Forgotten Freedom:36
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Terra: Hey, Kithle. While we're setting up, there's something I wanted to mention.
Kithle: Shoot.
Terra: I'm happy to see that you're encouraging independent thought among the new troops.
Kithle: That was fast...
Terra: New power, new means of intelligence gathering. Just to warn you, even those who appear to be most loyal can turn on you under the right conditions.
Kithle: I know that!
Terra: I thought I did too. It took two attempts on my life before I realized just how easy it was for that to happen.
Kithle: I almost forgot. You have experience with minion keeping...
Terra: Igor has far more than I do. I learned most of what I know from him. But I do have some advice that may help.
Kithle: What's that?
Terra: Jarlot may be a hopeless, drunken idiot most of the time, but he knows how to keep the loyalties of his crew. If you think about it, half the crew could easily overthrow him, but we don't. Why?
Kithle: Well... um... actually, I have no idea.
Terra: If you find out, let me know. I'm interested as well. Just do it WITHOUT eating his brain. The rest of the crew may mutiny.
Kithle: (putting down the longrange brainsucker) Awwww...
Terra: Jarlot, why DO the crew not overthrow you.
Jarlot: You mean aside from Doog's Bugs Bunny-like antics?
Terra: Yes.
(Jarlot moves aside as Doog failed to hit him with the anvil he had hoisted on the mast nearby)
Jarlot: I assume you aren't going to accept my epic levels...
Terra: You know those don't exist outside of fantasy games right?
Jarlot: Whatever puny mortal.
Terra: For your own safety, I'll forget you said that.
Jarlot: The answer is simply... MUD.
Terra: I'm going to ignore what my Druid mind thought initially. Mutually assured destruction?
Jarlot: Think about it, Terra. Do you honestly think that the people who want an undead world will accept an Illithid one while the people who want a Demon-ruled one will enjoy an undead one?
Terra: So you're in charge because they think you're harmless?
Jarlot: They think I'm harmless but I'm going to rule the world.
Aerith: OH ELVIS!
Tifa: YOU! *****! I HAVE YOU AT LAST!
Jarlot: Oh hell!
(Leaps off the side of the boat, hits the ground six feet under as the repairs are going... badly)
(Poof Bob the Min Kuilicher demon show up on Tifa shoulder, stops her from going after the Solor lover)
Bob: You know I'm pretty sure it would be easier to kill the other women...
Tifa: Shut Up, Bob, they are not important!
Bob: But what if one of them...
Tifa: Look Bob, I'm not going to go on a killing spree Just because you have nothing to do... get a gameboy for something.
Bob: I don't think they have any of those on this plane.
(A Group of Flayers walk by)
Bob: Eh Law evil... what a joke. You know Back in my day we were Chaotic and we Liked It!
Tifa: Look, I don't need a your life story again!
(Jarlot starts singing)
Tife: Do you really think that will work; She will not get rid of me that easyly
Bob: You know he's not that bad... It's got a good beat and you can dance to it.
Ketler : Hey, Elvis!
Jarlot : Sshh! Can't you see I'm hiding from my ex-wife?
Ketler : This is important. You just got your first bag of FAN-MAIL! Congratulations! You da King!
Erk and Muradin barely manage to drag a mail bag of a truly gargantuan size through the door. Both faint from overexertion when it's mostly through. It fully blocks any entry or exit from the cabin.
Jarlot : Khyber...
Ketler : So, you going to open it, or are you going to wait till Dol Dornmas?
Jarlot picks up a letter. He turns it over in his hands. Theres no return address, but his name is written in a sickly pink cursive that looks vaguely like a sixth grader's. It's wreathed in little hand-drawn pink hearts and stars. The stamp suggests that it might be from Thrane.
Jarlot : Huh. Who'dathunkit? A Thranish fan. I thought they all had sticks up their *****es.
Ketler : Well, don't leave us hanging! The suspense is killing me!
Jarlot opens the letter, and unfolds it. A scrap of paper falls out. It's rectangular and about 5" by 7". Ketler picks it up. His jaw hits the floor, his tongue rolls out, his eyes bulge out of his skull, huge drops of sweat roll off his face, gouts of steam billow out of his nose, followed by several whistle blasts, and he finally falls over, twitching and making small grunting noises.
Somehow, Jarlot fails to notice the commotion.
Jarlot : Hey, this one's from Jaela! Huh- whats that paper on the floor there?
Jarlot picks up the paper that Ketler dropped. He looks at it once, and his eyes grow to the size of saucers, his feet and legs twist up and his face gets very red and he makes several wolf whistles and wolf calls, and falls on the floor gibbering.
Jarlot : Sweet Devourer, Jaela, does your mother know you sent that?
Later
Kanatash : *sobbing* That was horrible.
Silence : It's going to be okay, you'll be alright.
Kantash : I feel so dirty.
Silence : Look, uh, what happened? Well, I mean, if you can talk about it; it must be like, really painful for you.
Kanatash : No, no, it's alright. I need to get it out. I floated through the doorway of the captain's room, which for some reason was blocked by a massive bag of letters. I hadn't seen him in several hours and figured that was a bad sign. And then... I saw it. *Kanatash is wracked by sobbing*
Silence : It's alright, I don't have to know...
Kanatash : I've stared down Daelkyr, elder gods, horrors beyond imagination, I've mapped Xoriat and Dal Quor; I thought I plumbed the depths of madness, but never did I wish to see a vampiric half-dragon copulating with a wall! The captain and Ketler were on the ground with a small piece of paper, and... and... I can't talk about it. What Erk was doing doesn't bear mentioning. And Muradin... I...
Silence : It's alright. Everything will be alright. You hear me? Everything.
Silence kisses Kanatash where she thinks his forhead is, and turns to Terra.
Silence : Well, I guess we know where Sa'vor teleported to.
