309. The necromancer is NOT Dr. Frankenstien.

2310. Even if he does build a flesh golem, its not Frankensteins Monster.

2311. Its name is Adam.

2312. Any female psionic named Jean Grey will not be allowed on board.

2313. I dont care how good she is, this aint the [CENSORED] X-Men.

2314. Any ring that you find is not to be referred to as "the precious"

2315. There is no Golden Compass

2316. ... or Subtle Knife

2317. And no, you can't make them (even if you are an artificer)

2318. The fairy's blood is NOT toothpaste

2319. stop trying to brush your teeth with it

2320. You cannot refer to any of the Arcanix wizards as Gandalf

2321. or Saruman

2322. or Dumbledore

2323. Orc mages are not to be referred to as Thrall

2324. and Silver Flame paladins are not to be referred to as Arthas

2326. The airship was not built for "Junkyard Wars"

2327. Neither was the warforged.

2328. You cant ask the shifter girl and the changeling girl to do a pinup calendar.

2329. Unless you split the profits with the crew.

2330. This ship is in Eberron, we shall not act like we're playing Warhammer.

2331. Eberron will not be described as "Like Torg only not as fun."

2332. We shall not break the 4th wall...

2333. That will include references to "min-maxing for fun and profit."...

2334. Reading the Eberron handbooks while we game in character....

2335. Making snappy comeback lines that require out of character knowledge....

2336. Making REFERENCES to being Batman.

2337. Rolling Dice.

2338. Shouting CRITICAL HIT after a spectacular maneuver.

2339. Having arguements in game about whether female RPGers exist or not...

2340. Especially if you are sitting next to one at the table.

2341. YES, She's a girl.

2342. I don't need to tell you twice since she's hit you painfully.

2343. Cross gender roleplaying is no longer permitted due to...

2344. The abundance of lesbian softcore..

2345. Making disturbing comments about your character's booty in your throaty guy voice...

2346. The fact you make FAN art of your character...

2347. And this is hardly the creepiest stuff.

2348. Shifters will not be referred to as "furries."

2349. Conan the Barbarian is not your role model.

2350. The warforged is forbidden to play basketball with the gnome.

2351. Especially when he is using said gnome as the ball.

2352 You cannot crit a warforged with a can opener.

2353 Stop telling the warforged this.

2354 Halflings and gnomes are not good eating.

2355 Again stop telling the warforged this.

2356 Shifters do not wear flea collars.

2357 Stop telling the shifters this.

2358 And the warforged.

2359 The warforged do not have brass knuckles.

2360 Nor are they a walking port-a-jon.

2361 Please quit telling the warforged these things.

2362. The goliath with "Fling Ally" is not to play football with the warforged juggernaught.

2363. Especially when said warforged is the ball.

2364. It is very, very wrong to tell this to either of them.

2365 The first warforged prostitute will be melted for armor.

2366 Warforged will not be pimped.

2367 Warforged can not be pimps.

2368 A warforged with the sonic ability will not be referred to as a vibrator.

2369. You did not "Steal the Baby from the stupid Dhakaani"

2370. Dhakaani weren't even in the movie...ok it's pretty close

2371. Not allowed to make any character that sounds like Pachino in "Sent of a Women"

2372. I will pimp slap the next person that sez "WHO-HAH!!"

2373. No you can not have your Necromancer look like Iggy Pop.

2374. Ok maybe....that guy is creepy looking.

2375. You can not cast "Enlarge" on specific body parts. I don't know if any one said it before, but it bears repeating.

2376. We will not all put on goatees to pretend to be our Mirror Universe counterparts.

2378. The changeling will not immitate other crew members to claim to be their Mirror Universe counterparts.

2379. It is wrong to tell the warforged either of the above is true.

2380. I will not fall for you all pretending I've been teleported into a Mirror Universe....

2381. Even if you put a Helm of Opposite Alignment on Aurala to make her a sexy dominatrix.

2382. A Helm of opposite alignment to make Jaela incredibly bratty.

2383. A helm of opposite alignment to make Kaius incompetent but peaceful while feeding on tomatoe juice.

2384. Where did you get all of those damn helms.

2385. Infect Boranal with Lycanthropy to make him incredibly vicious and egotistical.

2386. It is NOT wrong to make all the women's fashions on the ship incredibly slutty to reflect the environment though.

2387. Listen if you were the Mirror Universe Forgotten Freedom everyone would be NICE now wouldn't they

2388. Mirror Universe Captain Jarlot would NOT be nicer than me!

2389. ...So stop trying to get him onboard with a teleport accident!

2390. Mirror Universe crew would not say "BIZZARROOOOOO!" every other line so stop saying it.

2391. The Mirror Universe Lord of Blades is not a Barber.

2392. The Mirror Universe Quori are not the Care Bears.

2393. The Mirror Universe Lords of Dust do not resemble Mr. Clean or the Bounty Man.

2394. The Mirror Universe Last War did not resemble 100 years of Woodstock.

2395. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.

2396. The Mirror Universe House Cannith doesn't sell flowers.

2397. Mirror Universe House Deneith aren't hippies.

2398. Mirror Universe House Thuranni are not pirates...

2399. Because Pirates are the opposite of ninjas.

2400. Mirror Universe Argonessan is not inhabited by Flumphs

2401. The Mirror Universe did not have a Dungeons and Dragon movie that did not suck.

2402. The Mirror Universe cannot be reached by modifying a remote control to create wormholes in space.

2403. Ketler is not Quinn Mallory.

2404. The Dwarf is NEVER John Rhys Davis

2405. The Mirror Universe Dargunn is not the homeland of Keebler Elves.

2406. Mirror Universe Aerenal does not worship the Beach Boys.

2407...I don't even know why you suggested that.

