Last Voyage of Delilah, Episode 304: Albion Dodge, Part Two

But who is the tail after? After another quick discussion, Valentine and Poco come up with a plan: everyone leaves in three separate directions to see which one of them is followed by the tail. Valentine, Poco, and Vikki have comms and can inform the others if they're being followed.

Plan decided, they leave the Laundromat and break at the corner. Vikki goes to a nearby tea house for a cup of tea. Valentine goes into a store to buy a suit. Poco walks to a mechanics supply store for some coveralls.

A couple of minutes after Vikki settles at a window table with her tea, the blonde walks in and asks to share the table. Vikki has her comms on, of course, and the ensuing conversation is broadcast to Valentine and Poco elsewhere.

The conversation doesn't go well. The blonde introduces herself as Federal Agent Colt and she is after whoever Daimler is working for. She grills Vikki on Valentine's business with Daimler and Vikki being Vikki, she tells the truth where a lie would have better served. She admits that she doesn’t know what the two men talked about as she wasn't privy to their conversation. She can't tell Colt what she doesn't know.

Blonde: Excuse me. Could I join you?
Vikki: (looking up) Oh, um. Sure. Please, help yourself.
Blonde: Miss, you seem like a nice girl.
Vikki: Thank you.

Vikki's thrown, actually, and falls back on social convention. Before she can come to her senses and leave, the woman speaks.

Blonde: Look, I'm just going to level with you. I think that you may be in over your head. I think if you've been dealing with Mr. Daimler, you can be in some real trouble. He's under investigation.

The Blonde pulls a badge and shows it to Vikki: Agent Colt, Alliance Bureau of Investigation. Vikki's eyes go wide.

Colt: But I think I can help you. If you can help me, then we can go easy on you.
Vikki: Um … so sorry? I just came to get tea. I'm waiting for my dryer load to finish.
Colt: Is that your position? Are you going to stand on that?

Colt's attitude goes hard and again Vikki's thrown off balance.

Vikki: I wish I could help you but I don't know what to say. I don't know anything. I'm sorry—
Colt: Let's imagine a moment that you don't know what I'm talking about. That you're not engaged in business with Mr. Daimler from your spaceship, Delilah, registered as the Cassowary. Is that the case?
Vikki: I'm sorry. I know the ship as Delilah. I'm—

Cassowary? That's news to Vikki. She wasn't filled in on the ship's alias. Colt slides a smart paper across the table to Vikki. It's a picture of Daimler.

Colt: You don't know this man?
Vikki: Oh. Is that him?
Colt: Yes.

Vikki being Vikki, she tells the truth where a lie would have better served.

Vikki: Oh, okay. I was just following the Captain along and—
Colt: Do you have a name, Miss?
Vikki: I'm Vikki.
Colt: Do you have an ident card?

Vikki pulls it out and hangs on to it in her zeal to tell her side of the story.

Vikki: So anyway, I'm just following my Captain and he's just meeting this guy at the Laundromat. And I have to do my laundry anyway—not that it's much but anyway—so there I am, I'm pushing my stuff into the laundry machine and he steps into the door and he's there and he's like hitting on—
Colt: Vikki.
Vikki: —this woman. Anyway, I'm doing my laundry and then my Boss looks at him and then they go downstairs. I don't know where, I wasn't paying attention because I'm doing my laundry and then my Boss comes back up and we leave because, you know, my stuff's in the dryer and—oh yeah, here's my ident card.

She finally remembers she's still holding it and hands it over.

Vikki: I don't know what they talked about because we didn't talk about it.
Colt: Ms … (mispronouncing it) … Tikhonova?
Vikki: (shrugs) … Ehh, close enough. Nobody says it right.
Colt: Do you know what the penalties are for obstructing a Federal investigation?
Vikki: How is it obstruction if you don't know anything? Whatever they talked about out of sight of me I wasn't privy to. My Boss didn't tell me. How can I say I know something if I don't know it?
Colt: So your boss was … doing business with Mr. Daimler.
Vikki: I have to assume so.
Colt: And who's your boss?
Vikki: He's the owner of the ship.
Colt: And his name is?
Vikki: If you know the name of the ship, how come you don't know the name of the owner? I don't understand.
Colt: The records of this vessel are somewhat difficult to reconcile. I've got a.k.a. Delilah off its nose art, but go ahead.

Vikki's got her comms channel open to Valentine and Poco, so Valentine hears every single word. He's already making fast tracks for the tea shop before Vikki digs herself in any deeper but upon hearing about the nose art, he nearly misses his stride. We've got nose art? When? Then he recovers and keeps walking. In the teashop, Vikki keeps talking.

Vikki: You know my name. You know the name of the ship. You don't know the name of the guy who flies her?
Colt: Do you know the name of the Captain? Are you withholding that information from a Federal law officer?
Vikki: Wow. (blinks) Okay … ?
Colt: If you're not willing to cooperate, I'm going to treat you as a non-cooperative witness.
Vikki: Do … do you do this with everybody you confuse? (waves it off) But anyway, his name is Valentine Quick. He's a real nice guy—he needs a new suit, but anyway, so I'm—oh, wait—(checks watch)—I got ten more minutes—So anyway, I'm putting my stuff in the dryer, right? And oh my god, the smell off that thing, you know they haven't cleaned out the lint trap for forever. So of course I pull the thing and you would not believe what I—I swear, I think I saw Jimmy Hoffa's body in the lint trap.
Colt: Who?

Tables turned, it's Colt who's confused. Vikki babbles right over the speed bump.