Silence has called an emergency meeting of the crew to deal with this new assault.
Silence : Alright, what we know is that someone sent an enchanted item to Jarlot, disgised as fan mail, and it's disabled, like, several of our heavy hitters. Jarlot'd door is blocked, and the only way we can get in is through teleportation, gaseous form, or incorporeality. Scrying in the area didn't work because of some safeguard that Jarlot, like, put there in case Ketler tried to view him while Marish was taking, like, dictation. Any questions?
Marish : Why don't you just send in Kanatash? He's probably immune to whatever the stupid thing is...
In the resulting quiet, a soft sobbing is heard. Everyone notices Kanatash's huddled form in the corner with a increasingly wet teddy bear. The teddy bear has seven eyes, four arms ending in things beyond desription, twenty-three tentacles emerging from various points around its torso, and what looks like plush chitinous scales.
Marish : oh...
Kithle : Nose goes! *touches what could be an orifice for breathing*
Most of the Crew : Nose goes! *each one touches their orifice for breathing*
Klaz : Errr... what does that mean?
Later
Klaz : Alright, I'm out.
John : So, what caused my dad, the captain, Sa'vor, Erk, Muradin, and Kanatash to go bonkers?
Klaz : This.
Klaz holds up a small rolled up piece of paper. It's tied with a eye-shatteringly pink ribbon.
Terra : Oh... so uh... what is it?
Klaz : Apparently, Jaela sent them this. It's a lumograph of Jaela, doing something rather... inappropriate. I can look at it because my tastes don't run toward the humanoid, wink-wink, but anyone else would be driven to conniptions by the raw sexuality of the picture. I'm keeping it, mates. *Klaz walks off, whistling*
Jarlot: I really appreciate you going through the rest of these letters, Igor.
Igor: I live to therve, mathter. Thith wouldn't be the firtht time I've had to deal with dangerouth mail.
Jarlot: Really?
Igor: Yeth. Everyone thinkth that vampireth creep people out. But they're irrethithtible to young women. For example, King Kaiuth—the current one—gets thouthandth of letterth every week from lovethick young girlth.
Jarlot: Kaius? You've got to be joking.
Igor: It'th tradithionAl. Of courthe, in the patht they were inexthplicablY drawn to a cathle or other lair. Thethe dayth it'th all long dithtanthe.
Jarlot suddenly has a bad thought.
Jarlot: ……Um…………… did Kaius ever get anything from…………
Igor: Yeth.
Jarlot (trying very hard not to remember the picture): But their nations are mortal enemies!
Igor: That'th the power of charithma, mathter. One diplomatic encounter at Thronehold and the wath hooked. The even told her thpieth to look out for what Kaiuth liked.
Jarlot (drawn unwillingly ahead by the power of morbid curiousity): And what was that?
Igor (still talking in his completely oblivious tone): Torture devitheth.
Jarlot passes out.
(Sa'vor lies unconsious in his evil lair, Feal-Thas stands by him waiting for him to come round. Sa'vor stirs)
Sa'vor: Ow my head ... what happened?
Feal-thas: I belive somEthing overloaded your mind, father
Sa'vor: Indeed... luckily whatever it was has been permanatly removed from my memory. Thank Khyber for backup systems. So, how goes the first generation?
Feal-thas: Due to Kithle's training, the first twenty are quite capable of independent thought, they follow orders they beleive to be sane or within parameters. I ordered them to jump off the tower and they said *AHEM* " This order would be a waster of manpower SIR!.
Sa'vor: Interesting.
(Kithle appears)
Kithle: Ah, you're awake at last. good. you've been out for hours
Sa'vor: My head feels like it's being split in two, my regeneration is barely coping with the effort to repair my mind, but I'm fine. The cause of whatever happened was utterly deleted from my mind. A backup system in case of an event like that, and then I was teleported back to my lair.
Kithle: How go the troops? Oh and also, how long will it take to train all of them?
Sa'vor: At full speed to train all ten billion of them and ready them for a coup... about twenty years.
Kithle: That soon?
Sa'vor: Each brood is programmed with specific battlefield roles: archer; scout and skirmisher; spellcasters; healers; artillery; engineers and so on. This knowledge is programmed into their minds and is eventually awakened during the training process.
Kithle: Interesting. tell me, there appear to be some of them which are much different from the others, why would this be?
Sa'vor: Ah, well, I have each of the dragon colours for each species. The species I have at the moment is known as the Spartan strain, other strains are developed for other tasks. Though each strain has the following things; they require only two hours sleep maximum, they can last two months without food, almost a month without water. They can breathe beneath water, immune to pestilence and venoms and are resistant to magic.
Kithle: These will be the perfect soldiers, but problem, why would they follow me if they believed me to be weak.
Feal-thas: For the survival of our species, and as long as your orders were sane and sensible we would not see it fit to replace you.
Kithle: Good, good. what are the chances of them turning traitor?
Sa'vor: None, they may not follow orders that make no sense or are a waste of resources but they won't turn on you as long as they are seen as more than worthless soldiers
Kithle: What shall they be seen as?
Sa'vor: Allies, as brothers in arms. As their own free people whom serve out of thier own free will.
Kithle: What of the ones whom don't want to serve me?
Sa'vor: they are content to train and build up the species.
Volrath's dreams slow to the point where he is once again lucid.
Volrath talking to himself : Why must the suffering continue. If I kill Thranes I am a hypocrite, but if I let them live more innocents will be killed. If I only kill the ones performing the inquisitions, their families will mourn and then come after me.
??? : Kill them all! Kill them all!
Volrath : I know that you're trying to help, big bro, but I need to think about this alone.
??? : Kill, kill, kill (The psionic voice slurs into snarls. Then gradually fades away.)
Volrath : Why is the world like this! WHY, WHY, WHY!
An apparition of his father forms before Volrath.
