Forgotten Freedom:34
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Satnak: I can, and will zorch the everluvin' drama out o' ya.
Dawn breaks and the first string teams move into position.
Chalky and Smig share the traditional pregame handshake, and Smig pulls back with a sore paw.
The teams disappear into the rigging or underdecks of their respective sides.
The game begins finally.
From Smig's team, Phollie is the first to cross into Chalky territory, as he draws near the bow of the ship, Pholly leaps from hiding, growling and snarling doing his best impression of himself as an aberration and failing miserably, the encounter quickly dissolves into a savage mini-brawl, with biting and hair pulling.
Doog: Errr... I just want you to know something, Michael. Umm... I... love you.
Michael: Wha?
Doog: In those colors! Those colors!
Michael: Ummm... okay.
(Looks to the side)
Doog: Who am I kidding? The BOATHOUSE was the time.
Michael: Righto....
(Backs away slowly)
Bianca: It's okay, Doog, we'll continue to help you get in touch with your feelings.
Doog: Oh hell, the only feelings I want to get in touch with is the ones telling me to bust up the side of your head wench!
Bianca: *anime adorable eyes*
Doog: Don't think that works on me. Listen here, folks! What we need here is a new Captain! One who ain't touchy, feely, friendly, and who ain't got these silly dilly rules things! When I'm Captain, ANYTHING GOES! We'll pillage, plunder, and rob our way across the Five Nations and we'll shoot anybody who gets in our way! The first thing we gotta do though is get rid of that pompous overfed lech in charge here! Whose with me in tossing him over the side!?
(Raises club)
Doog: Yeah?
(Crickets chirp)
Bianca: We're in port. Lisa's at church, Michael just left to go to temple, Jarlot's at Brothel, Andrea is at graveyard, Marish is getting a pedicure, Ketler is getting some widgets, Terra is killing some evil capitalist exploiters of House Cannith, and so on.
Doog: Well who is here!?
Ninja Jaela: I'm with ya!
Doog: ...you just keep walking girl.
Jarlot: *pounds up the notice*
Slip: You're making STUFF *UP* about me?
Jarlot: It's the only way to disguise your existence.
Slip: Listen, you rowdy pirate. I was a Captain in the ELVISH NAVY of Spelljammer, do you know what that means?
Jarlot: You served the one Space Navy even more laid back, sex obsessed, and drunk on berry wine than Starfleet?
Slip: ...yes. I fought ships of Beholders, destroyed Neogi Slavers, piloted THE Spelljammer, and have dealt with Arcane!
Jarlot: I thought everyone played Spelljammer solely to get from Krynn to Toril.
Slip: SHUT UP!
Volrath is talking to Nalfein in a hallway.
Volrath: So, both Allen and Sa'vor refused to make you into a vampire?
Nalfein: ... Shut up.
Volrath: No, I will never let this die.
Nalfein: Shut up or else.
Volrath: NEVER! I LAUGH AT THEE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Nalfein: THAT'S IT! FIREBALL!!!
Volrath: S**T!
Volrath dodges the fireball, completely unscathed.
Nalfein: Wait, I didn't know that Warlocks/Artificers/Flesh-grafters got the dodge feat.
Volrath: ... Oh, oh they don't. Wait then I still take half-damage -
After Volrath says that, he bursts into flames.
Volrath: MY HAIR IS ON FIRE, MY HAIR IS ON FIRE, MY HAIR IS ON FIRE, MY HAIR IS ON FIRE, MY HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
Volrath then runs down the hall to the restroom, which is past the female rooms.
Lisa, Andrea, Marish, and Terra see Volrath running by, his clothes burning away.
The Girls: ... (collective shudder)
Terra: So, what did you want to talk to me about?
Lisa: Well... when I was thinking things over, I realized that I know very little of you before you came aboard.
Terra: And you'd like me to fill you in...
Lisa: Well, yeah.
