BLAG

Campaign Overview

BLAG is the pet name given by the players of a D&D 4th edition game set in a somewhat bumbling, somewhat serious world known as Smearth. The game has been going since the day the 4th edition core books were released and as of October 2009 the players have reached level 26. Along the way they have encountered many strange and interesting NPC's and have saved the world from danger on many occasions.

Setting History

The history of Smearth is not very well documented until about 100 years ago. There are records of a great war that went on for hundreds of years, during which four factions battled for supremacy on Siverow, the continent that now holds Castletown, the Capitol city of Smearth. The great war was ended when a group of rogue adventurers native to the continent made an alliance with one of the other factions and the two were able to overwhelm the others. those adventurers went on to become the saviors of the world once again when an army of ultimate evil from another universe invaded and threatened to turn Smearth into a wasteland populated by undead monstrosities created from pure pain and suffering. The true destiny of these valiant men and women was revealed when they fulfilled a thousand year old prophecy and stopped a mysterious creature known as the Dire Fiend from turning the material plane into a new Hell. Fulfilling this prophecy proved that these adventurers were the rightful rulers of Smearth, and they were crowned shortly after. They divided up the land amongst themselves, and started to work on their own personal projects.

The Age of Chaos

After securing their leadership of Smearth, Maximilian von Maxwell, Col. Elzix Angus and Saint Blasphemy Burns set off to block the Material Plane from further attack by other planes. They began experimenting with various arcane rituals designed to block incoming travelers. Using a wide range of rituals and unearthing leylines long since lost, they only achieved blocking off the Elemental Plane of Cold. The side effects from these years of experimentation were permenant however, and included dangerous rifts to other planes, and even the creation of a large floating island in the air. They also includes many changes to the game system, including Kua-Toa changing from floppy skinned frog people to viscous piranha people.

Special Campaign Notes

In the BLAGiverse, there are a number of changes to the base D&D system. most of these are role playing or storyline only changes that just make the game a little bit more enjoyable for everyone. After all, the point of BLAG is to have fun. Unless other wise stated, no special qualities confer any bonuses or penalties to a character unless he uses them in a really clever way, then they earned some kind of bonus.

House Rules

Cheating is Allowed : No one really cares if you want to cheat, just expect it from the DM.
Don't Talk to the Genie : Just don't do it.
If the Book Doesn't Say You Can't Do It, You Can : As long as you aren't in combat, you can do pretty much anything as long as there are no rules saying you can't and it isn't extremely damaging to the plot. This includes summoning the Genie by clapping (But Don't talk to him), and a fighter teleporting across the room just for the hell of it. This should only apply if the player doing the goofy action can come up with a somewhat reasonable or at least funny explanation how. For example the fighter could say that he bought a discount toe ring of teleporation.
It's Only Role Playing if You Say it in a Funny Voice : Enough said.
Sometimes the Funny Plan is Better Than the Smart Plan : For example, the players could storm a prison full of Castletown prisoners, but instead decide to disguise themselves as most definatly not the Old Kings. These kinds of plans are great for entertainment purposes and are more often than not will be alowed to succeed.
No Stat Block = Invulnerability : If the DM never signed stats to an NPC he cannot be attacked or take damage or fail skill checks. He can, however, be an incredible nuisance to the PC's taunting them with his invulnerability.

Races

Dwarves

Thought to be almost extinct during the great war due to their home being in close proximity to The Soha Pacts initial invasion point, a large civilization of these stout warriors was located on an island far to the Zorth of Siverow. This Island was subsequently named Scotland after their first ambassador, Scott. The Dwarves of Smearth are a fiercely loyal race who almost worship their own beards. A Dwarf will look at his beard as a symbol of power and status. Dwarfs are so protective of their beards that it is not uncommon for a particularly cowardly dwarf to shout "Not in the beard!!" when he gets into a fight.

Beard Storage: Dwarves in BLAG are well known for storing things in their beards, such as small trinkets, familiars, snacks, and small sized party members.

Dwarf Soup : Though many falsly believe that this is soup made from the meat of dwarves, it is in fact a delicacy made by dwarves. The dwarven chef, preferably one with a hearty full beard starts with nothing more that a pot of water. He then brings it to a rolling boil, and then simply lets his beard rest in the water for as long as he desires. The water soaks up all the crumbs and other refuse in the beard and the longer it is left to do this, the thicker and tastier the soup will be. Care must be taken that no halfings are hiding in the beard.

Stand Your Ground: In additon to whenever dwarves are knocked prone, they also receive a saving throw whenever they are reduced to 0 or fewer hit points, fall from a height, or go to sleep. A dwarf may choose to fail any of these and just fall down.

Heritage: Until the age of 20, dwarves look just like halflings. On their 20th birthday every dwarf suddenly puts on about 100 pounds and sprouts the dwarven equivilent of peach fuzz, a 6 inch beard.

Halflings

The Halfling's of Siverow have mostly kept to themselves for a long time and raised very little fuss. Their home, the Shire was located, until recently, in a secluded corner of Siverow, far away from the ravages of the great war. During the Age of Chaos, however, the Shire was ripped from the Smearth and began to float. This has not deterred the halflings in any way from being a fun loving curious race. They love candy and toys as much as the human children they resemble. Some researchers have been lead to believe that a halfing's over sized head for their body is responsible for their lust for candy, something about the sugar high.

Can't ride Horses  : Because of their small stature and top heavy anatomy, halflings have a tendency to go flying off any mount designed for a medium sized creature. For this reason, top halfling scientists have created three tiers of mounts for them. In the heroic tier they may ride a tricycle, at paragon tier a Big Wheel, and in epic tier they may ride a Power Wheel.

Toddlers with swords  : Halflings naturally resemble young humans and dwarves and even the telltale sideburns are often not enough to convince people that they are fully grown adults.

Sausage Fingers  : A Halfling's fingers not only resemble tasty plump sausages, they frequently taste like them. While no one knows why, this does not stop the halflings from licking them whenever they have a few extra seconds. This should be kept in mind should the halfling ever touch something, he will likely taste it very shortly afterwords.

Halfling Speak  : While there is no Halfling language, they still have their own way of communicating with each other so the doublings won't understand them. For example, a doubling is a human, an ally is a meat shield, and back stab can mean anything from candy to advanced destabilizing warp degradation.

Naming Obsession  : While each Halfling had a name that everyone knew them by, each Halfling calls each other halfling by a different name causing there to be literally millions of naming combinations which is sometimes why you hear about a 'Reverend Doctor Roscoe Hallelujah Skittles Jenkins' or 'Master Bradley Nickledime Freezejack III'

Elves

Also known as cupcake elves, the origins of these crafty woodlings is seated in The Cupcake Forest located in Sohim Sorak. The Cupcake Elves are so good at deception and misdirection that, until 20 years ago, no one on Smearth had ever heard of The Cupcake Forest. The Cupcake elves are fiercely at odds with the Donut Elves, though this has never led to open conflict. Some believe that this animosity stems from a person feud between Princess Ellie Elfkins and Col. Elzix Angus.

Sub-types : The cupcake elves are the most common type of elf, but there are also toy elves that live in the cold weather regions of Smearth. Note that elves, eladrin and gnomes may all be considered toy elves if they live in cold areas.

Eladrin

Where the Cupcake elves excel at deception and woodcraft, the Eladrin, or Donut Elves, are masters of the arcane. Led by a wizard so powerful that he hasen't needed to show his face in two decades, Col. Elzix Angus, the Donut Elves currently work as freelance trainers, teaching any who wish to learn the ways of the wizard.

Humans

They are just humans.

Dragonborn and Half Elf

These races have not been used in BLAG so far.

Genasi

Don't talk to the Genie.

Gnomes

Though gnomes are not as common on Smearth as they once were, they still poke their heads out of the ground every now and then. Having moved underground, they have taken to creating a large amount of burrowing machines, and because of the lack of underground fuel, they must use gumdrops to fuel everything.

Gumdrop Poop : Gnomes poop gumdrops, and even though they have very little problem using them to fuel there creations, they do tend to get grossed out when people eat them.

Sub-types : The main types of Gnomes are garden gnomes, shoe elves, and cookie elves. Garden Gnomes have particular reverence for nature and are frequently druids and other primal paths. Shoe elves sneak into peoples house at night and fix things. No one knows why but some think that they are pranks gone wrong. Cookie elves live in trees and bake cookies into the shape of weapons to be used against their foes, but the cream filling usually makes them break under very little strain and not useful at all.

Teifling

Reports of devils breaking away from Hells army during it's invasion came in from all over Smearth. Apparently they had found a way to give up their immortality and power to live normal lives on the material plane. Their communes are the subject of a great deal of suspicion, but so far very little trouble has come out of the small villages.

Devas

Cowardly Angels who ran during the war in the heavens. Now cursed with immortality but not the memories of their majestic past or any past each time they die. Just wisps of things that were.

Classes

Paladin

Paladins are servants of divine beings who want their representatives looking good for other prospective worshipers. Dirt, filth and even rain will never hit a paladin, even the arterial spray of a beheaded Orc will seem to warp around him and hit party members not protected by this.

Factions

The Salvation Army

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Created by the Old Kings, The Salvation Army was designed to help Sohim Sarak after the massive unwarranted attack from Earth. They were a beacon of hope to many refugees, and the free blankets and soup they offered saved many lives in the aftermath of the attack. The Old Kings recruited many paladins to serve this cause, and this raised peoples respect for them even more.