??? : Because this world is not for you. Join those of your brethren that have found this.
Volrath : Stop it! I belong here. There has to be a way for this world to be fixed! There has to!
With that Volrath lashes out at his father, and yet again descends into dreams of horror, but this time they are of things that may yet come to pass.
As this is happening psionic waves erupt from the cocoon in Volrath's room. As everyone scrambles to stand up again Kanatash floats into the room, apparently having blocked out the memories of his recent past.
Kanatash : I wasn't expecting this to happen, for another couple years.
Kithle : You know what this little freak's is doing!
Kanatash : Yes, you see when an elder god sires an offspring with a mortal any number of things can happen, but Volrath's father is rather orderly. The same thing happens with each child. They are born as a fairly normal child, albeit one that has an affinity for aberrations. They age very slowly compared to any other race, and are only capable of forming the bond, you mortals call love, at a very early age. After that they become more and more detached from the world, as they lose those they love one by one. Once they become completely detached from this world they become a deranged lord. Volrath's human side appears to be resisting his transformation into a Daelkyr, with every ounce of strength it has.
Kithle : So you're saying, when he comes out of there he will be a Daelkyr!
Kanatash : No, these things happen in stages. He will be changed, but not a Daelkyr, at least not yet.
Terra: So far, each of Volrath's kin have eventually succumbed to the transformation. It seems my feelings for Lisa have hastened this stage.
Kithle: Why?
Terra: His mother is dead, his sister is in an insane asylum. I'm probably the closest thing to family he has left in this world. Due to his early experiences, he feels anyone associated with Thrane will do nothing but hurt him further.
Kithle: So he thinks Lisa is trying to take you away?
Terra: More or less. Unfortunately, I highly doubt that we'll be able to stop this phase of the transformation. It's already nearing completion.
NJ26 Sneaks into Klaz's room, slits his throat, and destroys the Jaela pic.
NJ26: I need to have a talk with my little/big sister.
Sneaks out
later
NJ26: Get your husband under control, Tifa.
Tifa: I just gotta kill this Aerith *****...
NJ26 - Forget her, a good liquid keelhauling with a solid whap to the head and a session with Kithle or Kanatash should work fine. If all else fails intimidation works just as well.
Kithle - Well, dammit, much as it goes against my better judgment, you three are a lot of fun.
Terra - Huh?
Kithle - Satnak suppression only.
Satnak - Awwwwwwww.
KIthle - I love magic immunity. (touches cocoon) (enters Volrath's mind)
Volrath - YOU
Kithle - Shut up and listen, you little wimp. I have dueled with Sa'vor the Darkbane and Kanatash the World ripper. I forged Satnak, the dream breaker, the darkslayer, THE DEICIDE. I will rule this realm in the millienia to come. I will destroy those arrogant fools who thought to change me against my heart. I will break the prophecy of the dragons asunder. I will set my creation upon the great old ones, and the Lords of Dust, the Quori, against the heavens themselves. I am Mortal Incarnate, I am the future despite all that would control me. the very least you can do is tell your pops to shove it where the darkness doesn't penetrate. Lisa is not going to take Terra away from you, think of it as gaining a sister or aunt. You still have your bunny, and Muradin is absolutly devoted to you. The Flame is not in itself evil, nor is Lisa. People from the Flame have hurt you, yes, but like any other mortal you deal with a world not cut in cloth of black and white. Deal with it. I know the external part of this process is irreversible at this point, but don't let those bastards change who you are!!! It's your soul, your destiny, forge them according to your vision. DO NOT LET THEM WIN!!!! Unless you want to be an arrogant heartless waste of power that is promptly fried by Satnak. Its up to you now Kid, don't do anything to dissapoint Terra and Muradin. Besides, if you go all Daelkyr on us we might let the brain out to spite you. Terra: (listening in) Ouch, that was harsh. But it may do him some good.
Kanatash: True. I only hope he takes it the way it was meant. I'd hate to have to see him zorched.
Satnak: You three are no fun at all...
Klaz lies in the infirmary, recovering from his encounter with the p***ed off Ninja Jaela.
Mickey: (downs the rest of his Vodka of Healing) I dunno what you did, but it must'a been a doozie.
Klaz: I was gonna destroy it, but the shiela got ta me first...
Mickey: Destroy what?
Klaz: Better if you don't know... Ninja star stabs Klaz's hand to wall note attached says : Should have said so, Sorry.
Klaz - I dunno whether to be vengeful, forgiving, or scared out of my mind. Obviously I'm in shock, got any Puji of Perfect Restoration?
Kithle - Ohh my head... oh... Terra, something I should be telling you... *whump*
Lisa - FLAME what's wrong in here. Kithle said I should get here, what's happening.
Terra - Volrath is being changed against his will due to his father's heratige. The physical aspect is inevitable at this point, but Kithle just burned himself out trying to save Volrath's spirit.
Lisa - Our KIthle?
Terra - Yeah... he's not as bad as he would have us believe. Don't tell anyone though. *in squirrel* death paper probably better drag your dad back to his room and watch your claws.
Death paper - (Slips out of Kithle's sweater) on it Terra.
Lisa - *common* what do I do?
Terra - Volrath is dealing with a lot of issues right now. I think Kithle wanted you here to show that the Church of the flame aren't all like the inquisitors that messed up his mother and sister. Volrath : That nun with tentacles really helped, but why did she sound so much like Kithle? Only one thing left to do.
A claw rips through the cocoon, tearing a long gash. From the rip spews a horrible bile, and the new Volrath. A tentacle now protrudes from each of his shoulders. Two insectoid legs come off of each side of his torso. As he opens his mouth to talk, his tongue is revealed to be several inches longer than it should be, and is now several strands of sinew wound together and ending in a bony barb.
