Editing Introductions (The Band of Steel)

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''The following conversation was captured by surveillance microphones at the high-security facility where those would become the original members of [[The Band of Steel]] were held at the beginning of Issue 1.''
 
''The following conversation was captured by surveillance microphones at the high-security facility where those would become the original members of [[The Band of Steel]] were held at the beginning of Issue 1.''
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: I am DOCTOR STEEL!
 
: I am DOCTOR STEEL!
  
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: Dr. Steel is a man of many talents with one, simple goal: To make this world a better place.
 
: Dr. Steel is a man of many talents with one, simple goal: To make this world a better place.
  
; MADAME SHADE:
+
'''MADAME SHADE:'''
 
: I am Madame Shade, a Voodoo Bokor and practicioner of Mojo.
 
: I am Madame Shade, a Voodoo Bokor and practicioner of Mojo.
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes you to his team, but requests that you keep the drug-addled minion off camera during press conferences and public appearances, as he is not a proper role model for children.
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes you to his team, but requests that you keep the drug-addled minion off camera during press conferences and public appearances, as he is not a proper role model for children.
  
; WARCRY:
+
'''WARCRY:'''
  
 
: I am Cihuacaotl, the reborn Avatar of the Aztec goddess whose scream signalled the start of wars.  Until recent events, I had been engaged in a campaign to clear a mountain kingdom in Guatemala of all multinationals and exploiters, and install a utopia.
 
: I am Cihuacaotl, the reborn Avatar of the Aztec goddess whose scream signalled the start of wars.  Until recent events, I had been engaged in a campaign to clear a mountain kingdom in Guatemala of all multinationals and exploiters, and install a utopia.
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes you to his team and looks forward to your assistance in helping him defeat child exploiting multinationals in Central America after we defeat the aliens.
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes you to his team and looks forward to your assistance in helping him defeat child exploiting multinationals in Central America after we defeat the aliens.
  
; CARNIVORE:
+
'''CARNIVORE:'''
 
: WRRAAAOOWRRR!
 
: WRRAAAOOWRRR!
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Doctor Steel will graciously allow you to preceed him in conflict situations!
 
: Doctor Steel will graciously allow you to preceed him in conflict situations!
  
; MADAME SHADE:
+
'''MADAME SHADE:'''
 
: What do you think Joe is for?
 
: What do you think Joe is for?
  
; CARNIVORE:
+
'''CARNIVORE:'''
 
: I'll be happy to do the cooking, too.
 
: I'll be happy to do the cooking, too.
  
; WARCRY:
+
'''WARCRY:'''
 
: Man, you are creeping me out!
 
: Man, you are creeping me out!
  
; BONEYARD:
+
'''BONEYARD:'''
: Boneyard am dead ol' Rebel, dat's just what Boneyard am...
+
: Boneyard am a dead ol' Rebel, dat's just what Boneyard am...
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes...  um...  welcomes you to his...  ah...  to his...  (what is that SMELL?)
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes...  um...  welcomes you to his...  ah...  to his...  (what is that SMELL?)
  
; BONEYARD:
+
'''BONEYARD:'''
 
: Grrrrr....  NO AM SMELLY, STOOPID DOCTOR MAN - ME AM HATes.......
 
: Grrrrr....  NO AM SMELLY, STOOPID DOCTOR MAN - ME AM HATes.......
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Look!  Look!  Shiny object!  Shiny!  Want the shiny?  Fetch!  Fetch, zombie, fetch!
 
: Look!  Look!  Shiny object!  Shiny!  Want the shiny?  Fetch!  Fetch, zombie, fetch!
  
; BONEYARD:
+
'''BONEYARD:'''
 
: OOOOooooooooooooooo,  SHINY SHINY!!
 
: OOOOooooooooooooooo,  SHINY SHINY!!
  
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: GIMME SHINY!!!!
 
: GIMME SHINY!!!!
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: (Quick!  Get those reporters OUT OF HERE!)
 
: (Quick!  Get those reporters OUT OF HERE!)
  
 
''As Boneyard first looks menacing to the good Doctor, then turns shoulders hunched but still 7-8' tall as he breathes on the shiny rubbing it with his blue-grassy forarm...  making it clean was the plan...  Plans sometimes fail.  And Boneyard is confused again...''
 
''As Boneyard first looks menacing to the good Doctor, then turns shoulders hunched but still 7-8' tall as he breathes on the shiny rubbing it with his blue-grassy forarm...  making it clean was the plan...  Plans sometimes fail.  And Boneyard is confused again...''
  