The truth of the Salvation Army is a secret known only to the Old Kings. With the constant threats that plagued Smearth, they had tried numerous times to enlist the aid of the Celestials, but were ejected from Celestia each time. They decided that the best alternative to recruiting themselves would be to get paladins to do it for them. They enlisted these paladins with the story of the Salvation Army, and in their zeal to do good, they were drawn to it like flies. In time, enough paladins were recruited that the Salvation Army took on a life of it's own, with Saint Blasphemy Burns as it's leader. The Armies propensity for good lead to them being permanently expelled from Siverow, only allowed to set foot on Siverow soil once a year on Ordinary Day.

The Salvation Armies flagship, The Nimbus, an ironclad airship that dwarfed even the mightiest ships of it's day, was a gift to the Army on the day they left Siverow. This gift was to show the people of the world that the two factions were still friends, but could no longer work in tandem. The ship met it's end during Asmodeus' invasion of Smearth, and much to the Salvation Armies dismay, the ships captain and leader of the Army, Rear Brigadier Brenn Bahamus gave his life to cover the evacuation of the ship.

The Castletown Royal Guard

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The Castletown Royal Guard is currently the best organized and best equipped fighting force on Smearth. They were at one time no better than a mediocre militia, but during the Dire Fiends occupation of Fortress Von Castle he rearranged the command structure of the guard and set up several training regiments. The result was a massive increase in their efficiency and tactical ability.

Urfs

The Urfs are blue gnomes that live on the Elemental Plane of Cold. Their village lies dangerously close to the castle of a dragon called Azreal. There are rumors that Azreal is somehow connected to the Old Kings, but as far as the Urfs are concerned he is just a menace that like to eat them. He even stole their shirts at one point, which wouldn't be a big deal, but the shirt is where most of the Urfs keep their power. Luckily, the PCs were able to save the Urfs by getting their shirts back so they could defend themselves from Azreal again.

It is rumored that the only way to reach the Urf village is to fall unconscious on the Plane of Cold.

The Sky Pirates

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The Elzix Angus School of Magic

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Almost every settlement on Smearth boasts at least a small magic school founded by the Arch Wizard Elzix Angus. The school found in Castletown, however, is the only structure other than Fortress von Castle that can be seen from nearly every point in the city. Colonel Angus founded each of these schools with the purpose of spreading arcane knowledge to all of those who would seek to learn it. Each of these schools contains a teleportation circle and magic item vendor. The schools also tend to keep a large supply of residuum in their vaults, which are usually painstakingly guarded and protected by the high wizards of the school.

The Ancients

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The Path of Conquest Legionaries

These fanatics believe fervently in the Old Kings so much that they worship the very dirt that their idols walked on. They have spent the last hundred years gathering all the information they can on the path that the Old Kings walk, from the time they were given their first assignment by the Siverow Army, to the time they were crowned kings of all the land. Many of these people walk the path, a trip that usually takes years and that few survive. The rest run tourist operations at key points of the journey, so that they can spread the word of how great the old Kings were.

Aethis Settlers

One hundred years after the Dire Fiends reign of terror ended the city of Aethis is still alive. With a much smaller population than it once boasted the city is unable to produce as much export what the city is capable of, but the citizens manage just fine.

Notable Locations

Castletown

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From the ashes of the great war came an opportunity to create a kingdom ruled by intellectuals and awe inspiring leaders. Knowing that the best way to unite the people of the world was to create a central hub for commerce and the sharing of ideas, the Old Kings made use of an already prominent and imposing structure. The Soha Pact, the genocidal sorcerers that had tried to eradicate most of the life in Siverow, left behind a formidable castle when they were defeated. With no formal government save for the military commanders of the Siverow army, the Old Kings quickly claimed the bastion as their base of operations, and soon the capitol of the continent. This capitol building was dubbed the Fortress von Castle by King Max. Gradually, the relative safety of living in this behemoths shadow became a widespread topic in popular conversation, and thousands of citizens and former soldiers flocked to this location to make new lives from themselves. Over the course of 100 years a ragtag camp of settlers and merchants became the largest metropolis on Smearth.

Fortress von Castle itself boasts an immense floor plan, covering more area that a few of the islands surrounding the continent. There are extensive laboratories and workshops throughout the underground and enough space for over one hundred occupants. Surrounding the Fortress is a lush forest and garden, complete with hedge maze. Since commandeering the castle, the maze has never needed attention, and is a popular gathering place for the citizens of Castletown.

Old Man Port

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Old Man Port is the primary import export center for all of Smearth. Located on Siverow's Zouth Zestern shores, the Port holds over two hundred sea docks and close to 80 airship docks, including the docking stations used by the Royal Navy. During the great war, Old Man Port was but a small village with no inclination towards any kind of sea or air vessels. The local legend is that the Old Kings once paid a visit to the small hamlet and graced a crazy old man with their time and attention. No one can no for sure if this story is true, but before then, that old man was one of the only people native to Siverow that even dreamed of building boats and taking to the massive oceans. The Old Kings were wise, and saw the potential usefulness of such adventures and swore to make the old mans dreams a reality.

Disaster struck Old Man Port during the Emperor of Spines attempts to plunge Siverow back into war . The Emperors son Wolfgang, a musically inclined diabolical mastermind, crashed his airship into the market district.

Ghost Wraith Island

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A large island off the Zouthern coast of Siverow, Ghost Wraith Island is currently a hot spot for those who wish to walk in the footprints of the Old Kings. The lavish beaches along its shores are dotted with small hotels and gift shops, but the main event lies further inland. A large temple to a once powerful wizard who fancied himself a god lies buried under thousands of years of dirt and forest growth. Now the only sign this icon even exists is a sandstone entrance to a network of tunnels and catacombs. The dark magic that once lived there are now gone, and daily tours lead visitors along the path the Old Kings supposedly walked.

Sohim Sarak

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Once one of the most powerful centers of arcane power on the plane known as the Soha Nation, this sprawling city was all but annialated in a tremendously violent attack launched without wanring from another dimension. Details are sketchy at best, but one thing that is well known, this attack leveled all of the thousand hand tall mega structures that dominated the landscape of the Zorthern most continent on Smearth. An epic battle also took place there, as Siverow forces pushed back the invading forces and protected the rest of the world from the same fate. Luckily for the residents of the Soha Nation, there were a great deal of countermeasures in place for just such an attack. While the buildings were destroyed many of the civilians were protected by magical force fields in heavily populated districts of the city.

The history of the city before this time made it difficult for the citizens of Siverow to sympathize with the Soha's. The Soha Nation had spent the previous several hundred years attempting to erradicate all non-human life on Siverow, an ambitious plan implicated by the nations previous leadership. The Soha Nation was once ruled by a coven of Raksasha who's magical mastery allowed him to draw upon leylines build into the surrounding landscape to amplify a series of mind control spells to domitate the entire country. The leadership soon realized that of all the races under their control, the humans were the most willing to submit. So, they did the only logical thing. Total eradication of all the other civilised races became their primary concern. When their goal was complete on their own continent, they soon turned their attention to dominating other, and the first that they chose was Siverow.

Since the disaster that obliterated the city, very little has been done to rebuild. For the last 80 years the Salvation Army has made the reconstruction their primary goal, but a lack of funding has made it difficult for them to even supply the soup and blankets that they are known for. Recently there has been promise in salvaging the ruins of the gargantuan siege golems that once patrolled the outlying regions of the city to sell to the airship manufacturers.

The Cupcake Forest

A dense forest on the Zestern borders of Sohim Sarak that is home to the Cupcake elves. Ruled by the generaous and fair Princess Ellie Elfkins , the elves have sought to distance themselves as much as possible from Col. Elzix Angus in recent years. A hundred years ago the two groups were virtually indistinguishable, but the two diverged at some point and forced the Princess to adopt a more naturalistic lifestyle. The Cupcake elves now keep to themselves, but every now and then one will leave the forest looking for adventure, wealth, or glory.

Scottland

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Another large island not far from Siverow, this is the home to the largest commmunity of dwarves left. It also is home to an active volcano, and a family of red dragons that have managed to coexist with the dwarves for as long as they can remember. Scottland was named after the first ambassador to Castletown, Scott.

The Mobile Fortress Memorial

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The Mobile Fortress Memorial is the actual ruins of a powerful siege engine designed by the engineers of Siverow to combat the mighty airships of the Soha Nation during the great war. The plaque honoring the brave Siverow soldiers tells the unfortunate end to the Fortress. Under Commander Katherine Ballard, the Mobile Fortress was headed for what would be the final assault on the Soha citadel, when it was attacked. Undead monstrosities guided by the hand of a powerful lich, launched an ambush looking for Maximilian von Maxwell. In the final stages of the assault, after the Fortress had already been irreparably damaged and Commander Ballard had lost an eye in the conflict, the attacks suddenly pulled back. Knowing full well that Maxwell would have shown his mustachioed grin by then, the lich had no further interest in the Fortress.

Several attempts have been made to construct new, better versions of the Fortress, mostly by enemies of humanity. The first time was by the Emperor of Spines, who used a massive deposit of adamantium to construct an elephant size indestructible Fortress. Fortunately for, it was destroyed before it could be completed.

