Navero 19

From: dparsons@jarthur.claremont.edu (Daniel Parsons)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp
Subject: Navero XIX
Reply-To: dparsons@jarthur.Claremont.EDU (Daniel Parsons)
Distribution: world
Organization: Harvey Mudd College, Claremont, CA
Keywords: Navero, of the Correct and Unalterable Way

• Navero, male human cleric, 3rd level
• Dania, female 1/2-elf MU, 3rd level
• Rourk Ravensbane, male drow cavalier, 3rd level
• Kortul, male human fighter, 2nd level
• Razuli, male human fighter, 2nd level
• Arlor, male dwarf thief, 2nd level

We continued to ride for a long time. This was not due to the guardsmen - they left us after the first couple of days, and rode back to Swamp Keep. Rather, we wished to put as much distance as possible between ourselves and the Paladins. The Three were obviously far beyond our capacity to survive; and if they considered Dania's master an enemy worthy of "heavy artillery," we didn't want to run into him either. He had seemed just a trifle annoyed at us for killing his dragon and letting them loose. We rode on, to the north and west. On the journey, we all saw to it that Dania explained just what was going on with them.

Dania: "...and so anyway, I was apprenticed to the guy..."

Rourk: "You would associate with such an individual as THAT? I wonder that he didn't send you about town, digging up graves or such ghoulish activities. What was it that you were doing with the brain, little mage? Your capacity for greedy immorality astounds me."

Razuli: "Actually, Captain Whitebread Sir, I hope you aren't forgetting all those women and children you guys killed."

Rourk: "They were Orcs and deserved no less. They are like a cancer, and must be cut away."

Dania: "Listen! Then, when the idiots showed up and attacked, the bastard tried to kill me, so I ran."

Navero: "I would expect no less, if this individual is as you describe him. On those occasions when evil wears its own face, you should be able to recognize and avoid it."

Dania: "Yeah, Nav. It was stupid, but he was the only wizard in town. Except for a bunch of lunatics."

Razuli: "You mean the Purple Polka-Dot Magicians? We had them in my home town. At least 'til we burned 'em all at the stake. That was fun."

Dania: "Oh, please. Why does everyone burn mages?"

Rourk: "Because warriors can defend themselves. Mages, being so vulnerable, are constantly exposed to the viciousness of the rabble. In this regard, it is notable that all true nobility is comprised solely of warriors. No others possess sufficient strength, fortitude and grace to rule."

Razuli: "Strange attitude for a darkie. I thought the women were tops in your place, Rourk? Women WIZZERDS and PRIESTESSES?"

Rourk: "There are, of course, exceptions."

Razuli: "Maybe the darkie women were ugly enough to scare you away, and traumatized you."

Rourk: "Bite your tongue, Human! Their grace and beauty could never be matched by your pitiful species."

Razuli: "Then why are you up here?"

Rourk: "I refuse to speak on that. Silence."

Razuli: "Admit it! You came up here looking for a good fuck, didncha?"

Dania: "Raz, shut up. You're annoying the hell out of me."

Kortul: "And everyone else. Quiet, all of you."

Rourk: "When did you have permission to give orders? Please stand downwind of me when you open your mouth. This, mercenary, is a typical example of humanity: filthy, unsophisticated, incapable of even the simplest of tasks..."

Kortul: (grrr....)

Rourk: "...having no regard for others, probably even mistreats members of his own family! Disrespectful of his betters..."

Kortul: (GRRRR.....)

Rourk: "...uncouth, uneducated, insensitive and impatient..."

Navero: "STOP IT!! Why are you DOING this?!"

Razuli: "Oh, jeez, not again..."

Navero: "Will you please stop this? Why do you all hate each other so much? I don't see how you can hate each other so much, you haven't done anything BUT hate each other! WHY!?"

Rourk: "Priest, we can hardly be said to hate one another. These others simply amuse themselves with childish name-calling. Think nothing of it, for it is of no consequence."

Kortul: "Childish, yes."

Rourk: "Did you intend some insult with that, o great slab of underdone Orc fodder? Perhaps you even meant I?"

Kortul: "Meant EVERYONE. Either shut up or split up."

Dania: "Nav, forget about it. We're all just stressed from having to run out of town so fast, OK? Don't worry. It'll blow over. And we are not splitting up."

Navero: "Well... It just seems like... this is like every other time we're together, only worse. Everybody seems so angry. Maybe it would be better if we separated, if being together makes everyone so mad."

Razuli: "Dania's just mad 'cause Arlor looked up her robe."