Vikki: Now that case is still open, isn't it? They never found his body, did they?
Colt: There was a body in the … lint trap?
Vikki: Well, either that or it was Judge Crater two dryers over. Anyway, so I had to clean it out, right? So that's when my boss went downstairs with the—
Colt: Why don't we go to my office?
Vikki: Why? What's wrong with your office?

A block away, Valentine breaks into a run.

Colt: I think we should have this conversation where we can record it. I'm not able to keep track of all this.
Vikki: But you've got one of those nifty data pads.

She points to it and sure enough, Colt has one on her.

Vikki: It has a built-in recorder. See, it's got a pick-up mike port, right there. (puzzled) Don't you know how to use this thing?
Colt: Is there a problem with coming down to the office?
Vikki: Well, I have to pick up my dryer load. I'm taking a great big risk here, because you never know. You're not supposed to leave your stuff in the dryer and walk away because someone could rip your stuff off. And I shouldn't even be here with you but I was—
Colt: (rising) I think you have the right to remain silent. This is an important right for you. You should exercise it.

Valentine stops short of the shop windows and continues at a more leisurely stroll. The bell on the door tinkles as he walks in. Colt turns around.

Valentine: (nonchalant) Hello, Vikki.
Vikki: (beams) Oh hi, Boss.

Colt: Oh, you would be Captain Quick?
Valentine: And you are? Other than a stalker?
Colt: I am Agent Colt of the Alliance Bureau of Investigation.
Vikki: Colt? As in the Peacemaker Colt? The "Gun that Won the West" Colt?
Valentine: Nothing I've said so far disproves it. Go on.
Colt: We've just …. (realizing what Vikki has just said) … ?
Valentine: (smiles) I see you've met Vikki.

There is something in his tone that suggests that maybe he's here to rescue the agent instead of a crewmate. Colt does look a touch confused by Vikki's conversational style. He continues affably.

Valentine: What can we do for you?
Colt: I'm sure you all have interesting stories, Captain, but I'm mostly interested in Mr. Daimler right now. I have reason to believe that he may have employed you for the transport of certain goods. These goods do not really belong to him. Now, I'm sure as good citizens you will want to do your duty and cooperate with us so that we can put this person behind bars where he belongs.
Valentine: I'm not really interested in putting anybody behind bars, to be honest.

Colt is tapping her badge on the table. Impatient, perhaps? Or reminding Valentine who he's talking to? Valentine raises a brow at it.

Valentine: Yes, I see it.
Colt: You've already implicated yourself by talking with him—
Valentine: So conversation is an illegal offense, here?
Colt: Not illegal but it puts you under suspicion as a potential coconspirator.
Valentine: I see. And right now you and I are having a conversation, so we're both under suspicion?
Colt: No, this is an opportunity for you.
Valentine: An opportunity.
Colt: To have that suspicion focused where it belongs.
Valentine: Yeah. I see.
Colt: I don't have the energy or the manpower to open two investigations but I could. If the Daimler investigation is going to dry up, I can investigate this suspicious activity going on at the spaceport.
Vikki: Apparently doing my laundry and leaving it behind while I take a cup a tea in is suspicious.
Valentine: You're clearly trying to make me some kind of offer, here.
Colt: I have enough to probably bring in Daimler. Thing is, he's a small fish. But who Daimler is selling to? I want to catch him in the act. You tell me where this is going down. You just do your job. I'll meet the next level up and you'll be on your way.
Valentine: Will we?

Valentine's no fool. Colt is trying to frame the situation as if the crew owes her their freedom, whereas she is actually dependent on them for her case.

Valentine: So why don't you give me a card? I'm assuming you have one.
Colt: Now … (hands over card) … If this deal ends, I'll have to assume that some obstruction of justice has occurred.
Valentine: Of course you will.
Colt: Do you know who this is being transferred to?
Valentine: So, I got your card. I'm sure I'll give you a ring at some point. When I get familiar with the area. Colt: I'm pretty sure that Daimler is not monitoring the situation but it's wise that we're not seen together for very long. So I'll look forward to hearing from you shortly. And if I don't, we'll make our assumptions.
Valentine: As you always do. It was a pleasure meeting you. Have a nice day.
Colt: Yes, I believe she has some laundry that needs attending to.
Valentine: Probably true. She's probably also taken apart a dryer while she was there. Did you take apart a dryer while you were there?
Vikki: (rising) No, but you wouldn't believe the stuff people leave in the traps.

Colt rises to leave and as she moves, her jacket falls open and Vikki sees a fancy high-tech weapon holstered on her belt. She doesn't immediately recognize it but one doesn't need to know what it is to suss what it does: something unpleasant, no doubt. Another point of interest: it isn't like the secret weapons that got stashed aboard the IRP container, either. Colt leaves and Valentine and Vikki give it a beat before taking their leave in turn. They walk out of there without hurrying, but without dragging their feet either. Poco is waiting for them outside on the sidewalk.

Poco: (grousing) They don't sell beer here.
Valentine: It's a teahouse. Would you expect them to sell beer at a, I don't know, a mechanics shop?
Poco: It would be a good idea.
Valentine: Good for you. Roll with it.

Snark dealt with, Valentine returns to business.

Valentine: She was a Fed.
Poco: Oh, really? I hadn't noticed.
Valentine: Yeah, I figured you knew.
Poco: You can usually tell by how far the stick is shoved up their pìgu.
Valentine: Yup. And I'd like to point out that the Feds have a strong consistency about them. Once again, it was the "Val, give me what I want or I'll put your head on a stick".
Poco: In all fairness, in the past we've reason to have both the Feds and the P … whatever—

Poco jerks a thumb at the sky overhead.

