Roadsigns

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Just after dropping off the Alliance spy, Shere Macadam.

Would you really condone cold-blooded murder, Nika? Because that's what this would be.

Shyla's words from so long ago over a traitor and his actions rang through Nika's head as she sat on the ramp of the ship looking out at the stars. They were waiting on a response from Beaumonde, but it would be days coming. And for now all they could really do was wait. Even now, months later, things would pop up in that woman's voice that made Nika think.

And although Arden might think she'd acted like a .... what had he called her? A tin-plated dictator?... Well, he might be right. Perhaps she'd made the wrong call. Perhaps they should have just let the informer go without bothering to drug her. Perhaps they could have swayed her to their own side and convinced her to give false information on Browncoat activities. Perhaps they could have shown her what the cargo was and made the point that nothing in it was dangerous to anyone unless the Alliance was doing things they didn't want people to know about.

So many what-ifs, possibilities that she could see now that she'd had time to sit and think in the dark. The sound of Beggar's boots on the ramp behind her for the change in watch brought her head around. "Already?" she asked with a faint smile. There was a pause and she said, "You were awful quiet about the situation with the informer. And I think I made a knee-jerk decision. Might have been a better one than others I've made, but... I think perhaps there are a number of missed opportunities in what just went down." She looked up at him. "Could use an impartial eye on it so I can train myself to quit reacting poorly."


Beggar brushes off a spot next to Nika on the ramp. "I think she's lucky it were us that came across her, not some other Browncoats. I don't mean that on account of being on the other side, would be the same were it Alliance folk. Most people don't take well to spies and moles. I might'nt be as 'impartial' as you thought. I've come to trust your judgment as me cap'n, but I don't see nary wrong in your choice."

He settled back a little, picks up a rock that somehow snuck aboard, and tossed it into the brush. "We don't really know where all this is going. Is it gonna be another all out war? Or something different? Maybe, it will be a lot of little little wars, with some peacable settlements scattered in there. There's at least two kinds a way you can fight. You can hook yourselved up with a side you like, and go with them where they do. Or, you can set yourself against them you don't like. And fight against them. I've seen us, well me anyway, more in the latter. I am not much of a fighter, but if I am to fight, I'd like to fight the good fight. And the easiest way to do that, is to fight the bad guys. I can see that woman as one of the bad guys, but once she was beat, well, what more do we need?"


His response actually seems to surprise her. Nika is quiet for a time. "I think I see us more in the latter position as well," she comments. "If I have to pick a side, I'm going to pick the Independent one, but ... unlike the last war, I think we're looking at a few different factions. You know things are bad if my sister's steppin' up to act as a stop on the underground. Especially with Boros the way it is, she's riskin' a lot to hide Independent-minded folk." She smiles a bit. "I'm proud of her," she admits. "And I think her choice made mine a bit easier." She looks at him. "I don't want to leave a trail of bodies in our wake. Arden was pretty adamantly opposed to what I did. But... I needed to at least *try* to protect us. Even if in the end it doesn't do a darn bit of good."


"It's a bit paradoxical isn't it? To succeed in getting independent from one government, you need leadership and trust in someone.. and that tends be the next government. Look it Blue Sun. They dropped the Alliance, what was there, but I reckon they've got more government there now then they did under the Alliance. Not that that ain't good. But.. interesting. When I joined the army back at the beginning of the U-War, I didn't much think about ideology. I was just wanting to help the soldiers, you know to be there for support. I don't think I was much good at that." He looks a bit dark. "Now that went poorly. I learned something out there though. It ain't possible to stay clean wading into a mire. And stayin' out ain't much good either." He smiles. "I thought I could be pure. But, I couldn't."

"What about you? You recken we can stay pure?"


Nika chuckles softly, though it's not really in amusement. "No," she admits quietly. "I don't. And I think this war may well be a lot dirtier than the last." She goes quiet a long moment. "Last time, I was a kid. My dad was pretty Independent minded, disagreed with the Alliance's actions. And joining the rebellion was ... what you did when you were 20 and wanted to change the Verse. It was an adventure, and maybe we could be heroes."

Her blue eyes are on the stars above them again as if seeking answers. "There ain't no real heroes. There's just doing the best you can to live by your principles. We've stayed on the fence a long time. And even now I'm not real sure the government we're tradin' for is going to be worth a damn. But... civilization requires law. Which requires governing. And I can't in good conscience support the Alliance." She looks back at him. "We ain't going to be able to keep our hands entirely clean. I want to be able to look ourselves in the mirror and live with the choices, though."


Beggar watches Nika speak and sits quiet for a bit. The he stands and walks to the edge of the ramp. "I think this time, things will be different. The people in the Core, they have more to lose, and the people on the Rim and Border, more to gain."


She listens to him with a thoughtful expression and then she looks at him. Nika's voice is quiet. "Thank you. I'm glad you're here, Beggar." She smiles a bit. "I'm coming to rely on your moral compass. That you're okay with the call.... that helps." She seems a bit more settled in the decision, perhaps needing just the reality check that Beggar has often seemed so good at.


Beggar watched as his captain turned and headed for the stair. Then he looked up to the Heavens and breathed deeply trying to remember the meditation techniques learned in seminary. His mind was not still. Who was I trying to convince? Nika or myself? I don't know. And why have you been so quiet of late? I know you don't take sides in war. You're always on the side of peace. But, is it always wrong to fight? I thought you abandoned me in the war. Then I abandoned you. I know I can't go back to the church, not with the blood still on my hands. Will a little more make a difference? What do I hope to gain out here? To be the counsel that saves enough lives to pay for the ones I took? Hubris is a sin too. Watch over them Lord, I don't know if I can be trusted with that.

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