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− | Adapting Tony's suggestions:
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− | SARAH: Psychiatric trials, huh? Sounds serious. | + | SARAH: Thank you, Wally. You can go now. |
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− | WALLY: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing you need to worry about. Not with the Swami vouching for you. | + | WALLY: Wait, I have to confirm- |
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− | SARAH: That's good, because we're kind of in the middle of something here. Can you give us a moment? | + | SARAH: No, you don't. You were given a message. You delivered the message. You've done your job. |
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− | WALLY: Actually, I need you to sign- | + | WALLY: I like to think my job involves a little more than that. |
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− | SARAH: I [i]said[/i] we're busy. You can go now. | + | SARAH: I'm sure you do. But when you get right down to it, you're pretty much a go-between for two groups of super-people. Heck, you're a [i]deputy[/i] go-between. |
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− | WALLY: It'll only take a- | + | WALLY: Well, I- |
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− | SARAH: Please, Wally. Just go away. | + | SARAH: No, seriously. Your role is to ferry intructions one way and reports the other way, right? Well, congratulations. Mission achieved. Now if you'll excuse us, we have real problems to deal with. |
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− | WALLY: But this is import-
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− | SARAH: Shut up! Shut the hell up! I am sick of people telling me what's important! [i]This[/i] is important, Wally. [i]You[/i] are not important. You're a gopher. Go fetch somebody a coffee, or whatever it is you do all day, and leave us alone.
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| Wally opens and shuts his mouth a few times, then turns and leaves. | | Wally opens and shuts his mouth a few times, then turns and leaves. |
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| JOEL: Was that necessary? | | JOEL: Was that necessary? |
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− | SARAH: He'll get over it. Where were we? | + | SARAH: Does it matter? I didn't tell him anything he didn't know. And anyway, we have more important stuff right now. |
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− | JOEL: You were about to explain exactly what you meant when you said your parents were supervillains. | + | JOEL: Point. You want to run that by me one more time? |
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− | SARAH: Okay. Understand that I am not being in any way figurative or melodramatic. My parents are supervillains. Retired, but you'd know their names if I told you. | + | SARAH: First I need you to know that I am not being in any way figurative or melodramatic. My parents are supervillains. Retired, but you'd know their names if I told you. |
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| JOEL: Which you're not going to do. | | JOEL: Which you're not going to do. |
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− | SARAH: Of course not. Anyway, they're not the sort that rob banks, and they're not the sort that monologue for hours about the new world order. They're smart...scratch that, they're [i]very[/i] smart. They've killed at least one superhero that I know of. They keep in contact with some of their old friends. And they think I'm going to follow them into the family business. Now do you see why I don't want them to find out about my extra-curricular activities? | + | SARAH: Of course not. Anyway, they're not the sort that rob banks, and they're not the sort that monologue for hours about the new world order. They're smart...scratch that, they're [i]very[/i] smart. They've killed at least one superhero that I know of. They keep in contact with some of their old friends. And they think I'm going to follow them into the family business. Now do you see why I don't want them to find out about me extra-curricular activities? |
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| Joel runs a hand back through his hair. | | Joel runs a hand back through his hair. |
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| [[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 10:07, 18 February 2006 (PST) | | [[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 10:07, 18 February 2006 (PST) |
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− | : This progression, on the other hand, is pure gold. I likey very much. Joel so clearly '''doesn't get''' how strange his mindset seems from the outside. Very cool. Have I given out fan mail this scene? I'll have to check whether it's still available to me. -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)
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− | Fixed a small typo. I agree with Tony's suggested change, although I kind of liked the bit where Sarah gradually gets more and more insulting to Wally. Some way to combine the two?
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− | And I agree that the second half is working very well. It feels very tragic, the way these two can't get past their own views into the other's. [[User:207.69.137.207|207.69.137.207]] 11:48, 18 February 2006 (PST)
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− | I like it a lot. Other than that, I got nothing. I think it's good to go. [[User:James Holloway|James Holloway]] 17:21, 19 February 2006 (PST)
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− | Stuff snipped from above:
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− | SARAH: Thank you, Wally. You can go now.
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− | WALLY: Wait, I have to confirm-
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− | SARAH: No, you don't. You were given a message. You delivered the message. You've done your job.
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− | WALLY: I like to think my job involves a little more than that.
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− | SARAH: I'm sure you do. But when you get right down to it, you're pretty much a go-between for two groups of super-people. Heck, you're a [i]deputy[/i] go-between.
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− | WALLY: Well, I-
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− | SARAH: No, seriously. Your role is to ferry intructions one way and reports the other way, right? Well, congratulations. Mission achieved. Now if you'll excuse us, we have real problems to deal with.
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− | : I'd be inclined to have there be a bit more of a visible struggle and failure on Sarah's part to maintain a nice-girl composure. More like she tried to be nice, and snapped, than she didn't try at all. Something more along the lines of:
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− | :: SARAH: Well gosh, Wally! Psychiatric trials. That's ... uh, that's exciting stuff.
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− | :: WALLY: Not that you have anything to be worried about, I'm sure. I mean, if the Swami thinks you're sane.
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− | :: SARAH: No, no worries. It's just ... we were kind of talking here. 'kay?
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− | :: WALLY: Well, I'm supposed to have you two sign this ...
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− | :: SARAH: WALLY. DEAR. We're sort of ... talking. Here. Now. 'nother time, 'kay?
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− | :: WALLY: Yeah, but this'll only take a ...
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− | :: SARAH: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP, OKAY!
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− | :: WALLY: But ... this is import--
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− | :: SARAH: I am sick of everyone telling me what's important! You're '''not important''' Wally! You're a gopher! Go fetch somebody some god-damned coffee, okay?
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− | : Anyway, something with more like that type of progression? What do you think? -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)
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− | :::I think I like yours better. Point taken about the failed attempt to act nice about it. I'll have a fiddle with it. [[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 02:15, 19 February 2006 (PST)
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