Valentine: Yeah. Well, they're basically the Feds. Or they're the Fed wannabes, to be honest. Why do the authorities not have any other play? Why is it the only tactic in their book is the "Give me what I want or I'll put you down"?
Poco: Because they don't have any power or enough power.

Vikki is walking along but only half listening to the conversation. She's still trying to suss out the mystery thing on Colt's belt. It takes a few minutes but Vikki remembers what it is. One of the high-tech/pop sci journals she regularly reads had an article on it. It's a stunner, more compact and has fewer charges than the usual, but victims have reported greater pain than with other models, with longer lasting effects. It's not authorized for local law enforcement.

Valentine: So the basic summary is she doesn't want Daimler.
Poco: So she was … what? fishing for leverage?
Valentine: She doesn’t want Daimler. She wants the bigger fish. So she wants to know who he's selling to, which we do know.
Vikki: Well … but who does Hopper work for? And how are we going to get our passes to Avalon?
Valentine: Once again, I'm not saying this is a given deal. I'm just saying this is what she wants. She says that she can get Daimler already. (shakes head) Anyway, let's get back to the ship.

They've come even with the Laundromat again and Vikki stops short at the door.

Vikki: I gotta get my laundry first.
Valentine: Of course you do.
Vikki: Of course I do. Hey, do we have time for me to fold it?
Valentine: What do you think?
Vikki: But it'll be all wrinkled and—(sighs) … Okay.

She quickly grabs her stuff out of the dryer and stuffs it back into her laundry bag and rejoins Valentine and Poco. She isn't able to resist cleaning out one last lint screen on the way out and she shakes off the lingering dust from her hands as she exits. The men discuss their options on the way.

Valentine: So the question is, whose side do we want to be on?
Poco: We don't have a lot of time. We need to have a working untraceable truck by two a.m. Gotta move fast and we'll have to put some serious mojo down somewhere to steal one. I have an idea to get one, but the question is …

One of the nice things about the Core is that people aren't individually as security conscious as they are elsewhere in the Verse. They put their faith in the pervasive nature of law enforcement and regulations to keep them safe.

Vikki: Of course, if you can be arrested just for leaving your laundry unattended …
Valentine: I really don't want to deal with the Feds.
Poco: And if we don't deal with the Feds, we're hosed … unless, of course, our contact for the record sale can make this problem go away.
Vikki: Oooh, there is that …
Valentine: That's actually … (thinks) …

Hey, now. Yeah. Valentine trails off as he starts turning that idea in his head, checking out the possible angles. Beside him, Poco goes on.

Poco: One idea might be to not do either job. Just pay off Daimler for whatever he's owed for the containers with an advance on the records. And whatever political pull the buyer has to undo the problem and we'll just get on with it. That's the only leverage I think we have. Otherwise I need to be out there tryin' to get hold of a truck.
Valentine: We haven't heard back from her. Get the truck. We can always leave it out in the street somewhere. It's better to steal one and not need it, than need it and not have it.
Poco: I have another idea instead of stealing it, cuz that would get reported.
Valentine: (no way!) Whaaaaat?
Poco: I have an old friend who runs a mechanics shop around here. Mostly legal. Most times. On Tuesdays.
Vikki: Yeah, but it's Wednesday.
Poco: (ignores her) I'll go cut an offer where I could just fix something in trade. Cuz, you know, once you fix a car, you get to take it around the block to make sure it works.
Valentine: Mostly legal is the best sort of legal. Who's the friend? What's the place?
Poco: Sal's.
Valentine: Hop to it.

At least that gives us a truck to use overnight for the job, should we decide to go ahead and do it. If not, we can give the truck back. Poco makes his best way to Sal's. He's in luck. Sal herself is there. Leathery and tough, yet with a reputation of being unable to resist anything sweet for dessert, she grudgingly agrees to see him.

Poco: Aww, Sal. Lookin' beautiful as always.
Sal: Why if it ain't old Poco. Every time you—.
Poco: Now don't say that every time I'm here there's trouble, because the last time you made out like a bandit and I didn't. Now, the time before that, I'll grant ya.

Poco came prepared. He slides a small custard tart across the counter and a small bottle of scotch, the contents he'd filched from Rachel's supply and watered down. She takes the bribe and makes it disappear.

Sal: Now I don't have any fake IDs or…
Poco: Nope.
Sal: Or tickets off planet.
Poco: Don't need one.
Sal: Got no lawyers to get you off of whatever you're on.
Poco: Don't need one. Yet. I'm going straight.

That gets a start out of Sal. She looks at him askance, wondering where the trick is. She waves a hand at her shop.

Sal: You can take a look around. Same old farts that were here before. These guys'll just shoot themselves tryin' to defend you from anyone tryin' to collect a debt or anythin' offa you.
Poco: Nope. Not in debt. To anyone this system. So, anyway … (coughs) … I was here to, you know, m'on planet, was lookin' to make a little scratch. Was gonna offer to fix up one'a your, uh, one of your hauler trucks for ya. I'll also need some wheels for overnight. Thought I could fix it it up, make sure it's back in the lot by mornin'?
Sal: (cautiously) Well … you are a bit of a wiz around a mechanics bay.
Poco: And I've whizzed in a few mechanics bays.
Sal: Tyler over there's havin' trouble getting' thing to turn over. Says he wants a whole new hydrogen pump.
Poco: (no!) What?!
Sal: Figure a hydrogen pump is more than that thing is worth over there.
Poco: Twice over.
Sal: But I don't want you to just steal it. Fixin' it and then stealin' it.
Poco: If I fix it, you're savin' at least an arm, if not an arm and a leg, and I'll bring it back. If I don't you aren't out anything anyway.

