SPARCs:Kibbitzing006

Adapting Tony's suggestions:

SARAH: Psychiatric trials, huh? Sounds serious.

WALLY: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing you need to worry about. Not with the Swami vouching for you.

SARAH: That's good, because we're kind of in the middle of something here. Can you give us a moment?

WALLY: Actually, I need you to sign-

SARAH: I [i]said[/i] we're busy. You can go now.

WALLY: It'll only take a-

SARAH: Please, Wally. Just go away.

WALLY: But this is import-

SARAH: Shut up! Shut the hell up! I am sick of people telling me what's important! [i]This[/i] is important, Wally. [i]You[/i] are not important. You're a gopher. Go fetch somebody a coffee, or whatever it is you do all day, and leave us alone.

Wally opens and shuts his mouth a few times, then turns and leaves.

JOEL: Was that necessary?

SARAH: He'll get over it. Where were we?

JOEL: You were about to explain exactly what you meant when you said your parents were supervillains.

SARAH: Okay. Understand that I am not being in any way figurative or melodramatic. My parents are supervillains. Retired, but you'd know their names if I told you.

JOEL: Which you're not going to do.

SARAH: Of course not. Anyway, they're not the sort that rob banks, and they're not the sort that monologue for hours about the new world order. They're smart...scratch that, they're [i]very[/i] smart. They've killed at least one superhero that I know of. They keep in contact with some of their old friends. And they think I'm going to follow them into the family business. Now do you see why I don't want them to find out about my extra-curricular activities?

Joel runs a hand back through his hair.

JOEL: Whoa, Sarah, I...I had no idea.

Sarah takes a deep breath.

SARAH: Of course you didn't! Nobody does! And nobody can! Joel, this cannot come out. It just can't.

JOEL: Okay, okay. I get it.

SARAH: Alright. Now, your turn to spill. What's going on?

JOEL: Oh...actually, kind of a funny coincidence. There's another supervillain who's going to be at open day, passing himself off as my legal guardian. I don't know what he's up to, but he's prepared to kill anyone who gets in his way.

He pauses.

JOEL: Not really all that funny, now I come to think about it.

SARAH: Perfect. Just perfect. We have to keep him away from my folks. What if they recognised each other?

JOEL: Actually, getting them to meet up at some point might not be a bad idea. If they start talking, we might get an idea of what he's up to.

SARAH: Wait, what?

JOEL: And of course, it'd be the perfect opportunity for you to practise your Little Miss Evil act and throw them off the scent-

SARAH: Joel, what is this? I'm telling you things I haven't trusted anybody else with, and all you can think about is how to best work it to your advantage?

JOEL: [i]Our[/i] advantage.

SARAH: That's not even remotely the point. You're trying so hard to be a hero that you've forgotten how to be a decent person.

JOEL: I'm only-

SARAH: Exemplar must be very proud of you.

For once, Joel doesn't have an answer. Sarah shakes her head, picks up her bag and walks out of the room.

BlackSheep 10:07, 18 February 2006 (PST)

This progression, on the other hand, is pure gold. I likey very much. Joel so clearly doesn't get how strange his mindset seems from the outside. Very cool. Have I given out fan mail this scene? I'll have to check whether it's still available to me. -- TonyLB 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)

Fixed a small typo. I agree with Tony's suggested change, although I kind of liked the bit where Sarah gradually gets more and more insulting to Wally. Some way to combine the two?

And I agree that the second half is working very well. It feels very tragic, the way these two can't get past their own views into the other's. 207.69.137.207 11:48, 18 February 2006 (PST)

I like it a lot. Other than that, I got nothing. I think it's good to go. James Holloway 17:21, 19 February 2006 (PST)

Stuff snipped from above:

SARAH: Thank you, Wally. You can go now.

WALLY: Wait, I have to confirm-

SARAH: No, you don't. You were given a message. You delivered the message. You've done your job.

WALLY: I like to think my job involves a little more than that.

SARAH: I'm sure you do. But when you get right down to it, you're pretty much a go-between for two groups of super-people. Heck, you're a [i]deputy[/i] go-between.

WALLY: Well, I-

SARAH: No, seriously. Your role is to ferry intructions one way and reports the other way, right? Well, congratulations. Mission achieved. Now if you'll excuse us, we have real problems to deal with.

I'd be inclined to have there be a bit more of a visible struggle and failure on Sarah's part to maintain a nice-girl composure. More like she tried to be nice, and snapped, than she didn't try at all. Something more along the lines of:

SARAH: Well gosh, Wally! Psychiatric trials. That's ... uh, that's exciting stuff.

WALLY: Not that you have anything to be worried about, I'm sure. I mean, if the Swami thinks you're sane.

SARAH: No, no worries. It's just ... we were kind of talking here. 'kay?

WALLY: Well, I'm supposed to have you two sign this ...

SARAH: WALLY. DEAR. We're sort of ... talking. Here. Now. 'nother time, 'kay?

WALLY: Yeah, but this'll only take a ...

SARAH: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, OKAY!

WALLY: But ... this is import--

SARAH: I am sick of everyone telling me what's important! You're not important Wally! You're a gopher! Go fetch somebody some god-damned coffee, okay?

Anyway, something with more like that type of progression? What do you think? -- TonyLB 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)

I think I like yours better. Point taken about the failed attempt to act nice about it. I'll have a fiddle with it. BlackSheep 02:15, 19 February 2006 (PST)