A Gift Freely Given

On board Summer's Gift
En route to Ariel
25 Dec 2520
1400 hrs

Post lunch, Joshua was pretty sure he would find Nika on the bridge. The crew, as a rule, seemed to retreat their own personal spaces after lunchtime for a couple of hours. Joshua was normally not an exception to the rule, but he wanted to give his Christmas present to Nika, and now seemed as good a time as any. His left hand had a fresh cup of coffee and underneath his right arm was his present, so he had to knock carefully with the back of his left hand, trying not to spill coffee. "Nika, you have a minute? And can you open the door for me?"

***

The bridge's hatch was usually open except during those couple of hours after lunch and sometimes in the wee hours of the night. Nika opened it quickly, her brow furrowed slightly. "Joshua... is everything all right?" She automatically reached to take the coffee cup from him, to help him with the burdens he carried. The box didn't escape her notice, but she step[ed back with the cup in her hands to gesture him inside the bridge. "What's up?" she asked softly, backing up to her seat so as to give him enough space to sit or stand in. Clearly there was nothing wrong, but it was unlike him lately to seek her out unless he wanted to talk.

***

"I'm fine. The cup of coffee is for you. Figured you might want a reload." He sat himself down in the other seat carefully and put the flat box in his lap. "This", he said, motioning to the box, "is also for you. Merry Christmas, Nika." He handed her the box.

The box was surprisingly light and when Nika opened it, inside was a single sheet of paper, laying flat. Turning it over revealed a sketch done in colored pencil. The bridge of the Gift was the obvious scene, but with a perspective that made the Black completely dominate the scene, reducing the instrument panels to lesser significance. But in the bottom right corner of the sketch was Nika, viewed from the side, her feet stretched out, staring out into the Black contemplatively. The detail was good and it gave the impression of getting to peek in on a private and quiet moment.

"Hope you like it," Joshua said quietly as she looked at it.

***

There was a quick, brief grin as she settled into her seat. "Coffee's always appreciated," she told him as she set the cup on the console next to her empty one. When she took the box from him, Nika hesitated slightly. "I, uhm... didn't really put any thought into the holiday, this year," she admitted softly. More like it snuck up on her and she avoided realizing it was coming due to her own issues, but...

She looked at the sketch after she took it from the box and bit her lip. "It's... beautiful, Joshua." Her blue eyes flickered over the sketch, taking in the small details, and her fingertips brushed the page lightly. "Thank you," she said softly, looking up at him.

***

Joshua nodded. "I'm glad you like it. That's the only Christmas present from you I need." He looked at the sketch briefly and made a little framing motion with his hands. "Well, you could buy a frame for it. It's pencil, which makes it fragile. So knowing it has some protection in a frame would also be a good present."

He watched her look at it for a minute, then said spontaneously, "You're a good captain, Nika. Don't let me or anyone else fool you into thinking otherwise. You do right by me and by the rest of the crew. And considering how difficult we can make it..." He had been meaning to tell her that for the last few weeks, but hadn't figured out when to say it. Or for that matter, how to approach it. Any bond they had these days seemed as fragile as his sketch."

***

Nika's grin at the request to frame the picture was one of acquiescence. Of course she'll frame it. But the blurted words that follow surprised her and her expression shuttered slightly, her eyes dropping from his face to look at the picture in her lap. What was it Shyla had said? You just keep your indecision to yourself. That was easier said than done some days.

When she looked back up at him, Nika's expression was softer than the shuttered one she'd had when she looked down. Her drawl was in evidence but not strongly so, a subtle cue to her mood. "Most of y'all ain't the kind to take direction too easily without a whole lot of explanation. And I ain't used to givin' a lot of direction, neither. I feel sometimes like I got mighty big boots to fill; you've met the only captain that I ever respected enough to stick with. I don't rightly feel like I deserve such a title, but I reckon that it ain't my decision to make anymore." She smiled faintly. "I'll just keep .... doin' the best I can."

***

"A couple weeks ago, you said that maybe I didn't trust you or the crew." He folded his hands in his lap, working on keeping their nervous twitching still. "I just wanted to make sure you knew that I have faith in you. That I trust you. That I'm well aware and grateful that you and Rina and Arden and Rick are responsible for saving my life several times over. And more than that, maybe helped save my soul, such as it were. I owe you and the least I can do is work harder at making sure you know it. I don't feel like we've been right lately, and I don't like it."

He paused, as if he was going to stop, and then stumbled into another statement. "The best you can, Nika, is pretty damn good in my eyes."

***

Nika tilted her head and smiled slightly. "We haven't been wrong, Joshua. I'm just.... " She shrugged a little bit and struggled to find words. Even now, with weeks of distance from what happened, she still didn't have them. But for Joshua, she tried. "I wanted ... things to go a certain way. And they didn't. They can't." She paused. "And it embarrasses me that you know what happened in all its gory glory."

***

"Really?" Joshua couldn't help blurt it out in surprise. "I'm sorry, I wish you had said something earlier."

He motioned his hands in front of him aimlessly, trying to put some physical gesture around his words. "I honestly don't remember very much from that at all. I know it happened but it was all so intense. I don't get clear images even on my good days, Nika. And when my defenses were down and I'm taking a beating? I don't remember hardly anything - just blurry aftereffect images."

But it wasn't enough just to say he didn't remember. I may not be Christian, but I know that much.

"But even if I did," he continued, "so what? Please don't be embarrassed. You were being a human being, something I strive for during my good days and struggle with on my bad." Like Meridian, he thought. Definitely not the good days.

"Be sad because it hasn't worked out yet. But please don't be embarrassed."

***

Nika shook her head. "Sad ain't quite the word I'd use, darlin," she replied, her drawl in full force suddenly. Pissed off. Confused. Hurt. Sad. The emotional ups and downs of her life were not particularly simple. "And I ain't got the time or inclination to let it affect the ship. So I'm grateful that you weren't tuned in on all the particulars, quite honestly. That gets a load off my mind." Though she considers herself friends with this crew, some things are still intensely private. She rarely actually talks about what goes on in her head.

"Thank you, though, for straightening it out for me." She did feel better that he wasn't running about the ship with her love life playing in his head.

***

"You're welcome. I do wish I had known earlier," Joshua said, fidgeting a little in his chair. It made him uncomfortable realizing she might have thought he had been judging her based on the events of that morning on the Decatur. Just underscored his reason why never to read the crew unless necessary.

"So...are we okay?" he asked, his voice looking for reassurance.

***

"We've been okay all along, Joshua," Nika replied softly. "When you and I aren't okay, I'll be in your face about it. You'll know." She offered him a bit of a smile, and a twinkle lit her blue eyes as the words called forth the first real conversation they had. "You shouldn't ever be in any doubt where you stand with me -- I don't beat around the bush. I might hold my own counsel, but you and I aren't havin' issues."

***

"Makes you a perfect captain for this ship, where nobody is afraid to speak their mind." Joshua chuckled as he thought about some of the conversations with Rina, Arden, and Rick.. "Often. And loudly."

He stood up, putting his hand on her shoulder as he walked to the door.. "Thank you, Nika, for giving me a home. And not letting me kick myself out of it. Merry Christmas."

***

"Ffft," Nika dismissed gently, reaching up to put her hand over his where it rested on her shoulder. The contact made her smile. "Merry Christmas to you too."