TheStarsAreRight:CarlNote10
REDLAND JACK
Carl approaches Redland, who is hunched over in his seat, staring into space.
“Jack? It’s Carl. Let’s talk, man.”
Redland sits up a little straighter and waves feebly for Carl to sit down.
"Ah. Sounds good. What can I do for you?"
CARL
Carl sits, staring with concern into Jack’s distracted face.
“I hoped you could tell me.”
He looks around, as if to make sure the two of you are in relative privacy.
“Jack – what happened? I didn’t want to bring anything up in front of the others, but – “ he shrugs, “something’s eating at you. I can’t help if I don’t know what it is.”
REDLAND JACK
"I wouldn't worry about them," he says offhandedly, "I don't think they'd care."
He forces a smile, "I'm feeling physically weak and mentally bleak. It is not proving to be a winning combination for me."
His eyes flicker down briefly before he continues.
"I didn't mean to snap at you earlier, about returning to the monastery. I'm having a bit of a hard time keeping things in check, you know? My brain feels sluggish, and I'm having a hard time focusing. I'm worried that something may be wrong ... If I don't have that, what do I have? Also, I've not been sleeping well, and I've struggled to eat." He points down at his sagging clothes and laughs weakly, "I mean, look at me. I'm wearing a belt. I hate belts."
He shakes his head slightly. "Anyhow, it's made me irritable, but that's still no excuse for my being rude, so I hope you'll accept my apology."
CARL
“Of course,” quietly. “You don’t feel up to snuff; it’s understandable. Seems like one thing after another has eaten away at you since we met in the Faeroes. I wish I knew where they all came from.”
Carl looks reluctant for a moment, then sighs.
“Henrik tells me you tried to take your life.”
REDLAND JACK
Redland's face darkens. "Ah. That. It wasn't really his place to say anything, was it?" he says, surprisingly bitterly.
He then exhales and adjusts his position. "Well, that's probably unfair of me. It was bound to come up, I suppose. Yeah, things haven't been going too well for me of late. Of course, I'm not sure how well things were going for me prior to our crossing the Atlantic, so... And now this trip to Russia..."
Apparently he's finished his thought, because he just sort of trails off.
CARL
“No, Jack, you’re right,” Carl chides. “It wasn’t fair of you. Henrik is worried about you – as am I – and he felt I had a right to know.
“So let’s talk about that. Do you want out?” He peers into Jack’s eyes. “I’m delighted you’re here, and very glad to have you with us, but leaving is still a choice. If you stay, I hope it is as part of the team. In which case, I get to help if there’s something wrong; because I need your help in turn.”
He pauses.
“You don’t want to be here, in Russia – do you?”
REDLAND JACK
As Carl speaks, a strange expression briefly crosses Jack's face. It's unclear if it's uneasiness, sublimated anger, a strange new facial quirk he's acquired, or something else entirely.
"Russia. No. I mean, obviously I didn't want to come here in the first place, and I guess those reasons, whether correct or not, still hold. Compounded, I suppose, by the terrible feeling I receive emanating from the land (though, I wouldn't be too surprised if that's just a figment of my imagination)...
"No it's... Hmmm. You know that I'm a strong adherent to the philosophy of utilitarianism. I think you understand my reasons for supporting Pentheus. Well, for a person in my position, it is certainly ... ... awkward ... to be confronted with a place where they've sacrificed millions of people." He pauses in contemplation for a moment. "And the ... casual attitude displayed in Odessa... It's mentally disturbing..."
CARL
[ At what point, exactly, does that strange expression cross Jack’s face? ]
Carl nods, waiting for more. When Jack stops, Carl reflects.
“Awkward is hardly the word,” he says. “I do understand your attraction to Pentheus – even though to me that’s just *another* way to sacrifice millions of people. Although here, they were certainly not volunteers.
“…What do you feel from the land? I hadn’t heard you mention that before.
