The World of Kung-Fu 5.4: Ninja

Ninja: The Mysterious Assassins

“A man walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says, ‘You have to help me, doctor! I think I’m a ninja!”, and the psychiatrist says, “I’m sorry. I can’t see you right now.”—Karateka joke.

Everyone knows that the Ninja are the legendary silent assassins of Japan, bound by their own strange code of honor. Yet the secret world of the Ninja remains a mystery, even to the wisest of Shaolin and most cunning of Five Venoms. A Ninja on assignment could be doing anything that that someone might want to pay a Ninja to do, which is to say, anything at all. However, hiring a Ninja is not easy and generally requires contacts in the Yakuza.

The Ninja are made up of independent clans. Most Ninja are born into the job, though the Ninja also recruit promising orphan children, sending them to Japan for training. Ninja are not permitted to quit, and defecting is a dishonor to one’s clan. Rogue Ninja can expect to be hunted for the rest of their lives—by Ninja!1 Known Ninja clans include Ghost, Mist, Moon, Shadow and Snow, all headquartered in Japan. These clans sometimes cooperate and sometimes fight, and are frequently working at cross-purposes.

“Who’s there?...A ninja who?”—Traditional.

Ninja honor demands a reverence for traditional Japanese culture, rituals and values, insofar as these are compatible with being a criminal assassin. They often have very traditional tastes in music, food and surroundings.

Ninja sometimes collaborate with supernatural creatures from Japanese mythology and folklore. It is rumored that representatives from the monsters sought out Ninja help as the only way of resisting the domination of the Laughing Devils. Ninjas are frequently sent on strange missions that even they do not understand the purpose of. It is supposed that these have occult significance, serving the Ninja clans, or their clients, magically in some way. A PC Ninja can justify almost any strange behavior as orders from the clan.

“If a cat bats you with its paw, that is Do. If a cat scratches you with its claws, that is Jutsu. If it rubs up against you and you die, that is Ninjutsu.”—Miyomoto Musashi, Book of Six Rings, Tokugawa Shogunate,1647.

Ninja Relations

The Ninja clans keep themselves aloof from the Kung Fu wars, which suits the Wulin just fine, since they do not trust the Ninja.2 Vigilantes, raised on martial arts films, are more likely to think that Ninja are really cool.

The Five Venoms competes ferociously with the Ninja clans, proclaiming that they, and not Ninja, are the greatest mercenary assassins. The Maniac Warrior Empire, like the Vigilantes, is prone to thinking that Ninja are cool, and are often keen to work alongside them. Wushu is postponing acting to destroy the Ninja until they have broken the power of the Five Venoms. The Ninja seem to be not very concerned about Wushu, who they don’t believe can find and defeat them.

Karate hates the Ninja with a visceral passion. The only thing that seems to pause the endless Karate Wars is the prospect of a Ninja fight. Many Ronin retain this attitude, even while rejecting all other social conventions. Shorinji Kempo fighters have theoretically renounced their feud with Ninja at the request of the Shaolin. In fact, they hate the Ninja as much as the other Japanese styles.

Ninja as Heroes

Sometimes, even Ninja get an attack of conscience and defect from their clan, either going Ronin or becoming a Vigilante. Such Ninja typically remain mysterious and secretive, for reasons only a Ninja can truly understand. Many retain a sense of loyalty to their old clan. Even Ninja who remain with their clan sometimes happen to being sent on missions that pit them against the forces of evil. A Ninja could be sent on any mission, and Ninja instructed to strike against the Five Venoms, Laughing Devils, Maniac Warrior Empire, or Wushu may well want to make common cause with local Ronin, Vigilantes or Wing Chun faction allies. Ninja missions often make no sense to outsiders, which means that Ninja can easily be up to anything. If acting on clan orders, Ninja agents themselves may not understand the point of what they are doing.

“Cant type ROFW

ROFW?

Y BJJ

Is the Ninja there?

IDK”—Vigilante text conversation.

Ninja as Villains

“A thousand petals

Spiral crimson to the grass.

The Ninja’s revenge.”—anonymous Haiku, Ashikaga Shogunate, 16th century.

Just as Ninja can be sent on missions that happen to serve the forces of good, they can be sent on missions that happen to serve the forces of evil. A Ninja could easily be sent against Wulin or Vigilante groups, or against virtuous individuals that a Wulin or Vigilante group feels bound to protect. The Venoms and Wushu are unlikely to hire Ninja, preferring to rely on their own assassins. On the other hand, Laughing Devils and Warrior Empire gangs might hire anyone to do anything, as might any rich and well-connected criminal. Alternatively, the Ninja’s own clan might want them to assassinate or otherwise strike against a good guy for some mysterious reason known only to Ninja.

Footnotes

1. Fear of being hunted by the legendary assassins is a common phobia among martial artists. The anxiety is captured in Beetle Style’s song “Nowhere Man”, from Wheel of Reincarnation (1964).

He’s a real nowhere man / Hiding out in nowhere land

Making all his Ninja plans to murder me.

I can’t tell when he’s going to / Attack with crazy Taijutsu.

He’s hiding somewhere ‘til he murders me.

Nowhere man, please listen. / Just drive off in your Nissan.

I can’t fight you man! I’m only eighth dan!

He’s a real nowhere man. / Sent here by his Ninja clan.

To use two fingers of his hand to murder me.

Similarly, from Beetle Style’s 1965 song “Eleanor Rigby”, on Spinning Kick.

Eleanor Rigby, trains in the church hall along with her team. / See the sweat gleam.

There she is working, punching the dummy they keep for Wing Chun by the door.

Preparing for war.

All the Kung Fu people. / Where do they all come from?

All the Kung Fu people. / Where do they all belong?

Father McKenzie is really a Ninja and now he creeps up from the rear. / Nobody hears.

Look at him striking. He suddenly leaps without warning and sails through the air.

Ninja aren’t fair.

All the Kung Fu people. / Where do they all come from?

All the Kung Fu people / Where do they all belong?

Eleanor Rigby went hand to hand with the father and kicked like a crane. / A foot hurricane.

Father McKenzie killed the whole team with a secret technique that he had. / Ninja are bad.

All the Kung Fu people. Etc.

And again, “Bille Jean” from Nigel Jackson’s 1981 album Chiller.

I went down to the disco bar. A break from Hung Gar.

I just wanted a rest after training was done. / To go dance on the floor in the round.

I just needed some fun / To go dance on the floor in the round.

I kept my eye out for Ninja there, cause they’re everywhere.

You never know when you will be jumped by one. / As you dance on the floor in the round.

People always told me be careful with Kung Fu. / You gotta watch your martial arts. Oh Lord!

And mother always told me to keep reflexes is check.

Because if you move too fast, you might kick civilian ass. Whey-hey-hey!

Billy Jean is not a Ninja. / She’s just a girl who put her hand on my arm.

I did not mean to do her harm.

I did use Shattering Palm. / But I didn’t mean her harm.

2. Historically, Ninja were sent into China on missions on many occasions. At the battle of Qiang Castle (1487), a Ninja twice broke into the rebel castle through the drainage system and opened the gate to the attacking Ming army. On the first occasion, she was driven out by Crane mercenaries hired by the rebel baron, but the mercenaries subsequently fled from a Wing Chun team looking to bring them to justice for their many killings. The battle is commemorated in the poem “Sneaky Cheeky Ninja” (Xu Zhimo, 1488).

Cheeky sneaky Ninja climbed up the waterspout.

Along came the Crane and drove the Ninja out.

Out came Wing Chun and drove away the Crane.

And Cheeky Sneaky Ninja climbed up the spout again.