Forgotten Freedom:45
Last Plot -- Plot Line Home -- Next Plot
The epic thumb war between Kanatash and Sa'vor rages on. The battle is brutal with numerous close calls on each side. Sa'vor brings to bare his superhuman strength and his cunning mind upon Kanatash while Kanatash counters Sa'vor's brawn with his equally, or perhaps even more, keen mind and an unpredictability that can only come from one so closely linked to Xoriat. The pitched battle continues and seems to be a stalemate, with neither side able to make any lasting gains until suddenly Kanatash's one minute per day of corporeality comes to an end and he returns to his incorporeal state.
Sa'vor: Ha! You are unable to continue, so I win by default.
Kanatash: Now just wait a second...
Sa'vor: If you wanted to make a provision for this you should have said so before we began.
Kanatash: Humph! (begins sulking)
Sa'vor: (rubbing his hands together) Now captain, I believe we have some business to attend to.
Jarlot: [SIZE=1]whimper...[/SIZE]
Kanatash: (an evil smile suddenly spreading across his face) Just a moment, I just had an idea that could let us have the best of both worlds.
Sa'vor: I don't think so. You're not going to screw me out of this, I won fair and square.
Kanatash: Trust me, this is good.
Sa'vor: Give me one good reason why I should trust you.
Kanatash: If I screw you here you are sure to get Kithle and Satnak on your side and come to get payback. I may be crazy and an Uber but I know better than to take on three Ubers at once.
Sa'vor: (mulls it over for a moment) Alright, I'm curious, go ahead.
Kanatash: :devil: With pleasure.
Kanatash floats over to Jarlot, folds his hands together, and plunges them into Jarlot before bringing them apart. The effect this has on Jarlot can only be described as stretching. After a moment Jarlot spits into two separate Jarlots.
Jarlots: (in unison) What the **** did you just to me, him, us!
Sa'vor: Interesting. I variant of the Fission power, correct? Two independent bodies but one mind.
Kanatash: Exactly, I've argumented it to last for more or less exactly one thousand years. The best part however is that each body will independently suffer the pain we inflict but his mind will sense both at the same time.
Sa'vor: I like it. What do you suppose will happen when his two bodies recombine after I have turned one into a vampire and you have horribly mutated the other?
Kanatash: :devil: I don't know but I think I will enjoy finding out. Shall we begin then?
Jarlots: (desperate) Wait! You can't just leave the ship without a captain for a thousand years.
Sa'vor: He has a point. Without the captain and two of us Ubers the crew and anybody else ticked off at us is sure to rip the tub apart.
Kanatash: I think I have a solution to that. (tosses a small stone to Sa'vor) This is a device that will create a time dilation effect. While we spend a millenium having our fun only a few weeks will pass here.
Jarlots: (even more desperate) But you still can't leave the ship leaderless for that long!
Kanatash: (evilest smile of all) Well, since you insisted.
Kanatash opens up a small rip in space and a figure steps though it. He looks almost exactly like Jarlot except he is dressed entirely in black, has a cape, and is wearing a mask.
Kanatash: Sa'vor are you familiar with the concepts of alternate multi-universes?
Sa'vor: Passingly.
Kanatash: Basically there are an infinite number of parallel Eberrons connected to this one through Xoriat. Carlot is from one for example. This is a Jarlot from one of those universes.
Masked Jarlot: I am the Dark Knight.
Jarlots: YOU DIDN'T.
Kanatash: Actually I did.
Masked Jarlot: I AM BATMAN!
Sa'vor: That was low.
Kanatash: I know, but so was bringing Crystal on board.
Jarlots: (struggling against the combined supernatural powers of Kanatash and Sa'vor) I'LL SEE YOU BOTH KEELHAULED FOR THIS!
Kanatash: Of course you will, but it'll be worth it. Shall we?
Sa'vor: After you.
They both disappear through dimensional portals carrying a Jarlot apiece. While Bat-Jarlot begins running around the room holding his cape out behind him.
Several new Redshirts are strutting around the lower decks with their crossbows in hand, assuming themselves to be safe now that Sa'vor is away.
