Shattered

Thanks to Maer for helping me work through editing on this one.

Shattered
Place: Blue Sun's Academy
Time: March, 2520


The smell of rosemary filled the kitchen, soon to fill the apartment. Joshua smiled as he heated the water in his favorite pot, getting it ready for the pasta. Rosemary was one of his favorite spices, a reminder of the first time he had tried learning how to cook –a rosemary crusted pork loin like the one in the oven now. That first attempt had burnt to a solid crisp leaving a smoky smell in the apartment for a week. But even while cleaning up the charred mess, the pure pleasure of cooking had burrowed deep into him, settling in for a lifetime stay. With a chef’s knife in his hand or his eye on a bubbling pot, everything else just faded away, leaving nothing but happiness behind.

Joshua took the bowls of salad into the dining room, setting them down next to the already poured glasses of wine. Garish artwork decorated the walls of both the dining room and adjoining living room. He kept meaning to ask Blue Sun to replace them,. Unfortunately, he had forgotten and on the eve of a big date, all he could do is shake his head at their hideous color schemes and complete lack of taste. Maybe after Adriana had gone, he’d finally remember and ask Blue Sun for replacements. They couldn’t be worse, could they? He involuntarily shuddered.

Walking through the kitchen archway, Joshua glanced at the clock over the sink. She should arrive in about ten minutes. He had asked Adriana to come early so they could talk before dinner, but no luck. He had been back in the apartment for days now without any word from her. In two days, Virgil would call him back to start the ritual for borrowing his next target. Once started and his face was switched, he wouldn’t see anyone for a while.

Two and a half months. He hadn’t seen her for over two and a half months. She had missed his last break between missions. A trip of some sort, she had said. He had corralled her into dinner tonight, using a heavy dose of guilt as the incentive.

Gracious enough to give her boyfriend a night out of her busy schedule, he thought bitterly as he poured the penne into the now boiling water. He immediately regretted the thought. She really did have a full plate these days. Plus, he was the one who was gone all the time, unable to provide a steady presence. So she kept herself busy. And he didn’t mind. Well, not much. As long as they had each other, everything else was just a minor hiccup.

A knock came from the front as he was opening the oven to check on the tenderloin. Why would she never just come in instead of knocking? He considered it her apartment too. “Come in, Adriana,” he shouted as he pulled the thermometer out of the meat. Another ten minutes. Perfectly timed with the pasta.

Joshua heard the door open and shut, and when he leaned around the kitchen wall to look into the living room, Adriana was standing in the tiled foyer.

Still breathtaking.

Her wavy red hair spilled down over her shoulders, contrasting with the attractive white trench coat wrapped around her. An expensive, tightly fitted green blouse showed off her ample cleavage and a short black skirt let her display her fantastic legs. Joshua grinned. Adriana was attractive and didn’t hesitate broadcasting it to the world. He said, “Take your coat off and stay for a while, Adriana. Salad’s on the table and the second course will be ready by the time we’ve finished the first.”

She nodded in his direction but didn’t make any move to hang her coat on the wooden rack to her left. “J, honey, it smells good…”

He detested that phrase. J, honey. She only used it when she knew she was doing something hurtful. Her replacement for an apology, he supposed. Knowing what he would see, he looked at her with the practiced eye of a professional observer. The shoulders, still half pointed at the door, ready for an escape. The eyes not quite looking up at his face. The left hand, fidgeting with the gold clasp on her designer purse. She wasn’t going to stay. Her words were just unnecessary confirmation.

“I was going to tell you that I had something else come up that I couldn’t get away from, but it was so short notice.” Words skittered right past him, not really taking purchase. “I figured it would be better to tell you myself. That way I’d get to see you, at least.” She shifted a little from her left foot to her right, unleashing her devastating smile at him.

Joshua, feeling something sharp, painful and unfamiliar bubbling up from deep within, did something wrong. Something he had sworn he would never do. Calling on his training, he opened up his mind and sent it seeking out to read Adriana’s thoughts, as if she were just another mission target.

He just didn’t read his few friends – he didn’t need his trainers or Virgil for that. Reading crossed barriers best left alone with people you care about. But he didn’t stop. And when her thoughts entered his mind, a cold sadness overtook him and guilt was pushed aside.

Why won’t he take the hint? Why won’t he just give it up? Blue Sun didn’t pay enough for this.

Why hadn’t he seen?

She had never loved him. Had he ever loved her? All the feelings once so immediate and real seemed a ‘verse away, unreachable and untouchable. Like her. As Joshua gathered himself, he realized she was waiting for an answer to an unheard question.

He waved his hand casually towards her. “It’s fine. I understand.” He kept his voice even and impressed himself by putting some warmth in his tone, defying his new cold anger. “I’ll call you sometime. Maybe next time I come back. “ Joshua paused, painting the picture of the unconcerned boyfriend.

Why hurt her? Not her fault. “If I don’t manage, don’t worry. They keep me busy.”

The look of concern on Adriana’s face vanished, replaced by an honest smile and a kind glance Joshua’s way. As the door closed behind her with a loud thunk, he realized the first truly honest happiness he had seen on her in months happened as she headed out of his life for good.

He just quietly stood there in the kitchen, listening to the pasta pot bubbling. Someone screamed and Joshua distantly recognized it as his own voice. The pot went flying into the living room, smashing what Joshua suspected was a very expensive (and ugly) vase. When it hit the wall, it left a huge dent and pasta scattered all over the hardwood floor.

Joshua’s hand hurt faintly; when he checked it, it was the color of a lobster just out of the pot. The scalding water from the pot must have burned him. The Blue Sun doctors would have to take a look at it; he was too valuable to damage. But right now, his hand was just a dull ache. A pain happening to someone else.

He retrieved the pot, checked it for damages and carefully put it in the sink. He took care of the things he loved, after all. He slid open a recessed panel on the wall and pressed the button inside. A signal would go out, making Blue Sun personnel aware of a problem.

If they didn’t know about it already.

While he was waiting, Joshua went to get the broom from the closet. He made a halfhearted attempt to sweep up the pasta and loose shards of vase but made little headway, too distracted. Feelings threatened to overwhelm him. Sadness. Guilt. Loneliness. And more than any of the others, the cold, dark fury creating a knot deep within him.

Why bother cleaning anyway, he thought angrily. Blue Sun would send someone to clean up all the shattered pieces left behind. They provided everything else, after all.