Forgotten Freedom:32
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Peter Graves appears out of nowhere about 8 feet behind Volrath.
Peter Graves: (to no one) Hi, I'm Peter Graves. Tonight on Biography-
Volrath: (turns) STOP FOLLOWING ME, DAMN IT!!! Bunny, get 'em!
Bunny: *squeak*!
Volrath's bunny pulls a 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail rabbit', leaping the full distance and severing Mr. Graves' head in one bite. Unfortunately for Michael, he had rounded the corner just in time to see this.
Michael: HOLY KHYBER!!!! THE RABBITS ARE FINALLY ATTACKING!!!!
As the bunny begins to "dig in", Drizzt rounds the corner and bumps into Volrath.
Drizzt (startled) : People are trying to kill me for no reason, please help me!
Volrath : Alright
Drizzt : Where did that halo come from, and why are you smiling?
Volrath (grabs the halo and slips it into his pocket) : No reason
Drizzt (this time pointing at Volrath) : Your doing it again!
Volrath : Oh sorry. Just come this way.
A short while later Drizzt walks into to Volrath's room. It is filled with a darkness so deep that his darkvision cannot pentrate it.
Drizzt : Where am I?
Drizzt feels a hard knock on his head and passes out.
Volrath : Oh, this is going to be fun
The following conversation takes place in squirrel...
Terra: So, what's it like being a paper golem?
Death Paper: Attack squirrel...
Terra: Oh, right. Sorry.
Death Paper: Don't worry. Most of the people on board get that wrong. I think it's because of my name. I don't know why Dad chose that one...
Terra: *ahem* ANYway... same question.
Death Paper: Eh, I can't complain. Dad takes care of me pretty well, giving me all the nuts I can eat. When I do a good job, he even gives me berries as a treat!
Terra: But how do you...? (shakes her head) Never mind. Better not ask.
At this moment, Michael comes running down the hall screaming something about killer bunnies and 1950's actors hosting shows featuring celebrity profiles.
Death Paper: Now that's something you don't hear every day...
Terra: Well... I wouldn't be so sure about that. Stay here long enough and nothing surprises you anymore. Either Volrath is behind this, or I need to up Michael's dose.... Hell, I'll do that anyway. I still need to find the toxicity level.
Silence walks about the cargo hold bringing a small bowl of stew with her. When she finds the appropriate crate, she takes out a crowbar and pries part of it open.
Silence: Like, here's the food I'm bringing you today.
Lisa looks like hell. Silence has been practicing her makeup skills on her and has kept her in the crate since she surmised that Lisa must have been the reason her summoning circle failed during the Dreaming Dark incident.
Lisa: I swear by the Silver Flame when I get out of here, you will be for a world of smite!
Silence: Oh hush, unless you want me to read this!
Triumphantly, Silence holds up Devon's Poetry book.
Lisa: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!
On deck Michael, Dooj, Bruce Ki, and Mickey Ninefingers are playing a game of cards. Bruce Ki's are facing the wrong way as he is blindfolded. Michael's head perks up from the game for a moment.
Michael: You guys hear that?
Bruce Ki: You are imagining things, now go fish.
Dooj: Wrong game, monk.
Michael: Hold on... I'll be right back.
Michael abandons the game and begins searching the ship with Detect Good, it isn't long before he finds a strong and familiar aura when he is in the cargo hold. Cautiously, he approaches the crate from which it radiates.
Terra: We need to get you cleaned up.
Lisa: Thanks for getting me out of there. Oh, It feels so good to walk again. I've been in there for days!
Terra: I found out a little while ago. Silence has been acting suspicious the last few days, so I had some of the rats watching her.
Lisa: What if she finds out it was you? I don't think this is going to be pretty. I heard someone trying to open the crate when you got me out.
Terra: Oh, I've got that one covered...
Michael finally manages to pry open the crate, only to find it empty. From behind, he hears someone approaching.