Volrath : Hi everybody! Oh yeah, Kithle, no matter what you do the true mind flayer empire will not come until long after you're dead. The only one of us that will live to see it is Sa'vor. The empires of aboleths will rise and push back the empire you are starting. The humans will then gain true dominion of the earth, by absorbing the other humanoid races. Finally after all of that the mindflayers will indeed rule supreme, because of all your efforts. You however will not live to see its completion. It will be ruled by your descendants. Kithle : You arrogant little *******. Volrath (completely ignoring Kithle) : Lisa, I would like to say that... well, I (drops his head and walks out). Jarlot: *bangs his broom from underneath the corridors* You know why Illithids, Beholders, and Aboleths will never real jack!? You guys are too goddamned high ECL! It means you never get any decent mage or warrior levels! So yuck it up you gawddamned tentacly things!
Cool Cthultu: Captain, that could be construed as harrassment.
Jarlot: What the hell are you doing back here?
Cool Cthultu: Aerith admitted she didn't have feelings for me entirely clear yet what with you and...
Jarlot: She dumped you! HA! In your face Squidhead!
Illithid Crew member: Hey! I resent that! Star Spawn and Illithids are two very distinct cultures and...
Jarlot: Talk to the Boomstick.
- Jarlot blows the head off the Illithid and a number of pieces land in the chilli*
Cool Cthultu: That wasn't very nice.
- door bursts open*
Tifa: I HAVE YOU NOW JARLOT AND I...wha...
Tifa: *drool*
Jarlot; You know, you and Terra I could forgive. Hell I'd even video tape but... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ALL OF MY OLD GIRLFRIENDS!?
In the chamber of the Silver Flame, Jaela neals just before the fire pit, conducting a private ritual of penance.
Jaela: Great Flame, within which dwells all the spirits of the righteous, slayer of all those who possess the soul, cleanser of the heart, I………… well… I've done something very naughty—
Suddenly the Flame grows until it nearly fills the chamber. Jaela feels herself being consumed by the fire, her very soul reduced to ash. She tries to gain control of the fire, to communicate with the spirit of Tira Mirron, but she cannot even scream and flame pours from every orifice of her body.
As the silver fire leaves her it coalesces into a human shape, standing just before the pontiff. The conflagration in the chamber begins to die, a silver residue coating the room. As the flames lessen the figure takes on a more and more distinct shape, and soon Jaela can see that it is a human youth, probably about 17, strikingly handsome and not overly muscular, with silver hair that seems to ripple like flame.
The youth, now clothed in a silver jacket and pants of a cut Jaela has never seen before, squats down in front of her. His smile is condescending.
Silver Youth: You are the one the flame chose to lead its mission? Ha! Run along and play, little girl. Your services shall no longer be required. I shall purge the world of evil.
He seems to be staring into Jaela's mind, and an evil gleam comes to his eyes.
Silver Youth: And I know just the place to start.
With that, he vanishes quickly in a wisp of silver flame. Jaela looks into the sacred fire, but it is gone now.
Reading a book in the library, Cheese's left eye suddenly twitches.
Cheese (swearing): JAELA'S PICTURE…
He leaps off the book, passing the new Volrath as the librarian enters. Not quite familiar with Cheese yet, Volrath isn't sure what to make of the behavior. Yet something about the urgency with which Cheese is moving strikes a knot of curiosity—-and perhaps even fear—-within the aberration, and he tries to follow Cheese. This proves impossible, as Cheese makes use of secret passages that only the rats and Terra know about.
Cheese finally emerges in Kithle's lab, where the half-flayer is still nursing a headache from his contact with Volrath.
Cheese: KITHLE, I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR ÜBER FRIENDS TOGETHER—
Kithle: What have we told you abotu using that voice? Especially when my head—- ooooooooo!
Cheese: Self-preservation instinct.
Kithle: Why? I saw you during that Haz'rack game. Every time you got stomped you appeared fully formed form the nearest shadow. And since you've started showing yourself more I've seen Marish eat you on more than seven separate events.
Cheese: That's not important at the moment. We need your über friends, plus Satnak and maybe Lisa. And if Jarlot isn't tied up with marital problems…
Cheese has everyone relevant gather in the mess hall.
Kithle (now feeling better): Sa'vor, Kanatash, myself, Feal-thas, Terra, Satnak, Norbaz, Igor. Jarlot's occupied at the moment, and Lisa didn't want to be disturbed. Said she wasn't feeling like herself.
Cheese: Then it's begun.
Kantash: The demon of the Silver Flame.
Cheese does not even react to people reading his mind. Long used to not having one as a rat, he doesn't really care what people do with it now.
Cheese: The demon that was sealed in the Silver Flame along with Tira Mirron and the couatl has been cleansed of all its evil and has emerged as a being of pure Law and Good.
Satnak: Than why do we care?
Igor: The world would be boring without evil. That may not make thenthe to you, but I have theen firththand what an important motivating forthe evil ith. If the world were thimply ruled by natural fortheth, there would be no need for either. But Good ith often too cauthiouth about dethtructhion, which ith where evil thtepth in.
Cheese: And I said a being of pure Law and Good. Think of all the inquisitions that the church of the Silver Flame has done or is thinking about doing right now. Now imagine all that concentrated into a teenager.
Everyone shudders in fear. Even those like Sa'vor, who have seen terror beyond the dreams of über mortals, winces once.
Norbaz: That doesn't sound so "Good" to me.
Cheese: That's because you see Good and Evil as a set of principles and not as actual forces. Maybe on another world Good/Evil would be more pronounced and you would understand.
Terra: In destroying Evil this thing would basically be destroying the only force balancing Good's inherent tendency to try and preserve things, especially life. As a druid, I know how important death is to the natural cycle.
Cheese: Good and Evil aren't tied to the survival of the Material plane, which is why they are so often engaged in battle.
Kithle: So we basically have an über-hero with no mercy and the entire power of the Silver Flame behind it.