REDLAND JACK
[Towards the mid to latter part of: "Henrik is worried about you – as am I – and he felt I had a right to know. So let’s talk about that. Do you want out?” ]
"Ah, but yes, that's the problem. The parallels between Pentheus and Russia, well, they hit a bit close to home for *me*, you see. It's one thing to speculate about something and quite another to see it brought to fruition. I certainly think that there are relevant differences between the situations (though doesn't everyone always think that?), but, psychologically??
"As to the land. To the limited extent that I understand these things, I agree that it is alive. I also think, er, make that feel, that the land is malevolent in some fashion. It is quite likely I am just imagining things, since no one else has noticed anything, including people I'd expect to be more attuned to such things Namely, Auda, Rebecca, Henrik, er, you."
CARL
“Ah,” Carl says ambiguously. “Thank you, Jack. That’s good to hear.”
He thinks for a moment.
“Of course you may be right,” Carl says simply. “The character of the land here may indeed be malevolent. Certainly the Outside has no monopoly on evil.” He meets your eyes. “The truth is, I haven’t looked. I’ve been concentrating on other things: Whether the land was still isolated, or connected to the whole; whether it was being tainted by the Outside, or whether the energy here was still wholly Earthly. I haven’t reached out to the Land itself, to understand it – I’ve been watching how it affects the people here. Russia is – to me – a dark place. Anything that comes to life though wholesale involuntary slaughter, well – why should we be surprised?”
REDLAND JACK
"I agree. It is to be expected. This does lead me to wonder whether I am truly perceiving something or if I am merely experiencing a, uh, confirmation bias. My thinking has been less clear of late, and the parallels with Pentheus coupled with my own wretched state of mind...
"I am also concerned by the cavalier attitude we have seen displayed so far. Could the land be exerting some sort of influence on the people who remain? A land that was born in violence might, perhaps, impart a more callous attitude towards its people.
"On the other hand, I may be reading too much into this. After all, if I learned that Egypt had fallen into the sea killing everyone who lived there, I wouldn't be terribly emotionally impacted. It would be too abstract. Maybe something like that is occurring here."
CARL
“Well – what exactly do you perceive? I mean, how does it manifest?
“As for the cavalier attitude – I am not sure who you talked to, aside from Gospodin Nielovitch in Odessa. In his case, his attitude does not surprise me – after all, he is an official on the ‘winning side’, presumably a man who chafed mightily under the Communist yoke beforehand, and is probably gleeful now. “ Carl holds up a hand. “Which is not to say there isn’t influence. In fact you could very well be right. If Mother Russia demands blood, then those who love her had better get used to that appetite. Not an appealing thought.”
REDLAND JACK
"Hmmmm. No, you're right. He's the only person with whom I've had a conversation. With the hotel staff it is just nods and smiles, as I can't speak their language. I guess I need to work on my critical thinking (or at least focus on thinking statistically). I've been having a hard time concentrating lately... Now, as to what I perceive regarding the land..."
He ponders for a few moments.
"Well, I'm not entirely sure how to articulate this, and, as I say, it may all be in my mind. However, there's certainly a ... vitality. I'm not sure if that's the exact right word. There's also sense of tension. Kind of like, um, that air of anticipation you get in football when the score is tied and the opposing team has a corner kick, if you know what I mean. Furthermore, there's an anger ... an unfocused anger ... that pervades the air, and lastly, there's an underlying current of sorrow."
CARL
Carl considers this.
“Good,” he says finally, with a grateful look. “That’s very good. Perceptive, thoughtful, and articulate. I wish you knew how rare that was!
“When did you start feeling these things? And have you felt them elsewhere – before we landed in Odessa? Have you always had these impressions, or is this something that’s grown since, say, your contact with the Pharaoh?”
He frowns, glancing at his hands, then back at you.
“Sorrow. Anger. And anticipation. Not exactly ominous, but – we need to be watchful here. Careful.