Terra: All right. But instead of telling you, I can just show you.
Lisa: How?
Terra: I'm Psionic now. We do this a lot.
Lisa: Oh yeah...
Terra: I'll show you a memory from my early adventuring days. This may help you understand where Volrath is coming from, too.
(The following flashback is seen through Terra's eyes. Anything in italics is current, everything else is memories.)
Lisa finds herself in a forested area during what appears to be early summer. A little ways in front of her is Volrath, and around her she sees Muradin, a female elf, and a male half-orc.
Lisa: Who are they?
Terra: Some old friends of mine. The elf is Urial, and the half-orc is Garr. Urial was a necromancer, reminds me a lot of Andrea, minus the trying to kill me part. Garr was a fighter. Think Muradin, only without the penchant for smashing things.
Urial: Say, Volrath. How much further to the village?
Volrath: Just over that hill, c'mon!
The party hurries after him, coming to a halt just outside a small village. The architecture and clothing suggest a Thranish frontier town.
Garr: This your home?
Volrath: Yeah. It's not much, but this is where I was born.
They head toward a dilapidated house near the edge of town. On the way, several villagers recoil in fear and run away when they see Volrath. They hear several whispers regarding the "cursed child." When they enter, they see that the inside is dark and dusty, and the windows appear to have been smashed in. Volrath runs off to a room in the back, and the party follows.
Volrath: (softly) Hi, Mom. I'm home.
In the room, they see a human woman, approximately in her forties, lying on a bed in the fetal position. Her eyes stare blankly into space and she doesn't respond to his voice as she rocks gently back and forth.
Lisa: (concerned) What happened to her?
Terra: The Thranish Inquisition. They tortured her relentlessly until she broke down, leaving her in the state you see here.
Lisa: Why? What did she do that was so horrible?
Terra: She gave birth to Volrath, and tried to protect him and his sister when they came for them.
Lisa: ...
Volrath's attempts to get his mother's attention are in vain, and he walks out of the room disheartened. When they return to the living room, they notice a young woman peeking out of another door. At first, she appears deathly pale, but they soon realize she is an albino.
Volrath: Hi, sis.
The girl flinches, then slowly steps out of the room. She is soft spoken and easily frightened, never looking any of them in the eye.
Lisa: Is she okay? She's awfully skittish...
Terra: The villagers are frightened of her. They consider her to be a bad omen because of her complexion. Volrath told me earlier that she gets beaten whenever something bad happens.
Lisa: And what's this feeling? Pity? Sadness? No, something deeper...
Terra: More like kinship. I saw a bit of myself in her eyes. But that's a whole other story.
The party spends the night at Volrath's house. About midnight, a large commotion startles them awake. They heard Volrath's sister screaming while one voice calls out "Hang her! She brought the accursed one back to our village!" As they ran out the front door, they saw the mob dragging her toward a tree with a noose hanging from it. Volrath is the first to react, taking off towards the crowd, followed closely by the rest of them. In the ensuing carnage, Lisa can feel what could only be described as righteous fury from Terra. The villagers are cut down even as they try to hang the poor girl. In the end, only a few of them are left. Terra is holding the girl, her face buried in Terra's robe as she shakes in terror.
(back in the present)
Lisa: What were they thinking?! And why did you show me that?
Terra: That was the first time I ever spilled blood without remorse. I felt that, by helping her, I was somehow coming to terms with my own past. It helped define who I am and what I've done since then...
Lisa: I see...
Terra: Another reason is to show you that what is good and what is evil can depend greatly on your point of view. Those villagers honestly thought what they were doing was right. Thrane later called us some of the most vile creatures ever to walk Eberron. Sure, we went overboard, but you would have too in our position.
Lisa: Well, I...
Terra: I know you're not like them. Though you tend to be a little self-righteous, you also realize that the world is not as black and white as some would have you believe. At first glance, people like Volrath, Michael, and Kithle seem to be pure evil. But if you actually get to know them, they all have their good side. They just don't show it very well.
