Forgotten Freedom:11
Last Plot -- Plot Line Home -- Next Plot
(Micky staggers out of the room singing in a low voice about pirates)
(Lucky stands up and screams)
Norbaz: he's been doing that for about an hour now....
Lucky: It's the Thranish inquisition, they have a fleet.... of airships... so much pain and holiness .... ARRRGGGHHHH!
(Lucky collapses to the floor, still screaming)
Sa'vor: Well, that's bad....
(Naz'roth takes command of Sa'vor's voice, it becomes deeper and eviler)
Naz'roth: Battle stations, you filthy mortals, we're going to let their blood rain from the sky!!
Marish: Why should we listen to you?
Naz'roth: You have a point, who's the next in command after the Captain ?
Norbaz: I believe it would be Dooj, since he uses his chain of command ...
Naz'roth: And after him?
Kantash: It's proberly Andrea or Ketler.
Naz'roth: Okay then, well, do either of you people have a plan?
Andrea: No, Ketler didn't attend, he's still building the chili Machine...
Naz'roth: Right, Now are you going to listen to my commands or are we going to have a mothers meeting?
Kithle: I dislike this ... Half-dragon, but he has a point, it's best for all our survival, and mine, if we listen to him.
Naz'roth: We need to get to battle stations, NOW !
(They all scramble out of the mess hall and take up their positions)
Norbaz, decked in full infiltration and stealth gear, loads a grappling ballista round into the ballista.
Norbaz: Alright, I'm taking this as a warm-up to the bank job. Anyone who can sneak is free to join in, I'm gonna board the main ship and take out the admiral. (downs potion of undetectable alignment then fires the grappling bolt, afterwards downs a potion of invisibility and begins to climb the rope)
Kanatash: (floating alongside the invisible Norbaz) I would like to join this little excursion of yours.
Norbaz: Um, why?
Kanatash: Well, considering thanks to my incorporeal nature I am completely silent, can fly, and float through walls at will, I think I would do well at infiltrating the ship.
Norbaz: Yeah, but why do you want to come in the first place?
Kanatash: Well I was hoping the admiral could be taken alive. You see I have been doing some experiments on a number of redshirts along the lines of corrupting their minds and/or bodies and I would like this admiral as a test subject.
Norbaz: Okay, well, why should anyone else care about these experiments of yours?
Kanatash: Fine. Let me appeal to your sense of subtle evil. If we can take the captain alive then you just let me have my "fun" with him. It would take a couple of hours to thoroughly break his mind and turn him to the worship of my deranged master and through them a servant of me. Then we "conveniently" allow him to escape, or better yet we ransom him back to his fleet, and then...
Norbaz: ...then we can just sit back and watch the fun and see what a deranged servant of the Daelkyr does with a Thranish airship armada...
Norbaz: You're good at this...
Norbaz: Heh, a plan is made.
As the Thranish air fleet closes, the transparent figure of Kanatash can be seen slipping through the flagship's hull, a rope leading into the Captain's quarter’s window is pulled up quickly and silently, and a flying figure that can only be a goblin ninja lands aboard and starts flipping out and killing everything.
Meanwhile, the Forgotten Freedom begins to pull off some amazing tactical maneuvers, avoiding Thrannish fire while Stupid, Bolt-tooth Tony and Pardan open fire with bags of rats, crossbow bolts and arcane energy respectively. Jarlot, sitting at the helm (barely touching the ship's wheel as it spins by itself) is drinking a Goodale with a little umbrella in it, shooting at the closest ships with his pistol.
Both Squinty the Near-sighted Gauth and Hoybee are firing eyebeams and spells randomly around, blowing **** up and in general looking like they know what they're doing.
The old dwarven lady is knitting a bolt-proof sweater, and most of the other crew are at the ship's gunwales, waiting to board ships that come close enough and begin *cough* negotiations *cough*.
As the battle rages....
As the FF passes over the Thranish flag ship a large number of umber hulks, a black tentacles and a neogi screaming a less than intimidating war cry jump aboard the flagship.
Cool Cthulhu: What's going on?