Poco puts the shine on and he gets that truck. Or maybe the tart and the booze decided the matter. Either way, he gets the truck. He fixes it up and parks it far enough away from Delilah to be plausibly deniable yet close enough to be accessible should they need it. Poco walks the rest of the way to the ship and reports to Valentine. Valentine is on the bridge with Rachel, which makes short work of the reporting.

Poco: (to Valentine) You owe me for a tart … (to Rachel) … and I owe you for a whiskey, but we have a truck.
Valentine: Part?
Poco: Tart. (holds hand in a circle) Small thing. Made of pastry.
Vikki: (popping in) Rather than the human kind, right?
Valentine: I'm sorry, why would I … ?
Rachel: You took my medical whiskey?
Vikki: Your cold medicine? He took your cold medicine?
Rachel: He did!
Vikki: Did it have sprinkles, Poco?

And so the conversation takes a wacky turn. Valentine breathes a laugh and shakes his head.

Valentine: Every time I think cannot be surprised by my crew, I find myself surprised by my crew. That's fine. Just write it out in triplicate and I will reimburse you for the tart.
Poco: 'Course. Whaddaya think I am? Made'a money?
Vikki: Well, apparently neither is our boss so I'm glad you gave her one with sprinkles. Hope it was worth it.
Poco: Well, we have a truck.
Rachel: But I'm outa whiskey!

Annnnnnnnnnnnd … back to normal again.

Valentine: You could buy more whiskey.
Rachel: But I already did.
Poco: Well, I had to water down what I gave her. (off Rachel's look) And no, I didn't drink all'a that.
Rachel: I had to buy a whole new bottle.
Eli: (popping in) You might wanna ask Tian to give you some'a what she's done, staggerin' all the way back. Wouldn't'a made it without my help.

ANNNNNNNND … back to wacky again. Valentine sighs.

Valentine: There will be a moment where it all quietly goes … (rethinks) … well, I guess wouldn't have a job if that happened.
Vikki: (beams) Oh, hey, Eli! You're looking better!
Rachel: I'm glad you're doin' better, Eli. I was worried about ya.
Eli: It wasn't that bad.

The crew quits the bridge to find Tian. Seeing the normally calm and almost-staid doctor high as a kite? That's not a site to be missed. They find her. Eli wasn't exaggerating. Tian is rather looped.

Tian: (coos) …. Helloooooo Captain.
Vikki: Wow … (looks at Tian and Eli) … Did you … and you …? No way.
Tian: What?
Valentine: Shoo, Vikki.
Eli: (groks) No, we went to a clinic and got some medicine.
Vikki: Oh, well that explains it.
Rachel: What'd you think they did? Vikki, all I gotta say is, is if they went and he did and she did and he left her like that, she got a better ride than I did.
Vikki: Well I—
Poco: I'm gonna go work on the skiff.

We don't don't have a skiff but Poco doesn't want to see the verbal train wreck that's coming. Valentine turns to Tian.

Valentine: How are you?
Tian: … A'ight …
Valentine: That's not the answer I wanted.
Vikki: Maybe you should go lie down.
Tian: … I yam lyin' down …

She's kinda slumped in one of the comfy chairs in the lounge. Valentine hits the nearest wall comm for all compartments.

Valentine: Quick survey. Does anyone on the ship currently need surgery? No? Then we're okay for the moment. Thank you.
Tian: I cern'ly hope not … b'cuz ….
Valentine: Yes, I noticed that.
Eli: The clinic did a bang up job on me. The scan showed no sign of infection or anything. Well, still, I won't be runnin' marathons anytime soon.
Rachel: As long as he has his liver, that's good.
Valentine: That's good. I'm glad to hear.
Vikki: That's great! That's great news. Oh! I made muffins.

Vikki scampers off to fetch them and Valentine quizzed Tian.

Valentine: Is this going to take long? I gather you have a drug regimen?
Tian: Uhm-hummm.
Valentine: Is this going to be the case for the duration?
Tian: M'I have no idea. I … just wanted to … sit. Felt mildly ill to start with 'n so I lay down an' now I'm … presently … this … righ' now … An' I had tea an' it tasted blue … I don' know if it's a good sign or a bad sign … I had tea an' it tasted blue ….
Vikki: (returning) What color blue?
Valentine: No. No. Don't encourage her.
Vikki: But it should be fun.
Tian: A real … vibrant … cerulean … blue … Just like the color of my husband's eyes …
Vikki: Awww, that's sweet!
Rachel: I got apples. I'm gon' make some pie.
Vikki: I'm making tea. Anyone want some?

Vikki scampers for the galley. Maybe she can find that tea Tian had and see if it really does taste blue. Or some hint of blue that got magnified by whatever meds the doctor's taking.

Tian: And so I had t'lie down … cuz the room was … spinnin … (twirls finger) … vwoom-vwooOOOoooom-vwooom ….
Valentine: So the Doctor's out of it. Or maybe not all the way out of it. Say, three-quarters out of it. Don't want anyone to get shot.
Tian: Well, if I hav'ta dig in your body, I'm … not entirely sure I won't … like …
Valentine: Stop.
Tian: (sure!) … Um-hum! … Cuz I could—
Valentine: Stop.
Tian: … Poo! Yer no fun …
Valentine: You're right. I'm zero fun. I am in fact moving into the negative-fun portion of the scale.
Tian: … Shhh-hhh …
Valentine: Thank you.
Tian: … (giggles) …

Valentine puts a finger on her lips. She bats it aside. Eli watches and listens and you can see the second when he finally parses what Tian said.