Redshirt 1: Man, I can't believe it! Getting hired when that psycho vampire guy is gone. And the Captain is Batman now, too!
Redshirt 2: I know. Feels like we've got the devil's luck or something.
Redshirt 3: Hey, guys. Check it out.
Further down the hall they see Terra leaning against the wall, holding a small basket and eating what appears to be an apple.
Redshirt 1: :love: Whoa...
Redshirt 2: See, I told you we were lucky! I'm gonna go talk to her...
Terra: *looking up* The new recruits, huh? Nice to meet you.
Redshirt 2: I... uh... we... uh... um...
Redshirt 3: (whispering) Dude, you suck at picking up women...
Terra: (smiling) Heh, you're wasting your time with that. I just came down to give you guys a little gift for surviving the first night. I bet you haven't eaten since yesterday.
She tosses them each a piece of fruit from the basket.
Redshirt 1: Wow, thanks! We were just wondering where we could scrounge up some food...
Terra: Well, enjoy. If you survive, maybe I'll see you again.
Terra walks down the hall, the three watching her as they eat.
Redshirt 2: Man, I can't believe I choked! *chomp*
Redshirt 1: Seriously, that was pathetic. *munch*
Redshirt 3: *swallow* This is really good...
Redshirt 2: Yeah, but I've got some serious heartburn all of a sudden...
Redshirt 3: You know...now that you mention it...
Redshirt 1: *ghaack* ... *gurgle* ... *choke*
Redshirt 2: Holy crap, are you ok!
Blood starts pouring out his mouth as he clutches desperately at his throat. The other two try to help him, but are soon in the same predicament. After much convulsing, Redshirt 1's stomach explodes as a bush full of deep red flowers bursts out of him. The other two are barely able to take in what happened before the same fate befalls them. Moments later, Terra returns to the scene with Allen approaching from the other side of the hall.
Allen: Awww, man! That makes it 25 to 18! I really need to pick up the pace...
Terra: (picking the flowers) Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. Most of the new recruits are on the lookout for vampiric attacks. I'd say you're doing quite well, considering.
Allen: But still... I thought there was supposed to be some kind of test as a pretext for all the senseless slaughter. Sa'vor kept them on thier toes, and that's what I'm doing in his stead. I just can't figure out what you're up to...
Terra: I call it: The Test of Gullibility.
A few weeks later
- A portal opens to the nether reaches*
Jarlot: AWESOME!
Jarlot 2: BEST VACATION EVER!
Kanatash: But....
Savor: That's not possible.
Kanatash: You too?
Savor: What did you use?
Kanatash: For a start I stripped him of all worldly possessions and then left him naked in the bowels of Xoriat to do be feasted upon by the larvae that existed there slowly and unearthily devoured while leaving only a Ring of Regeneration that he'd eventually pull off to beg for death....
Savor: Sounds promising....
Jarlot 1: So awesome. I had to use my BARE HANDS to kill all the larvae and they're +1/10 so they were like ten times harder to kill!
Kanatash: Eventually, I returned to find he was waiting for them to hatch because he said "I no longer get EXP for killing for them." This despite they had bitten him several thousand times.
Jarlot 1: So it's a little hit point loss. I never got past death's door.
Savor: My initial plan was to stick him in a burning cauldron of boiling flaming lava in the Elemental plane of Fire. I made him a para-elemental with all the pain but none of the permanent damage with my powers then had him swim through it.
Kanatash: What happened?
Savor: He stopped screaming eventually after swimming for Elementals to kill. He said his save had gotten up.
Jarlot 2: Part of the fun was taking a prestige in Elemental Plane crawler.
Kanatash: I tried the old Prometheus trick next.
Savor: What happened there?
Kanatash: I don't get it. I couldn't keep him locked up for more than ten minutes.
Jarlot 1: Duh, I took ten on undoing the locks.
Kanatash: THERE WERE NO LOCKS!
Jarlot 2: Best part of the torment though....
Jarlot 1: Shelvaresh....
Jarlot 2: World's Biggest Damn Dungeon EAT YOUR HEART OUT.