; CARNIVORE:
+
'''CARNIVORE:'''
 
: What smell?  It's a healthy musk.
 
: What smell?  It's a healthy musk.
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes you to his team and hopes that when all this is over you might consider an offer to join his operations full time.  It is well known that children LOVE dinosaurs, and Doctor Steel sees a bright future for you.  Can you sing?
 
: Doctor Steel welcomes you to his team and hopes that when all this is over you might consider an offer to join his operations full time.  It is well known that children LOVE dinosaurs, and Doctor Steel sees a bright future for you.  Can you sing?
  
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''(Meanwhile, hearing the word "musk" Boneyard starts chanting or singing? the funny little word...)''
 
''(Meanwhile, hearing the word "musk" Boneyard starts chanting or singing? the funny little word...)''
  
; BONEYARD:
+
'''BONEYARD:'''
 
: MUSk, musk, musket, musk'm, munch'em, muskets-n-guns, eggs-n-bacon... hMMMMMM...  me am HUNGRY!!  anybody give um am bacon-animal?  Me am missing bacon piggies am smell too...  huhehuhehe... day small an smelly like musk...  harharharhar.... MUSk, musk, musket, musk'm, munch'em, muskets-n-guns, eggs-n-bacon...
 
: MUSk, musk, musket, musk'm, munch'em, muskets-n-guns, eggs-n-bacon... hMMMMMM...  me am HUNGRY!!  anybody give um am bacon-animal?  Me am missing bacon piggies am smell too...  huhehuhehe... day small an smelly like musk...  harharharhar.... MUSk, musk, musket, musk'm, munch'em, muskets-n-guns, eggs-n-bacon...
 
: MUSk, musk, musket, musk'm, munch'em, muskets-n-guns, ackon-n-beggs...
 
: MUSk, musk, musket, musk'm, munch'em, muskets-n-guns, ackon-n-beggs...
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: HEY... Who es you dare?"
 
: HEY... Who es you dare?"
  
; NOISE:
+
'''NOISE:'''
: I'm "Noise" — fun-loving anarchist that's a living amplifIer. I generate loud volumes of raw noise and use it as a weapon. Hate authority. Love destroying stuff, especially fragile and expensive stuff (like computers and cars).
+
: I'm "Noise"-- fun-loving anarchist that's a living amplifer. I generate loud volumes of raw noise and use it as a weapon. Hate authority. Love destroying stuff, especially fragile and expensive stuff (like computers and cars).
  
 
: Bringing it all down with nothing but sound, baby!  Nothing but SOUND!
 
: Bringing it all down with nothing but sound, baby!  Nothing but SOUND!
  
: Yeah, I used to be one of them — clockpunching drones of the man, wasting away my life. But after I went to go see "Gratuitous Carnage" in concert, it all changed. I got some sort of dose of super sound in me and it's stayed — I AM the sound now, baby. The noise! That's me!
+
: Yeah, I used to be one of them-- clockpunching drones of the man, wasting away my life. But after I went to go see "Gratuitous Carnage" in concert, it all changed. I got some sort of dose of super sound in me and it's stayed — I AM the sound now, baby. The noise! That's me!
  
 
: Bringing it all down with the power of sound, man.  Nothing but sound!  Everyone hears me coming but nothing they can do. Can't stop the noise... just can't stop me. Wherever I go, I bring it down hard against the man. no clock punching for me. no wasting my life. No more man telling me what to do. Especially no damn fish man, damn straight. I bring the noise loud and hard on whoever gets in my way. It's my life now and nobody gonna push me around no more. That includes you too... you got me?
 
: Bringing it all down with the power of sound, man.  Nothing but sound!  Everyone hears me coming but nothing they can do. Can't stop the noise... just can't stop me. Wherever I go, I bring it down hard against the man. no clock punching for me. no wasting my life. No more man telling me what to do. Especially no damn fish man, damn straight. I bring the noise loud and hard on whoever gets in my way. It's my life now and nobody gonna push me around no more. That includes you too... you got me?
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: So, You're Doctor Steel huh? I heard you make cool toys. That's way cool, man. Way cool.
 