Eli: Somehow I get the impression that I missed something while I was out.
Rachel: I … (uh-oh!) … I missed it too, darlin'.
Eli: I was in the galley … There was a couple of occasions I was on the surgery bed …
Tian: … Yeahhh ….
Eli: I was feeling better, then …
Tian: … You got punctured … by a meteorite … that was … not cool.
Eli: Yeah, I remember hearin' that but … there was … something else going on while I was in…?
Valentine: Other than this moment in time?

Thus Valentine dissuades Eli from getting too close to the doctor's secret and Vikki bounces back in with several mugs of tea. She hands one to Tian.

Vikki: Hey Tian, try this!
Valentine: (to Vikki) Would you please, please, please stop encouraging her?

It's only normal tea and that's the end of the teasing. Vikki can manage only so much before her conscience kicks in. She puts the tea tray down and curls up with a mug of her own. It's not bad tea.

Valentine weighs his options. The list isn't long.

Valentine: We haven't heard back from our contact yet, right?
Poco: Which one? The Federal one? The Untraceable one? Or the one who doesn't give a damn?
Valentine: The last one. So, should we turn him in, clear this with the Feds? Is that generally how we gonna play to this, do you think?
Poco: I think we tell her that we had to make a deal to get on planet and that deal didn't go unnoticed. The only think I see happenin' is her callin' the whole deal off cuz we're hot.
Valentine: If she calls off the whole deal, then she didn't want it that bad to begin with.
Tian: What? … She called off th'deal … 'cuz yer xìnggǎn de …?
Poco: Well … have you seen me lately?
Vikki: That kind of xìnggǎn is illegal. Haven't you heard?

Valentine waves Xaiver and leaves a message for her to call him back. Not long after that, Xavier waves Delilah. Valentine takes it in his quarters. Xavier looks somewhat officious but her tone is polite.

Xavier: Captain Quick?
Valentine: (nods) Indeed, it is.
Xavier: I got your first message. Is there some urgency?
Valentine: This has some urgency behind it. Due to the escalated security around the planet, we had to make a deal to get on planet. That deal was noticed by the Federales. So the options we have are … Ideally what we would like to do is not do this deal and have you find a way to fudge our papers so that whatever happens, happens to keep us on planet because I'd rather not—
Xavier: Let me see if I understand this correctly.
Valentine: Please.
Xavier: You brought the artifact to Albion?
Valentine: Yes.
Xavier: You weren't able to land on the planet due to the lack of proper paperwork?
Valentine: That is correct. The security level is a little higher than I remember it.
Xavier: You negotiated some sort of arrangement with the local … bureaucrats … which involves you in some kind of criminal activity.
Valentine: The criminal activity hasn't happened yet. The person who we made this deal with seems to be under the eyes of the Feds.
Xavier: And now a Federal investigator has asked you to … ?
Valentine: Has asked us to turn him in. And then go about our business.
Xavier: I see. And why don't you do that?
Valentine: Because I'm not reasonably certain that "going about our business" involves us staying on planet. My understanding is that we need to stay on the planet for a little bit of time in order to do everything that you need to have done to verify what we've got on board.

Valentine is as circumspect as he can be, knowing that this line might not be secure and the buyer made it clear he didn't want word of the sale leaking out. Xavier pauses for a long moment. Then:

Xavier: Can you verify the cargo? Now?
Valentine: I don't see why not.
Xavier: My influence with the government is limited.
Valentine: Sure.
Xavier: However … are you under a land lock?
Valentine: No, we're not under a land lock. Not that I know of.

A land lock usually only shows up if you try to leave and he hasn't ordered Delilah's engines spun up yet. But let's just take it on faith that no, he's not under a land lock. Xavier doesn't question him any closer on it.

Valentine: At the moment, she's trying to get our cooperation because we haven't turned her down yet. The Federal agent, I mean.
Xavier: You have her information?
Valentine: I do.

Valentine scans the card and sends the data.

Xavier: We were hoping this wouldn't be an occasion of … note. But if you could verify the contents of the package, I'll see what I can do.
Valentine: Okay.
Xavier: I don't want to waste the time to bring you to Avalon without … (raises brow)
Valentine: Understood. We'll do the verification and we'll get back to you shortly.

The call ends and Valentine moves to the next item on his neverending to-do list: Verify the records. He calls another crew meeting (leaving Eli out of it) and fills them in on the latest developments.

Vikki: But I thought we already verified the package. We already scanned them on Yànwō.

We did, at Mary Ann Valmont's insistence. We gave her the results but we don't know what she did with them. Did she send them forward to Xavier? Or did she keep the information to herself? If she has that report, could we get her to send it to us? Assuming we can reach her. As a matter of fact …

Valentine: Frankly I don't know where Mary Ann is. I don't know if she went to Avalon directly from Yànwō or not.

Stumped, the crew thinks of other ways to verify the records without the report that Mary Ann may or may not still have in her possession. Poco hits on the idea of photographing the actual records. We'd have to break the seal on the container but what if we did it as a live video feed? Find a way to do it with an irrefutable time stamp to convince Xavier that the vid she's watching is live and not something faked up prior to our arrival? Valentine thinks it's a good idea.

Valentine: Let's start with that. If they won't take it, we'll step it up. Let's open the vault.