Jarlot 1: That's nothing. I cleaned out the Tomb of Horrors.
Jarlot 2: Nerfshavit.
Kanatash: I thought I'd seek professional help from Zhengyi.
Jarlot 1: No seriously. They kept on killing me every step of the way but the fact Kanatash kept bringing me back made it perfect. The only problem were the damn level draining monsters. Sweet phat loot though.
Jarlot 1: I must admit that my favorite part was the Vault of the Spider Queens where Sa'vor threw me into the succubus pit.
Kanatash: You did what?
Savor: You remember that old tale from the Eldeen Reaches about the Briar Patch and the Hare?
Kanatash: No.
Savor: Neither had I. When he begged me not to toss him to the succubi... you have to admit, I wasn't thinking too clearly.
Kanatash: I had him chewed on by Khyber herself.
Jarlot 1: Well that was a mistake. Mom was really ****ed.
Savor: Mom?
Kanatash: Let's just say after this excursion... I'M doubting my sanity at this point. Jarlot inhabits a weird world of eldritch concepts like levels and saving throws that render him unable to be causally affected by normal concepts. I'm going to have to go beyond normal 4 dimensional thinking in order to come up with a way to end this.
- Jarlot and Jarlot merge*
Jarlot: No, first we've got to do this again.
Savor and Kanatash: NO!
Jarlot: Oh fine. I'm going to go give everyone their presents.
- hoists bag of holding over his shoulder*
Jarlot: Aerith will have to sleep with me if I give her a Major Artifact. That's like in the rulebook.
Stupid begins searching for a heart, from a "wizard", he believe it will make him smart again. So he ends up asking every mage on board for on. Here are the responses.
Andrea : ( acting kind of loopy ) Heart? Norbaz has mine. :cloud9:
Norbaz : :mymy: Really I got to go see her
Nalfein : Volrath borrowed my last one.
Volrath : Ate it.
Terra : Sorry, sold all of mine to Allen.
Allen : Ate it.
Sa'vor : *Grumble* (holds up hand and blasts Stupid away.)
Kanatash: Well that was a bust.
Sa'vor: I know. You do realize we still have to get him back for the thing with Crystal?
Kanatash: Of course, we just need another way to go about it.
Sa'vor: How though, how can we make him suffer the way we have?
Kanatash: Well to start with I think I'll let Bat-Jarlot hang around for a while.
Sa'vor: That's a good start and we're already sabotaging any attempts he may make at world domination. However I think we still need something else too. Hmmm...
Kanatash: :lightbulb :schemes: Well... It's really, reeeeeeaaaly low but we could "take care of things" to make sure that he never manages to hook up with Aerith.
Sa'vor: THAT, is evil beyond words. I like it...
Crow: Kanatash, Sa'vor, we can help with that idea.
Kanatash: Ah, friend Crow who informed me of who let Crystal aboard. Though you have repeatedly stated that your actions are always random and without any thought of consequence, we shall hear what you have to say.
Silver: Do you know what Aerith does with her off time?
Sa'vor: The dual mind of mortal/angel means it is almost impossible to be sure at any one time. Plus I wouldn't want to tangle with Aerith, even though I could defeat her.
Crow: It's more like who.
Sa'vor: Who what?
Kantash: "Do you know who Aerith does with her off time?"
Sa'vor and Kanatash exchange looks.
Silver: What is it about all the females on this ship?
Sa'vor: It was in the rules.
Kanatash: But that's not enough to break Jarlot.
Crow: It is if you break into Caralot's records.
Silver: You saw them once, Kanatash.
Kantash shudders.
Kantash: She is overqualified to be a Daelkyr. And she was doing it "all-natural".
Crow: It's what you would suspect when an angel and a demon get together.
Silver: Especially when you have a demon.
Crow: Who's a succubus.
Silver: Caralot takes copious notes.
Crow: And joins in.
Silver: But we've got to go now.
Crow: We have to prepare to leave.
Kantash: You're leav—
Silver and Crow aren't there anymore.
Jarlot: That's it... .you... off my ship.