Satnak: Well, I'll just zorch it—
Cheese: We can't do that. We can't even kill it. Because if we do, every single person who even remotely worships the Silver Flame will have their souls sucked in and ground up along with it.
Just at the moment Volrath was about to enter the room. However, upon hearing what Cheese has just said, he ducks back out. Leaning against the wall he tries to make sense of the thoughts suddenly swirling through his mind. The power to destroy all the people of Thrane is now within sight. But he doesn't know if he wants it.
Kantash: So what do we do? [he says, sensing the turmoil in Volrath but deciding not to interfere.]
Cheese: If we can show the demon what evil has become on the Forgotten Freedom, perhaps we can introduce just enough corruption to turn it into your average zealous do-gooder.
Norbaz: So you're saying that for once the fate of the world rests on turning someone from Good to Evil?
Tifa: Damn That's a lot of calimari... I wonder if the cook a really big deep frier!
Cool Cthulhu: What you want to eat me!
Tifa: Yeah What do you think I meant! My heart belong only to Jarlot... well and those nymphs, but that's neither here nor there.
Jarlot I don't now if this is a good or bad thing... Wait What Nymphs!?
At that same moment Bob the Mini Kuitchier (I will never spell that right) walking in on the meeting. ( two years after his death, at Dra'vos's grave. a black robed figure stands above the grave, from his lips come a divine incantation. the dirt above the grave begins to shift, a white and skeletal hand breaks through the dirt and a skeletal figure pulls itself from the ground amd its flesh begins to regenerate. now standing there is a lean white with Dra'vos's features) Dra'vos: why have you raised me? and who are you?
Black Robed Figure: in many years you shall be tasked to destroy your murderer, wait for the sign.
Dra'vos: but who are you?
Black Robed Figure: someone whom hates Sa'vor with all his soul
Dra'vos:then I shall wait for the sign
Black Robed Figure: you shall
(Present day, Forgotten freedom)
Sa'vor: well, it looks like this might be the end
Terra: How? you've just been told that you see the start of the illithid empire
Sa'vor: time isnt a linear sequence, it's mutable, nothing's decided. only your actions create your future.
( Sa'vor kneels down and prays)
Terra: are you praying?
Sa'vor: yes
Terra: I thought you didn't believe in any gods
Sa'vor: I'm praying to Mabar, the plane of night. perhaps one of the most hospitable places I went.
Terra: I thought they tried to kill you?
Sa'vor: true, but at least they where doing it because it was their job. and then they turned me into this.
Terra: I thought you enjoyed being alive and undead at the same time?
Sa'vor: I do, I enjoy the vampire side far more. though being alive has its advantages as well. the vampire side just has more, example, domination. watch this. ( redshirt walks by) Walk off the ship
Redshirt: yes master ( walks off the ship, goes plummeting thousands of feet and is smeared across the Thranish country side).
Lisa: I have objections to you doing that.
Sa'vor: true, but he was a mass-murdering abductionist, whom liked murdering small girls.
Lisa: that still doesn't justify what you did
Sa'vor: true, but once again, I really don't care.
Lisa: have you no morals ?
Sa'vor: I have some
Lisa: like what?
Sa'vor: my many taboos: Killing someone in their sleep; drinking; gambling; using magic for material gain; drinking more blood than I need; rape; petty thievery; eating children; devouring souls; messing with the cosmic balance; genocide and so on; letting gods walk the earth.
Terra: i thought you killed that old man whom saved you in his sleep?
Sa'vor: and that's one of the few things that I feel guilty about. Norbaz is going over the equipment locker looking for something.
Norbaz: No, no. Definitely not. No, no. Again no. Jeese, where in Khyber is it.
Satnak: Okay, what is it you're looking for and why aren't you making me Chili?
Norbaz: I'm looking for something to use to aid in corruption of the oncoming demi-whatever being. You know, the one they were telling us all about earlier, the demon that had been sealed in the Silver Flame but is now no longer a demon.
Satnak: Oh, well what are you looking for specifically?
Norbaz: A psionic item I threw in here a while back. I figure my assassin skills won't be too helpful if we actually come to blows with this guy, so I'm digging up an old helm which should help keep anything powerful out of my head, should include alignment too.
Satnak: And that helps you how?
Norbaz: I won't be immediately eradicated, something I'm trying to avoid.
Satnak: I see... well, considering we may all die with this endeavor, make chili.
The half-elf was looming over the hunched over form of Norbaz with a demanding glint in her eyes.
Norbaz: There's still a lot in storage in the lower deck.
Satnak: I know, I found and finished it this morning.
Norbaz stops his search, slowly rises to his full stature, turns around and looks down at Satnak.
Norbaz: What?
Satnak: I said I already finished it.
Norbaz: That had to be three times your body weight in chili.
Satnak: Your point.
Norbaz: I'm just going to assume there is an extra dimensional space in your stomach from here on out, and not ask how you can still keep that kind of figure with all the Chili you eat on a daily basis... No, screw that, I'm asking. Where in Khyber does it all go? Satnak - Power comes at a price; my metabolism is in constant overdrive. Chili specifically helps me attune my "burn" blade.
elsewhere
Kithle - Humans are nigh unstoppable, I should know, might be best to simply mix my bloodline into that of theirs and rule the human empire. The aboleths need to be dealt with, I know, I'll send Melvin back to pollute the gene pool. I refuse to play second string to fish. As the eye of the mind moves through the ship we find ourselves on the female side of the Lesser-Used crew quarters…… well, since Lucky is now a girl I guess it counts. Lucky and Ninja Jaela 26 are having a friendly conversation over tea. The topic has apparently turned to Lucky's past as a male.
Lucky: …So then the curtain gets pulled back, and I find myself face to face with a grossly fat fire giantess. And that's the last time I accepted a contract from Morgraive University.