Xavier watches the feed as the crew breaches the vault, the container seal is broken, and a single record shown. She considers the evidence. Then:

Xavier: I'll do it but we'll take 20%.
Valentine: … (swallows hard) …
Xavier: It is for a lot of zeroes.
Valentine: It is. Twenty percent is an awesomely large cut. We could get ourselves out of this on our own but we'll just be hotter when we do this. We're just trying to do you a favor to make this smoother.
Xavier: In these times, our influencing the Federal authorities is a costly endeavor.
Valentine: I'm sure it is but it seems that's an awful lot of cost.
Xavier: Can I ask you something, Captain Quick.
Valentine: Of course you can.
Xavier: If I had initially offered that sum to you, how would you have responded to it?
Valentine: I understand how bargaining works. You set your anchor and then I set mine. But you've already set your anchor, so that number is already on the table.

And the bargaining starts in earnest. The players set their anchors and have at it. Xavier is a consummate fixer but Valentine didn't manage a casino for the Triad for nothing. They go back and forth, dancing an oddly formal dance. It's all very polite.

Xavier: You're not really losing in any of this. You'll be a very—well, you'll be much better off.
Valentine: It seems to me if you could afford to put that number out on the table in the first place, then you can afford it, for say … 5% instead of 20. You still get what you want and—
Xavier: Do you have another buyer?
Valentine: We could probably find another buyer.
Xavier: Oh I'm sure I could help them find you, if you like.
Valentine: (smiles) … I like you.
Xavier: I'm sure there's many interested parties.
Valentine: And I'm sure that your employer is just buying this on a lark. Like he doesn't really want it. Like he's happy to give it up.
Xavier: Oh, no. He'll be disappointed but one of my jobs—and I sense that you've been in this position, too. That is, knowing how to disappoint your boss.

She smiles a knowing little smile and Valentine nods graciously.

Valentine: That is true. And I have been in that position before.
Xavier: (purring now) So I think we understand each other.
Valentine: We do. So, ten percent?
Xavier: (blinks) What's that now?
Valentine: Ten percent it is. That way we all end up with some disappointment, which is the best way for all negotiations to work.

They go back and forth some more … and close the deal at 10%.

Xavier: I'll have to consult with the Count but I'll get back to you.
Valentine: Of course. No problem.

The call ends and Valentine takes in a cleansing breath. That was one tough customer … but the outcome looks good. He can only hope that all the people his father owed money never find out so that they don't come gunning for him.

Two hours later, around 2200 hours, someone buzzes Delilah's airlock door.

Rachel: Wow, we got a doorbell that works? Shiny.
Valentine: See? That's exactly what I was going to say.
Vikki: I fix and fix and fix and fix … and nobody says thank you.
Poco: (grumbling) That's cuz everytime you do it, you rewire it so that it don't work the way it should.
Valentine: You hadn't told me that you'd actually done it and I don't discover it until, like, now. So it's "Oh, Vikki fixed that." So … Thank you, Vikki. Do we have a way of looking out to see who it is?

Um, no. Vikki used that camera for parts to fix other things. Valentine goes down to the airlock door to see who it is. It's Agent Colt. She looks terribly angry.

Valentine: (pleasantly) Hi.

Colt storms past Valentine, striding right aboard the ship without permission.

Valentine: Hi. Welcome aboard. (closes door, turns around) What can I do for you?
Colt: (hard) What did you do?
Valentine: What do you mean, what did I do?
Colt: What did you do?

The rest of the crew is leaning over the catwalk rail watching this unfold below.

Tian: What?
Rachel: Who the hell is she?

Valentine looks up, sees them, and makes the introductions.

Valentine: She's with the Federal government. The Alliance Bureau of Investigations.
Vikki: She's packing.
Rachel: Val, you have got to be more careful with your girlfriends.
Vikki: Hey!
Colt: (fed up) Please.
Rachel: Now don't you be makin' like he ain't any good 'nuff for y—! He's mighty good lookin'. You'd be lucky to have a boy like him!

Ain't nobody talks like that to her adopted boy! Valentine waves Rachel to simmer down. He turns to Colt.

Valentine: Is there something I can do for you?
Colt: You can explain how I get a call from my District Commander—
Valentine: Uh-huh. Go on.
Colt: —Saying to lay off.
Valentine: Oh?
Colt: Look at this. You're not in the position to do that.
Valentine: I don't know your District Commander, so it's not like I got on the phone and called your District Commander and … (spreads hands, shrugs) … told him to call it off.

Above, Rachel is furious at Colt's slighting of Valentine. She spins on her heel and storms off. Tian tugs her on the arm.

Rachel: She's dissed my … on my ship and … I … !
Tian: Awwww, c'mon Rachel … whadd're you doin'?
Rachel: She just … (sputters, spits) … Why I …!

Down below, Valentine gestures at the catwalk.

Valentine: And now you've pissed off my pilot. It's not a good idea to piss off the pilot.
Colt: Mr. Quick, I'm going to …
Valentine: Do what?
Colt: Get to the bottom of this.
Valentine: I'm sure you are. You will. You seem like the kind of dedicated, stubborn, law enforcement official that would.
Colt: I don't know how far up this goes, but this just tells me that this is not just a simple—!

She goes on like this for a bit. Poco comes ambling out of the engine room to see what the racket's about. He leans on the rail with Vikki, Tian, and Rachel. He's smart enough to keep his trap shut. No point in throwing ammunition at the Feds when they're gunning for you. Beside him, he gets the gist as Tian and Rachel talk over the argument below.

