Moments In The Dark

WHO: Arden and Nika
WHEN: Day 2 of confinement-ish

Sitting in the darkened generator shed, everyone should have been asleep. Maybe they were and maybe they weren't; Nika couldn't tell. But she'd been laying there for several hours already and everyone else's whispers had already drifted off. Her leg was throbbing mercilessly and she doubted tomorrow would be a lot better. Knowing no one was more than a few feet away and with a mental map of Arden's location, she moved cautiously in the pitch black to scoot across the ten feet or so to where Arden had lain down to sleep. Her hand slipped out and touched his side -- or perhaps it was his arm or even a leg, she couldn't really tell immediately in the darkness -- and whispered, "Arden, wake up a minute."

Arden comes instantly awake, "Nika? You okay? Need some pain killer or something?" He yawns as he sits up stretching and cracking the overused muscles from their work in the forest.

"Actually, I could kind of use a painkiller," she admitted. Nika was not one to gripe, so it must be bad if she woke him to try to find the stuff in the pitch black generator shed. She was quiet as he rummaged in the dark, listening to the sounds of the others sleep... or at least lay there silently. It's at least an approximation of privacy. "Why did you do that?" she asked finally. It took her two days to finally bring up the incident in the underground bunker, and she wasn't sure she *wanted* the answer, but it was driving her nuts. "When I took your pistol," she clarified, in case he didn't know what she meant.

A low chuckle is the first answer she gets. Then a soft "A-ha!" He slides over to her and shakes two capsules out and hands then to her, passing them from his hand to hers. Finally he says, "Cause you were taking me too seriously. yes, I don't trust Schweiss. And yes, I was fairly sure he was bluffing. But I wouldn't have pushed him so close to the edge that he would have gone over."

He pauses and sighs, "Lately I been finding myself taking the Devil's advocate role. Seems like whenever we try to do "good," the "good" that happens is we get "good" and screwed. So I decided, not consciously, that someone has to put his thumb on the balance so we say centered."

Nika took the capsules and dry-swallowed them. She'd get her water bottle, which was back over by her sleeping spot ten feet away, when she scooted back over there. In the meantime, she simply remained within touching distance of the doctor. "I don't trust the doctor," she said quietly. "Quite frankly, I don't blame you for not trusting anyone. But we have *got* to get out of siege mentality, Arden."

She paused, silent in the darkness. "It's gotten to the point that we *assume* that everyone we meet out there is out to get us. We cannot keep doing that. I can't handle this job if I have two of you paranoid to the extremes. I *won't* do this job under those conditions. For a long time, you and Rina were a lot alike in that I could take whatever you said at face value and work with it. Playing devil's advocate is fine, but I can't tell when you're being sarcastic and when you're being serious anymore," she admitted softly. "It hampers my ability to weigh your arguments when you make them. I have to first figure out if you actually mean what you said."

"Point," Arden says.

He doesn't say anything for a long moment, then begins, "You know ever since Kiera came aboard I've felt a bit... isolated. I like Keira and all, but she seems to bring a competitiveness to the crew that I don't know if I like. I feel lots of times like its the girls against me. Joshua is neutral -- so damn neutral that it hurts. I don't know if that made any sense," Arden rushes before Nika could say anything, "But since we're sharing feelings."

Funny how some conversations were just so much easier in the dark where you couldn't see the face of the other person. There was silence from the blonde as she thought about his words, considering them from all angles. "I'm not sure what you mean by competition," she finally said. "She's called you on a few things, for certain. But I've called you on things the whole time we've known one another." She paused and asked, "Is it the *girls* against you, or is it the dynamic between you and me that's causing the problem?"

"Maybe both," Arden says. "I didn't realize it at the time, but I know now that I relied on you to soften the harder edges in my life. Our relationship felt so natural, so... well, good, that I, unfortunately took it for granted."

He sighs, "And now I miss it. A lot."

Nika was quiet in the darkness once more. When she spoke again, it was to string together perhaps more words than they've really shared in a year. "I do too," she admitted softly. "Not just the sex part, but just the... companionship. It just wasn't as simple as I thought it was. I care about you, and I don't want you to think you're second best somehow -- trouble is, he still holds a big piece of my heart. And after what happened, it sort of hit me that... I could really hurt you. If I took up with you again at that point, it would have just been using you to run away from what happened with Brian. But that was a year ago, too."

She sighed quietly, shifting her weight to try to find a more comfortable position for her leg. "I can't say I *will* ever sort things out with Brian, Arden. I can't even //begin// to guess what's going to happen if the man ever shows up. Maybe nothing. I always believed that if something was meant to be, it'd work itself out in the end. But sitting around waiting on it to happen ain't exactly my style either." She paused. "Aside from the two of you, I've never had a long-term relationship, Arden. I'm pretty much clueless about how to go about not hurting everyone involved."

In the darkness silence falls between them. But is more of a companionable silence than an awkward silence.

Arden breaks it saying, "I understand. Actually you're my longest relationship as well... well, romantic relationship. I have no idea what I am doing, how to behave, what to say, or anything... But I'm trying."

"As for now," he finishes, "I am your friend and your doctor. So you take care of yourself, and I will do whatever I can to help."

Though he can't see it, the smile is evident in Nika's voice. "I know that you're my friend and my doctor. Trouble is, I'd really like it to be more again. And that's about as selfish as it gets." She reaches out in the darkness and puts a hand on his arm, sliding it down to his hand to squeeze. "I stay away because I figure it's takin' advantage of your feelings to make myself feel better."

"I know and understand that," Arden replies, "logically. But whoever said that feeling were logical?" he chuckles. "I'm fine, I appreciate your concern.

"However, I am serious about Keira..."

He pauses, "There is something mercenary about her. I get the feeling that if the price is right, she would sell us all and whistle as she walked away counting her credits. Can we trust her? Can we *afford* to trust her?"

"Would you rather I said the hell with it and shared your bunk again, even knowing that I might never figure out the rest of it?" Nika asked seriously. He's an adult, he can make the call for himself.

"As to Kiera," she added quietly, "I don't know. I've gotten the impression that even if she were going to sell us out, she's got *some* kind of code. And if she sticks to it, I think she'll at least warn us first." Nika shrugged. "It's about all we can hope for, honestly."

"Do you think you could do that? I don't," Arden answers her.

"Actually the best case we can hopeful is she actually becomes part of our crew, our family, and we can trust her. Right now I don't think I could trust her," he says. "She hasn't given me any reason *to* trust her."

Nika was quiet for a long time, finally replying to him honestly. "I don't know. Which is why I haven't asked you to take back up with me, Arden. I'd rather have your friendship and your camaraderie than have you in my bed for now and hating me later." Her snort was derisive. "'Course, I suppose you might hate me sooner, since takin' up with someone else for a nice casual thing seems like rubbin' your nose in this situation too. Sheesh. I do know how to make a mess."

She shifted her weight again and urged quietly, "I need to lay back down. And you need sleep. Go on. The painkillers are starting to kick in. I don't know what to do about Kiera, but so far... she's pullin' her weight. We'll just play it by ear, same as we did with Jake and Rick."

Arden says, "sure. Sorry I kept you up. Rest. You need it."

As she moved away in the darkness, Arden settled back down as well. But it was a long time before his breathing became soft and regular and sleep took him once more.

Go back to: Timeline Season Four, April 2521 to Dec 2521