The memorial has recently disappeared during the invasion of the forces of hell. A team of adventurers that is working to stop the invasion believes that Mephistopheles has reactivated the aging monument and is using it to wreak havoc on Siverow with a new armament addition, the legendary Soul Cannon. This weapon is so powerful and consumes so many souls to fire it has never before been employed. The mobile fortress has also been outfitted with some gnomish equipment, making it fully capable of burrowing through all but the densest stone. This has earned it the new name, The Mole-bile Fortress.

The Rogue Hammer

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Not so much a location as an airborne fortress, the Rogue Hammer serves as a base of operation of the Sky Pirates. A massive ironclad airship that was once the flagship of the Soha fleet, it is outfitted with a dazzling array of weapons, from downward angled flame jets for clearing ground forces to deck mounted harpoon cannons for securing other sky vessels and pulling the gates off even the largest keep. The current location of the Rogue Hammer is traveling the clouds, its exact route known only to the Sky Pirates.

The Forbidden Forest

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Despite it's name, the Forbidden Forest is a well traveled area for those wishing to walk the path of the Old Kings. The scorched smeath and lifeless trees create a spooky atmosphere too intense for all but the heartiest of heroic tier adventurers. Located at the exact center of the dead wood is a shrine to a mysterious forgotten god. Dominating the scene is the enormous skeleton of a elder gold dragon, slain 100 years ago by an unnamed agent of the Harbingers of Salvation for unknown reasons.

The Wood of Petrified Ancients

The location of this treant resting resting ground is shrouded in mystery by the Ancients themselves. What is known is that when the treants know it is their time to die, they make the journey to these woods, and allow the forces of time to overtake them, permanently encasing their bodies in stone hard form, and preserving their knowledge.

Aethis

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Aethis is an immense city that once housed one of the arguably greatest threat Smearth had ever seen. At it's core the previous home of the Dire Fiend. Branching out from there is the 5 districts that were home to the Fiends generals. Each of these Generals was given and area to command and orders to build outwards as aggressively as they could. The districts each stretch out dozens of miles and are each personally tailored to the General commanding it.

Currently the city is inhabited by the citizens who lived their during the Dire Fiends reign, but chose to not align with them when he was in power. A few refugees from other areas of the world have taken up residence in the vast city streets of the city, but the mysterious circumstances that the city was liberated under have led to many fears about living there.

The Elemntal Plane of Cold

Home of the Urfs, as well as a dragon by the name of Azreal, The Elemental plane of Cold was sealed off from acess via the other planes until recently. When The Emperor of Spines sought to obtain more of his former power from The Dire Fiend who was trapped there, an accident occured which unsealed the plane, allowing the Fiend to escape.

The Nine Hells

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Darkenon

Darkenon was once a city shrouded in its own plane of eternal darkness, but the Dire Fiend brought it back into the material plane during his occupation of Castletown. The city now resides to the Zorth Zest of Fortress Von Castle, not more than a days journey on foot from the city limits. The city held a dense population of evil scoundrels until the Devils invasion. The residents felt very betrayed by their gods and revolted against them, and were killed off for their efforts. Princess Apricot order the Castletown Royal Guard to garrison here in the event that the brave adventurers looking for the scepter of the Titan.

After Mephistopheles discovered that a large amount of Castletown refugees had hidden in this city after they fled their homes, he order a massive assault. The attack was repelled by the forces garrisoned there, with the help of the adventurers, Goblin City HOPS team, a contingent sent from Scottland, and the survivors of the Nimbus crash. To commemorate goods victory over evil on that day, a large sword was placed in the center of the city with a plaque that reads "We should have buried this." The reasoning for this statement is probably known to those who built the memorial.

Physics and Science

Smearth and the Smoon

The Smoon is a giant barren boulder floating in the astral space above Smearth. The Smoon is not visible during the day but is there. The proof of this is the Smelevator, a length of cable running from the Smearth to the Smoon. Along this cable runs a large glass box suitable for 10 medium sized characters and their gear. With this anyone can travel from one end to another in 10 minutes. Should a character attempt to travel from one to another without the Smelevator should keep in mind that gravity will pull you towards the plane you most recently touched. So even if a character manages to come within a few inches of the Smoon, he will fall all the way back to Smearth if that is where he started from.

The Shire

The home of the halflings, The Shire boasts the largest toy factories and candy plants in all of Smearth. It also boasts that it is a completely autonomous plane ever since the age of chaos. The entire Shire is a floating island in the sky, only about a mile off the ground. the Shire does not remain stationary either, it floats in a pattern that takes it to the same places once every year. Due to several accidents involving Frisbees, a railing was installed around the borders of the Shire.

The energy keeping the Shire afloat for so many years was dispelled a short time ago by adventurers, but he Halflings were prepared. The Shire is now kept aloft by hundreds of kites, some tied off to the ground, others carried by sugar crazed Halflings.

Ring Gates

The Soha Pact, that once sought to annialate all non-human life on Siverow, made extensive use of magic items known as Ring Gates for several very important purposes. The most well known use was to power their airships. By setting them up to form a loop and dropping in an orb of dark matter, the ring gates and accelerating metal would eventually form a directional magnetic turbine. The second, more sinister use, was never confirmed to be in use, but there were plenty of rumors. A similar loop would be created as the magnetic turbine, except the gates would be rigged to move closer to each other. Eventually, the gates would be closer together than the dark matter was wide, and the rapidly falling metal orb would not be able to sucessfuly exit one side of the gate before getting out of it's own way. Rumors of the resulting explosion indicate that it could level all of Siverow.

Antigenieum

Antigenieum is a material found abundantly on the Elemental Plane of Cold. It's presence prevents summoning Genasi via clapping. It is also a very brittle material that's flakes can get lodged in peoples clothing and armor and prevent summoning for some time even after leaving the area of the Antigenieum.

Plottonium

Plottonium is a metal not found naturally on Smearth. It was manufactured by the Soha Nation because of it's value for defending areas. It blocks teleportation of any kind through it. The wall that separates the Northern lands from the south was made primarily of this, though after years of people breaking through and general disrepair, the wall no longer blocks teleportation, except in a few places that are incredibly inconvenient. Bricks of Plottonium have been shipped to many other places to protects them similarly.

Bombastium

This material is made, disturbingly, from liquid gumdrops that are then frozen. The material is so supercharged with energy that it is rarely used by Gnomes, especially because it requires a sick Gnome to produce. Bombastium can also be eaten, though Gnomes will be grossed out, and each time it will have a different flavor.

Gnomish Technology

All Gnomish technology shares two things in common. Each is equipped with engines that run solely on gumdrops, and each is capable of burrowing, through at least loose earth. The former is frequently problematic for those who do not have a large supply ready, as the only place to get gundrops is from Gnomish Outhouses.

Dark Matter

This extremely rare material has not been crafted on Smearth for centuries, and the secret process of smelting hundreds of pounds of metal into a few feat of space has been lost to the ages. it is rumored that Dwarfvinci was the first to refine the rigorous process that was rumored to take a lifetime to complete. What little is know is that the process condenses nearly a ton of metal into the size and shape of a sword, hammer or other personal weapon. The smelting would take decades, and require special equipment and the strength and endurance to complete such a task. The resulting weapons were so heavy they required special enchantments just be moved, and they were so valuable that most of these enchantments included special conditions that only the person who owned the weapon could hoist it. The result of all this work, by both smith and alchemist, would be a weapon that could break worlds, so mighty that it rivaled the power of the old gods.

Soup and Blankets

One way the people of Smearth have found to keep warm in the winter months is to visit a Salvation Army base and get some free soup and blankets, then soak the blankets in the soup. Since the hot soup will stay hot until somebody blows on it, they can wear the blankets as ponchos and they will stay warm and toasty. Many people in Sohim Sarak have even installed pipes throughout their homes that pump the soup through the walls to heat their homes.

The Old Kings

Maximilian von Maxwell

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The history tells the tale of a hero of unprecedented valor and bravery. A tale of the greatest swordsman to ever walk the smearth. His mere presence on the front line inspired fanatical, undying bravery in his allies, cohorts, henchmen, followers, and yes all of his subjects, of which there were many. According to the histories, accounts of the early adventures of the adventurers who would become King include Maximilian von Maxwell single-handedly grappling a land shark and strangling the life of it with his bare hands, along with many other difficult to believe stories. Difficult to believe if one did not understand that Maximilian von Maxwell was truly a champion of all that was Great in the hearts of the people of Siverow, a master of hand to hand combat, and just the most all around greatest guy ever.

Maximilian established many great foundations that last even to today. He always held a great fascination for naval and aerial exploration, and thus established the Royal Navy at Old Man Port. Following the Great War, Maximilian realized that it would be only a matter of time before Siverow and its new allied lands would be attacked again, so he established the Salvation Army, an army devoted to the Salvation of the Peoples of the Land, in the face of Ultimate Evil. In peace time, and yes even in war time when supplies are handy, the Salvation Army devoted itself to the distribution of Soup and Blankets to any who needed them. Maximilian established himself as King of Fortress von Castle and all of Siverow, and the resulting Castletown was largely made up of those who recognized Maximilian's legacy as a true Epic Hero.