NJ 26 just stares blankly.
Lucky: I wonder what's gotten the crew spooked all of a sudden? Normally I can sense any danger coming, but now all I have is a peaceful feeling.
Cheese: THAT'S BECAUSE LAW AND GOOD ARE DECEPTIVE FORCES THAT EVIL CAN NEVER HOPE TO MATCH.
Lucky: Damn you, Cheese! Don't sneak up on people like that.
Cheese: I require something from NJ 26.
Ninja Jaela: What is it that you seek?
Cheese: THE MOST EVIL ARTIFACT YET CREATED.
NJ 26: And why would I have it?
Cheese just grins……………… eeeeeeevily.
NJ 26: But I destroyed it!
Cheese: I consulted Igor. Something of that magnitude of evil requires a quest to properly destroy it. He should know.
NJ 26 just remains silent.
Cheese: DO YOU REALLY WISH THIS ENTITY TO DESTROY ALL IN THE WORLD THAT IS EVIL? I DOUBT EVEN THE MOST DEVOUT OF ANGELS WOULD WANT THAT.
NJ 26: There is a conflict within me between the part that is of the Silver Flame and the part of me that is of the Forgotten Freedom. I can't just choose without weighing both sides. I have loyalties. I'm a ninja, it's part of the whole "honor" thing. I…
A truly evil thought comes into the mind of NJ 26. It spreads as a slight ripple in the fabric of reality, causing all the great minds tuned to the fabric of the draconic prophecy to twitch just a little. It is promptly deleted as it arrives in the minds of Kithle, Kanatash, Sa'vor, and other übers, as it would be too much for them to comprehend at the moment.
NJ 26: Lucky, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the room.
Lucky: Because of what—
NJ 26: Because otherwise your danger sense will blow your brain out through the back of your head.
Lucky: Understood. Norbaz: Okay, okay. Just help me find the helmet and I'll make sure you will never want for chili again.
Satnak: And how do you propose to do that?
Norbaz: I'll see if I can convince Ketler to give me some of his old and now unused equipment.
Satnak: You're not thinking of...
Norbaz: Yeah, by all means it should work, or just explode. Regardless I'll try, now let's find the helmet. Igor knocks on Allen's coffin, and then opens it. "It ith time, mathter." Igor tells him. "Excellent..." Allen says, getting up out of his coffin. He then waited while Igor got his best suit and cape out of the closet, and put them on. He then walked out of his room, and headed down the hallway, darkness and Igor following him. "Please!" Nalfein attempted to ask Allen, but was slammed into the wall before he could say another word. Allen continued brushing aside people, not stopping for anyone, until he reached his final destination. He opened up the double doors, and sat down on a bench, getting the attention of a nearby servant redshirt. "Three orders of chili please." He asks the redshirt, smiling happily in anticipation for this long awaited meal.
Igor Brother of Igor, he serves Allen because the Igor family has always had a tendency to serve vampires. They kept regular hours, were generally polite to their servants, and, an important extra, didn't require much work in the bed-making and cookery department, and tended to have cool, roomy cellars where an Igor could pursue his true calling. This more than made up for those occasions when you had to sweep up their ashes. (Above taken from The Fifth Elephant, a book in the Discworld series.) ( Nalfein hovers outside Sa'vor's door waiting for him to leave. once again, he wants to be a vampire. his life long dream is so close. Sa'vor fades through the door, Nalfein will now try a different approach)
Nalfein: Excuse me, mr. d'Vol sir?
( Sa'vor stops, it's been a long time since anyones ever called him d'vol) Sa'vor: yes?
Nalfein: I know you must be really busy with all your being Uber and plotting world domination. but, could you grant me a wish
Sa'vor: I'm no djinn
Nalfein: true, but I was wondering, could you make me a vampire?
( Sa'vor sighs) Sa'vor: have you any idea how difficult it is being a Vampire?
Nalfein: I have read lots about their powers and abilities yes...
Sa'vor: I'm not your average vampire, I'm of a more specialized bloodline, Vampiris mabrana.
Nalfein: i've read some where about them, they're the ones which walk in sunlight, turn aside silver and stake. can cross water, see thier own relections and are not repuled by holy symbols.
Sa'vor: yes and we can walk on concecrated ground, enter houses and the like uninvited. my branch of vampirism is different from the others. it's not spread by me biting you, it's spread by a disease.
Nalfein: of course ... you'rr between alive and undead. this makes you especialy resistant. but you must still consume blood for sustenance... fascinating. what disease would it be then?
Sa'vor: phophic heamophilia mabranous, i caught it when I spent to long in Mabar, I'm a carrier and a victim. though I've turned off my ability to spread it
Nalfein: why?
Sa'vor: too many people like me is a bad thing. and can you imagine what will happen if vampires begin to break the rules?
Nalfein: more vampire hunting?
Sa'vor: yes and no, the chosen one will be summoned ( the slayer in old vampiric texts) and then I'll get loads of letters of complaint from all the Vampiric rules councils and fan web sites.
Nalfein: so you won't make me a vampire?
Sa'vor: here's my advice, give up, vampirism's not fun. I spend most of my days trying to find enough blood to drink. and every time I go through a forest I get edgy. also, no one in the villages will talk to you, they all scream "you're no having any of my blood!", and then there's the mobs. I've been run out of town by so many mobs I'm no longer surprised anymore. your best bet is to become a lich, less weaknesses, still can't go shopping, more respect oh and a good pension plan.
Nalfein: pension plan?
Sa'vor: yeah, for when you reach a millennia old and the old undead brain starts to go funny, your magical powers aren't what they used to be and you start to get arthritis, supposedly they do ancient lich homes now for those whose families kicked them out of the labratory.
Nalfein: interesting ....
Igor: Well thith ith a nithe thurprithe. I thee you thtill work for vampireth.