Lisa: ...I'm going to need to think about that for a while.
Lisa leaves, looking somewhat distraught. Kanatash floats through the wall.
Kanatash: You know, I did something similar a while back, and it only led to disaster...
Terra: You did it as a mind game. I'm doing it as someone who is genuinely concerned for her well being. Everything I showed her was the truth. What she felt was real. I only wanted to show her the tragedy that results from hasty judgement and assumptions based off of biased information. I think most of her frustration comes from the difference between what she's been taught to believe and what she knows is true.
Kanatash: Still, I hope you know what you're doing. The last time hurt (clutches his chest)... Lisa is off wandering the halls, trying to come to grips with what she's seen in Terra's vision. At one point she passes Igor, and decides he's the best person to ask this off.
Lisa is off wandering the halls, trying to come to grips with what she's seen in Terra's vision. At one point she passes Igor, and decides he's the best person to ask this off.
Lisa: Igor, I've got a question.
Igor: Yeth, mith?
Lisa: You must have spent a lot of time among evil. Did you ever hurt anyone?
Igor: Not intentionlly, mith. My job wath usually to keep them alive until my mathter dealt with them.
Lisa: Do you have any remorse for them whatsoever?
Igor: That would be a detracthion in my line of work. I am the motht neutral individual I have ever encountered: I thow no preferenthe for moralth or ethicth.
Lisa: But have you ever even thought just once that maybe there was a right and wrong way to do things?
Igor: Often, mith. There are tradithions of the villain—
Lisa: Not that! I mean, good and evil. You mean to tell me that you've never questioned whether your actions were evil? I mean, showing no remorse for those your master kills… how do you cope?
Igor: Do you feel remorthe when you kill a demon, or an aberration from Xoriat, or one of the Quori?
Lisa: But they're evil.
Igor: Have you ever athked why "evil" exithtth ath a palpable forthe? Why you can thimply detect it with a thimple thpell?
Lisa: …………………no.
Igor: It ith tho convenient, ith it not, that evil ithn't tho hard to find. It exithtth independent of what we mere mortalth think. Therefore, if I therve evil—-and what I do ith therve mayhem—-there mutht be a reathon. Do you ever quethtion the commandth of the Thilver Flame?
Lisa doesn't answer.
Igor: I onthe knew a man who killed a whole village becauthe he thought they were evil.
Lisa: Were they?
Igor: If you had catht "detect good" they would have shown up ath a shining beacon.
Lisa: But that's terrible!
Igor: To the man who did it, it wath juthtified. They had allowed the Thranith Inquithithion to kill the werewolveth living among them.
Lisa: ……………Were these werewolves good?
Igor: They had killed many people jutht for the theer joy of it.
Lisa: Oh, good.
Igor: But thith ith not why the Thranith Inquithithion came. They came only becauthe they were werewolveth.
Lisa: I'm guessing that man killed the villagers because they didn't defend the werewolves. Well, why should they have? Those were killers!
Igor: The villagerth didn't know thith. They thuthpected it, but only becauthe they knew the people were werewolveth.
Lisa thinks back to the vision Terra showed her. What if Volrath's sister had been a murderer? Would that have justified her being hung for bringing Volrath back? What about Volrath's mother? Was it any different to kill someone for a crime you thought they had committed but they hadn't than a crime they had committed but you didn't know about?
Lisa: Did the man say why he killed all those villagers?
Igor: To make thure it couldn't happen again. And if you are wondering, he felt no remorthe. He did it three more before guilt at hith acthionth overtook him. In the end he thaid, "You cannot kill people for being afraid. You thould thow them what there evil doeth." Of courthe, he did not lithp.
Lisa: Well I'm glad… but what does that have to do with killing devils?
Igor: Why do you kill evil rather than change it? Unleth you are willing to kill the thource of evil, you have no hope of dethtroying it.