“Thank you, Jack.” Carl smiles.
REDLAND JACK
Redland appears to misunderstand where you are going with this line of thought.
"Let's see. Yeah, it might be a good idea to track these back. It may help disentangle the external effects (if any) from those that are internally generated. Uh...
"Well, of course, with my memory shot to Hades, it makes it a bit tricky. Oh! The tension/anticipation feeling. I do recall one specific instance. Namely, when we were near/in the presence of the Lady (not my finest hour).
"The vitality ... I don't think I've felt this particular type before. I ..." He shrugs helplessly.
He pauses for several moments as he tries to figure out what to say next. "The sorrow and the anger, well, those have been my constant companions." A brief pause, then he continues wryly, "Though, I suppose that I would reverse the order of how I described them to you, that is, the sorrow is frequently manifest, while the anger is the undercurrent."
CARL
“Your constant companions,” Carl repeats quietly. “Since we came to Russia? Or before?”
REDLAND JACK
"Before. I find that troubling others with your feelings is generally unwelcome. I've had a lot of practice at suppressing my emotions. Well, you know how I am. Clearly I'm not doing quite as good of a job here in Russia."
CARL
“In this case, that might be a good thing. People’s impressions – especially the emotional ones – can be very revealing.” Carl is serious. “We are in unknown territory here. If you feel something, anything, especially if it is unusual or unlike you – mention it, hmm?”
REDLAND JACK
Redland looks a bit strained.
"Unlike me, eh? I'm not sure if I know what that means, anymore... but I take your point."
CARL
“Thank you.” And then, softly,
“How can I help, Jack?”
REDLAND JACK
"I don't know if anything can be done. My ... thoughts are confused. I'm having a difficult time... thinking myself out of my situation. Certainly since my memory issues, and before, well, who can say?"
He ponders for a moment and then puts on a smile.
"I'm sure it'll work itself out. I've felt pretty darned low in the past and I've always snapped out of it. Mind over matter, you know? Of course, in this situation, I suppose it's mind over mind...
'I just need to sort through my confusion. Take a mental inventory and try to identify the source of my lack of clarity. Once I do that, well, if I'm thinking clearly enough, it doesn't matter how I feel, I'll be able to make it work. I always have.
"I suppose if the 'land' is truly influencing me in some way, getting the heck out of Russia would probably do me some good, but it really shouldn't be necessary."
CARL
Wry smile. “I suppose it would be good to know if the land was influencing your mood in fact. Having that sort of litmus test would be extremely useful – even though of course it’s not at all comfortable for you.”
And, more thoughtfully,
“More to the point, however, if you really do want to help us by being an … intermediary … with the Outside, then that sort of sensitivity would be invaluable for you also – provided you could learn to separate what is really your mood from what you are acquiring from others.”
REDLAND JACK
"Well, whatever I can do to help, of course. Just let me know what you need me to do, and I'll give it a shot."
CARL
Carl nods. “Thank you , Jack…. I appreciate the offer – and the help!”
He ponders for a bit.
“At the moment – I’m interested in your impressions of Father Patrick. I know you may not have spoken to him much, but -- What do you think of our Jesuit companion?”
REDLAND JACK
Jack mimics Carl from earlier in the conversation, glancing around to make sure that no one can overhear.
"I think he's great. By no means do I wish to disparage our other companions, but it is nice to be in the company of a guy who seems (aside from that religious nonsense) to be a scholar. It's one of the major things I've missed since... well, you know. Anyhow, I take him to be a true intellectual."
From the enthusiasm in his voice, this is apparently the greatest compliment he can bestow on someone.
CARL
“That is nice, isn’t it? And his faith and his erudition are two different things; he doesn’t let either one get in the way of the other. I’m greatly enjoying my talks with him so far; you should join us sometime.”
REDLAND JACK
"Hmmm. I sort of have the impression that he doesn't approve of me. Though my assessment of such things has never been strong, I suppose."
