It's Never Too Late
Kim and I just fell into a conversation, and when Joshua ended up letting go and forgiving Kiera (sort of), we realized it had to be fleshed out. Thanks, Kim!
November 20, 2521
Bridge of the Equinox
1645 hrs, Boros time
Kiera left the medbay, put together a bit better physically, but a bit lost mentally. Now she wasn't certain how they would get Nika to Hannibal. The Core was full of landmines. Who were these people? Against the nervous rolling of her gut, she went to find Joshua to quiz him about what Arden had told her and how it would affect the plan.
Joshua was in the bridge when Kiera found him, continuing his ongoing process to familiarize himself with the new ship. Kiera told Joshua everything Arden had said, a long litany of concerns and reasons the Core was a bad idea for the crew. And all of them were correct. But they didn’t matter. "We're going to the Core anyway," Joshua said when she was done.
"Command decision, sir?" She stood with her hands behind her back, in the military at-ease pose, her eyebrows raised.
"When it comes to the crew, we do what has to be done. We find a way to make it work. Because we're family." Nika had told him that once. Seemed appropriate he was using it on her behalf now.
Kiera frowns. "I think I want less family, sir," she blurts without thinking.
"Where would the fun be in that, Doctor Sullivan? If no one wants you, you've not been doing your job very well."
"I'll give you this sir. Y'all are dedicated employees!" she retorts with a quirk of her head.
He raised an eyebrow at her. "And who are we employees of?"
Her lips purse with a droll sneer. "Apparently the same twisted God that I am sir. You know, the one with the wicked sense of humor?"
It always seemed to come back to God, Joshua thought. So far, God had not been real clear if He had some intentions for Joshua. And His Shepherds had turned out to have their own agendas.
"I wish I had faith, Doctor Sullivan. It would make my life easier, that's for sure."
"I ain't no Shepherd, I'm more of a sinner, and worst of all, I question Him a lot. But if it makes you feel better, sometimes faith makes life harder, sir" Her eyes are on his face, cool and dispassionate. "It's a lot easier to believe that everything is random instead of directed."
"I'd be surprised if you didn't question Him a lot. I couldn't get behind a God that I couldn't have a discussion with." He watched Kiera as she watched him. She had definitely changed somehow. Perhaps not surprising, since everyone had come out of the whole thing changed in their own ways. Some more obvious than others, he thought as he thought of Nika staring past her piano as she played a quiet tune.
Her hands found her hips from behind her back and she shifted, changing stances to a less severe one. "Well, he ain't answered yet as to why Nika's pretty blues were taken from her. And he ain't answered a few other questions. But I suppose that is what makes him God and me just one of the beings he watches." She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. Watching or not, there or not, I'm not trying to be a better person for God. I'm trying to prove to myself and to you all that I can be the person that you believed that I was. Not the two-bit criminal, but the better person. I don't see what you and Nika saw, but I'm gonna try to be her even if it's too late to help any of you.
And there it was. "I wish you had said exactly this 3 weeks ago. And it's never too late, Kiera." The name game they had been engaged in seemed petty now.
She was silent for a while, studying his face as she tried to recover from hearing her name fall out of his lips. "Hindsight is 20/20, Joshua," she finally answered in a small, soft voice. "And I didn't believe then that I could be her at all. Still don't sometimes."
"I believe you can, or I wouldn't have hired you on. Hell, that belief is what started this whole mess to start with,” Joshua said quietly but firmly.
"You're a stronger person than I am." The emerald eyes finally twinkle, faintly, but it is a bit of the old spit and vinegar. "And more damn stubborn."
Joshua chuckled as she said it. "If you're just now realizing that I can outstubborn anyone on this ship, including you and Rina, then you haven't been paying close enough attention."
Her face finally broke to a gentle smile without any of the usual smirk. "The sun is setting, sir. I was gonna treat myself to a moment of peace and sit out and watch it before trying to get myself ready to go see Nika again. Would you like to come and watch it? It was kinda pretty last night."
"I can use a quiet moment like that, " Joshua said, nodding. It had been a long month. "I don't when we'll leave, but I know I always regret not spending more time appreciating landfall when we're out there."
She jerked her head towards the door and turns to go. "Well come on then. There's a good spot to watch on the fence. Sir." She pauses and looks back, cutting her eyes to him. "I'll take my name back and give you yours when we're right. We're not right yet. Not your fault." She looks away then, her lips forming a soft distant smile. "It's mine. But I'm glad to have your company, sir."
"Understood. You, perhaps more than many, understand that forgiveness doesn't equal trust. At least not yet. But I'm glad to have your company too." Long way to go. But at least they had started walking down the path.
Her mouth quirked and she led him to a comfy spot on the fence. The sun was just beginning to go down, lighting the clouds as it burn down the sky and pooled like scarlet and gold fire on the horizon. She turned her face to it and watched it without words, soaking in the moments until the velvet indigo and navy blues and soft, muted blacks of twilight put the fire out to usher in the stars. She slid off the fence then without comment and with another distant smile, left him to go find Nika.
Go back to: Timeline Season Four, April 2521 to Dec 2521
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