Rachel: Tian, honey, you sober gain?
Tian: No … (sings) … La-la-la! … So, Rayyyyy … who is this woman …?
Rachel: Oh, it's Val's Federal girlfriend or somethin'.
Tian: Val's got a Federal girlfriend?

Tian's giggles overcome her before she can ask anything more. Below, Valentine has a few questions to ask of his own.

Valentine: You don't have anything else on your docket? The loss of what? Who is it that you're after? Just one minor guy, one minor smuggler or whatever he is? What is it with you people?
Colt: I don't know who you called to get this … changed … but I'm going to find out.
Valentine: Of course you are.
Colt: And it's going to go to them. Now, obviously … (gestures at the ship) … prison's not going to be a step down for you.

Rachel gasps in outrage up above. Oh boy! Tian grabs the pilot before she can do anything rash. Poco comes halfway down the stairs and catches Valentine's eye.

Poco: Boss can we have a word in private?
Valentine: (to Colt) Pardon me for just a second. Hold that rant.

Colt glares and spins away from him to pace the hold. Muttered imprecations follow Valentine as he follows Poco to the catwalk and stops away from the edge. Poco scratches his nose as Valentine leans in.

Poco: So. We, ah, ruffled her feathers?
Valentine: A little bit. We could offer her a little—.
Poco: Giving her some money?
Valentine: Yeah, we could offer her a little.
Poco: We ain't testifyin' in court of law or nothin'.
Valentine: I wanted her to get that out of her system a little bit.

Valentine peers over the railing. Nope. Still pissed. He gives it a slow count of a hundred and then goes back down.

Valentine: Agent?
Colt: Valentine Quick.
Valentine: Have you gotten it out of your system?
Colt: If you have information—
Valentine: I can give you some information, but I'm not inclined to give it to you when you're basically haunt me and anyone that I know for the rest of time immemorial. If I give you any information, it should in theory further your investigation, but I'm going to you to tell me that you're not going to hunt me down and track it all the way to the top and make sure that everyone's in prison.
Colt: I can't make that promise but—
Valentine: Well, then, I can't give you that information. See how this works?

She does. She doesn't like it. She looks like someone who's not accustomed to being refused. From up above, Tian's giggles can clearly be heard as can Rachel's admonition to hush. Vikki just watches from the railing, admiring how Valentine is handling the agent SO much better than she'd managed at the tea shop.

Valentine: I feel like this is a negotiating table. So what are you offering?
Colt: I'll offer … (sighs) … anonymity.
Valentine: Clarified?
Colt: You tell me who called me off, and what their connection is to this, your name won't come up.

Tian stage whispers to Rachel, who's dragging the doctor toward the med bay.

Tian: Do we even know that?
Rachel: No.
Tian: … Okay … (giggles) …

Thank God the noise didn't make it all the way down to the deck. Valentine shakes his head.

Valentine: No. Sorry.
Colt: And no prosecution for your … role in all this.
Valentine: Everybody's constantly threatening me with prosecution. Look, what I'm offering you is information that may lead you further along the—basically, I', giving you information that will continue that investigation that you were working on originally. You'll be further down the line and you won't have to worry about a complicated sting operation or anything like that.
Colt: So are you telling me that … when they called me off it wasn't about this investigation?
Valentine: I'm telling you I don't know why they called you off but I'm telling you to keep you from being the burr in my backside that you seem determined to be that I will give you some information that I otherwise don't have to give you, in return for basically getting the hell out of my ship and just going on and arresting no-good Albion criminals.

In med bay …

Tian: At least she's nicer than Christian.
Rachel: Naw, she just done got peed all over. Got peed on, come stormin' in like she owns my ship, rollin' her eyes.
Tian: Because she got … yanked off … for somethin' that's not there …?

Of course, they don't have all the details of the story and they're down to pure speculation at this point. Given Tian's loopy state and Rachel's pissed off one, their speculation quickly heads south. Smut and trash talk all. Mostly at Colt's expense.

Tian: (giggling) Val's really funny dealin' with her ... (laughs) …
Rachel: That's cuz she wants what's in his pants.
Tian: … (laughs some more) …

Down in the cargo hold, Agent Colt feels she is most definitely not getting what she wants.

Colt: All right … (glares) … Something tells me that doing this would probably not be worth the aggravation, anyway. I don't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult, Mr. Quick.
Valentine: I'd take it as both if you like, if it makes things easier for you. The thing about it is, you look like you really care about your job and I hope that you get this guy, Cooper? Hooper? In the town of Dover?

The olive branch extended, Colt cools down a little bit.

Colt: Okay, well … I appreciate the help.
Valentine: He's expecting us tonight.
Poco: (from the side) Oh, yeah and there's also going to be a little distraction at your impound facility. Somewhere around 2 a.m.
Colt: All right. That might be difficult to arrange. You're not … carrying out the—?
Valentine: No.

Poco eyes Valentine. Valentine seems committed to not doing the job for Daimler. If Xavier doesn't come through for the crew, they'll have to find yet another way to get clearance for Avalon. All righty, then. Poco leans back against the stair rail.

Colt: Would it … I got a name that 's not really enough to go on if today is not enough to catch this guy. That said, it may benefit both of us if your inability to do this job was because of … something else. Perhaps a Federal investigation of some kind. So that you can't do it, so that there's no—
Valentine: Cover story, so to speak?
Colt: So your relationship with Mr. Daimler will be … (throwing away gesture) … Then if you ever come back here, perhaps we can work out a deal. But then we can keep him from suspecting too much so I might be able to maintain my surveillance.