John the Keel: We're in ship-to ship-combat with the Thranish Armada. I think we're winning on aCool Cthulhuount that the Thranish Armada isn't aware of our attack. I hate to see unenlightened walkers on the path of life trying to slaughter each other. It makes me feel that perhaps I must go forth an actually convert people to my philosophy.
Cool Cthulhu: Uh, okay, but that doesn't sound very enlightened now.
John: I shall have to ponder this more.
Cap'n Jarlot: JOHN!
John: Yes, Captain?
Jarlot: BIBGY'S CRUSHING TACTICAL NUKE, THRANISH FLAGSHIP, NOW!
John: Righto.
Massive explosion too big for words.
Kithle: Impressive, where is the keel's brain case, Ketler?
Sa'vor: John, since you're a pacifist and you have taken human life, does that not make you like us?
John: No...
Sa'vor: Ah, so you're saying that you are above the sins of mortals?
John: Yes, I suppose I am.
Sa'vor: So then you're saying that you are in some way better than us bipeds and so your killing is justified since human life does not really matter?
John: No... that's not what I said.
Sa'vor: No, that's exactly what you said
John: I have no time for you, being of evil, leave now.
(Sa'vor walks of)
Cool Cthulhu: Why? Why were so many lives wasted?
Kithle: Because I can only eat so many brains, after that my tolerance for opposition is negligible. And because I want swag. Mostly it's the swag, oh and survival, that's important; I can't steal new powers if I'm not alive. Don't even think about undead, no way, though maybe if I ate a greenstar adept. Anyways check out this spell I learned from the disaster. *SONIC BOLT*
The admirals door bursts open as Norbaz crashes through with the unconscious captain slung over his shoulder, the half giant is decidedly no longer invisible. Kanatash floats out of a nearby wall.
Kanatash: Now, let us make haste back to the Forgotten Freedom.
Norbaz: I hear that, (sees the ninja killing Thranish soldiers) who's the ninja girl?
Kanatash: No idea. The rope's been cut, you're in trouble.
Norbaz: ****, where's the freedom?
Kanatash: There, and the Keel is glowing.
Norbaz runs to the edge of the Thranish flagship.
Norbaz: Yo, ninja girl! Time to book. (tosses her a quall's feather token before taking out another and leaping over the edge, Kanatash effortlessly keeping pace with him) **** **** **** **** ****!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
(The Forgotten Freedom, having defeated the Thranish fleet, continue on their journey, the decks themselves run with the blood of acolytes and paladins (and one or two unlucky redshirts), small fires cover the ship here and there, currently the crew is sorting the bodies out and taking anything of value or worth)
Random redshirt: Do you think the captain noticed?
Dooj: ( checks a dead soldiers watch) Nah, it's after four, he's dead drunk by then.
John the Keel: Due to my enlightened nature, I believe that your constant abuse of alcohol is a sin, the true path to enlightenment lies through the soul, not through some plant extract.
Sa'vor: That's only because, John, you can't drink being a keel and also, you have no arms.
John: Regardless...
Dooj: What have we told you about lecturing us?
John: Errr... it results in keelhauling, which is impossible since I’m the keel of this ship
Micheal: We need a new method for this keel, perhaps ....
Norbaz: We could always engrave our names in it.
Kithle: Or feed it your cooking, that'll kill it for sure.
(In the background the fires are being doused, the ship rocks from a small explosion)
(All the crew count down)
Pholly: (Staggers out of the ship's lower levels, his clothes are ablaze but apart from that he's mostly unscratched) err... I seem to exploded the distraction
(The crew draws various implements and proceeds to beat Pholly senseless)
(Outside Michael’s room. Which has a lot of interesting "noises" coming from it.)
Sa'vor stops outside Michael’s door and stares at it with a malevolent smile as Kanatash suddenly floats though the deck to stand next to him.
Kanatash: Excuse me, Sa'vor, I've been meaning to talk to you for a while. You see I'm a bit of a mind control "enthusiast" and I was wondering how you made that love potion you gave to Michael. Don't look surprised, after all, Kithle isn't the only one around here who can read minds.
Sa'vor: Well if you must know I didn't actually give Michael any sort of "love potion". What he actually got was an elixir that causes him to experience extremely realistic hallucinations, Lisa isn't even in that room.
Kanatash: Really? So what did you do with the Paladin, then?