Silence: YOU!!!! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!!
Michael: But, but, I just-
(PIMP SLAP OF DOOM)
As Terra and Lisa head down the hall, they come across Roosevelt, quietly counting a wad of cash.
Terra: Thanks for your help, back there.
Roosevelt: Glad to be of service. If you want, the lesser crew bathroom is just down the hall to the right.
Lisa: Thanks.
Jarlot: *stares stoically across the wilderness*
Michael: Hey Jarlot.
Jarlot: Yes, grasshopper?
Michael: Grass wh...
Jarlot: *sprays him in the eyes with bug spray*
Michael: AHHHHHH!
Jarlot: It's wrong to interfere with my somber brooding while I prepare to go kidnap Aerith.
Michael: Bhuw?
Jarlot: You remember our half-elf healer?
Michael: Not really no.
Jarlot: Well, after I defeated Khyber....
Michael: *snort* Yeah right....
Jarlot: *lifts the spray*
Michael: NOT THE SPRAY!
Jarlot: Well, Bianca, it turns out, is actually Aerith's normal form before being merged with Jaela by a Solar Deva.
Michael: Isn't that... kinda evil?
Jarlot: Hmm?
Michael: Well, no offense, Captain, but whenever I try and merge a demoness with some poor girl then it's always paladins trying to kill me.
Jarlot: Well, good apparently can do what it wants so long as it's against evil.
Michael: So similiar to our philosophy...
Jarlot: So I'm going to sweep her off her feet and carry her off back to the ship since this awful ritual is an enemy of Biacna's freedom and she really wants to be here with us.
Michael: And you'll drive out the Solar Deva, right?
Jarlot: Wh... HELL NO. Do you know how much a charisma bonus she gets?
Michael: Well, I guess we're up to that plan then.
Jarlot: Besides, according to these ancient records I've found, Bianca is also destined to wed the RULER OF THE PLANET.
Michael: Hey! Those are my unholy scrolls of Darkness that I got my dragon father.
Jarlot: Your father is a Dragon?
Michael: Well kind of. Basically, he's an unholy monster from Xen'drick who randomly went around impregnating females. He said that eventually all of us would fight and the winner would become one of the Dark Six... err, Seven. Our sister would also be a major portion of the prophecy.
Jarlot: I see the DM has been stealing from Baldur's Gate again.
Michael: Huh?
Jarlot: Sorry, Michael; things like hit points, saving throws, Dungeon Masters, out of character, twinking, and so on are holy words beyond you non-epic levels.
Michael: HEY! I could be epic level... if I stopped having sex with the succubus.
Jarlot: Yeah, that's not happening anytime soon. So you realize that Bianca is your sister, right?
Michael: What!? OH HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL NO!
Jarlot: Troubled by your sister being a puppet for an Archangel?
Michael: ALL THOSE FILTHY crewmembers were thinking IMPURE thoughts against her. I'll kill them all!
Jarlot: Ummmm... Michael?
Michael: I bet those damned Thranish knights are already trying to corrupt her pure and innocent mind with thoughts about... SEX and stuff! Turn the ship immediately for Flamekeep, we're going to get my sister back before they lay a hand on her.
Jarlot: O....Kay....
Ketler: Hey, I hear your hot sister is going to be resc...
Michael: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....
Jarlot: What a peculiar development.
Ketler: Yeah, well not as peculiar as the realization that I'm actually V.
Jarlot: What?
Ketler: I thought that was obvious.
Jarlot: I don't believe you.
Ketler: Right and you're not Batman.
Jarlot: I keep telling you I'm not.
Ketler: Just what I'd expect Batman to say.
Jarlot: In any case, I wonder what Michael was going to ask me to say.
Ketler: Oh just, that he wants you to help him win over Lisa.
Jarlot: I wonder why he'd ask me.
Ketler: Yeah, you pine after a girl who may be getting married to Cool Cthulhu
Jarlot: OH HELLLLLLLL NO.