Batjarlot: I'm Batman.
Jarlot: And I'm Epic Level.
- Jarlot pulls out BIGGGGGGGG ASSSSSSSS sword*
- BatJarlot pulls out BatJarlot spray*
BatJarlot: I thought you forbade those.
Jarlot: Being the Captain has the benefit of being able to ignore the rules as you desire.
Batjarlot: I'm Batman.
Jarlot: YES... I KNOW.
Batjarlot: I've already put down a mutiny.
Jarlot: By WHOM?
Doog: *underneath the feet of Batjarlot* Geddisguyoffofme.
Jarlot: Oh Doog doesn't COUNT! He's not even double digit levels!
Batjarlot: Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot.
Jarlot: Alright DerFleudermouse. Let's dance.
Satnak - No wonder Kithle needed a vacation after dealing with you freaks.
jarlot & batjarlot - What are you doing?!
Satnak - Getting rid of a sick feeling in my gut. Die batboy *squish*.
Satnak proceeds to mash BatJarlot to a fine paste and boil it.
Satnak - Plot device that, *****. Now for you.
Jarlot - What I'm higher level than you now.
Satnak - So was floral dark *soulsucking zorch*. There back down to resonable levels.
Jarlot - Harpy
Girls Night Out
Aerith: Gin!
Terra: We're playing Poker.
Aerith: Oh! Then four aces.
Terra: ....you know, I know you're cheating somehow.
Tifa: When Jarlot rules over the Earth there won't BE gambling! Instead we will all work ETERNALLY for his glory!
Terra: How did she... you know... get like this?
Aerith: She grew up in Jarlot's neighborhood as a child. The violence and insanity of hanging around him drove her quite mad at an early age.
Tifa: I need no support from others! I have my emergency ration supply!
- Tifa lifts up a border collie*
Tifa: Aren't you a good Menchi? Yes you are... WITH HOT SAUCE!
Terra: Put... the... Dog... Down.
Tifa: NO! YOU CAN'T HAVE MY FOOD! GET YOUR OWN, WEIRD VEGETARIAN LADY!
Aerith: She's just a bit sensetive, having been formerly part wolf.
Lisa: Hold up, I'm calculating my winnings and balancing my tithing from them.....
Aerith: You're really diligent at that.
Lisa: Don't you tithe?
Aerith: Funny, as a priestess you think I should be required to.
- slurps her diet soda*
Terra: Sooooo could someone explain the whole relationship dynamics of this place?
Andrea: Hold up, I'm trying to re-animate this rat non-magically.
Aerith: Why?
Andrea: A bet with Ketler.
- smell of electrified rat fills the room*
Andrea: Damn it.
Terra: But yes, I'd like to know whose been with who, where, and with what. It's kind of ridiculous figuring out all the implications here.
Aerith: Like I'm sleeping with Kanatash?
Andrea: The only woman that Kanatash might like is American McGee's Alice. Kudos if she has the dull vacant "I'm holding a rusty blade" look of psychosis.
Aerith: Even that might be too normal.
Terra: I also thought you were with the Big C too.
Aerith: Alas, we're just friends. We're not anatomically compatible sadly.
Lisa: Well... I'm... uhh...
Terra: I find it amazing she can't actually say it.
Andrea: Trust me, we can hear.
Marish: *by the poker table, wagging her tail* I like being nearby! It makes me feel ALLLL special.
Andrea: Well suffice to say, Tifa's bisexual but loves Jarlot... and ONLY Jarlot... though I question if their relationship was ever consummated...
Tifa: It was! He may have been extraordinarily drunk at the time but it was the best ten minutes of my life!
Andrea: So I wouldn't put her beyond denial. I happen to be quite proud of my joint attraction...
Aerith: Mmm hmm.
Andrea: And I've held down several serious relationships. King Kaius, Queen Aurala...
Terra: Really?
Andrea: Yes, I happen to be a Lady of the Courts unlike the majority of your provincials....
Terra: *eyes darken* Provincials?
Marish: That means peasants!
Andrea: Have some yarn, dear.
Marish: YAY!