The truth, however, is a bit different. Maximilian von Maxwell was the most talented Bard to ever grace the army of Siverow. He was mostly a coward, but had his moments of strange bravery when he felt the odds were on his side. He often commanded his allies in battle, but the focus of such commands were largely to defeat the enemy as swiftly as possible, with the least amount of risk to Maximilian himself. His bardic arts focused on Oratory, and he made inspiring speeches that granted supernatural courage to his allies, often -- ironically -- when Maximilian was himself retreating from the battle.

Or as he would describe it, "Circling Around."

Maximilian did indeed found Fortress von Castle from the remains of a Soha Pact citadel, and established the Navy at Old Man Port. He did indeed, perhaps most uncharacteristically, establish the Salvation Army -- it was not, however, his original intention for the Salvation Army to be motivated by "goodness" but rather by cooperation and shared need. You see, Maximilian was unredeemably neutral in his outlook. He acted for the greater good only in so far as it benefited him by extension. A land of peace, prosperity and safety, filled with happy, content, and healthy followers, would be a more pleasant land to rule. And Maximilian felt it was always his destiny to rule. He hated the angelic host and the celestial gods for their unwillingness to aid in the Great War. He allied instead with the diabolic forces of Hell. An alliance that eventually led to the retreat of the forces from Hell from the plane for 100 years. But though Maximilian's opinion of the Devils was a mostly favorably one, he never let his guard completely down around them. He knew that their ultimate goal was his Soul.

Another one of the Maximilian von Maxwell's contributions to the culture of modern Siverow was his fecundity. What he lacked in martial potence, he more than made up for in reproductive potence. Any humanoid species was vulnerable to Maximilian's charms and sexual appetite. He saw it as his duty to "improve" all the races of the land with his own seed. Thus, many "half-human" or "human-touched" beings of many different races, including, most perplexingly, some lizard men, have appeared across the land. These Maxspawns typically possess higher than normal average charisma and intelligence for their race, and also a penchant for grooming a full moustache of one style or another.

The Flag von Banner

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Milo

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Seeba

Saint Blasphemy Burns

General, High Arch Bishop, Saint Blasphemy Burns was originally just a nobody goblin. But, his belief in the Salvation Army was so strong that it sparked a divine power from within. His divine powers as his sword and his belief in the army as his shield, he moved up in its ranks (as his divine powers strengthen he was recognized by Holy clerics from around the world and given the title of saint). Most history on Saint Blasphemy Burns has been ex-sponged from the royal records for unknown reasons.

Player Characters

These are the PCs of BLAG, both past and present.

Jack Quinn

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The blood of the Hells themselves flow through his veins. Jack first realized he was special when, as a little boy, he was being bullied by a gang of older children. They beat him to within an inch of his life, and he never felt better. As blood was flowing down from his broken nose and fattened lower lip, it burst into little droplets of flame on the dirt.

Quinton Huntswell

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The Huntswells were not always so well-regarded or successful as they are today. But the height of their success may be measured by the success of the mighty Quinton. Imbued with the divine dominion of War, Quinton has been the natural leader for the adventurers against the Emperor of Spines, the Dire Fiend, and Asmodeus himself. Quinton has been away from the party a lot recently to promote his book , "The Art of Warfare".

The Baby (A.k.a. Limon)

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This months-old infant was created by the Devils as a weapon to be used as part of Hell's plan to conquer Celestia. Despite being a mere infant, the Baby is disguised as a human child with sideburns.

It's recently been revealed by Major Mon Capitan Jingle Jangle Hockey Puck Krandel Clark Bar Dipstick VIII Esq. Billy Bobber Skittles Skin Flute Christopher Brick Thompson Von Nickle Dangle Knacker Thrasher of Gambelpot that the Baby may actually be a Halfling from the shire who had been abducted from a Paladin training school after an attack made by Devils. Seeing as how he's a Baby and that if this were true, he'd instead be a fully grown adult, it's clear that this is a trick and that The Baby is just some kind of copy made by the devils in their plot to overthrow Celestia.

Gustavwo

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Coming and going at odd times, Gustavwo is not the most reliable of teammates. Gustavwo is a professional archer and amateur cleric. Her heals have often come in handy when Quinton and Bridgemon have been indisposed.

Bridgemon

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Hobgoblin Cleric of Pelor, Bridgemon is the fellow that Pelor would call upon when he needed something done off the books. Bridgemon is known for his devotion to Pelor despite being rather sneaky and under-handed. And although his is not the best looking hobgoblin, people seem seduced by his charming smile, "thumbs-up" attitude and signature catch phrase of "come on......come on...." Bridgemon constantly seeks the open approval of his God, which has become especially unlikely since there is no evidence that Pelor survived Asmodeus' attack on Celestia.

Xerena Bly

Beardy

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Filled with the righteousness of his cause, Odin, who his teammates call Beardy, is an ambassador from the Salvation Army. None of his teammates seem to have much respect or patience for him outside of combat, but once Quinton calls for the battle to begin, Odin is always at the forefront -- and everyone is thankful for it.

Memorable Non-Player Characters

General Plot D. Vice

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General Plot D. Vice (Nobody's really sure what the D is for) has been around for a very long time. There are references to him in the Old Kings stories from 100 years ago. No one knows how old he is, all they know is whenever there seems to be know way out of a situation, the General will show up. He used to be a General in the Siverow army during the great war, and his experiance has helped him be in the right place at the right time. Many adventurers of Smearth have come to rely on him, as he has saved many lives over his career. He is frequently seen wearing a train conductors hat or with a steam whistle nearby.

Optimus Pine

Optimus is the current leader of the Ancients, a group of treants who have been entrusted with the task of making sure Siverow is united under one flag, and that it is lead by someone with integrity and bravery. He is unlike previous leaders of the Ancients because he sees it as their duty to help the Smearthlings build their cities and fight beside them in their wars. With the aid of his Lieutenant, Bumbletree, he roams the land, keeping an eye on the rest of the Ancients and lending a giant wooden hand wherever it is needed.

Mapletron

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Mapletron wants what Optimus Pine has, and thinks that the Ancients are being comepletely misrepresented. He does not agree with the current leadership of the material plane and has made it his personal goal to put a stop to Princess Apricot. Many believe that he has gone mad, partially from the time he spent in the service of the Dire Fiend, and partially because he rants like a maniac, even when no one is around.

Papa Urf

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Eeeee

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Gringo

The Big Cheese

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Kermy

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Rear Brigadier Brenn Bahamus

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Fikk

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Kemak

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Zombie Head

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"Muhhhhhhuhhnnnhn!"

Grotis

Grotis is one of the most powerful entities in all of Smearth. Even as a lower end paragon character he was able to defeat a powerful mind flayer on his own. He was once a powerful agent of good, but this time came to an end when he was incarcerated by the Dire Fiend for a crime he didn't commit. His arm was ripped off in a struggle with the guards and soon after he lost his eye in a prison fight. It was only through his sheer mental fortitude that the Illithid running the prison could not read his mind, and subsequently thought he was " up to something", and took him away. Nobody knows what happened next, only that the mind flayer was found dead with Grotis next to the body. Grotis the Gnome, identical twin brother to Otis the dwarf, now wanders the land in search of a new arm, his arrival heralded by tumbleweeds.

In truth, Grotis is merely a doll used by the druid Adrik while in wolf form to trick people into thinking the doll was talking while using ventriloquism to make it seem the wolf was speaking. The doll came with a shillelagh in his hand, and when the party was captured by the Dire Fiend's forces, they believed the ridiculous ploy and tried to take Grotis' weapon from him, and ended up pulling his arm off. The guard then ran screaming as Grotis only smiled, and he "hadn't signed up for this". The mind flayer that Grotis defeated, was under the impression Grotis was a powerful character with a mind block spell even though he was really only a freaking doll, and when he took him away to eat his brains, only ate stuffing, and choked to death on it. His last thoughts as he died was "How could I be so stupid, 'cough' 'cough'.

Vallera Ballard

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Katherine Ballard

Thomas

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Thomas is a Earthling who first showed his face during the Dire Fiends occupation of Fortress von Castle. Despite claiming he had been on Earth when the end came 100 years ago, he appears to be in his mid thirties. He is commonly seen wearing what is known to the people of Smearth as Earth-plate, and carrying a Dark Matter sword. His cold demeanor tends to garner distrust from others, but he does not seem like the type to be looking for friends. He has a history with Valera Ballard and her sister Katherine, but very little is known about it, other than Katherine's abduction to Earth and Thomas' assistance in getting her and the other Smearthlings home.

Thomas assisted the effort to remove the Fiend from power and then returned to the Smoon. He remained there until he learned of the Babies appearance on Smearth, which grabbed his attention immediately. He tracked the Baby down, and to his dismay, discovered that soon Smearth might suffer the same fate his home had. It wasn't long before the Baby and the adventurers he had joined up with discovered that Thomas was really a creation of the Devils on his home world designed to kill evil people to feed their souls to strengthen Hells armies. He was given the mind of a good person who sought to fight evil. As part of hi creation, Thomas could not be permanently killed, and would resurrect shortly after dying. This, however, would send his soul to Hell for a short time, and he would be irreversibly corrupted by the evil there, loosing part of the humanity that became the only thing he valued over his thousands of years of life. He warned the adventurers that should he be killed again, his mind would become too much like a devils, and that he would be to much of a threat to be allowed to live. He asked them to find a way to put him down once and for all if this happened.

