The Orphan Of Ages:Rituals:Coffee Klatch

Coffee Klatch

3 Minor Charges

For this ritual exactly three people must gather for conversation in a home. Exactly what constitutes a home is subject to debate, but a private primary human living space lived in for at least four years seems to do the trick. The three must each tell at least two people outside the ritual that "I'm going to have a night with the girls" on the day of the ritual, before they arrive. They must use those exact words. Some claim there are other sets of words that work in no-English languages, but it's hard to be certain. When the three gather in the house, they must be the only humans in the building.

The participants cannot be the same age. Birthdays within a calendar year of each other count as the same, even if the age in years of the pair are presently the same. The oldest member must wear spectacles and some occultists swear bifocals work better. The youngest must wear no color except white. The one in the middle cannot drink wine or alcohol during the day of the ritual, before, during or after.

When all three are gathered, the actual caster of the ritual must begin a conversation and make an offering of food and drink to the others. If an offer is accepted, the food or drink must be provided. It's recommended you offer and accept coffee.

The three then talk, and talk continually without a pause longer than the time it takes to breathe for three hours and thirty three minutes. The moment one stops, another begins, as quickly as possible. Some noises not usually considered words seem to count as talking, so feel free to 'um' and 'ah'. The ritual seems to work poorly if the group just says random words or sentences without listening to others, and it seems to notice script reading as well. Most groups find having a focal point of conversation, a subject of gossip or a book they've all read, helps immensely. This conversation must continue over coffee. For the first hour of conversation coffee must be drank by all three, and the caster is responsible for keeping cups filled. At lest a pot of coffee needs to go down. The coffee must come from whatever coffee maker is used in the home (if the home does not have a coffee maker, one must be purchased and used for at least nine months before it functions). During the second hour, the oldest participant must drink alcohol in some form, at least three drinks worth. The youngest must drink a single glass of wine, slowly over the course of the hour. The middle one must drink water. In the third hour they must consume something sweet and sugary. As a group they must consume a cake sized object or a dozen of something smaller like cookies or cupcakes. The youngest must eat the smallest overall portion. Through all of this, they must still keep talking.

Frustratingly for Adepts, the charges are spent each hour that passes, so if the ritual is interrupted or fails the charges are still gone.

Effect: If everything is working properly, then exactly three hours and thirty-three minutes into the ritual the caster will speak a prophecy. Usually, the prophecy is a single sentence, but can be longer, so long as it ends before the thirty-fourth minute of the third hour begins. The prophecy isn't what the participants want to know, or an answer to one of their questions, but instead what they need to know then and there. Usually it is something about to happen, but not always. There are those suspicious souls who believe the prophecy isn't what the participants need to know at all, but what something else needs them to know. Exactly what? The Mother in the Statosphere, the lizard men from the Dog Star, Martha Stewart's ghost, the enshrined agenda of the cabal who created the ritual by restructuring the background of the Universe, and stranger theories abound.

In addition to the utility of the prophecy telling them what they need to know, every participant gets a Hunch as the future briefly opens up to them and they get premonitions of what is to come.