Slip is sitting on the deck trying to sun herself; When the sky Darkens.
Slip: What the …
Tifa walks on to the ship.
Slip: Oh F*ck she is back… I should go tell the captain… but I think it will be fun if she surprises him Tifa to Slip: Hello, can you tell me where my Husband is?
Slip: At this time of Day, Passed out in his… your cabin.
Tifa: Bah, he was always such a lightweight.
Tifa Walks off to find her Husband.
Lisa sits in the galley, mulling over what she has seen and heard recently. Terra walks in and sits across from her.
Terra: I know you're busy, but I felt there was one more thing you needed to know. On some level, it may actually make things easier.
Lisa: ...okay.
Terra: Michael has said repeatedly that he feels churches are just tools to control the masses. Too often, this is true. But you must remember something. Churches are run by mortals, and therefore subject to their greed and prejudices. The gods, however, do not bend to their whim.
Lisa: What's your point?
Terra: Your status as a Paladin requires you to be faithful to the Silver Flame. I'm saying that, regardless of what the Priests of the Silver Flame tell you, you can defy the Church and still follow your god. You have seen that the theocracy is fallible. Thier word may be law, but it is not always the will of the Silver Flame.
Lisa: How can I know the difference?
Terra: That is for you and your god to work out. No one else but the Silver Flame can tell you what it wants. Blind loyalty to one's god must never translate into blind loyalty to one's church.
Lisa: I think I understand, but it's easier said than done...
Terra: Taking responsibility for your own actions never is. But unless you do, you may end up destroying yourself. I know this from personal experience. Do not try to force yourself, though. When you are ready, you may find it easier than you think...
As Terra gets up, she takes Lisa's hand, kisses it softly, then leaves Lisa alone in her thoughts.
Volrath is curled up in the fetal position. Tears are streaming out his eyes
Volrath : That nasty lady has got Terra, and I can't do anything about it.
He continues crying the tears start to harden, as they hit his body. The layers of hardened tears slowly build up in thickness. This continues until Volrath is completely covered in a crystalline cocoon. It has built up so thick, that all that can be seen of Volrath is a twisting dark spot.
Jarlot: I have the bad feeling that an ex-girlfriend is about to show up.
Ketler: Well that can't be too bad.
Jarlot: You don't know my ex-girlfriends.
Ketler: Hey, have you seen Stupid?
Jarlot: No, when was the last time you saw him?
Ketler: About three months ago.
Jarlot: Well I'm sure he's not becoming our archnemesis or anything....
Meanwhile at A.R.C.H.N.E.M.E.S.I.S headquarters
Stupid/Scholar: Muhahahahahahahahaha, at last I have rebuilt myself as the One True Lord of Blades. I am once more able to begin my work towards defeating Captain Jarlot and...
(Puts his pinkie to his mouth)
Achieve World Domination.
Phollie: *having escaped the Forgotten Freedom as well* That doesn't make any sense whatsoever!
Stupid/Scholar: What do you mean? Bwhahahaha.
Phollie: What does defeating Captain Jarlot have to do with world domination?
Stupid/Scholar: He is the only opposition in my way to achieving it!
Phollie: Nevermind, you know, the armies of the governments and all....
Stupid/Scholar: Yes, exactly.
Phollie: I was being sarcastic!
Stupid/Scholar: It's simple really...
1. Destroy the Forgotten Freedom. 2. ??? 3. World domination.
Phollie: That's not a plan at all!
Stupid/Scholar: That is why you're just a henchman.
Phollie: Ugh.
Stupid/Scholar: The Forgotten Freedom is also the greatest concentration of evil in the universe. By possessing its dimension hopping skills and enslaving its crew, I will possess unlimited power!
Phollie: That SORT of makes sense, I suppose.
Stupid/Scholar: WHICH I WILL USE TO BUILD A LASER TO VAPORIZE THE WORLD!