The next time they would hear of Thomas, it was of his death at the hands of Asmodeus' forces. Thomas then apeared after Mephistopheles attack on Darkenon, now with a much more devilish appearance, and claiming that he had manipulated the group into doing everthing that had caused the devils to attack. He attacked them, and lost, but instead of killing him, they took him prisoner, as some of them saw his appearance as a disguise. He was trying to trick them, and they wanted to know why. The people of Castletown had another opinion, and demanded that he be put to death for his crimes. The Baby risked everything to break Thomas out of prison and Beardy helped by replacing him with a look alike. The Baby dragged Thomas out to the middle of nowhere, and left him there. Before he left, Thomas demanded that he be killed for his crimes against his people. The Baby agreed to meet him in 3 months at the Wood of Petrified Ancients, and kill him then.

Knight Captain Samuels

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Princess Apricot

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The Emperor Of Spines

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Former General for the Dire Fiend when he ruled Aethis, The Emperor of Spines ruled the district of Drakeberg Mountain. With the help of his sons and daughter, the Emperor was one of the most powerful generals, and because his district housed the Corrupter, he was the most respected by the Fiend, gaining a great amount of power from the his leader. The Emperor was well known in Aethis for taking ordinary monsters and enlarging them and covering with spines. When Aethis' end came, so to did the power that flowed through the Emperors veins. He was reduced to a lowly Heroic tier villain and fled the city with his family. He became a mercenary, hoping one day he could gain enough resources and the know how to steal the power he once had back from the Fiend, preferably without releasing him from his prison. His time came when he was hire by King Gargamel to simulate an attack by the Goblin Kingdom on Castletown, and kidnap Princess Apricot. The king had hoped this attack would drive the people of Siverow together, for he thought they were never united except against a common threat. The one thing he had not counted on was how the Emperor would use the advance gold he was paid, by buying a fleet of airships and launching an all out attack on several fronts. He even claimed Fortress Von Castle as his own, sending King Gargamel running for the hills. After searching the Fortresses library, and unearthing the plans for the mobile fortress and the location of a huge deposit of adamantium, he sent his children out to recover the indestructible metal and build him an indestructible siege engine. Though none of his plans succeded, his efforts to regain his power did backfire and release the Dire Fiend from his prison.

Sons Of The Emperor

The Dire Fiend

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Asmodeus

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Bel

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Dwarfvinci Dwarvinci

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Dwarfvinci Dwarfvinci was a brilliant inventor and arcane practitioner in his day, which was several hundred years ago. He believed firmly in the celestials and chose to worship them as a pantheon rather than chose one. Even in death, he continued his work and created several powerful artifacts and gave on each to the most good gods. These artifacts are said to contain the power necessary to control the mighty titan of the Harbingers of salvation. He also has a lesser known brother Elfvinci Dwarfvinci who was a spiritual guide who was trained in clearing haunts out of large keeps, but no one really cares about him most of the time.

King Gargamel

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King Gargamel was the acting King of Castletown when the Emperor of Spines made his move on the city. Soon after it was discovered that Gargamel had in fact ordered the Emperor to attack, and he made his escape. He wasn't seen or heard from again until the Dire Fiend sought him out to help with his domination of the plane. Gargamel was granted a magical suit of armor and a crew of soldiers to obtain the Fiends goals.

King Tepenhopentep

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King Tepenhopentep was a powerful lich who terrorized Smearth in the time of the great kings. His wrath brought about the destruction of the Mobile Fortress and he even attempted to assassinate Maximilian Von Maxwell on several occasions. Though it is not very well know, he even made a deal with the group of undead from Earth who launched the attack on Sohim Sarak. He agreed to pave the way for their invasion if they would hide his phylactery safely in there dimension. More recently, his temples and castles have become major tourist operations run by the Path of Conquest Legionaries.

The Titan

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The last of the old gods from before the time of the current Celestials, the Titan is currently contained within a scepter. The Harbingers of Salvation are all that remains of his worshipers and they even tried to release him during the great war. The legends of the Titan's greatness tell tales of the old gods battles forging the material plane of today. This particular gods hammer is said to have created the hills and valleys of Smearth, and his fire spells created the stars in the skies.

Palor

God of the sun and Cerebral Palsy

Major Mon Capitan Jingle Jangle Hockey Puck Krandel Clark Bar Dipstick VIII Esq. Billy Bobber Skittles Skin Flute Christopher Brick Thompson Von Nickle Dangle Knacker Thrasher of Gambelpot

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Aledgedly the grandfather of the Baby, Major Mon Capitan Jingle Jangle Hockey Puck Krandel Clark Bar Dipstick VIII Esq. Billy Bobber Skittles Skin Flute Christopher Brick Thompson Von Nickle Dangle Knacker Thrasher of Gambelpot was once a very high level paladin of Avandra, but died of old age some time ago. He now resides in Celestia, reliving his glorious battles against the Soha Pacts attack on Siverow. His mind is slipping away even in the afterlife, and even though he frequently seems lucid, it is unknown how much of what he says can be taken seriously. He claims to have been entrusted with Avandra's Dwarvincian artifact.

Maji

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Axey Macfacialhair

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Wishes to be called Loki, but no one cares.

Heroic Tier

Major Villain: Emperor of Spines

Chapter I

The player characters, who had never met each other before, all answer a call for help in the city of Bilcore made by the local constabulary. Kobolds have been sighted on the outskirts of town and have even attacked a few of the outlaying farms. The PC's make quick work of the Kobolds only to be attacked on there way back to town by a team of relatively well organized goblins who seem to be looking for them. The arrive in Bilcore to find it under attack by more goblins. The PC's dispatch the goblins in the city hall just as the Salvation Army arrives, despite their treaty with Castletown not allowing them on Siverow soil. Major Weebalo Brenn Bahamus enlists the PC's to get word to King Lucian that Siverow is under attack from the Goblin Kingdom.

Chapter II

On the road to Castletown, the PC's are attacked once again by more goblinoids that seem to be hunting them. They make a side trip to rescue a Treant being used by the goblins to pull water from it's own Elemental Plane.

Chapter III

The PC's arrive at Castletown and gain an audience with King Lucian, who seems highly uninterested in either the goblin's attacks or their mysterious plots to draw water energy with Treants. He is moderatly concerned that his bride to be, Princess Apricot, has gone missing, and believes that the sinister Emperor of Spines is behind it. He does enlist the PC's to deal with the problems, though they believe he did this just to get rid if them.

Chapter IV

With no where else to start their search, the players decide to head to Old Man Port to see Kermy , a wise oracle who runs a monastery Zorth of the city. After a few minor altercations along the way they arrive in Old Man Port, and soon after, Kermy's Ashram. Unfortunatly, the Ashram was under attack by the Emperor of Spines fat son, Ray. With a pair of old monks named after the two most popular Inn's in Siverow looking, and taunting, on from above, they dealt with Ray swiftly and mercilessly. They released Kermy and, with luck, Princess Apricot, who was being held by Ray also. Or had she?!?!?

Chapter V

Kermy's advice was to head for Old Man Port and keep the princess safe while he checked out a few leads. On the way back to the Port, a large airship careens over their heads on a collision course with the city. A large crash punctuates the ships decent, and the PC's make haste for the site. They arrive in Old Man Port to find the crashed airship jutting out of the middle of the market district. Storming the ship and confronting another of the Emperor of Spines sons, Wolfgang, the PC's stop a dangerous plot to gain access to the cities subterranean tunnels.

Chapter VI

Kermy shows back up to tell the PC's that another Airship was seen floating in the waters to the Zouth. Given the only way to effectivly traverse the ocean floor is to gain a merfolks blessing, the players charter a boat and set sail for the last place merfolk were ever seen, the reefs around a small island. Upon arriving, however, they find the reefs empty. The island is populated with a strange half merfolk, half raccoon humanoid. They agree to hald the PC's if they help rid them of a nuisance. Two sons of the Emperor have possessed a statue of the island and are making trouble for them. The PC's cleared Ziggy and Norton out of the statue, but are then confronted by Princess Apricot, who was really Kemak, a shape changer working for the Emperor. Jack Quinn falls in love as the pretty in pink princess morphs into an evil bug monster. The PC's then gain the merfolks blessing and leave just as the Salvation Army arrives again to dole out soup and blankets to victims of the Emperor of Spines, as well as take credit for the PC's efforts.

Chapter VII

Traveling on the ocean floor, the PC's encounter agents of the Emperor along with enslaved sea creatures, which tells them they are on the right trail. The trail ends at a magical bubble concealing a massive centuries old adamantium deposit on the sea floor. The Emperor only daughter, Wilhelmina, is attempting to mine as much of the metal as possible and sending up to her ship. The players dispatch her and the golem holding her phylactery. Jack decides to keep the phylactery rather than destroy it because he has once again fallen in love, and this time is holding the card to make his hearts desires to come true.