Sa'vor: Oh, she's safely tucked away in an extradimensional pocket under the effects of temporal stasis.
Kanatash: I see. The one thing I still don't understand is why go to the trouble of placing Michael under this enchantment if you already have Lisa out of the picture?
Sa'vor: Ah, you see that is the best part. I plan to deposit her in Michael’s room about the time when both of the enchantments should wear off simultaneously. This way since everyone thinks they know where she is no will even she was missing, not even Michael.
Kanatash: Brilliant. And knowing Michael’s tendency to brag about his "conquests", he will brag to Lisa about what happened, so she will believe that she blacked out from the enchantment and won't wonder what happened to her during the period she was missing. She may never learn about what we are up to in her absence and if she does, knowing her, she will probably feel so guilty about not even trying to stop us she will not try to punish us. Simply brilliant.
Sa'vor: Tell me something I don't know.
A sleeping man in blue, white, and silver garb sits chained to a chair. He is surrounded by hanging pieces of cow, pig, and assorted animals and creatures. He slowly comes to and looks about in a panic, his ears assaulted by the sound of a shout behind him.
Norbaz: And don't forget the sweater! Oh, hey, get Kanatash, tell him our guest is awake!
Thranish Admiral: Wha? Where am I... you, who are you. What's going on?!
Norbaz (stepping beside the man slightly out of view, while placing various meat cutting and cooking equipment onto a tray in sight): What's going on, dear admiral, is your lucky day. Well, actually whether or not it's your lucky day depends on you.
Thranish Admiral: Huh, you intend to torture me, fiend. I live by the Flame and will follow its light, do your worst, you will be struck down.
Norbaz: A brave man in the face of torture.
Thranish Admiral: I can stand the worst you can offer, villain. You and your... is that a whisk?
Norbaz: Yeah, I'm not gonna be your torturer today.
Thranish Admiral: Then what's with that stuff?
Norbaz: Well, I've got some cooking to do for the week. Gonna start with making jerky. (jabs a steer carcass with the dessicating dagger and it begins to dry out) See.
Thranish Admiral: Oh... so whose supposed to torture me?
Kanatash sinks into the room from the ceiling.
Kanatash: Ah, thank you, Norbaz, I'll take things from here.
Norbaz: Okay, gimme a call when you're done, gotta finish for tonight.
Eight hours into Kanatash's "session" with the Thranish admiral...
Norbaz: Wow, he's been in there a long time now and it's been a couple of hours since I've heard screaming too.
Doog: Yeah, I'm surprised it took him this long. Did you ever see any of the redshirts he had been experimenting with?
Norbaz: Are you kidding? He came in here and asked if I wanted any of them for dinner but I told him no, even I have standards. I don't know what kinds of damage he did to them mentally but I saw physical mutations that are more than I think Chalky could stomach.
Doog: That's saying something.
Norbaz: Yeah, I mean, he even ate my 12 alarm de Norbaz Chili. Right now I'm hoping he finishes soon because I need to get some cooking supplies from in there for supper.
At that moment Kanatash floats through the door looking tired and goes up to Norbaz.
Norbaz: Is it done yet?
Kanatash: I'm afraid not, it appears that religious fanaticism and heavy corruption make a mind far more difficult to break but I am close. It should only take a few more hours.
Doog: So what exactly have you been doing to him in there anyways?
Kanatash: It would be in everyone's best interest if I did not go into details but suffice to say it involves a scrying pool keyed to Xoriat, Squishy's black tentacles, teletubbies, the song Mmmbop, and jello. (shudders) I had to get out of there for a while, I think that stuff was even beginning to get to me...
Suddenly a bloodcurdling scream emanates from the chamber, screaming something along the lines of "Not the lemony freshness! Anything but the lemony freshness!"
Kanatash: (perking up immediately) Ah, the sweet sounds of a cracking mind, I should go. (turning to Norbaz) If there is anything you want from there, you had best get it now.
Norbaz: No thanks. I don't think I will be going in that room again, ever.
Some time later, an unarmed Thranish airship is pulled up against the FF and a official looking Paladin of the Silver Flame is standing on the FF with a large bag of gold, while most of the crew surrounds him with Norbaz holding the Thanish admiral.