Igor: Yeth. My mathter called me over. He needed a full-time Gothic Feng Thhui Conthultant.
Igor: I'm thorry, but what with Mathter Jarlot'th wife arriving I haven't had time. It'th always "Igor! Go for more bondage equipment!"
Igor: Tho that'th what that wath. I jutht thought he liketh torturing people. You do have the habit of working for that kind.
Igor: No, on thith thip, the torturing ith left up to the retht of the crew.
Igor: I hear there ith another vampire aboard.
Igor: Yeth. Tha'vor. Although he hath moralth.
Igor: Not a bad thing on a vampire. Tho long ath they keep up the tradithionth.
Igor: Actually, he'th more into the mad thientitht mode. He'th created an army of half-dragonth. And he conthultth with me on maintaining the image.
Igor: You alwayth know the motht interethting people.
Igor: The crew apprethiateth my diverth knowledge.
Igor: I jutht have one quethtion: Where'th the betht plathe for a lab?
Igor: Ah, you might want to thet up thop with one of the corporeal überth. Volrath, Kithle, Tha'vor, they all have dethent lab thpatheth that they are quite willing to loan in exthchange for thome advithe. Or, if that doethn't work out, I will introduthe you to Roothevelt the carpenter and Cheethe the rat, who knowth all about the extradimenthional propertieth of the Forgoteen Freedom.
Igor: It'th too bad there will be no lotht young people dropping by.
Igor: That ith a problem. I haven't thought much about it, thinthe Jarlot ithn't that thort of mathter.
Igor: Really? He thtruck me ath being thomeone who would relithh the idea of beautiful young women conthtantly finding a need to thpend the night on hith thip.
Igor: With thith crew? That would be thilly.
Igor: You're right.
Igor: Wrong thort of atmothphere.
Igor: He doethn't theem to have the charithma for it, either.
Igor: He get'th lotth of fan mail, though.
Igor: How ith one thuppothed to go about dealing with acquiring women on pirate thipth?
Igor: You capture or pay for them. Tho you thould thee the meth that goeth on with Pontiff Jaela.
As the ship prepares for the arrival of the Silver Flame demon, Doog, Erk, and Marish return, towing a defeated warfogred and Phollie.
Doog (sitting down in the mess hall): Damn, it feels good to be back.
Allen: You were gone? Funny, I didn't notice.
Warforged: How? How could they foil my brilliant plans so easily? I'm an evil genius!
Mickey: You didn't even stop off at the infirmary. Not that I'm complaining.
Doog: Let me tell you, it was unbeliev—
Doog suddenly finds himself with a cargirl in his lap. Normally this would be a good thing, but she has her claws dangerously wrapped around his throat in just such a way that it looks like a lusty embrace but could obviously be turned into a demonstration of bad surgery if Doog so much as breathed wrong.
Mairsh: Now, now. Remember what you promised?
Doog: Ah… I don't say anything about what happened… *gulp* and you don't tell Ajihazi where the Trouser Titan is.
Erk pats Doog affectianately on the head and grumbles friendly-like.
Doog: So… what's going on?
Mickey: An ultra-terrifying outsider of pure Law and Good loyal to the Silver Flame is headed our way intending to turn us into inside-out and then go on to ruin the world by expunging it of all that evil represents.
Doog: Aerith's coming back?
Ketler: Captain, I still don't think you realize the danger in trying to get Aerith back.
Jarlot: How so?
Ketler: Well, Tifa, Andrea, and Terra are all plotting her grisly demize as we speak.
Jarlot: How, exactly, is this new?
Ketler: No, I mean, they're plotting TOGETHER...
Jarlot: ...oh, this won't end well.
(elsewhere)
Tifa: I told you I already tried that!
Terra: Well, what do you suggest we do, then? That damn joy factory is practically immune to anything we throw at her!
Andrea: It's not like you've done any better than either of us. How long have you known her? Not even a scratch to show for it!
Tifa: We need to neutralize the Solar Deva somehow.
Andrea: We could always have Terra try and seduce her...
Terra: Say WHAT?! I have more dignity than that, thank you very much!
Andrea: Yeah, going after holier-than-thou Lisa. That's not gonna happen and you know it.
Terra: Just because you're jealous that I like her and not you-
Andrea: How dare you say that! On what grounds do you base that?!
Tifa: It's actually pretty obvious...
The plotting session quickly decends into a cat fight enjoyed by most of the crew.
Aerith: La la la la la la....
(Enters chamber where Jaela is on the ground burned horribly)
Aerith: Oh dear.
(Spins around as she suddenly has a miniskirt and long bunny like hair tails)
Aerith: MOON CRYSTAL... HEALINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGG!
(Jaela heals as she spins around and finds herself similiarly attired)
Jaela: What in the name of the Flame?
Aerith: I have inducted you into the Holy Order of Moon Warriors.
Jaela: Why do I look like I'm well over my age?
Aerith: One of the side benefits of being such. Besides, the Forgotten Freedom has been pillaging a long time gametime.
Jaela: I see. What's that monstrous thing heading across the city?
Aerith: Oh. Well remember that Demon that Tira Mirron imprisoned in the Flame?
Jaela: Yes.
Aerith: Well the idea that Tira said was that the Demon would eventually be destroyed by the Flame but demons always reincarnate.
Jaela: ...and?
Aerith: Well, Demons are always a little different between how they live and how they die. In this case, the Rajah was known as Sutekh the Destroyer of Worlds. It was his mission to destroy the planet and all living things. Now over the centuries he's been killed a few hundred million times and always ressurected only to be killed again as he slowly perverted his essence to try and become good enough to survive. Eventually, he managed to reconcile his nature with the Flame.
Jaela: Oh Hell.
Aerith: Yes, it grows in power the more evil it consumes.
Jaela: But surely good is in forgiveness.