Valentine eyes Poco, subtly checking to see if there are any loose ends from his quarter that will get in the way. Poco's expression is clear. Nope, nothing pending. Valentine knows that Colt is reluctant to give up even the tiniest leverage she's got against him but he gets no sense that she's out to screw him thanks to that olive branch.

Valentine: I'm willing to take that risk. Sounds like a reasonable plan of action.
Colt: Looking around here, I'm guessing a failed inspection seems possible.
Valentine: It wouldn't be our first or our last. I think that's a reasonable way to go about it.

Valentine: If the inspectors give up out of fear, would that be considered passing?
Poco: Usually you get up out of being paid.
Colt: I'll submit the paperwork for your ship to be inspected. If you leave before then, there's not much we can do. …(a beat) … I'll put a delay on it so that you'll have time to leave.

Colt sighs and casts a look around the hold.

Colt: All right. Well. You seem to be … thieves with honor. I'm still not thrilled about the situation. …(a warning) … I will find out.
Valentine: Yes, you will.
Colt: I don't know what you think about me, Mr. Quick.
Valentine: I think you are a dedicated focused person who really believes in what she does, which makes you a very dangerous person in a lot of ways.
Colt: A House is built on Law. And it's a thousand times worse when those laws are bent to the will of the people just because of their wealth and prestige. Scum like Hooper and Daimler, they're in every society but I don't like the idea of some noble on Avalon playing politics with the law. It makes me sick.
Valentine: As I said. Smart. Focused. Believing. It makes you very dangerous and a person to can make a difference. I hope you get your guy.

Valentine sees Colt off his ship, their business finally concluded.

In the med bay, the two women have been glued to the wall comm, listening in on the conversation in the cargo bay. As the airlock shuts, Tian looks at Rachel.

Tian: Gee … I wish I could believe in something like she does …
Rachel: Oh, darlin', you ain't gonna cry now, are ya?
Tian: … no … (weeps) …yes …
Rachel: Oh, honey, there, there ….

Rachel pats her back and leads her away from the comms. The pilot finds a nice comfy bed they can both sit on and she comforts the doctor in her signature grandmotherly way.

Poco: I need to see a man about a truck. You gonna wave Harvey, let him know we're bailing on him?
Valentine: Yeah. I'll send him a note.

It's a polite little note. Valentine takes pains to apologize but he has to be inspected by the Feds and he's backing out of the deal because he knows Daimler needs to be untraceable. Daimler calls back rather irate about the whole thing. Because he assumed the deal was on, he's now out of pocket. Valentine takes the call on the bridge. Rachel listens in.

Daimler: You owe me fifty credits for the prostitutes I hired as a distraction!
Valentine: I'll be sure to reimburse you the next time we're on Albion.
Colt: I'll remember.
Rachel: (to Valentine) I'll still need him, now, Val.

Right. It was Rachel's connection with Daimler that got them into this mess. Only time will tell if Daimler is still willing to be connected to her.

Later that night, Xavier comes through for Valentine: the permissions to land on Avalon arrive in Delilah's inbox. Valentine wastes no time blasting off for the moon. The sooner he's shut of Albion, the better.

They look up the Cortex encyclopedia entry on Avalon while on approach. It's a playground of the rich but that's not entirely accurate. It's a small moon that's been Disneyfied into a make-believe Kingdom. The entire moon is made up to look like something transported out of Medieval times … only without the Medieval ills of war, famine, pestilence, and lack of modern hygiene. There is a dress code imposed on all who go there, medieval in style to better preserve the illusion. Avalon also has as many as 13 floating castles in addition to castles on the ground. There is also an entire underground city, complete with streets, living accommodations, and other such infrastructure to contain the population maintaining the surface fantasy and to serve as the spaceport.

Valentine waves ahead for further details and asks for suitable clothing for himself and his crew. Xavier arranges for everything to be waiting for him when they land. Valentine also enquires about the etiquette standards of Avalon, especially forms of address for the Count.

Valentine: What's the right term talking to the Count?
Vikki: Your Excellency, I think.
Valentine: … Excellency …
Poco: Oooh, lookit you. Mr. Fancy. You gonna bow and genuflect, too?
Valentine: If that's what I have to do, then that's what I have to do.

He's willing to do whatever it takes to make this deal come through. If it falls through, at least it won't be from wearing or saying the wrong thing.

Avalon Space Port is in a deep crater of the moon, hidden from view of the surface, and the lights on the shadowed side of the crater's curve twinkle a bright welcome on approach. Rachel lands Delilah easy as you please where directed and the crew open their packages when they're delivered.

They try on their garb and gather in the lounge to check out everyone's costume. The ladies have been kitted out in veils and trailing gowns. The men have padded doublets and hose and codpieces. Poco grouses about his codpiece and tries to find a place to stow his cigarettes. Tian tries to find a place to stow her meds.

Tian: I have the feeling that these meds will be with me for a long time to come.
Valentine: Can we purge you?
Tian: (come again?) Can you purge me?
Vikki: How about a juice cleanse?
Poco: So what if she's a little ... happy? Just her being not a Reaver is good.

Yeah. Her chewing off the face of a random noble would kinda skunk the deal.

So the crew gets accustomed to their garb and brush up on Avalon's etiquette. They also deal with the fact that their payday, their own lottery fantasy, is fast approaching. Or at least, the possibility of the payday is fast approaching.

Whether it actually materializes, only time will tell.

Jump to Part 1 | Part 2 | Special Features

---

Return to Episodes | Season Three | Firefly-RPG Homepage | Crew Page