- bounces around in the string*
Andrea: I once lowered myself to a relationship with the Captain but suffice to say we proved from two different worlds.
Lisa: Good and Evil?
Andrea: No, actually he constantly made me dress up in a pink dress and sell flowers with a ribbon in my hair. Obviously, this is unrelated to a certain passenger because I am far too wonderful to be slighted in such a way.
Lisa: Then there's Doog's crush on Michael. You think...
Andrea: Sadly, for all of Michael's open-mindedness... straight as an arrow.
Aerith: Well I'm between relationships now.
Terra: I thought you did like Jarlot?
Aerith: Oh I do.
Tifa: *****.
Aerith: It's just that well... you know what happens if Jarlot truly gets unconditionally happy.
Terra: Did we switch to Angel at some point?
Aerith: Well... boom.
As the poker game dies down, Lisa approaches Terra.
Lisa: I realized a little while ago that you still haven't told me what you saw in Volrath’s sister that reminded you of yourself.
Terra: Are you sure you want to know? I don’t claim to have had the worst childhood ever, but it still won’t be pleasant…
Lisa: Yeah…
Terra: All right…
(Start flashback)
Lisa sees only darkness as a feeling of disorientation grips Terra. Her head throbs intensely, and she can hear rain falling around her and a cold, wet sensation on her cheek as she lies there.
Terra: (mumbling weakly as she opens her eyes) mmmhm…?
Sitting up, she sees a muddy street in a backwater village. The few people around are running to get out of the rain, completely ignoring her. Looking down, the reflection in the water shows a little girl, very obviously scared and confused.
Lisa: What’s this?
Terra: My first memory…
Lisa: What do you mean? You’re at least eight, how can this be your first?
Terra: I don’t know. I woke up here with no knowledge of my past, how I got there, where I was, or even my own name…
Lisa: …
Terra gets up and heads for the overhang of a nearby building. She tries to scrape what mud she can off her tattered clothes, and then knocks on the door. A human woman opens the door. Upon seeing Terra, she swiftly closes the door in fear. Terra just stands there, dumbstruck, as she hears muffled voices from inside. A few minutes later, a man appears brandishing a shovel. Panicking, she runs away as fast as she can, slipping and falling into the mud repeatedly. She gets similar reactions from each house she tries. She finally takes shelter in an alley, shaking from fear and cold as she silently rocks back and forth.
Lisa: Why? Why would they do that to you?
Terra: In a moment. First let me show you something else.
Several days later, Terra is rummaging through the garbage behind a house when the owner bursts out the door with a scythe. Again, she takes off, losing the man in the maze of alleys. Her stomach ached from having only been able to eat scraps. Just then, a little girl about her age wandered up to her.
Girl: #&*%()#?
Lisa: Huh?
Terra: I didn’t speak Common at this time, only Elvish. I have no idea what she said, but it was the first time anyone had talked to me without anger or hate in their voice.
Terra looked at the girl, confused. When her stomach rumbled, the girl smiled and pulled out a cookie from her pocket and offered it to her. After a moment, Terra meekly reached out to accept it. At this time, what appeared to be the girl's mother found them and pulled the girl away. The girl protested vehemently, but the woman would have none of it. Several adults came to check out the commotion, saw Terra, and began pelting her with rocks. Shielding her head, she fled back into the alley, now nursing several bruises and a bleeding forehead.
Terra: I couldn’t find anyone who understood me. The villagers avoided me, despised me for reasons I did not and could not understand. I spent what felt like an eternity simply trying to stay alive. In reality it was only about three months. Eventually, a pastor arrived at the village. He spoke Elvish, but what should have been my salvation turned into a nightmare.
Lisa sees an older man approach her, a look of anger and disgust on his face.
Pastor: Why do you linger here? Take your curse elsewhere, demon child!
Lisa: Demon... child?
Terra: I found out later that no one knew how I ended up in the street. It was a fairly small town, and the fact that nobody had seen or heard anything made them very anxious. I was deemed a bad omen, a bringer of ill fortune. I tried several times to get the pastor to understand my own confusion, but he refused to hear me out. He even tried to throw me to an angry mob once. I only escaped by biting his hand.