Chapter VIII

On their return to Siverow the PCs are confronted by U.E.D. mercenaries that have been supposedly hired by King Lucian. They are arrested under suspicion of kidnapping Princess Apricot, who they were seen fleeing Old Man Port with.In transit back to Castletown, the motorized wagon carrying the PCs is attacked by Kermy, Optimus Pine, and a mysterious halfling rogue with a great sword. After rescuing the PCs, they tell them about the Kings Betrayal and the Emperors attempts to recover his lost power from the Dire Fiend. The halfling brings them to Aethis on the Rogue Hammer, only to find it under attack by more UED forces. The mercenaries have made their way into Drakeberg Mountain and are underway in their efforts to siphon the Fiends power out of the Plane of Cold without releasing him. The PCs stopped the Emperors mages from completeing their ritual, however this also destabilized the seal blocking the plane, and in a burst of magical energy the PCs were transported to the icy tundra of the Elemental Plane of Cold and rendered unconscious

Chapter IX

The PCs awoke to find themselves in a small dwelling just as a large man in animal furs left. Leaving the home of their rescuer, Jack decided he could use the same method to escape the plane as he had to arrive there, going to sleep. After a short nap he arrived in the Urf's village, who agreed to help the party if they could retrive their shirts from the dragon Azreal's castle. The players did, and the Urfs recovered their power. Now all that was left was to return to Smearth and stop the Emperor of spines once and for all.

Chapter X

The Emperor of Spines had taken over Fortress Von Castle and the PC's were geared up for a final assault. After battling through the Emperors minions, that last of his children, and a partially constructed adamantium mobile fortress, they face down the Emperor himself. The Emperor paid for his crimes with his life, and the PC's closed a book that was opened a hundred years ago. Princess Apricot took over as ruler of Castletown in King Lucian's absence, and made the PC's official Royal Guardsmen.

Paragon Tier

Major Villain: Dire Fiend

Chapter XI

As the parties first order of business as Royal Guardsmen, they are assigned with putting on a play for the Ordinary Day celebration. Thousands of people are gathering in Castletown for the 100 year anniversary of the day that Smearth was united under one Von Banner, and the party is to portray the Old Kings confrontation with Overlord Grag, one of the Dire Fiends generals of Aethis. Hoping to put on a first rate performance, the party delves into the Fortress Von Castle's extensive library for information about the shady happenings the took place 100 years ago. Uncovering the true story of what happened wasn't easy, but they succeeded, and portrayed the events on stage before half of the continent. The party came to an abrupt stop when a large, dark man appeared on the stage with them. He proclaimed that his name was Max, and that he was taking over as rightful heir to the throne of Castletown. After putting a stop to the ceremony and retiring to the Fortress Von Castle, King Max invited the party to see him. Half of the party agreed to meet him, and the other half went back to the library to meet a scholar who would know if this claim was legitimate. The latter found out that not only was the claim legitimate, but someone had set ablaze to the part of the library that held the Old Kings records of what happened in Aethis. The group who went to meet the new king was offered the honor to keep their posts as royal guardsmen. Their first assignment would be to collect 3 artifacts from around the world left behind from the Old Kings. The group agreed to this, and then bolted for Old Man Port. Once again they met with Kermy and discussed a plan of action. A short trip later and they were in Sohim Sarak, and they found out that the artifact they sought was a chunk of Saint Blasphemy Burns' armor, and were quickly on their way.

Chapter XII

Kermy meets the group and tells them where the other two artifacts are located. The first is somewhere in Aethis, and the second is located in Daren Guarde (Darkenon). Kermy then leaves to gather further intelligence on King Max. The players are first instructed to go to Aethis to find whatever is there. They are told to contact the expedition that set up there about six months ago about finding the hidden artifact. Upon the parties arrival at Aethis they are attacked by various constructs. The expedition team is hiding in a bubble of cooled lava flow coming from the main district of the once great city. They are told that the artifact is located in the very chamber that once housed the Dire Fiend and his closest generals. The artifact itself is a old puzzle box located on a large sized creatures throne. They open the box and Asmodeus apears. The box was apparently a gift to the one of the Old Kings. He agrees to show the party what happened in the room 100 years ago.He creates an arcane flashback of the old party fighting past the Fiend's guards and a confrontation with the Fiend itself, though it's appearance is masked by an illusion of dark clouds swirling around him. The party sees the Old Kings trapped in a no win situation and Max agreeing to name the Dire Fiend his successor to the throne. In return he will go to the Elemenral Plane of Cold and let the kings seal it off for good. Not sure exactly how the Fiend plans to benefit from this, the kings agree to these terms. The new King Max is the Dire Fiend !!

Chapter XIII

With their new information, and artifacts in tow, the party makes a rush for Darkenon. Knowing the city is hiden away in a realm of darkness, they follow the lore and find the darkest, quietest corner of the forest on Siverow and go to sleep. They awake in the outskirts of the city amongst the sleeping soldiers of an army of ultimate evil. Long story short, they find the artifact, and the dark horseman of Daren Guard arrives to confront them. He turns out to be the Dire Fiend also, the split soul of a disgruntled celestial hell bent on getting vengeance for a past wrong. The party defeats him, but his death breaks the spell holding Daren Guard in it's realm of darkness, and awakens the sleeping army.

Chapter XIV

With the dual threat of the Dire Fiend and the army of ultimate evil overthrowing Darkenon and then moving on to Castletown, the party heads for Kermy's monastery to see what he's found out. When they arrive Kermy is acting strange and they find out he has been a doppelganger pretending to be Kermy to get the party to help release the Dire Fiend. they defeat the evil Kermy and find and release the good Kermy, who tells them that the Fiend is planning on using the Old Kings work designed to prevent travel to Smearth from other planes, to prevent souls from escaping when they die. This, he hopes, will eventually loose the war for the Celestials. To do this, he has to reprogram 3 key leylines unearthed by the Old kings. The first is on the Shire, and the players head there immediately. They arive just in time to stop the Fiends agents from completing there goals, and with there own arcane know how, shut down the leyline once and for all. Even though the energy flowing from the leyline was all that was keeping the shire afloat, the halflings there had planned ahead, and flew several hundred kites to keep the island in the air, somehow.

Chapter XV

Knowing there time is running short as the evil army has already sacked Darkenon and will soon turn there attention to Casltetown, so they make haste for the next leyline, to be found on the Elemental Plane of Cold, in the dragon Azreals caslte. Soon after arriving, they find their friends the Urfs, have been corrupted by some evil force, and with their shirts returned, they are a force to be reckoned with. After reaching the castle, the team decides to split up, an although most of them meet up unscathed, Odin is overrun by evil undead moths. After being rescued by a strange blinking dog, he is revived, but permanently infused with the spirits of the moths. Once they are all rejoined, they combine there efforts to make it to, and permanently disable the leyline.

Chapter XVI

The final leyline rests below the mountain goblin city on the northern parts of Siverow. Ariving in the goblin city they find it almost abandoned, save for a single light on in a diner in the center of the city. Upon entering, they are swarmed by zombies, and their defeat almost apears imminent, when members of the Goblin City Police Department (GCPD) Heavy Objects and Pointed Sticks (HOPS) team arive to help them escape. they tell them whats been going on once they reach the realative safty of King Bowie's keep. The catacombs beneath the goblin city house the preserved bodies of an ancient race of humans that once inhabited the hills. A trio of Reapers was dispatched to the catacombs an unknown time ago and have since been raising the bodies as undead slaves. The purpose of this was to create a suitable distraction so the dire fiends forces could work on the leyline in peace. The upper layers of the catacombs as well as the streets of the city are now swarming with zombies, while the lower catacombs, including where the leyline rests is crawling with skeletons. If the players hope to stem the tide of undead long enough to dispel the leyline they will need to find the three reapers raising them. After dispatching the reapers they successfully dispel the third and final leyline. With the Fiends plans all shot down, the party looks to the final conflict. Castletown!

Chapter XVII

In a strange attempt to infiltrate Castletown, the party disguises themselves as "Most certainly NOT the Old Kings". Their weird plan works, and they gain access to the city in these disgueses. They discover that the much of the city has been converted to prison space. The Fiend is concerned that the army of ultimate evil has infiltrated the city and is imprisoning most of the populace as a result. The party is quickly captured by the Royal Guard and locked away in the cities Colosseum with several hundred other citizens. Only with the help of their stalwart companion Grotis, they escape and rescue the rest of the prisoners. They confront the Fiend outside of the Fortress Von Castle, but he is protected by a magical crown. The party retreats, and soon are told by Kermy that in order to get the crown away from him, they will need to find Maximillion Von Maxwell, and get him to reclaim the throne.

Chapter XVIII

The party embarks on the quest to find Maximilion von Maxwell. This quest brought them to many corners of Smearth, but finnaly they found the legendary Dog, Coyote, or Blinky as he was known to his followers, The Old Kings. Blinky directed the party to the first layer of Hell, Avernus. King Maxwell was hiding out there because in all of his journeys, the devils had been the most reasonable beings he met. They found Maxwell in the town of Darkspine, renting a room in the Inn, and meeting with the Lord of the First, Bel, for regular chess games. The Old King was not easily convinced that he should help, and it took subduing him and dragging him back to the material plane to seal the deal. During the scuffle, a page made it out of Jack's diary, and was found by Bel. Bel gained some insight into Jack's motivations, and when Jack found out, he wasn't happy.

With the Old King Max, the party stormed Fortress von Castle, fighting past all of the Fiends guards, and confronted him in the Room von Throne. The Fiend confessed to all his sins, and that even in death, he could get his revenge on the Celestials. Even with the help of The Corrupter, the powerful Ice Archon that once helped him command half the plane, he could not fight the party off. After he was dead, Old King Max officially crowned Princess Apricot the leader of Castletown, and headed back to Hell to finish his chess game.