: So, You're Doctor Steel huh? I heard you make cool toys. That's way cool, man. Way cool.
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Each of us is strong, but together we are stonger still.  Each of us brings different skills, but together we can put them to great use. Each of us can fight the aliens, but together we can defeat them.  Let us therefore come together, unite as one against this threat, and form a team that will know no defeat, fear no enemy, balk at no challenge!  We shall form a supergroup such as this world has never seen!
 
: Each of us is strong, but together we are stonger still.  Each of us brings different skills, but together we can put them to great use. Each of us can fight the aliens, but together we can defeat them.  Let us therefore come together, unite as one against this threat, and form a team that will know no defeat, fear no enemy, balk at no challenge!  We shall form a supergroup such as this world has never seen!
  
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: Come my brothers!  Come my sisters!  Come dinosaur, come zombie, come each and every one!  The BAND OF STEEL is formed this day!  And WE SHALL NOT BE DENIED!!!!!  
 
: Come my brothers!  Come my sisters!  Come dinosaur, come zombie, come each and every one!  The BAND OF STEEL is formed this day!  And WE SHALL NOT BE DENIED!!!!!  
  
; CARNIVORE:
+
'''CARNIVORE:'''
 
: Too wordy.
 
: Too wordy.
  
 
: How about THE DONNER PARTY?
 
: How about THE DONNER PARTY?
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Doctor Steel politely points out that "The Band of Steel" not only sounds cool and has no overtones of cannibalism (which might frighten children), but is also a mere four syllables instead of five, making it, in fact, somewhat faster to pronounce than his colleague's worthy suggestion.
 
: Doctor Steel politely points out that "The Band of Steel" not only sounds cool and has no overtones of cannibalism (which might frighten children), but is also a mere four syllables instead of five, making it, in fact, somewhat faster to pronounce than his colleague's worthy suggestion.
  
; MADAME SHADE:
+
'''MADAME SHADE:'''
 
: Wait a minute. Why should you get top billing, Doctor?  Just because you had a TV show and action figures, doesen't give you the right to tell us what to do.  Why shouldn't we be Madame Shade's Irregulars?
 
: Wait a minute. Why should you get top billing, Doctor?  Just because you had a TV show and action figures, doesen't give you the right to tell us what to do.  Why shouldn't we be Madame Shade's Irregulars?
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Tell you what to do?  Tell you what to do?  My dear lady, whatever gave you the impression that I intend to tell you what to do?  Not only would the mere idea of such  a thing be base folly, akin as it is to the idea that one can alter the laws of physics or herd cats, but it would also run highly counter to my expressed desire that the world become a place of happiness and fun.  Do you think it would be fun taking orders from me, Madame Shade?  Of course you do not!
 
: Tell you what to do?  Tell you what to do?  My dear lady, whatever gave you the impression that I intend to tell you what to do?  Not only would the mere idea of such  a thing be base folly, akin as it is to the idea that one can alter the laws of physics or herd cats, but it would also run highly counter to my expressed desire that the world become a place of happiness and fun.  Do you think it would be fun taking orders from me, Madame Shade?  Of course you do not!
  
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''(Followed by the first recorded standing ovation for a super-villain at the penitentiary — except for BONEYARD, whose eyes rolled back in his head and he's now napping while the good Doctor says lots of big words.  He's not used to talking for more than a few sentences without getting lost...)''
 
''(Followed by the first recorded standing ovation for a super-villain at the penitentiary — except for BONEYARD, whose eyes rolled back in his head and he's now napping while the good Doctor says lots of big words.  He's not used to talking for more than a few sentences without getting lost...)''
  
; WARCRY:
+
'''WARCRY:'''
 
: Well said, Doctor.
 
: Well said, Doctor.
  
; DOCTOR STEEL:
+
'''DOCTOR STEEL:'''
 
: Doctor Steel WARMLY welcomes you to his team and mentions that he believes that a line of dolls in your likeness with interchangable costumes would sell quite well!  Alternately should you be of a more martial bent he believes that he could easily manufacture a compact death ray that could easily and comfortably be concealed within your headdress.
 
: Doctor Steel WARMLY welcomes you to his team and mentions that he believes that a line of dolls in your likeness with interchangable costumes would sell quite well!  Alternately should you be of a more martial bent he believes that he could easily manufacture a compact death ray that could easily and comfortably be concealed within your headdress.
  