Ketler: Yeah, these things happen. By the way I've found a place to store crew members who don't get mentioned after a few pages.
Jarlot: Oh and where's that?
Ketler: Errr... well since we ran out of Ninja Jaela.
(A half dozen crew members run out of the chili room and start vomiting)
Jarlot: We better damn well mention Marish soon.
Ketler: Yeah, think of the hairballs.
Terra watches the clouds go by, thinking of her recent rescue of Lisa.
Terra: I still can't believe the luck. That one had to be worth some major points. Now, if I can just get her over the fact that we're both women...
At that moment, a familiar dread overcame her. The presence of a powerful extraplanar being nearby.
Terra: Uh oh. This had better not be what I think it is...
Her worst fears are confirmed when she hears voices from below deck.
Satnak: Can't I ever get a moment's rest around here?!!! Stand back and lemme zorch 'im.
Silence: Back off, woman! I brought him here on purpose! Now where's that b**ch Terra hiding?!
Terra: Oh crap...
A demon, wreathed in flame, bursts through the deck. It is followed shortly by Silence, obviously very angry.
Silence: So, you thought you could frame Michael for ruining my fun, did you?!
Terra: Uh... I'm sorry, what?
Silence: Oh, like you don't know! (turns to the demon) GET HER!!!
The following battle involves lots of flashy pyrotechnics, wanton destruction, cool Matrix-style martial arts, and profuse swearing. However, due to budget cuts after the last story arc, you'll have to imagine it for yourself. Terra: (leaning on her knees over the demon's body) *pant**pant* Now STAY down! *pant*
A shadow appears over her, and her heart sinks as she sees Silence standing next to her.
Terra: Oh, HELL N-
(UBER PIMP SLAP OF DOOM)
(later)
Michael sits in the infirmary, several bruises and welts on his face. He stares angrily at Terra who is seated nearby, also covered in bruises and sporting a black eye.
Terra: I said I was sorry! I thought it was Silence trying to open the crate. What are the chances it would be you, and that she would catch you like that?
Michael: (turning away)
Jarlot lurks within his candlelit suite, a large chalkboard before him with "Dah Plan!" written atop it. The remainder of the board is an indecipherable white smudge, having been erased and rewritten so many times even the Captain can't tell what's now written on it. He mutters to himself as he scribbles at the board, his murmurs and scratches the only sound in the otherwise still room.
Behind him, a quiet voice clears her throat. The captain leaps into the air with a yelp and spins, clutching his chest and panting heavily. "For Sovereign's sake, Jingo," he curses, "I've told you not to do that!"
He opens his eyes to behold the tiny figure, only to see that she isn't there after all.
"Uh, captain?"
The captain yelps again and spins back to his chalkboard. Jingo hangs in front of it, upside-down, looking at him quizzically and somehow suspended from the ceiling. He falls to the floor, away from the goblin, and curses.
"Stop that!"
"Sorry, captain," says Jingo mock-apologetically, dropping to the floor and making absolutely no sound in the process. She fishes in her pocket and withdraws a golden pocketwatch. "I found this somewhere... I think it's yours."
Jarlot's eyes widen and he snatches back his watch. "There it is! I thought I lost it 13 pages and numerous over-the-top excursions ago!"
"You did," mutters Jingo under her breath.
"What?"
"Nothing. I also found these." She withdraws the items from a pocket.
"What are they?" asks Jarlot, bending over to examine them closer.
"Doog's childhood memories,"
Jarlot recoils with a rather effeminate shriek.
"Yeah. Apparently he was actually a pretty nice kid, until he hit puberty... at age five."
"How the hell did you get those?" inquires Jarlot, still recoiling.
"Best not to ask," she says, putting them back in her pocket. "I've also got his libido somewhere..."
"Ah, right, I'd noticed he'd been a tad subdued lately," says the Captain, recomposing himself. "So, uh, where've you been? It's been a while since you've given me a cardiac arrest just by appearing."