Chapter XX

ONE YEAR LATER

Epic Tier

Major Villain: Asmodeus

Chapter XXI

After a year of tending to private matters, the parties downtime was interrupted by a call for help from Bilcore, a small town on the Zestern shores of Siverow. It's residents had seen signs of trouble brewing in The Forbidden Forest to the Zorth, and has sent several Heroic Tier NPCs to determine what was going on. When no one returned they called for help from Castletown, and the Princess sent her star Guardsmen, the party, who responded swiftly and surely, by hiring a group of Paragon Tier NPCs, who never returned. Eventually they decided to go look for themselves, and discovered a Devil worshiper cult operating out of the Forest. Along the way they discovered the Baby, who had no memory of who or where he was, but since he was a skilled rogue, they invited him to join their group. Also his amnesia presented them with the opportunity to scam him and make him do stuff. After stomping out the Devil Cult threat, the party was once again harassed by the Salvation Armies leader, Brenn Bahamus, who claimed responsibility for killing the cult. The part decided it would be easier to let him lie than argue, and they moved on. Not before Bahamus told them of the mercenaries he had hired to do the job for him, so he wouldn't have to break the vow not to enter Siverow, even if it was with the Princesses blessing. Hoping that a scrap of parchment he found in his pocket was connected to the mercenaries, the Baby asked the party to make a trip to the HQ.

Arriving at the Raven Wood HQ in a dark forest in the middle of the night may have been a bit unsettling for lesser heros, but the party was unshaken. They met with the guilds leader and determined that they were impostors. The supposed guild leader asked them to spend the night, and head out in the morning, and they agreed. With the knowledge that they were in danger, the party brought the fight to them, and discovered that the impostors were yet another Devil Cult. After an interrogation, they discovered that the cults had been contacted by their Devil Lords and ordered to do the things they had done, then wait. Asmodeus was rumored to have a new weapon to fight the Celestials, and they were doing these things to help him test it. After rescueing a few surviving members, the party met Thomas again, and he did nothing but act shady, tell them a few innocuous things, then leave. The party was a little confused, but decided to report back to Bahamus before making any more moves.

Chapter XXII

Back in Bilcore, the party discoveres that Brenn Bahamus had been given authority to operate on Siverow soil until the treats of the Devil worship cults had been dealt with. Since the party left for the mercenary HQ, the cults had started causing a great deal of trouble, and the Salvation Army was worried. Fortunatly, a large number of people showed up out of the forests around the town with similar stories to the Baby. No memories and skilled fighters all, they enlisted to aid the Army and were welcomed with open arms. They were dispatched to different sections of the area to deal with the cults, but many had not reported back. Bahamus asked the party to go look for them, and after a thorough search of the are, they tracked the enlistees to a Devil compound. They had been captured, but not by the worshipers, who were all dead. They were captured by Thomas. Thomas attacked the party, but was killed, and they rescued the soldiers, but were offered little explanation from Thomas for his actions. Only that he "wasn't going to watch another world die because someone was afraid to do the right thing."

Chapter XXIII

Returning once again to Bilcore, the Party learned that a massive gate had been opened near Castletown, and on the other side, Hell. Making their way there, the party and The Nimbus get ready for a fight. The new recruits formed the front line against the impending attack. When the devils came, they came in force, and the invasion was quick and bloody, even though not a single Hellish hand struck mortal flesh. Asmodeus himself led the attack, and with a wave of his hand, he destroyed all of the new recruits, who he referred to as his children. He made a point to single out the Baby and offer him his rightful place at his side, as the new weapon that won the war against Celestia for him. With the massive influx of evil souls, Hell was able to overthrow the Celestials once and for all, and now the Material Plane belonged to the devils. But, as the Lord of Hell attempted to exert his control over the plane, something stopped him. The war was not over, at least one Celestial had survived, and until they devils found it, the Smearth could not be theirs. Asmodeus ordered his forces to tear the plane apart looking for the survivor, then retreated back through the portal. In the face of the nightmarish horde that faced them, the party and Brenn Bahamus decided it would be better to run than be killed fighting. They boarded the Nimbus and set course for the Smoon, pursued by devils hungry for destruction. The Nimbus and her crew fought bravely, but in the end, right before reaching her goal, her dark matter engines were badly damaged. The ship went into free fall, a ten minute long free fall that gave most of the crew and the party time to escape. All except Brenn Bahamus, who remained on board to pilot the ship into the gate that linked Smearth to Hell, even if only temporarily. The Party made a dash for the Smelevator. When it's doors opened Thomas greeted them, kicking a large Earthy device out the door. As the Party climbed in and started to make their way to the Smoon, a huge explosion rocked the ground below and severed the link to Smearth.

Chapter XXIV

After escaping the rampaging devils below for the time being, the party looked to Thomas for answers. He explained that the Baby was the weapon sent by Asmodeus to destroy Celestia, but instead of fighting Celestials, he was designed to fight evil people on Smearth so their souls would be sent to Hell to fuel their armies. He was also programed to resurect each time he died, and each time would go to Hell for a short time and loose a little bit of his humanity. Because of this, he asked the party to find a way to kill him permanantly if he was to die again. Thomas explained that the reason he knew this was because he was created on Earth for the same reason, and that the Devils were unable to exert full control over the plane meant that there was still at least one Celestial left alive to prevent the Devils from claiming victory. They set out to find Valera Ballard under Thomas' advice, because of her previous involvement with Celestials. Finding her in the Wood of Petrified Ancients, she directs them to The Harbinger of Salvation on Ghostwraith Island, and with her help, they convinced The Harbingers leader, former Leader of the Salvation Army, Saint Blasphemy Burns, to help them. They told the party of the Staff of the Titan, and their god that was contained within it. The staff was traded to the devils long ago by the Old Kings and should be in Hell, under the devils own noses. Burns was convinced that the Staff was still intact, because their paladins and clerics still had all their powers, so the party headed for Hell to find it. However, when they arrived, they found it under attack by demons. The devils had put all their chips on moving to Smearth, so the top few layers of Hell were sacrifice to the demons to keep them busy long enough for them to escape. After locating where the staff was supposed to be and wasn't, a messenger from Bel arrived, he told them where the staff was, and that he was going to betray Asmodeus. Bel was angry that his layer, Avernus, was the first to be sacrificed, after so many eternities of loyal service. Traveling to Avernus, the party found the staff in Bel's keep, and that the very layer was being destroyed by the Demons. They were also met by Valera who told that Thomas had been killed again trying to fight of Devils attacking Smearth. Now they would have to find a way to safely realease the vengeful god within the staff and find a way to stop Thomas before his Devil side became a problem for the whole plane. With this news also came a new plan. Ancient texts had revealed the exsistance of powerful artifacts made by the famous dwarf, Dwarfvinci Dwarfvinci. These artifacts, that were gifted to the cestials that the dwarf worshiped, had a secondary function of being able to control the Titan when brought together. These devices would need to be found as soon as possible, and in the mean time, the staff was to be stored in Darkenon, guarded by Knight Captain Samuels and the Castletown Royal Guard for the time being. Valera, and the survivors of the Nimbus crash also garrisoned there, along with Bel, and his remaining Devils.

Chapter XXV

Arriving at the teleportation circle in Celestia, the party is quickly attacked by angel zombies, being raised by an unknown force. They are plagued by constant attack by zombies and other horrors created from the deaths of thousands of Celestials. The bodies of the former inhabitants litter the streets and even the glowing sun on Palor's temple is glowing dimly. When they arrive at the temple they find a series of power wells Palor set up to fuel his paladin's and clerics, including one for Bridgemon. Through a set of powerfully locked doors designed to keep out those not good enough, the party found the first artifact, a pair of goggles that allows them to see as a Titan. Inscriptions in the band lead them to Bahamut's main temple, and the party is confronted by a angel lich, who is bent on killing anyone else who dares loot his plane. They killed the crap out of him and found the second artifact, a pair of boots that let the wearer take a titan step. The parties search was interrupted by Valera, who showed up to tell the party that Darkenon was under attack by Devils, and that their help was needed.

Chapter XXVI

Back on Smearth, a mighty war was being raged at the gates of Darkenon by Mephistopheles forces. The Devils had even resurrected the Mobile Fortress and equipped it the legendary Soul Cannon, and enough gnomish technology to allow it to burrow deep underground. The Mole-ble Fortress opened the assault with a massive blast from the cannon, tearing open a hole in the cities walls and weakening it's defenses severely, then disappeared underground. The party quickly took to fighting off the higher tier threats in the army, while Samuels and his forces dealt with the paragon threats. Initially, the waves consisted of undead, and eventually, Wilhelmina, Daughter of the Emperor of Spines, discovered that Jack was among the cities inhabitants, and ordered her forces off. She had been hired by Mephistopheles, and now even boasted infernal pact warlock powers, but could not bring herself to fight Jack. She even ordered he forces to fight the devils, giving Darkenon's defenders a chance to regroup and rest. After reconnoitering, the party defended the city against several more threats, including an incursion by Asmodeus into the very vault the staff was being stored in. The attackers were pushed back, and looking to press the advantage, the defenders took the fight to the attackers, destroying Mephistopheles' flagship siege engine and dismantling his leadership. With the army in full retreat, the party was not met with rejoicing, but anger. The reason Mephistopheles had attacked was that citizens of Castletown had taken refuge in Darkenon, and they were outraged because they believed it was the party that brought the attack upon them. Apparently, in the parties absence, Asmodeus had been spreading propaganda that they had helped pave the way for his invasion. Suddenly, Thomas showed his face in the crowd, and now he appeared to be turning into a devil. He confessed his plan all along had been to trick the party into killing of Mephistopheles forces so he could take control of Hell for himself. He attacked the party, who soon saw trough his devilish disguise and knocked him unconscious. They took him prisoner and the citizens who now believed that Thomas was the villain, demanded he be executed. With his execution set for dawn, the Baby broke him out of jail and with the help of Beardy, swapped him with another prisoner. Thomas was resistant, however, as he claimed that the only way for the plan to work was for him to die, eventually confessing that he wanted to die becasue of what he had done on Earth. It is yet to be seen if he means killnig so many evil people and fueling hells army, or if there are more sinister deeds in his past that he wishes to atone for.