; WARCRY:
 
: Thank you for your charming greeting.  A line of votive dolls in the image of She-Whose Cry-Announces-War, suitable for use in small domestic shrines, would be quite acceptable.  Please note that it is not necessary to add the human sacrifice kit with the votive dolls, as I have decided that such sacrifices are no longer pleasing in my eyes.  Instead, all future blood sacrifices and facsimiles thereof may use alien invaders as a victim.  If alien physiognomy makes the removal of the victim's beating heart impossible, another suitable vital, still active internal organ (or facsimile thereof in the case of dolls) may be substituted.  I have spoken.
 
  
: As for the weapon you suggest, it is an entirely satisfactory proposal.  I wish for such a weapon, to be referred to as the "Smoking Mirror", to be built commencing immediately.
 
 
; DOCTOR STEEL:
 
: Do you wish the votive dolls to be non-articulated, articulated, articulated and capable of limited independant activity, or articulated and fully sentient?  Production costs will, of course, go up with the higher end products.
 
 
: This will call for additional market and design research to determine which organs are appropriate.  As I read your message it seems likely that you plan on conducting a certain measure of this research yourself.  Please keep me informed of your progress.  Photos would be helpful.
 
 
: As I am currently lacking in hard information, my further speculations on the final product must, of course, remain somewhat vague.  However, I recommend that the removable organs be made of high impact plastic in a bright, friendly shade such as international orange, unless it turns out that alien internal organs happen to be appropriately shaded.  Also, in order to keep the final product "child friendly" I suggest that the dolls issue some suitably positive message when their organs are removed.  Some examples include:
 
 
<blockquote>
 
* Owie owie owie owie owie!
 
* Oops!
 
* Holy War Cry!
 
* Well now I know, and knowing is half the battle!
 
* Hey, I need that back!
 
* Dang, that's something!
 
</blockquote>
 
 
: Inappropriate comments, including the following, should be avoided:
 
 
<blockquote>
 
* DRAWN-OUT SCREAM
 
* "Who will care for my children?"
 
* "Please, please, GOD NO!  NOOOOOOO!"
 
* "The pain!  The agonizing, horrible pain!"
 
* "Death will be sweet relief from my suffering!"
 
* VOMITS BLOOD
 
</blockquote>
 
 
: I hope these suggestions are of help to you and look forward to working with you in fleshing out the final products.  I take your word in its full and contractually binding sense.  I will begin on the plans at once.  Do you have a preference as to color?
 
 
; NOISE:
 
: Geeze, I didn't get an invite. I guess I'm not welcome, huh? Typical.
 
 
: But it's okay. Some people fear the Noise. Can't be helped. I'm cool with it. I won't start nothing, Doc, not with you... not unless you start it first.
 
 
; DOCTOR STEEL:
 
: My dear sir, forgive me my terrible manners!  Inexcusable, simply inexcusable!  Please make yourself comfortable!  Would you care for a soda?
 
 
: I had hoped to speak with you before this, but matters with Madame Shade and War Cry distracted me.  I am MOST interested to learn more of your sound based powers and what you can do with them.  I am familiar with the more destructive aspects of your abilities, but what of the more finely tuned abilities?  Are you able to modify sound?  To make, say, a train whistle sound like a bird call?  Can you amplify sound without increasing its force to destructive levels?  Can you use it to imitate specific voices?
 
 
: If you are able to do any or all of these things, you have a bright future ahead of you, I can assure you!  I forsee a great place for you within my organization as - LIVING SOUND TECHNICIAN! Most sound technicians must stay apart, hidden behind their banks of equipment, their wires, their cables, their mixers.  But not you, sir, no!  In you we could bring something unique, something never before seen, to the fore.  Imagine the exquisite control we might have over our stage presence with you there to provide the appropriate sound effects and IN ADDITION to be a presence in your own right!  Genius!  Sheer genius!
 
 
: You love music, do you not?  Children love music too!  You are young, handsome!  I can easily see you on the cover of Teen Beat magazine!  We could reach entirely new audiences!  When you take the stage young girls will swoon!  Your fan club will be huge!
 
 
: Now I realize that we have gotten off on the wrong foot, entirely my doing I am afraid!  But I hope that perhaps you can rise above my initial boorish behavior and consider my offer!  I don't need an answer now, of course!  We have the aliens to defeat first.  Just think about it.  I believe that we can do great things together!
 
 
: In the meantime, how can Doctor Steel be of assistance to you?  Do you require anything special?  Atomic metronome perhaps?  Upgraded MP3 player with the ability to read your mind, detect the song you want to hear next, and play it?  My inventive genius is at your service, you have but to ask!
 
  
 
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