2408. Mirror Universe Valenar are not a bunch of armchair liberals.

2409. ...It is wrong to go to the Mirror Universe to try and conquer them.

2410. Mirror Universe Droam is not home to Furbies....

2411. Actual Droam is.

2412. Mirror Universe Eldeen Reaches does not resemble downtown Chicago.

2413. Mirror Universe Sharn is not a hellacious pit....

2414. Normal Universe Sharn has enough of that.

2415. Mirror Universe Khyber is not the home of the Fraggles.

2416. Mirror Universe Shifters are not muppets.

2417. Mirror Universe Talenta Planes do not have giants riding chocobos.

2418. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.

2419. Mirror Universe Cardinal Kronzen is not Frank N. Furter from the Rocky Horror Picture show.

2420. Actual Universe Cardinal Kronzen has a very active private life.

2421. The Mirror Universe does not have the worship of the Golden Pond.

2422. If they did it'd be wrong to attempt to sell urine as holy water.

2423. Mirror Universe Erandis D'Vol is not a misunderstood angsty Goth teen....

2424. Sadly actual universe one is.

2425. The warforged does not need software upgrades.

2426. The ship does not run on Windows.

2427. No, the paladin chick will not 'lay on hands' on you.

2428. No matter how nicely you ask.

2429. No, you cant bribe her, either.

2430. The bard will not learn poetry beginning 'there was a man from nantucket.'

2431. The bard will not inspire confidence with such songs as 'bluff the stupid ogre.'

2432. You still cant kill Lich Vol by dropping houses on her.

2433. I should tell the warforged this.

2434. Eventually.

2435. You are forbidden from ever speaking again except for the words..

2436. Arrrrrrr...

2437. Matey...

2438. Hellooooo poppettt...

2439. Parley?...

2440. SNARRRRRRLLL...

2441. Grrrrrrrrr....

2441. Shiver me Timbers!...

2442. Aiye Captain!...

2443. Yo Ho!...

2444 use of warforged as cannonballs is a last ditch effort

2445 warforged will not be used as heated shot

2446 my hat is not a toy

2447 you may not bring a bucket of water into to the vault of the silver flame

2448 I don't care how cool the sizzling noises are

2449 Captain:NO crewmember: but I was just Captain : Nothing else at all to do with Jeala ,no nothing shut up

2450 the shifter may not use the mast as a scratching post or nibble stick

2452 Warfoged may not be named data, lore, b-4, jehuty, anubis, nieth, gundam, melith, guymelith, ironsides, optimus, galvatron or Hotstreak

2453 I don't care what it is just NO!!!

2455. Mirror Universe Jaela doesn't want to sleep with you either.

2456. It is wrong to dress as a teddy bear to lure Jaela in.

2457. A confession will not be done to the Pontiff while she is on your knee.

2458. Jaela will not be induced to being the navigator for our ship and saying 'Baka alot'

2459. The Keeper of the Flame does not refill the propane.

2460. The Keeper of the Flame doesn't shovel coal.

2461. It is wrong to dress the WARFORGED as a teddy bear.

2462. It is wrong to say the costume of any anthormoprhic animal is a special warforged only magic armor.

2463. Even if it makes them somehow MORE intimidating.

2464. Attaching a lodestone to the warforged does not make him sing folk songs.

2465. So stop throwing lodestones at him.

2466. Ioun stones are not for target practice.

2467. I should tell the warforged this.

2468. But I probably wont.

2469. Telling the warforged the grey ioun stones bring luck is forbidden.

2470. He has a dozen of the things flying around him for chrissakes...

2471. Selling said grey ioun stones as any kind of dragonshard is a bad idea.

2472. Ill stop one of these days.

2473. It is wrong to teach the warforged the song "Iron Man."

2474. The bard may sing "The Red" when a barbarian rages.

2475. The bard may also sing 'Cars' when we are in the airship.

2476. Note, it must be the Fear Factory cover, or else the bard will be keelhauled.

2477. Under no circumstances will you ever teach the bard to play This(link removed)

2478 the artificer is forbidden to make any gauntlet out of brass

2479 the gnome is not dinosaur bait

2480 the anchor is not a dinosaur hook

2481 Once and for all time no...one...on this...ship...is...Batman...

2482 the name of the ship is Forgotten Freedom not the Flying Asylum

2483. You dont have to be crazy to work on this ship, but it helps.

2484. Nobody is screaming, its just you.

2485. You are not the Draconic Prophesy.

2486. The Prophesy is not being spoken by some dude in a black duster and silver goggles named Morpheus.

2487. The Warforged will not be reincarnated as a blender

2488. It is wrong to tell him this.

2489. We will not use the airship to go duck hunting, or any other kind of bird hunting.

2490. We will not have the Changling impersonate a Werewolf and say "You missed one!" to anger the Paladins of the Silver Flame.

2491. We will not replace the Blood offering with ketchup in the Blood of Vol temple.

2492. We will not collect two of each animal on the airship so that we can preserve every species on the continent. We have a hard enough time feeding the crew. 2493. No, you may not turn your luggage into a homunculus.

2494. Nor your mother's dead body.

2495. Kalashtar psions are not allowed to carry bags of sand, rubies, and funky looking helmets.

2496. Nor is it even biologically possible for them to be the brothers of super-cheerful Aeranal necromancers.

2497. Aeranal necromancers may not be super-cheerful.

2498. On the other hand, wearing all black, writing bad poetry in the corner of the tavern, and putting on all that awful white make-up is a keelhauling offense.

2499. It is wrong to tell warforged that sharpening their armblade will make them go blind.

2500. It is also wrong to tape their eyes shut after telling them this.

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