Lisa felt a wave of fear wash over her, and the next scene came into her mind. Terra was running along an alleyway, dodging between the refuse. Looking behind her, Lisa saw the villagers were chasing her with whatever makeshift weapons they could find. They screamed at her, and she didn’t have to understand them to know that they meant to harm her.
Terra: A storehouse had caught fire the day before, and they blamed me for it. I escaped only by diving over the edge of a hill at that end of town. I found a small cave there, obscured by brush, and hid in it till they stopped looking.
Night fell and Terra crept out of the cave. She made her way along the river bank which ran roughly parallel to the main road. She walked for what seemed like hours, hungry and tired. When she nearly felt she could go no further, she saw a camp fire up ahead. She slowly made her way towards it, hoping to find help. Around it, she saw what appeared to be bandits finishing their dinner.
She thought better of it and started to back away, only to step on a dry stick and alert them to her presence. They quickly leapt to their feet, pulling out their weapons. When she turned to run, a stabbing pain shot through her as an arrow struck her left shoulder. Lisa could hear Terra’s screaming as the pain blinded her. With what little sense she had left, Terra stumbled toward the river and jumped in to avoid them. Unfortunately, she didn’t know how to swim. She struggled in vain to keep her head above water, calling for help. After swallowing a lungful of water, she finally passed out.
An unknown amount of time later, she awoke to find herself lying in a soft, warm bed. The wound on her shoulder had been bandaged and felt nearly healed. A fireplace crackled nearby, an elven woman tending to it.
Elf woman: Oh, you’re awake! You must be starving. Dinner will be ready in a moment.
To Terra’s eyes, the woman gave her a feast. She ate ravenously, and swore that nothing had ever or would ever taste as heavenly again. When she finished, the woman set the plate aside and stroked Terra’s cheek.
Elf woman: Feel better now? (Terra nods sheepishly) …do you want to tell me what happened?
Terra just stared at the woman for the longest time. The weight of everything that had happened fell on her all at once. She reached over, buried her face in the woman’s cloak, and just cried.
(back in the present)
Terra: Her name was Gaia. She had found me washed up on the river bank about a week before, nearly dead. She is the one who adopted me, gave me my new name, and started training me as a Druid. Over time, she taught me Common. Our days were spent tending to the surrounding forest and her garden. She grew medicinal herbs and traded them with the local villages.
Lisa: What about the first village?
Terra: When I was about 17, I found out where that village was. What I did was something I regretted for the longest time…
Lisa: Which was…?
Terra: That village is now deserted. I had just begun to learn control over nature, and in a fit of rage, I lost control and unleashed a plague on the town. [SIZE=1]Smig would have enjoyed it.[/SIZE] The sight of the villagers dying in droves has never really left me. Because of that mistake, I had no way of seeking information on how I got there or where I may have come from.
Lisa: That’s all you felt?!
Terra: The only reason I felt any guilt is that I had done something that Gaia would not have approved of. I never did tell her, but I think she knew. Though I didn’t originally intend to kill them, I certainly didn’t feel pity. I felt that those people got what they deserved.
Lisa: You killed an entire village because you thought they deserved it?!
Terra: What do you think the inquisitors do? Why did they try so fervently to destroy the lycanthropes? Because they thought they deserved it. Another example, why do you smite demons, fiends, and aberrations?
Lisa: They are vile creatures of pure evil that must be destroyed!
Terra: In other words, because they deserve it. Not-Walter is classified as one of these "vile creatures", yet he only seeks to defend himself. You must realize the danger in such thinking. It took the deaths of at least a hundred people and several years for me to see it.
Silver: Okay, people, this will be our farewell commentary.
Crow: Because when you work for a thing above gods, capriciousness is a job hazard. Today we think about Batman and D&D.
Silver: That's a scary concept.
Crow: Well there is a Vigilante prestige class.
Silver: Can you say completely zorched?
Crow: Truly. You have to witness the crime to smite someone? What's the fun in that? Give them the abiltiy to do the Batman Backhand.