Phollie: I thought you wanted world domination.
Stupid/Scholar: I do.
Phollie: Then why would you want to vaporize the world... where, you know... we live?
Stupid/Scholar: You silly boy...
1. Vaporize the world. 2. ??? 3. Rulership of the Universe.
Phollie: The Hell!?
Stupid/Scholar: I can see you're blinded by my intellect, you puny fleshbag. I shall also release my mother Khyber from her imprisonment and then summon a meteor of some kind.
Phollie: Now you're just reciting the plot of Final Fantasy 7!
Stupid/Scholar: No, you see, we're a dream within a dream and if Aerith defeats the evil of the Great Enemy then she'll become it.
Phollie: Now it's FF10!
Stupid/Scholar: Some orbs are also involved plus gardens where we train mercenaries. It's all very complicated you know.
Phollie: Are you sure you should trust that Wizard who gave you brains? I think all he gave you was a diploma.
Stupid/Scholar: In any case, we shall eat their hearts and crazzap out their souls! Muhahahhahaa.
Phollie: I'm never going to escape the shadow of morons.
Stupid/Scholar: I see you've met my army then.
Phollie: Say what?
Stupid/Scholar: The moron clan of Orcs. Also I have Mikail, the evil Anti-Paladin, some Quori, and generally everyone else even more evil than the crew of the Freedom after them. It's all quite EVIL you know. Bwhahahahahhaa.
Phollie: Do you have some disease that makes you laugh like that?
Stupid/Scholar: Yes, the disease of EVIL.
Projection of Kithle: ROFL
Scholar/Stupid: What's this? A spy!!
Phollie: It's Kithle
Scholar/Stupid: He knows our plans, he must die
Phollie: What plans?
Scholar/Stupid: DIE
Projection of Kithle: Rofl
Phollie: it's a projected image
Projection of Kithle: haha... I though I would have... hahaha... keep an eye on you... haha... but now I see that you're... not even... remotely threatening... Hahaha. *wheeze*...haha
Scholar/Stupid: Stop laughing at me
Phollie: uh oh
Scholar/Stupid: Full power to the astral annihilator.
Phollie: Wait that isn't set up yet that's the...
(F-BWOOOOOOOOOOM)
Phollie: Self destruct
Projection of Kithle: ROFL
Back on the FF
Kithle: haha... Ameteur...Haha, *throat clearing noise* gotta deal with Volrath now. I swear I never get any Me-time.
(A flaming laser bolt of death then smashes through the Forgotten Freedom and it crashes... thankfully only two feet off the ground)
Jarlot: Kithle... don't mock the crazed Lord of Blades.
Kithle: He's so... mockable, though.
Jarlot: I know but it's tacky and he still unfortunately has huge weaponry.
Kithle: How you going to repair the ship, anyway?
Jarlot: Meh, not my problem.
The crash, though minor, has upset Terra's lab quite a bit. Several weeks of research lie strewn across the floor.
Terra: Son of a crap! I was so close to finishing...
While cleaning up, she notices the beaker she was working with on the floor. It seems to have miraculously survived with the contents largely intact.
Terra: All right! Maybe this wasn't a total disaster.
As she goes to pick it up, another vial rolls off the table and dumps some of its contents into the beaker. Terra is unable to react in time.
Terra: NO! ...crap...
It begins foaming as she picks up the vial. Reading the label, a sly grin crosses her face.
Terra: Ooooo... this could be interesting...
Meanwhile, it seems a newfound pastime of crewmembers of the FF is to drink in solitude. While Lisa ponders her predicament over truth-wine, Dooj does something similar over truth-scotch, except that the truth-scotch isn't really truth-scotch, having absolutely no magical properties whatsoever, and is in fact ordinairy, mundane scotch.
The ship grinds to a halt after dramatically plummeting two feet to earth. Dooj rocks in his chair and steadies himself, pouring another scotch as the glass slides along the table. He snatches it from the edge and continues to fuel his drinking problem.