Paladin: Fine, we have met your demands you filthy, evil pirates now return our admiral.
Norbaz: (roughly shoving the admiral towards the paladin) Gladly, you uptight, self-righteous prick. (ironic salute) been a pleasure doing business with you, sir.
The paladin and the admiral board the Thranish airship which casts off and flies into the distance.
Doog: (opening the sack) Sigh, you know it would be a lot easier to get worked up about 10,000 gold if we hadn't just knocked up that bank... Oh well, I'll take what I can get.(picks up the sack and carries it below deck)
Kanatash: (floating up through the deck) Well, that went well.
Norbaz: Yeah... But that paladin who picked up the admiral made me think, after all the stuff you did to the admiral, won't he make the evil sense on all those paladins wandering around thrane go ping?
Kanatash: Oh most definitely, however that isn't a problem since he was setting them off already. After even without all those mistresses and the children that his wife doesn't know about there's the war crimes from the last war, the bribes he used to get his position, and blasphemy against the silver flame and Jaela personally. Oh and the "sleepover" incident with the ten-year-old boys... (shudder)
Norbaz: Yeah, okay, but what about his crew? Even if they knew he was evil already, won't they mutiny when he starts doing thing that aren't in the interest of thrane for the Daelkyr?
Kanatash: That was a problem, but while I was in his mind I did a little tweaking. Giving him the subtle ability to control the minds of the crew so they can't rebel against him.
Norbaz: Well that takes care of that... Ugh... Wait a second...
Kanatash: You have just realized the implications of my ability to give other the power to control the minds of underlings and are considering the possibility that I might give this to the captain who would desperately want it, correct?
Norbaz: Yeah...
Kanatash: You need not fear, I am a disciple of madness, remember, and this crew's rebelliousness and its tendency towards incredible evil are the reasons that make this place the nexus of insanity I know and love. Giving that ability to Jarlot would destroy exactly what I like about this ship.
Norbaz: Well that's a relief. Anyways I'm glad the ransom went without a hitch, for a while I thought they wouldn't pay up.
Kanatash: Well even if they didn't it was more than worth it. I picked up enough blackmail material rummaging around in the admiral's brain to get the entire crew pardoned for every one of their crimes, including the crimes against humanity, the war crimes, the crimes against decency, and the crimes against reality in under twenty-four hours.
Norbaz: (whistles) Well, I think we can get some mileage out of that...
Chalky (gnawing on a paladin): What the hell is going on with this ship? I haven't eaten this well since the ninja Jaela incident.
Kithle: Well the half-dragon and his plotting is getting this ship into some interesting situations. Now that you've eaten, you wanna go screw with it?
Chalky: Hold on, I wanna get to the organ meat first. Ahhh, fresh liver.
Cool Cthulhu: Hey John, you reached enlightenment yet?
John: I don't think so.
Cool Cthulhu: Are you sure?
John: Pretty sure.
Cool Cthulhu: Oh. Why?
John: Well, I did blast an armada to the far side of Dolurrh... Then I didn't feel sorry about it. Then that half-dragon Sa'vor got the better of me in a debate and now I'm having unenlightened thoughts about turning the half-dragon into a bloody pulp.
Cool Cthulhu: O-Kay...
John: Who does he think he is anyway?
Cool Cthulhu: Well... he is going to do something big and life-threatening for the crew soon... Wanna be enlightened and screw around with it?
John: Hmmm... First I'll have to rediscover the sound of the universe, but that's number two on my list.
Michael: Oh hell, the Captain's gone crazy again.
Dooj: Worse, he seems to have lost himself in his G.I. Joe fantasy again.
Michael: At least it's better than when he was trying to be a Bond villain.
Dooj: I dunno, steel jaws aside, there were a lot more pretty girls onboard.
Captain laughingly fires death laser at Sharn.
Mushroom cloud emerges from it.
Dooj: Oh hell.
Michael: That's what you get for not paying the ransom.
Dooj: They DID pay the ransom!