Silver: I could be the ability to make attacks of opportunity while flatfooted.
Crow: And detect evil? You know what I'd do if I were using the insanity rules?
Silver: Require that all paladins have gone temporarily insane?
Crow: Permanently insane. Just listen to Terra's stories. The inquisition goes after lycanthropes and demons because once you hit them with the right magic you know what they are. Try casting detect evil in your average village, and you'll be saying "Okay, wait a minute, do I have enough time to kill this many people."
Silver: Sentients in general are mean and nasty, and humans are usually the worst.
Crow: Jarlot's nice, if crazy.
Silver: How do Hit Points make sense? I mean, your average wound bleeds. If you get stuck with a sword in the stomach you can basically kiss your a** goodbye.
Crow: And you get "experience points" for killing things. Okay, yeah, sure. I can understand when it's Diplomating or breaking a trap. But when killing something? What, are experience points that primal feeling of release you get when you rip through a troll's neck so that its weird colored blood spurts over your shiny armor?
Silver: That's all you gods of death think about.
Aljihaz: :headexplo For the love of the Dreaming Dark, Dal Quor, and psionics in general, TELL ME WHERE THE TROUSER TITAN IS!
Silver and Crow: WE DON'T KNOW!
Aljihaz: :eek:
Crow: At least Satnak got rid of BatJarlot.
Silver: Except that by the Narrative Element a joke of that magnitude can never be destroyed. But we got away because we don't resemble any Batman characters.
Crow: Actually, I think Igor liked having a British accent.
Silver: Jarlot does not seem like the type to be Batman. You know what no one seems to have done? Said Kaius was Batman. He can change into a bat.
Crow: Tacky joke. I'm sure it's in the rules.
Silver: Jarlot said something about "wealth per level" the other day.
Crow: Did Kithle hear?
Silver: Kithle hears everything. :devil: Lucky we don't exist, so therefore we don't have levels. At least, how do you know if you have levels?
Crow: We could go to Shelvaresh and kill some stuff.
Silver: Again with the death. You know, if we start to exist then we can die and THE VOICE can, to quote Jarlot, "roll up some new characters". I think it's a form of reincarnation. Only you start existing from that moment in time back.
Crow: Like Igor. Besides, THE VOICE would never allow us to exist. It'd just—
They vanish in a puff of never having existed.
Norbaz sits in his secret room in the kitchen, filled with assassin gear. Sneaking Suits, crossbow bolts, crossbow winches, various types of bolts, numerous poisons, different types of knives... pointy knives... that burn with the hatred of a thousand - oh you get the picture. He sits at a small desk writing in a journal.
Nobaz: Cooky's log entry. Having no idea what Andrea's first hand response to my letter I am left with only one option, directly asking her. I've heard conflicting stories, and from what I can gather I may have a chance... I just need to get over my shyness and talk to her. As such, I am treating figuring out how to confront her as I would treat one of my usual jobs. I've spent the last few days casing her to get a feel for her routine and have devised the proper way to catch her off guard about the question. I just hope that in my usual interactions before this time nothing unfortunate happens. I will catch her in the evening outside her door as she is returning to her extradimensional magnificent mansion, ask the question, and hope to all things divine and demonic that this doesn't explode in my face...
At lunch time...
Many members of the crew are moving down the line getting thier trays filled with the usual selections. As per new mess hall policy, you need special permission signed by the captain to get the chili, and even then, few want to stand between Satnak and it. Norbaz and the usual crewmembers who get stuck with KP are dishing out the food, as Andrea crosses Norbaz's station with her tray.
Norbaz Internal monologue being thought very loudly: Don't choke, don't choke, don't say anything, don't say anything. Be cool. Calm down. Don't act like this is different from any other day.
Andrea: The Karrnath blood pudding please.
Norbaz: Sure, so... uh, Iheardyougotmyletter.
Norbaz Internal monologue being thought very loudly: Crap! Crap! CRAP!
The necromancer calmly takes the tiny plate of pudding, quirks an eyebrow, and slowly walks to her table where a still in a full body cast Marish is sitting.