"Oh, here and there," says the goblin vaguely before changing the subject. "I noticed the crew's expanded somewhat. There seems to be more in the way of aberrant monsters, undead fiends, and horrors-that-are-best-not-named on staff. I hardly know anyone now."
"Yes, well... They just sort of showed up, one by one. Luckily, I think they're intent on acting out their little feuds between each other without impacting the overall continuity too much."
"Conti-what?"
"Nothing."
Gojing, bored with her current position, stands on one hand and continues the conversation upsidedown. "I thought there were rules in place prohibiting ancient manifestations of pure evil from seeking employment on the ship?"
"Yeah... Would you tell incarnate nightmares 'Sorry, we don't have any openings for employees with your particular skill set at the moment, but we'd gladly take your contact information and get back to you should an opening arise?'"
"True." The goblin rolls to her feet. "I'll be off now, then."
"Ah. So soon?"
"Well, I figure the longer I linger, the more likely I am to be draw the attention of one of the aforementioned incarnate nightmares and be drawn into their schemes, machinations, and misadventures, so..."
"Ah, quite." The captain sighs and stands, stooping to pick up his dropped chalk. "I can't really avoid that fate, myself. I mean, look at me now!"
"Touche. My sympathies."
"Thanks."
"Ta," says Jingo, vanishing before the captain. He blinks and looks around in vain for the goblin, then sighs and digs his hands in his pockets. There is a moment's pause before he notices a curious lacking in one of them.
"Bah! Damn goblin nicked my wallet..."
"Sorry."
"Augh!!"
The Repairs are completed and life returns to normal on the Forgotten Freedom.
Chalky: I'm bored. Lets play Haz'rack.
Smig: I'm in.
Chalky: Okay. We'll be captains since most of these guys probably don't know much about the game. Let's get the crew rounded up.
A few minutes later
Chalky: Okay guys here's how it works, at each end of the boat there is a totem, Wolf and skunk in this case. Each team of seven attempts to get the other team's totem to their goal while keeping their own totem out of enemy hands. No metal or wooden weapons are allowed. Unarmed and natural attacks only.
Smig: Normally magic/psi/infusions/meldshaping/binding isn't allowed, but since we know you guys will cheat we decided to alter the rules abit. No targeting the totems, no telekinesis, teleportation, or summoning of monsters. No dominating players on the other team. No minions. No impassible barriers, nothing that requires flight or teleportation to bypass. Using special effects to enhance yourself is allowed especially to give yourself a natural attack or 3.
Chalky: No ubers, no offense guys, but you warp the rules of reality itself.
Sa'vor: None taken, though it would be nice to beat up crew members in broad daylight with sanctioning.
Kithle: Kill Pholly.
Smig: Moving on Each team is made of seven players traditionally: 4 runners or the primary offensive line who focus on getting the other team's totem. 3 defenders who guard their teams totem.
Chalky: The whole ship is open field, as is a sphere of air approximately 200 yards around the ship. The ubers are in charge of refing and will be enforcing the rules as they see fit. The players will wear these tokens, any time a player breaks a minor rule like out of bounds you will be shocked and slammed against the hull. A major infraction such as raising a wall of force or teleporting a totem, will fail result in vicious shocking , and you will be swapped out in exchange for someone on your team's reserve list. Plus anything the refs decide to do to you. In addition the tokens allow any active players to communicate with each other as well as the team captains (me or smig).
Smig: the reserve list is made up of any elligible crew who don't make the first team. The tokens will mark which team your on. Inactive players may interfere, set traps and such, but the rules that protect active players don't apply to them. Any illegal spells on them will be dismissed by the tokens if they are put into play. A player who is disqualified losses all rights to interfere and better worry becauseuse the redshirts will be armed and noteified of your hide for the rest of the weak. A player may also place themself in the reserve list at any time if they are tired or under the effects of some negative influence, be warned you may not get a second chance to play though and you can't switch if you have the totem.