Dania: (Swings at Razuli, misses)

Razuli: "Ha! And Rourk's mad 'cause he had to run from..."

Rourk: "THAT will be QUITE enough, mercenary! From here, we shall travel in silence. Unless others voice objections...?"

Arlor: "I wanna go home."

Dania: "I'm not going with him. I'm not crawling into some smelly hole..."

Razuli: "I don't like smelly holes either. You should bathe more, Wizzerd. Especially after riding horses."

Dania: "Oh, fuck off, asshole."

Razuli: "Wrong hole. (Sings) She's back in the saddle, again..."

Kortul: (Bashes Razuli over the head with his sheathed two-hander.) "Enough. You annoy even me. Shut up."

Razuli: "Owww..."

The remainder of the day was mostly spent in glum silence. No one spoke much, although some angry glances were exchanged. Nothing of note occurred that day, except for a curious incident which had no direct affect on us. We heard a scream or keening from the sky, and looked up to see some sort of flying unicorn, far, far above us. (The DM later identified it as a Ki-rin.) It was flying eastwards very rapidly, when a bolt of blackishness shot out of the western skies and hit it, and it disappeared. About 15 minutes later a shimmer of golden particles wafted gently down, and vanished in sweet-smelling vellities when they touched the earth. We decided to alter our course northwards.

We set up camp early that evening; we all carried out our duties alone, as we found one another's prolonged presence intolerable. Navero and Arlor stayed together, but did not speak much. Dinner was traveling rations and carefully strained and boiled water from a stale pool. Rourk was on the first watch, when we were attacked.

First, a wild boar charged into the camp, with no warning and little sound, and battered into Rourk. Borne down by 300 pounds of angry pork, he was lucky to get out a warning shout sufficient to wake the rest, as another boar and a sow charged in. Razuli stabbed the sow, and luckily killed it with one stroke. Kortul took to the second boar, while Rourk shoved his boar away.

Rourk: "Slaughtering pigs. My mood is poor enough as it is."

Kortul: "Shut up and swing."

Rourk: "You presume to... ah!" (Watches his swords bounce off the boar. Boar almost seems to laugh and tears him with a tusk.)

Dania: "Incoming!"

Navero: (Starts chanting.)

Kortul: "Ha!" (Slices boar.)

Arlor: (Hides under a blanket.)

Kortul: (Is criticalled upon by boar. Drops like a rock.)

Razuli: (Stabs Kortul's boar, does damage.) "Oink, you little bastard!"

Boar #2: "Fooolis huuman." (swings tusks, misses)

Razuli: "How now, what how? Talking piggies!"

(Two boars charge in, one as large as the first two, the other smaller.)

Dania: "Shit! Wereboars! Use magic weapons!" (Magic Missiles Wereboar #3)

Wereboar #1: (Misses Rourk)

Wereboar #2: (Misses Razuli)

Wereboar #3: (Hits Navero, who stops chanting and falls down.)

Boar: (Tramples Arlor.)

Rourk: (Hacking at Wereboar #1 with normal weapons) "Die, insult to nature!"

Razuli: (stabs Wereboar #2, kills it.) "Yee-ha! Two little piggies!"

Dania: (Magic missiles Wereboar #3.) "Rourk, get a magic weapon!"

Navero: (Thumps Wereboar #3 with non-magic mace.) "Go away! You smell!"

Arlor: (Crawls out from under blanket, stabs Boar.)

Razuli: (Kills Wereboar #3) "And the score, ladies and gentlemen, is: Amazing Studs, 3; Pork, 0!

Dania: (Grabs Kortul's enchanted two-hander, looks comical trying to carry a sword larger than she is. Ends up dragging it through the dirt.) "Rourk, you idiot!"

Rourk: (Continues hacking and slicing.)

Navero: (Bashes at Boar with mace, hits Arlor.) "oops..."

Arlor: (Stabs, kills Boar.) "It's OK. Yup, only my head hurts..."

Wereboar #1: (Misses Rourk, runs off into forest.)

Dania: "Oh, great! Rourk, that was a magic beast! You couldn't kill it anyway!"

Rourk: "Oh, hush, little mage. I was belabouring quite well. I refuse to lay hands on that clumsy carving knife, especially when it has so recently been in the possession of the odorous barbarian. How is he, anyway?"

Kortul, and everyone else, was healed back to health by Navero. The Wereboar did not come back, and we saw no sign of it again. The rest of the night actually proved quite restful. We rode on, still not talking much, but no arguments arose. Late in the afternoon, we rode over a hill and saw before us a city of great size; we asked a friendly roadside peasant, who revealed to us that it was the local capital of the Empire.