Normally a rather dextrous individual, it seems Dooj can't bring a glass to his lips to save his life. The half-orc snorts and splutters as he accidentally splashes himself in the face with scotch for the umpteenth time. "Damned drinking problem," he curses, pouring another. "This is my eighteenth glass and I'm still sober! I'm so thirsty!"
After several more failed attempts, the frustrated (and wet) Dooj gives up and hurls the empty bottle across his room, where it shatters against a wall covered in posters of famous bards and pin-ups from the Sharn Inquisitive. He rubs one eye with the heel of one hand and laments his circumstances. Michael, who he'd felt so sure about, had... not rejected him, but didn't really seem to get it. The fella sure could be thick sometimes. That, and the first time Dooj had ever worked up the ambition to overthrow Jarlot and make something more of himself had failed miserably when nobody else was there to join him.
"Best accept it," Dooj mutters to himself, "And move on. A nice bit of brisket right about now would probably sooth the ol' ego..."
Fate, circumstance, pure dumb luck, or comedic timing decided this was an appropriate time for Tifa to open the door to Dooj's cabin. "Jarlot, are you in here?" she asks.
The half-orc springs to his feet, seemingly unsurprised by this woman's sudden appearance, nor unperturbed by her mentioning of the captain.
"'Fraid not, missy," he says, rather louder than necessary. "You're docking at a much finer port. I've a galleon here full of merchant seamen, so lift up your skirt and prepare to be boarded!" He planted his hands on his hips and begins thrusting in her general direction.
Tifa raises an eyebrow as the half-orc continues his crude gesture, hoping he realises how ridiculous he looks and stops on his own, ashamed. When the thrusting continues for more than twenty seconds and the thruster appears to have no intention of stopping she finally caves and averts her gaze, shielding with one hand her view of the obscene man. Her face takes on the expression of one fighting nausea. "I'm sorry, this must be the wrong cabin. I'm looking for my husband, Jarlot."
Dooj freezes, mid-thrust. "Husband?"
"Yes."
The half-orc straightens up immediately. "Oh, he's just down the hall, to the left."
"Thanks," says Tifa, closing the door behind her and quickly leaving, vowing never to think of this particular moment again.
Alone again, Dooj retakes his seat and lets out an exasperated sigh. Husband? She was married to Jarlot? And he, the mighty Dooj, nearly seduced her? That would not have ended well. It wasn't that he was adverse to knocking boots with a married woman, not even that of his... "commanding officer," but he knew Jarlot. Jarlot had standards so low it's disturbing. I mean, look at Marish! And Jarlot ran away from her? She must be terrible in the sack.
Kithle: ROFL
Sa'vor: He's been like this for hours.
Kanatash: He finds the concept of Stupid/Scholar as a threat amusing. Stupid is an iredeemable waste of scrap metal, while scholar may be a decent mage his brain was consudmed after kithle tricked him into turning into a bear. I admit that the idea of a combinant of those two having anything but a personality disorder funny. Throw in the Captain being the one chased in a relationship, and the relationship trouble amongst the crew... RIFL (rolling in the floor)
Sa'vor: Unholy shadows of Mabar am I the sane one?
Igor: If you were thane, thir, you would not be on thith thip. Trutht me, that'th why I'm here.
Meanwhile, Roosevelt is working on overdrive to try and repair the ship.
Roosevelt: *****, why, Kithle, why did you have to taunt the guy with the big gun? For all that brainpower, you lack wisdom. Pass me another beam, will you Erk?
Erk: *grunts*
Roosevelt: I just hope they stay out of Lack of Brains's way long enough for me and Ketler to get this thing airborne again. You okay, Earl?
Earl (voice sounds a little weak): So close to freedom…
Roosevelt: Sounds fine.
