Navero 09

From: dparsons@jarthur.claremont.edu (Daniel Parsons)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp
Subject: Navero IX
Reply-To: dparsons@jarthur.UUCP (Daniel Parsons)
Distribution: world
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA
Keywords: Navero, of the Correct and Unalterable Way

A short pause whilst I pontificate:

Thank you to everyone who sent mail. Thank you to everyone who sent comments. I must admit, the story has become rather less humorous than it used to be, but that is completely intentional, I assure you. In reality, the humor did settle down once the Orc chase started in earnest - somehow, when we had something to actually do, the jokes died down a bit and things took a more serious tone. The funniest segments seemed to come between adventures.

One suggestion was a Dramatis Personae at the beginning of each posting, as many people have trouble keeping the characters straight. This might be a good idea, especially as the party gets to be larger than five people. I believe the most we ever had in the party at one time is eight; I would need a list to keep them all straight at that point.

Also, some of you have told me how sad you were that Rizudo died in the idiot trap. He was not mourned long - Razuli came in [sorry I misspelled it last time :-(]; he was run by the same player, had the same stats, and the same personality. Basically, he decided to start Rizudo over, rather than come up with a new character. He is gone, yet he is with us. :-)

And finally, to the individual who commented on Dania's "lecture" to Navero at the end of Navero VI: A "lecture"? That was a full-bore rant if I ever heard one. The player was actually yelling at me for almost a minute (how's that for role-playing) using most of her very impressive vocabulary. If you consider that a "lecture" I would hate to hear a "reprimand."

---

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT...

The following morning, we all assembled in the official's office. There was a great deal of yelling and screaming, but the end result was that we didn't get to go see his Lordship, we didn't get public fame, and we got only half the reward, as we had left the Chief and the Dragon alive. Much grumbling followed.

The DM then said that Navero, Dania, Rourk, and Kortul had gained enough experience to go to second level, but we would have to go get the requisite training. The warriors had it easy - training facilities were readily available for them. The DM kindly ruled that, in this case, Navero could go up by praying and talking with the local priests for about a month, even though they were not of The Order. Our DM generally doesn't like to sweat these things, and neither do I.

However, dear Dania would have to find someone to supervise her studies in the arcane arts, and in a Keep this small, the chances of finding a mage who would apprentice her, and put up with her adventuring, seemed to be pretty dismal. Her efforts did come to fruit, in time.

Dania: (To Joe Townsperson) "Excuse me, but is there a mage or wizard living around here, with whom I might speak?"

Joe: "Well, there's the Wizards on High street..."

Dania: "There are several of them? In a town this size?"

Joe: "Yep, they hang around together. Don't know why you'd wanna talk to them, though."

Dania: "I've got my reasons. Thank you and good day, Sir."

(Walks to High street. There, she sees that the houses are all very tall, and seem to lean back, away from the street. They are painted bright colors, and have gardens with lots of colorful flowers. Violets and purples seem to be a general favorite here. She went up to a random house and knocked. A tall figure with a long white beard opened the door; surprisingly, he was not at all annoyed at the intrusion (as wizards often are), but seemed to positively beam good tidings from his beetling little brows. He was also, by the way, dressed in a very loud purple robe, with lots of polka-dots.)

Dania: "Um... Hello, master Wizard? I am Dania Couliari; I have come seeking an apprenticeship."

Wizard: "You have? Splendid!! I love apprentices! Especially small cute ones with pointy ears! (Poof. Flowers appear in his hand.) Have some flowers! Have some more! (Poof) Have whole bunches of them! (Poof)(Poof)(Poof)(Poof)(Poof)(Poof) Aren't flowers nice? I like this kind best. Do you like flowers, young lady?"

Dania: "Actually, I have hay fever. Good day, sorry to have troubled you."

Wizard: "No, no! I can't have you going away like that! You aren't happy!"

Dania: "Excuse me?"

Wizard: "We cannot have unhappy people in our midst... For we are THE PURPLE POLKA-DOT WIZARDS!!! We ALL want to make the whole world HAPPY!!"

(All of a sudden, doors and windows all up and down the street burst open, and about 20 mages in loud, purple, polka-dotted clothing lean out.)

PPW's: "YES!! HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY!!" (They all jump out and begin dancing.)

Dania: stares

PPW 1: "We want everyone in the world to be just as happy as we are!"

All PPW's: "YES!!" (Some are doing cartwheels)

Dania: STARES

PPW 2: "We want the world to be a joyful place! With bright colors and flowers and singing and effervescence and glee!"

All PPW's: "YES! ALL THAT!" (they make a giant pyramid, which falls, but they don't mind.)

Dania: STARES

PPW 1: "I love apprentices; don't you love apprentices?"

PPW 2: "How dare you grab this one up so fast! How dare you, sir! Why, I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse!"

Dania: STARES (Jaw drops, hits ground with audible thud.)

PPW 3: "Actually, I'd much rather she did that to me!"

PPW 2: "Oh? Whips and chains, dear Xinjanthropus?"

PPW 3: "Chains, you say? Your remark leaves me fit to be TIED!"

PPW 2: "I am BOUND to strike you for that remark!"

PPW 1: "Lets have no disCORD!"

PPW 5: "Yes! All this over a deLINKuent!"

