Dead Girls Call Home Too

"Nala, I .... really need to talk. I don't think I'll be home any time soon, but... I really want to be. God, I miss you. Send me a wave back, okay? Tell me how everyone's doing. Love you."

"Nika, you don't sound right. What's going on out there? Come home. If you need to, come home anytime you want. Things are good here. Your nephew's growing by leaps and bounds, I can barely keep the kid in clothes. The ranch is doing well. Your old crew stopped in several months ago, dropped off some really nice bolts of cloth and a new sewing machine! Was that your doing? Let me know if you're heading for Georgia, okay?"

"Nala, ..... No, the sewing machine wasn't my doing. *laugh* Must have been Harry or Shyla. I doubt the guys would have thought of it. What were they doing on Boros? Never mind, I'm sure they didn't bother to say. I'm glad they stopped in to check on you, though, that makes me feel a little better. I, uhm.... Well, I guess my problem is twofold. I got into some trouble and got shot not too long ago. I'm okay now, but it's making me.... think about some stuff. Nal.... do you think Dad was mad at me for not coming home after the war? Do you... are you mad at me for leaving the ranch in your hands?"

"Nika, what in heaven's name are you blathering about? Dad was //never// upset at you for staying out that? Shi, girl, he knew from the time you were like.... I don't know.... TWELVE? that you were not going to stay here and work the ranch. Let me tell you a secret. After you left to go to the war, I found Daddy sitting on the porch one night looking at the stars. He looked weird, so I stood there a while and waited. And finally, he looked at me and said, 'Don't take this wrong, little girl, but I'm really glad you're not an adventurous sort.' I must have looked somewhat befuddled, because he laughed then and he said he'd known since you were a toddler that you wouldn't stay on Boros. Didn't know how he knew, but something about the way you used to sit in the yard and stare at the sky must have given him .... insight. He told me that night that he'd been waiting for you to show interest in flying or something literally from that time on, and when you finally did, he knew from the first time you put your butt in a cockpit that you were just going to go one day and not come back. Or at least... only for visits. So no... Dad was not mad at you for not being home. If he'd had time to feel anything at all, I think his only feeling was of regret that he couldn't wait for you to //get// home. His heart was giving him trouble for a long time before that, but it was one of those 'could be anytime, could be 50 years from now' kinds of things. I'm sorry you've been carrying that with you for so long. And hell no, I'm not mad at you -- I'm the one who pushed you out the door that last time. Though I admit to being surprised that you didn't go right back to Harbinger. What happened with that, anyway?"

"Nala.... thanks. I needed to hear you say it. Honestly, I don't know why I didn't go back. Part of it was just... Dad's death. Part was your asshole husband's death and the trial. Part of it was... just needing something different. The crew I'm running with right now is definitely that. And we've run across Harbinger once out here, which was nice... though I had to skip out on a barbecue dinner. That sucked. *grin*"

"Nika, Awww. Well, bring your new friends home too. You know we'll be thrilled to see you. Listen... I don't know what's got you in a twist out there, but seriously.... talk to me about it. I want to hear, and I'll help if I can. You just don't sound right, baby sister."

"Nala, you're barely ten minutes older'n me, what's with 'baby sister'? Brat. If we get back that way, I'll definitely let you know.... but as to what's on my mind? I..... I'm not sure I should tell you in a Wave.... you know those thunderstorms we used to watch roll in? When I got hurt, I had a lot of dreams. Nightmares, really... a lot of stuff seems to be unresolved in my head. Shooting the asshole, sleeping with a friend's guy -- I didn't //know// he was her guy! I swear it!! -- Dad dying, leaving Harbinger... just... a lot of stuff I guess I thought I had under control that I don't. And I want to come home, but I don't think that's going to fix it, truthfully. I just... need to wade through the black in my head, you know?"

"Nika, you always did overthink things. Stop making it so hard on yourself, will you? As to the guy... sheesh. So not touching that! Love you, sis."