Erk: *starts pointing furiously and grunting in a stream*
Roosevelt: You want to do WHAT? You actually think you can take the Crustacean (i.e. LoBster)? I know he's got as much brainpower as a crab… actully, less… but he's probably got nameless henchmen, pits filled with various water carnivores, and traps that are… so…… fiendishly clever… they're ridiculously easy to get out of………
Later on in Kithle's lab
Kithle: You've got to be kidding me! Erk? Going to fight the Lord of Brainless? I mean, if it were anybody else…
Roosevelt: No, don't you see? Igor's been giving me lessons. The dumbest person on the team always has some hidden power that saves everything at the last minute.
Igor: It'th true. I cannot count how many timeth my mathter hath had their planth foiled by a buffoon doing thomething thupid at the latht thecond. Or all the timeth when they actually know thomething relevant. No villain ever accountth for it. It ith the power of tradithion.
Erk: *grunting in agreement*
Kithle: A moron to defeat a moron. ………Makes about as much sense as anything else this ship's encountered. So what do we do?
Igor: He'll need a team conthithting of one thmart person—probably obthethed with gadgetth—-one military person—-or, at leatht, thomeone who ith good at blowing thtuff up—and one gorgeouthly attractive female.
Kithle: You sure about that last one?
Igor: They need not all be theperate people. But yeth.
Tifa Walks down the hall and enters the door... To see Jarlot setting at his desk working on a new adventure to put his players through.
When the Door opens he looks up...
Jarlot: OH f*ck! I thought you were in jail.
Tifa: OH don't be silly snookie-wookums, the family Lawyers, it was not really all that Hard... I mean Uncle Mietar caught sleeping with two of Gilfar's daughter... and he only got 3 months.
Jarlot: Well, Well look at the time... It's nice seeing to again, to bad you have to go again so soon...
Tifa: Nope, I can't leave the ship, as part of my deal to get me off I have to stay aboard the ship and try to reform it and make it worthy of the House again... So I'm here to stay.
Jarlot: ... But dear I'm only think of your saf...
Tifa: I think you will Find I can take of my self. *Holds up her Gauntleted hand*
Jarlot: But but...
Tifa She's still on the ship isn't she!
Jarlot: *mumble mumble*
Tifa: Jarlot Truth NOW!
Jarlot: Yes...
Tifa: Good that will give me a chance to put that Flower selling tart in her place... Oh honey How about you and I get together for drinks later.
Tifa: then walks out of the room and says to herself: Now where am I going to find a Cleric on this ship.
Terra arrives at Jarlot's cabin, knocks on the door and starts to open it.
Jarlot: GO AWAY! I'M BUSY!!
It is already too late. Terra sees him on the ground, a strange woman with a gauntlet has him completely pinned.
Terra: Uh... am I... interrupting something?
Tifa: Not at all! I'm just trying to get a straight answer out of my husband here. (turning to Jarlot) NOW WHERE IS SHE?! I KNOW YOU'RE HIDING HER SOMEWHERE!!
It takes a moment for what was just said to sink in as Terra hears the captain scream like a little girl.
Terra: Wait, wait. You mean... you two are married?
Tifa: Oh yes. Isn't that right, dear?
Jarlot: (currently having his arm twisted) OUCH! YES!
Tifa: Yes what?
Jarlot: AUGH! YES DEAR!
No longer able to hold back, Terra bursts out laughing. After about a minute, she manages to calm down enough to talk.
Terra: The great Captain Jarlot, *snicker* Bachelor Extraordinaire, is whipped?!
Jarlot: OW! You are so getting keelhauled for this...
Terra: And look at her! You ran away from her? You'd rather sleep with a bunch of shifter girls than her?
Tifa: *Blush*
Jarlot: (impatiently) What did you want?
Terra: (still giggling) Never mind. I'll tell you later...
Terra closes the door and walks down the hall laughing.
Tifa: What's with her?
Jarlot: She plays for the other team...
Tifa: You mean...?
Jarlot: Yep.
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