Andrea: You were right, he is a nervous wreck about it.
Drifting through Terra’s memories Lisa hears sobbing. She hears it as though it were a great distance away. She tries to move toward it. This causes the scenery of Terra’s memories to become fuzzier and less distinct. When the memories are nothing but grey blurs, she sees Volrath crying.
Lisa: How did you get here, and what’s wrong?
Volrath: (wipes eyes) I *sniff* share an empathetic bond with Terra, and most other people I care about. When I sensed her sadness, from remembering *sniff* these things, I decided to come, and try to comfort her. She’s gone already, though isn’t she?
Lisa: Yes she is. You haven’t answered my question, yet?
Volrath: I always end up thinking about my past, when Terra *sniff* does. I know I should *sniffle* be over this, but…
Lisa: Don’t’ worry, it’s alright to be sad.
Volrath: Thanks, why don’t I show you more of the past?
Lisa: Alright, if you think that will help.
A scene of a village drifts into view. It zooms in on a small caravan. Inquisitionists are inspecting the cargo.
Volrath: My sister and I thought we could sneak out of town. We were wrong.
A sneeze comes from one of the boxes. The inquisitionists open it, to reveal an albino girl. They drag her out, and wicked grins cross their faces.
Volrath: It was pitiful. She didn’t even resist, despite the evil that would undoubtedly come next. It was so hard, to hold back the tears, that would have given me away.
The caravan sets out. Before long it is attacked by robed figures. After overwhelming the caravan, they begin opening the crates. Inside one of them, they find a trembling Volrath, the crawling gauntlet on his left arm flexing in anticipation.
Volrath: They were cultists. They thought I was some kind of reward, for their devotion. At least I think.
Lisa: Didn’t they tell you?
Volrath: They only spoke in Daelkyr. The dialect I had learned, from my father, was much older than theirs. I could catch words and certain sentences, but not enough to communicate, meaningfully. They treated me good, gave me food, clean clothes, and anything else they could provide. All they asked in return was for me to perform some duties, as their deity’s proxy. Most of these duties revolved around the sacrifices. You probably would have found them downright vile, but I loved them. Especially that altar girl, but nothing came of it. It only lasted a year.
The cultists appear, being slaughtered by a group of adventurers. A stray bolas hit Volrath in the head. As he falls unconscious, the memory fades. The scene reappears, this time of Volrath waking in the middle of the adventurers’ camp. They are all standing around him. There is a wizard looking elf woman, a white robed dwarf, and two men in silver armor.
Volrath: They didn’t recognize me, for what I am, because my crawling gauntlet, Thing, had left while I was knocked out. They thought I was some brainwashed kid, and that they were rescuing me.
The adventurers pack up and begin to rest for the night. Volrath, however, remains active. He picks up a pair of bolas. Using the wire between them, he strangles the dwarf. The dwarf struggles and squirms, but is unable to release any cry for help, as he dies. Volrath tries to pick up the bolas again, but they are tangled in the dwarf’s beard. So he goes to one of the humans, and pulls the man’s sword, from its sheath. Hefting the sword, he plunges it into the man’s heart.
Lisa: How could you do that, to people who were trying to help you?!
Volrath: They killed people I cared about.
Lisa: Those cultists were horrible people!
Volrath: Does that stop you from loving your blackguard sister?
Lisa: How do you know that?
Volrath: Kithle isn’t the only one who can mind-probe. Anyways, back to the story.
The other man stands up, at his companion’s dying screams. The knight searches for his sword, but is grabbed around the neck, by a chitinous claw. Thing slashes the man’s throat, and then crawls over to its place on Volrath’s hand. The elf woman is looking at Volrath, a look of horror on her face.
Volrath: Her look of fear and horror reminded me so much of my sister, that I couldn’t bring myself to kill. As she blasted magic at, all I could do was lift my hand in front of my face, as the energy rushed toward me. That was when my warlock powers manifested. A blast of eldritch energy shot out of my hand and took out a good portion of her torso. After I watched her fall, in a bloody heap, I set out toward the horizon, wondering what would come next.
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