Chalky: Here is the sign up. If too many people sign up for one team the people on the bottom of the list will be moved to the other side. Redshirts are allowed to sign up. (chance for new Characters to be promoted out of the RS ranks) Mindless creatures need not apply. The game begins tomorrow at dawn. These games can last a while.
NOTICE: Additions to above rules, casting the same spell or similar action 2 times in a row will draw attention from the ubers. Casting any kind of magic or psi or such for more than 3 rounds will get your arse whooped. The tokens will place any unconscious/dead players into the reserve automatically. People will know who switched out before them to discourage switching as a way to avoid pain. No instant-death spells/powers/etc.
Chalky's starters Runners: Last ninja jeala #26 (NJ26), Dooj, Lisa, Chalky (captain) Defenders: Sien, Pholly, Sabariel
Smig's Starters Runners: Death paper, Phollie, Vrin, Michael Defenders: Marish, Bianca, Smig
Chalky's Reserves Pardan, Jam, Thrincold, Bolt Tooth Tony, Bruce Ki, Silence, Cyrp, Jingo, Cabin Boy, Luck d'medani, Scholar, Muradin, Allen, Cheese, Stupid, Mickey, Johnny, Squishy, Old dwarf lady, Nalfein
Smig's reserves Long Wang Hung, Klaz Dingbo, Steve, Jacob Hunter, Tony the Tiger, Roosevelt, Reman Weascel, Hoybee, Devon, Andrea, Jarlot, V, Ajizaki (the schizo soulknife), Volrath (again what level), Norbaz, Erk, Ketler, Squinty, Melvin, Tabitha, Andrea, Random Redshirt (RR)
Ref's Kithle, Satnak, Kanatash, Sa'vor, Earl, Slip, Terra, John, Igor
First team to three points wins
Kithle: Well the first signers are notified, just gotta get ready for tommorrow. Roosevelt, try to remember the rules... no impassables and no full immobilzers plz.
Roosevelt: awwww (leaves to work on splinter traps)
Terra sees sign-up and lets out a sigh
Kithle: Whats wrong now? I've got an event to run and we can't have the refs too depressed to do their jobs right.
Terra: I wanted to play on Chalk's team with Lisa.
Kithle: Sorry but you're too powerful and smart, you'd competely munch the other team, besides your spies are perfectly placed to make sure none of the players pulls any kind of crud Roosevelt was thinking of.
Terra: I know but...
Kithle: Some advice, try to just enjoy the spectacle and be sure to catch any violations that occur around Lisa, but do not favor her or overly punish her opponents. Lisa respects integrity, which, despite your hobbies, you do possess a certain measure of, you don't lie, and you're not really that abusive.
Terra: Why are you helping me? are you helping me?
Kithle: I lost my girlfriend after the transformation. The bastards from the village found me and tried to kill me even after I proved who I was. She got killed because that dipshit from the Temple to Dol Dorn didn't know the difference between a halberd and a club. I didn't have any healing power because I had to use stealth and arcane to escape. Frankly the Day of Mourning didn't do too much damage to that part of Cyre. From what I've seen, it's an improvement.
Terra: Wow, you really are human.
Kithle: Yeah, don't go telling everyone that. Also I've done some reading, the church of the Silver Flame has no existing stand on alternative lifestyles, except that whole anti-shapeshifter/fiend/undead thing. Ever consider why Lisa never had any boyfriends even when she was young.
Terra: I thought it was a combination of the hammer and a vow of Chasity.
Kithle: No such vow, and the wrath is probably confusion and frustration. That and most people on this ship really do deserve a good thwacking.
Terra: Still what do you gain.
Kithle: The look on Michael's face. I'm gonna freeze him for a bit then have Roosevelt sculpt a bust with that expression.
Terra: There's the Bastard we know and loathe.
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