Chapter XXVII

The party returns to Celestia to recover the final two artifacts, and follows the trail to Avandra's temple. Inside they discovered the private paradise of Major Mon Capitan Jingle Jangle Hockey Puck Krandel Clark Bar Dipstick VIII Esq. Billy Bobber Skittles Skin Flute Christopher Brick Thompson Von Nickle Dangle Knacker Thrasher of Gambelpot, who claimed to be the Babies grandfather, though in his deluded mental state, the party was unsure if they should trust him. He claimed that Avandra had given him a box to keep safe, and it likely contained what they were looking for. It didn't take long for the party to discover that it had been taken by the Soha Pact, or at least the simulated ones in the Major's fantasy. Storming the Soha castle, the party liberated the case from the beholder running the joint and recovered the Gauntlet of Infernal Command, a cursed dark metal glove that will allow the wearer not only to control the fire throwing arm of the Titan, but the forces of Hell in Asmodeus' absence. Leaving, the party headed for Moradin's mountainside keep. They found, however, nothing. A few rituals later, they arrived at Dwarfvinci's workshop, and the crazy old dwarf seemed to be expecting them. He handed over a mighty hammer, and with the only word he spoke, named it "Mojnir", the final artifact. Leaving, the party was confronted by what appeared to be the aspect of Asmodeus, though after kicking it's butt, discovered that it was in fact Dispater, under control of Asmodeus. It seemed that the lord of the Ninth was getting desperate to stop the party.

Chapter XXVIII

Returng to Darkenon, the party receives some bad news, not only has the sun gone out completely leaving the smoon as the only source of light on the plane, but Castletown, the very capitol of the Smearth had been destroyed by an attack by the devils. Not only that, but Thomas had stopped by to visit Valera, who told the party that she no longer supported their decision to let him live. He had told her that before he had left Earth he had destroyed the only weapon that was capable of repelling the Devils attack on their plane, a Titan, secretly made by Thomas because of his knowledge of what was to come. When the time came to deploy it, however, the governments of his world refused to accept his offer to help, instead branding him a criminal. Not long after, when the war was almost lost, they sought Thomas out to beg him to use his weapon, but he refused. Instead he blew the Titan up as he and the rest of his people evacuated Earth, but the last person to come through, Valera's sister, was killed when the Titan exploded, destroying the gate and sealing off Earth forever. With this new information,the party made a break for the court of Erathis, the controller of the game, to find a way to make the devils fight somewhere other than Smearth. What they found was Asmodeus, and a fake Erathis. After defeating the fake, and Asmodeus fleeing, the real Erathis showed up, and showed to the party that the only place the Titan could be released is Smearth. She did agree to grant the Smearthlings one month to prepare for the coming battle, more than enough time to evacuate everyone from the conflict zone, Casletown, or as it was now known, Dust Von Rubble. Returning to Darkenon once more, the party informed Knight Captain Samuels of their deadline. Learning that there were several issues on Smearth that needed taking care of, including the disappearances of General Plot D. Vice and Wilhelmina the lich and some strange activities in the skies above Dust Von Rubble, they party decided to let Bel take care of ferrying the refugees to the Smoon on their new spelljammer, the Inferno. The Baby decided to use this time to go look for his family on the Shire, and temporarily parted ways with the group, as they set out for the dark wasteland of Dust Von Rubble. Once there, they crossed paths with an injured old man who insisted that he had been attacked by "giant aliens" from the Astral Sea. The party quickly realized that they were dealing with Giraffes, deadly creatures native to the Astral Sea who were likely looking at their plane as a new feeding ground. They confronted the giant aberrations as they sifted the ruins of Castletown in search of prey, and easily defeated them. Searching the Giraffes belongings, they realized that they were merely a scouting party, and if they had reported back, the area would likely be swarming with them, definitely disrupting the coming battle. They also discovered a few rock samples that seemed to suggest that the ruins in which they stood were recently created with an arcane ritual. After a short investigation and casting a few rituals themselves, they discovered that the real Castletown structures were hidden away in the place of darkness, formerly inhabited by Darkenon. Traveling there, they discovered the Dire Fiend, who had escaped from Hell with the help of Thomas, who had convinced him to save the people of Castletown from an impending Devil attack in the same way that he saved Darkenon so many years ago. After making sure that the cities inhabitants, including Princess Apricot, were unharmed, the party agreed to keep the secret, though they were disapointed with the Baby for letting Thomas live in the first place. The Dire Feind also assured them that after the battle had concludedd, he would be heading back to Hell to pay the rest of his penance, after all, the celestial were dead and he had his revenge.

BLAG ZERO

BLAG is a "continuation", for lack of a better term, of a 3.5 campaign of the same name. I am a former player of the 3.5 campaign, although not a member of the 4.0 campaign and am putting in a section dedicated to the older campaign if only for nostalgia.

Player Characters

Milo Percival Boddynock Greenbottle

• Will add link to character sheet

As A Character:
Milo Percival Boddynock Greenbottle, a former member of the Salvation army, is a close personal friend of Maximilian von Maxwell, King of Sivero. Once a great adventurer, Milo would lead expeditions into caves full of unknown surprises. He was very influential as far as halflings go, as he was perhaps the only halfling that commanded respect even amongst the grandest of creatures. Milo fought in what may have been the greatest war prior to the Age of Chaos to which he is given no credit, although it is said that he occasionally sat in as a consultant on the Round Table meetings during that time. Officially Milo took The Rogue Hammer and other Airships of the like and created a skyfleet manned by his own hand-picked cronies known as The Sky Pirates. While it is unknown the true origin of The Shire, it is said that Milo in his haste to play frisbee one day decided he could not fly the entire fleet to the Fortress Von Castle every time he needed a sandwich, a game of frisbee, or to urinate on some of Elzix's belongings, so he reverse engineered a giant flying island using the power used to power the ships and houses his army of pirates as well as the worlds population of Halflings there. Milo was said to be Max's right hand. A great warrior and story-teller, he often was comic relief at its pint-sized finest.
Memorable Moments:

• One-Shotting a Hydra of the appropriate CR for our 4-man team.
• Jumping from a bed to a chair allowing the chair to slide across the floor to the open window as he wasn't tall enough otherwise.(became a standard for checking outside at Inns)
• Meeting Bluff and Hide/Move Silently Difficulties that at times made the DM want to kill me.
• Causing more damage in the first round of combat than even our wizard could pump out in the entire encounter.
• Setting the schedule of The Shire so that once a year when they dump their sewage they are right above Elzix's tower at the Fortress Von Castle.
• Brought to -9HP in one action by an ill-conceived "Milo-Killing" Giant Anthropomorphic Ape.
  

As A Player:
Milo was an extremely fun character and to this day may be the best RPG character I have ever created. He often listened to his Bardic leader even if he knew that humiliation of himself or others may be the only way to get validation. Milo was quirky, to say the least. He was part barbarian, part rogue...okay, mostly rogue. He was ridiculously smart and clever as well as extremely agile and strong. But perhaps his most adamant quality was his ability to not wallow in the limelight. Milo was happy to be Max's right hand. While other characters may have put themselves in harms way by say casting Freedom of Movement on everyone else in the party and charging into combat with a Kraken. Milo would be heroic but only if it made sense to be. He did however falter to his own love of treasure fairly often. He was a master at most things and could convince everybody, save Max, that he was anything from a farmer to a great and powerful Wizard. Milo was known for some of his common antics and/or quirky items which he often used. For example, he often carried a foldable ladder which caused many hilarious acts to ensue. Another was that after the GM mentioned that I had Sausage Fingers I would constantly lick my fingers and claim that they, in fact, tasted much like sausage. Milo carried a variety of weapons including an array of greatswords and enlightened weaponry which he could control due to his ability to imitate different alignments through the Use Magic skill. He was often victorious in combat although was bested in a few occasions as well. Me and another player had a long-time dislike of each others real-life views but got along despite that, but that was the inspiration for the Milo vs Elzix scenario that plagued the early and late days of this precursor to BLAG v4.0. Milo was known to his friends as a connoisseur of pornography of the Halfling persuasion. While humans, dwarves, and other races would vomit at the mere sight of these crude magazines, Milo would simply become entranced by the "beauty" of it all. He was part of what I refer to as "The Original BLAGgers". Anyone who knows anything about Milo, please add more in the 'As A Character' Section.

Contact Information

Feel free to contact me with questions and comments at scumbagslacker@gmail.com