PPW 3: "But she looks like a FAST 'UN!"

PPW 1: "You have a filthy mind! At least, not a TIE-dy one!"

PPW 4: "This LINE leaves me at the end of my rope!"

Dania: "Uh, do you do this all the time, uh, great wizards?"

(All PPW's gaze upon her, with glee in their beady little eyes.)

PPW 5: "A STRAIGHT WOMAN!! SHE'S MINE!!"

PPW 2: "Restraint! Julius saw her first!"

PPW 1: "I'll fight you for her! Do your worst!"

PPW 5: "RIGHT! Lets have at it then, Julie baby!!"

(They do "rock, scissors, paper" in a furious huff. Both get rock, then both scissors, then both paper.)

PPW 1: "Alright then, two out of three!"

PPW 3: "Wait a minute, she's leaving. Come back!"

PPW 1: "Don't leave! Can't you see I'm trying to tell you I love you? Because you remind me of you! Your eyes, your lips your hair... everything about you reminds me of you! Except you. How do you account for that?"

Dania: "Sorry,gottago,kidsonthestove,bye!" (Flees)

PPW 4: "Rats."

PPW 5: "Do you think we sent her away unhappy?"

PPW 1: "No, not at all. Look! She seems much happier already."

A few notes on the Purple Polka-dot Wizards: (This is 1st edition AD&D, of course) They cast Tasha's Uncontrollable Hideous Laughter as a 1st level spell, and Otto's Irresistible Dance as a 4th level spell. They are of Chaotic Good alignment. When summoning familiars, if they get a special familiar, it is not a Pseudo-dragon; they get a Faerie Dragon.

Dania went to find Joe Townsperson again.

Joe: "Oh, hello."

Dania: "You bastard. You sick little <censored> bastard. Why didn't you tell me they were all a bunch of lunatics?!?"

Joe: "Well... you didn't ask."

Dania: "Well, now I AM ASKING: are there any mages in this whole goddamned place who AREN'T insane?"

Joe: "Well, one..."

Dania: "Where? And is there anything I should know about him?"

Joe: "Nobody much goes near his place, ma'am. He only gets visitors late at night. It's the big dark house on Kings road, can't miss it. He isn't a very good neighbor, ma'am, but I can say he ain't any loopier than any other wizard, and less than some."

Dania: "Good. Good-day."

Dania trekked up to Kings road. The house was indeed unmistakable, in it's glowering eldritch hugeness, suspended seemingly as an abomination within a polite white-housed neighborhood. Other dwellings shied away from it's improbable obesity, while it stood in solitude, lofty and arrogant, shrouded it it's sheer weight of gloom and despair. There were no visible doors, although windows which seemed to gaze into your cringing soul were scattered about in awful patterns that the mind refused to acknowledge. A neat house, but I wouldn't want to live there.

Dania went looking for a door, but a disembodied voice stopped her.

Voice: "I am aware of your presence. And your desires..."

(A door suddenly existed, where she was sure one had not been.)

Voice: "Enter freely, and of your own will."

Dania entered. Beyond, there was a hallway, thin but impossibly high, whose walls were a uniform shade of grey, a disturbing grey; they seemed to shift slightly, just at the edges of your vision, but never were seen to move. The hall was longer than it looked; it took a long time to reach the end, although when she looked back, she saw it was indeed a long way back, and no door was visible. She reached the end of the hall, and stepped into a small black room. An unknown force moved her to another place, seemingly beyond the very limits of space itself. There, she saw what was presumably the master of the house. Nearly 7 feet tall, dressed in a loose robe like a sundered piece of space, and with huge hands which seemed to flow into more fingers than was acceptable. His features were a study in fascinating ugliness, riveting and commanding in their grotesquery.

Master: "An apprenticeship. How amusing. How presumptuous. I haven't dealt with an apprentice since.... Ah. So your former master was Galvolin."

Dania: "Uh, yes. He kicked me out when my parents did."

Master: "For sleeping with a Drow? Very close-minded people. You are well rid of them. I see some potential in you, though. Interesting flares and prominences. Very well, apprentice."

Dania: "Sure, thanks. Glad to be here."

Master: "Of course you are. Your first task..."

(A wild gesture. Space and time scream. They appear in a room.)

Master: "Clean all this glassware. And I want to be able to see my face in it! After that, set the dining room table. I am expecting an important guest. Put 7 forks and 12 knives at his place."

Dania: "There's enough glassware here to fill my old bedroom..."

Master: "It seems that would be rather uncomfortable to sleep on. But some might find it very interesting... To work. Now!"

Dania: "Yes! Very good, o my master! Chop, chop! Oh, uh..."

Master: "Of course. I am perfectly aware of your other career. Your next assignment will involve it."

Dania: "OK. No problems."

Master: "For your studies, you may peruse the library on the first floor. NONE of the others. And, after you finish here."

Dania managed to complete the requisite studies, and was able to rejoin us periodically for a drink. In fact, although that one library was a mages dream, she took every possible opportunity to get out of the house. If she seemed any more morbid than usual, no one noticed. The training period passed uneventfully, leaving us rested and ready to continue in our explorations of the Orc caverns.

Dan Parsons

"Your hands look scaly. Is that from lots of washing?"

"Lord, I hope so."