Naz'roth: It appears that some of the crew members are attempting to screw with our plans, interesting . Sa'vor: What shall we do? Naz'roth: Nothing, if they do screw up our plans then we'll steal the item ourselves, Kithle's mind reading should mean that he knows about me, he wont try anything, he's too smart for that, Kanatash would not care about my dark plans, he’s too focused on his Xoriat madness. That creature is too hippy to hamper our plans too much and Chalky's too feral to screw things up. Sa'vor: I think Kanatash of Kithle's listening in, we should create some kind of psionic feedback (Flash of purple light as a bolt of energy emits from Sa'vors cupped hands, it passes through the door harmlessly, there’s a purple flash under the door as the energy bolt finds its target) Sa'vor: How much damage did that do? Naz'roth: Unconsciousness followed by a horrible blinding headache for the next few days and also a strange aversion to eating brains... Sa'vor: What is this item we require anyway? Naz'roth: Never you mind, it's very powerful.
Kithle: Good thing I got Kanatash to do the snooping for me, gotta love charm psycho, so thats what they're up to, hmmm, I didn't want to do it but it looks like I have no choice but free the paladin. Chalky, get Andrea and Norbaz; we will need the captain sober for this charade to work.
Norbaz: Alright, this concoctio should sober up the captain in under a minute and we can get this discussion rolling, Kithle. But beforehand I'd like to make one thing clear, regardless of his ulterior motive, I think the bank job would be something really good. I mean not only will it line our pockets, but it will severally destabilize house Kundarak, to a point where it could affect the economy of all of Khorvaire.
Kilthe: Regardless, this other presence within him has me concerned.
Andrea: Likewise. I think it's best we quickly give him your, ahem, concoction. Are you quite certain it will work?
Norbaz: Hey, this stuff cleared up my mom after the celebration of our reunion. Believe me, if this stuff can sober up a hill giant berserker, it can sober up the captain. (pinches the captain's nose and pours the concoction down his throat) Any second now - ARGH!
The captain of the Forgotten Freedom jolts to a state of consciousness and in one fell swoop, thinking himself under attack by the horrible gut wrenching pain coursing through his body, draws his weapon and neatly removes Norbaz's arm at the elbow.
Kithle: Good thing for you idiots I’m a healer today. Now I assume Andrea has taken care of Michael and is returning with Lisa. So now we need to decide what to do about Naz'roth and when. I don't want him to get what he is after, but at the same time I don't want to screw up the bank job. We need to assign someone to follow him in and take care of Naz'roth before he gets his hands on the artifact, but after our modified version of the plan no longer requires his cooperation. Who do we have that could do that without arousing suspicion? It has to be one of the more reclusive crewmembers because his plan has all the heavies well away from him. I'm thinking a detachment of the remaining Ninja Jaela armed with exorcism gear and we hide Lisa with them until this point because we can't let Sa'vor know how much we have already interfered. Oh yes, here’s your arm back, it'll feel weird for a bit but you should be fine in a day or two if you work it off. Tell Cool Cthulhu to have John monitor Sa'vor and be ready to lay down the big bang on Sa'vor if this goes to crap like it probably will. I will alert the ninjas. Not a word of this to the bozo brigade, so until further notice Captain you're off booze. Norbaz, hide the liquor, preferably some place he can't physically get to.
Devon and Michael are in the ship's Lounge/Wet Bar, Michael is busy describing his 'conversion' of Lisa to Devon, who is recording it for his Bardic Lore.
Michael: And when I had her right where I wanted her, I....
Pholly darts into the room, holding a flask of alchemist's fire, and grinning from ear to ear.
Michael: Hey, didn’t your mom tell you not to run with explosives!
Pholly: I did it! I made Alchemist's fire! And it didn’t blow up! WOOT!
Devon: Okay, the explosions I could handle, but this is creeping me out.
Michael: I think this is a crime against nature somehow, but I’m not sure.
Pholly (hoots and hollers and darts out of the room): I’m gonna show Mickey. He owes me BIG for this one! Woo-hoo!!
Michael picks up a chair and whips it down the hall after Pholly, knocking him prone. The flask flies up into the air, then lands right in front of Pholly.
BABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Devon: Dude, what did you do that for? The little geek finally figured it out.
Michael: Yeah, but he’s also got a reputation to maintain. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t help out?
Learn the recipe for Wake up juice
Or
Last Plot -- Plot Line Home -- Next Plot