Aerith: Yes but it doesn't REQUIRE it.
Jaela: Oh no, what are we going to do.
Aerith: Obviously I must confront it.
(Aerith puts on a little red riding hood like bonnet and pulls out a broomstick as she ladylike rides it towards the Forgotten Freedom)
- Jaela is dragged with her*
A few hours later
Aerith: Ah at last I am returned to my lovely home. I have so missed the crew. Sweet and adorable Kanatash, Cuddly Doog, Brainy but Lovable Andrea, that snuggly scamp Phollie, chivalrous Michael, my happy environmentalist friend Terra, Cute Norbaz, and Mischevious Satnak....
Jaela: I'd never use those adjectives to describe them.
Aerith: As part of my Solar Deva training on the Plane of Law, its part of my job to see the good in everyone no matter how remote!
Jaela: I see.
Aerith: I admit sometimes I just want to stamp my foot and POUT at some of their actions though.
(She did so)
Cheeze: Oh hell, she's back.
Aerith: My cute little pet mousie!
Cheeze: GAH!
Klaz enters Kithle's room, followed closely by Vrin. Vrin is holding a video camera as Kithle stares at them, befuddled.
Klaz: (in an overly abnoxious Australian accent) Right, now 'ere we've got a really reah specimin. This 'ere is the only known 'alf-Illithid in tha' wo'ld.
Kithle: What. The. Hell.
Klaz: Look at 'im, such a majestic creature. Far smarter than any 'uman, 'e can suck your brain right out a' your 'ead.
Kithle: I never planned to eat your brain. This just clinches it.
Klaz: Now, ladies an' gentlemen, I'm a professional, so don't try this at 'ome.
Kithle: Touch me, and I hurt you...
Klaz goes up to Kithle, reaching out as he continues.
Klaz: These 'ere tentacles release a real nasty acid that can burn right through your skin in a matter of seconds (touches Kithle).
Kithle: I warned you...
Klaz: AUGH! CRIKEY!! ME 'AND!!!
Jarlot: Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm here to tell you that we're going to war.
Ketler: Uhhh Captain, where did you get that Admiral's Naval Uniform?
Jarlot: I earned it in battle.
Ketler: First of all... you were in the infantry of Cyre and never rose above second private.
Jarlot: I was highly decorated for my rank.
Ketler: Those medals include Karrnath, Aundair, Breland, and.....Q'Barra?!
Jarlot: Ummmmm... well I have to admit that I occasionally screwed up my missions and may have done services for the other side on occasion.
Ketler: Sadly, I can believe that.
Jarlot: In any case, we're about to face our greatest war yet and defeating the Demon of Flame is the first step to my becoming Supreme Ruler of Earth.
Tifa: HAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL EMPEROR JARLOT!
Ketler: Ummm Tifa, the seig heil is not something I'm comortable with given my religion....
Tifa: There is one Eberron! If it splits in half, there'll be two! All mankind is scum - and bee-yoo-tiful!
Jarlot: Ummm... guys, please forgive my... woman I don't know at all.
Tifa: How dare you live in a place with a roof, you users of oxygen! You people don't understand how good you have it! When Jarlot rules the world, all people not a part of Jarlot's Ruling Class will be made to work and toil for the good citizens of it!
Jarlot: Oh sweet Dol Dorn, Tifa, you're ruining my speech...
Doog: I've heard enough of this! We've been your crew for years and what have we got? SHAVIT! It's time for a change! I'm declaring MYSELF Captain and we'll...
Tifa: BLASPHEMERRRRRRRRRRRR!
Doog: AHHHHHH!
(Intense sounds of cartoonish violence as Tifa starts beating Doog horribly)
Doog: GAHHHHH! She's biting my head!
Tifa: You filthy non-Jarlot worshipper, you! I bet you've eaten in the past couple of days! All money I earn goes to support his domination of the planet! You shall STARVE for your master!
Jarlot: Right, okay, we've got a big demon heading our way and we need to stop it.
Aerith: Oooo, Ooo, can we stop it with love?
Jarlot: Ummm... let's put a pin in that theory for now.
Jaela: Ummm hi... can I ask about getting Ketler detached from my leg?
Jarlot: No.
Michael: I think Doog is tapping out because of the hold Tifa's got him in, shouldn't we call an end to the match?
Jarlot: It's not pro-wrestling, Michael.
Tifa: TASTE THE FURY OF MY WHIP YOU LAZY WORKER YOU! THE GLORIES OF J.A.R.L.O.T are forever!
Jarlot: Oh, one last thing, I've installed a portable hole that moves wherever I want it with a pull of this bell pull. I think it'll be more effective than keeling.
(He snaps his fingers and a bell pull appears out of nowhere hanging from mid air)
(He pulls it)
(Tifa and Dooj then fall down a hole as they start screaming then a distant splashing is heard below)
Jarlot: Don't worry, it just leads to part of the extradimensional parts of the ship. It should keep Tifa out of trouble for a while though.
Tifa: *soaking wet and suddenly right beside Jarlot* Your decisions are noble and good, My Lord!
Jarlot: Oh hell!
Norbaz: I can help with that, I need to speak to him anyway.
Ketler: Wait! No! What are you doing!!!!!!!!!!
Norbaz peels Ketler off of Jaela, Pontiff of the Silver Flame.
Norbaz: Word of advice, little lady, stay near Aerith and don't talk to people. It'll be much safer for you that way.
Ketler: No, I was there, she's there, why, oh why!!!!!
Norbaz walks off below decks with Ketler suspended in air.
Norbaz: I need your help modifying this helmet, and jury-rigging the Cloning machine, we need this to survive, Cannith, and only the greatest artificer on Eberron can do it.
Ketler: What...
Norbaz: We're gonna make a Chili Replicator, with fifteen alarm settings.
(Jaela thanks Norbaz profusely)
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