(There are a string of capitals across the empire, each governing the surrounding territories, and answerable to the Grand Poobah far to the east. This capital (I forget the name. Call it Propyla) was third to the last on the line. The next one to the west was experiencing trouble with local insurrections, we had heard; the westernmost was little more than a town, out in the true wilderness, and very little news had come from it for some time.)

Having nothing better to do, we entered the city. We immediately encountered problems with the gate guards.

Rourk: "Hail! We wish to enter your fair city in peace and friendship."

Guard 1: (snif!) "You come, all armed, into our midst, and speak of peaceful intentions, o MOST noble knight?"

Guard 2: "Come now. One must be understanding of these provincials."

Guard 1: "Ah, yes. Well, gentlemen and lady, if you would care to follow this man, you can be processed and given your chits."

Dania: "Chits?"

Guard 2: "New policy, madam. Only instituted about 12 years ago. I see that you do not visit often."

Dania: "No. What are chits?"

Guard 1: (sigh!) "A chit is a token which shows that you have passed into the city through one of the gates after proper processing, and so cannot be arrested for an illegal entry. It is a most convenient thing to have."

Razuli: "Yeah. C'mon, lets go! I wanna see what your women are like!"

(We follow Guard 2 into a small room. A very bored looking official receives us, with all due pomp.)

Official: "Hullo. Any valuables to declare?"

Razuli: "You can see all we got. Any problems with that?"

Guard 2: "A more respectful tone, if you please."

Official: "Right. Ten percent tax on liquid assets transported across city boundaries. Cash?"

Razuli: "Fresh out."

Official: "Sorry, we do not allow beggars to walk the street. Good day!"

Rourk: "Sir, do you insinuate that I am a pauper? You insult me. I demand an apology, or a response!"

Official: (Looks even more bored, if possible.) "Yes, sir. Good day!"

Navero: "Well, we do have some money. We won't beg if it's illegal."

Official: "How much? And would you mind wearing this ring?"

Navero: (Puts on ring.) "I have 120 gold crowns, and some silver."

Razuli: "Nav, you idiot! Why'd you have to tell them that?"

Official: "And you others?"

Navero: "They have only pocket change, Mr. Official. I am party treasurer."

Official: "You trust all your money with one?"

Dania: "Oh, absolutely! We all trust ol' Nav! He holds the party fund, until we distribute it."

Arlor: "Yup! We spent all our money. None here."

Official: "Oh, very well. (Takes ring back.) Twelve gold as entrance tax, 6 silver chit tax, please wear the chit where it can be seen, you'll be arrested without it. Good day!"

(The Ring of Truth did not indicate any lies from Navero, mainly because he was not lying. The other characters did have only pocket change; the remainder of the Dragon money, amounting to nearly 15,000 gp. And Navero was party treasurer; it was a position he elected himself to at that moment, and it's sole purpose was tax evasion. The morality of his activities is, of course, open to question, but no one raised much of a fuss.)

(Afterwards, within the city proper)

Dania: "Hey, Nav! Good going!"

Navero: "Uh, thank you. I guess."

Razuli: "Good goin', kid! You're starting to think like me, now!"

Rourk: "Perish the thought. His brain would fall out."

Razuli: "Actually, it already did that once."

Navero: "Uh, yes..."

Dania: "Lets go! Maybe they have a magic shop!"

Razuli: "Maybe they have a red light district!"

Navero: "Uh, Dania? Was that the right thing to do?"

Dania: "Huh? Sure. No prob."

Navero: "Well... I know the law can't always apply... at least I think it can't... but wouldn't society collapse if we all just casually broke laws whenever we felt like it?"

Dania: "I don't see anything collapsing. Do you see anything collapsing?"

Rourk: "Not I. It was no more than those churlish miscreants deserved."

Navero: "Maybe we should go back."

Razuli: "Are you sure they closed all the holes in your head? Kid, they'd just arrest us and torture us all for days. You wouldn't do that to your friends, would you?"

Navero: "Well, I thought..."

Razuli: "Don't do that. It's not your strong suit. Do you want to have all of us put away, just 'cause you wanted to show off how clever you were? That's incredibly selfish, Nav."

Navero: "I'm sorry..."

Razuli: "Lets just go, Nav. Tell you what: pay them later, in secret, Ok? And then go confess to another priest or whatever."

Navero: "Well..."

Razuli: "Great. C'mon, lets go!"

And so, we entered the great city of Propyla...

Dan Parsons

"Was that just stealing that I did?"