Forgotten Freedom:14

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Kithle: Seriously Hoybee magic missles away I'm immune now.

Hoybee: Ooookay, but you asked for it. Magic missle *shakazoom*, ahh dammit again with the lightning bolt.

Kithle: I don't care I'm still immune yay!

Ketler: (from behind Kithle) *COUGH* Good for you, bastard. Excuse me, I need to see Mickey now.

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Elemental: You know John, you still got a nuke for today.

John: Please don't remind of that abomnation I carry.

Elelmental: Your pretty prissy for someone who gets so much power. I didn't even get a name and I'm having a better time than you.

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Squishy: I don't belive it that Changeling hasn't come after me for almost an hour. I almost feel sorry for the poor bum who lasts that long. Anyways, Tabitha where are the records for the last week its payday tommorrow.

Tabitha: On top of the left cabinet, be careful I think the ninjas have been mesing with them.

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Jarlot: Well now that our enemies are defeated for a time, we can go back to normal.

Cool Cthulhu *from hiding*: Whew.

Jarlot: Of course, all of this is Cool Cthulhu's fault.

Cool Cthulhu: !

John: What? How is it his fault?

Jarlot: He's tentacly and eldritch! Of course its his fault!

John: That's racist!

Jarlot: Quiet spikey or I'll keel haul you!

John: I'm the keel!

Jarlot: Okay....new rules based on recent behavior at the Throneport Music festival.....

(Cold orb to the back of the head)

Jarlot: DAMN THATS COLD.

Crew breaks out into a snow war again.

Jarlot: Were do they get the snow.

Kithle: Same place Chalky gets his art supplies and Norbaz gets ingredients for chili. We steal from the Labs on board, just like when you go looking for drink additives. Now if you'll excuse me, Hey Pholly eat frozen comet swarm.

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The scene cuts back to Naz'roth and Sa'vor who are still floating in the astral plane.

Sa'vor: So if we survived do you think Ullzul survived too?

Naz'roth: Possibly.

Sa'vor: So then what do we do now anyways?

Naz'roth: We are at a bit of an impass. Without any supplies it could take quite a while to find a way out of here...

A massive flash of light suddenly appears in front of Sa'vor and Naz'roth forming a small multicolored tear in space.

Sa'vor: Would you look at that! Some sort of planar rift or portal. Do you think we should go through it?

Naz'roth: We might as well. I'm sure nothing good can come out of it but it has to be another plot device so we'll end up going through it no matter what.

The rift suddenly drifts forward swallowing up Sa'vor and Naz'roth. They come to shortly after in a strange tunnel sitting in a boat which is propelled by an unseen force.

Sa'vor: Where are we now? Xoriat, Dal Quor, some other terrible plane?

Naz'roth: No, worse.

Sa'vor: Worse? What could be worse?

Naz'roth: Disneyworld... (music begins playing in the background "Its a small world after all. Its a small world after all. Its a small world after all. Its a small, small world...")

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Jarlot: Well at least we've managed to survive this long. I can't wait to get some port time.

Batman: Agreed.

Jarlot: Man, will they have some egg on their face if they ever find out you're around.

Batman: I am the Night.

Jarlot: Yes, you are. Hey, remember how we met?

Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny

Kithle: No Frakking way. Die. *shlcshlcshlcshlc*

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In a generic Tavern called the 'Welcome Wench', not unlike the Mos Eisley Cantina, in an isolated port on the far-flung coast of Xen'drik, a horde of crazy, wierdo airship crewmen (and crewwomen) drank, sang, brawled, bragged about their recent deeds of daring-do and blowing **** up.

Then the Forgotten Freedom's Crew turned up...

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Tabitha : Squishy why don't we give Allen a pay check and what is this unlabeled sum in the out box.

Squishy: The money is for Scravinch an Avolakia friend of mine, he said that he was sending over a powerful undead slave to help us out and I assume Allen is him. After all that slave was the only undead much less vampire that I have on record as being invited aboard, and don't vampires need to be invited?

Allen walks out of the shadows, wearing a bright white shirt and leather pants, taking his paycheck from Squishy.

"Thank you very much, wonderful Squishy. And don't worry about me at all, I'll come here to get it myself, you don't have to bother yourselves." He says cheerfully, in the tones of someone who sounds completely innocent of anything wrong he could of possibly been accused of.

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Kithle and Kanatash are below decks on the Forgotten Freedom playing darts with a redshirt... as a target...

Kithle: (telepathically) So why did you ask me to come here?

Kanatash: (also telepathically) Well I have never had a chance to really talk with you before with all the crazy **** thats been going on around here. I like to get to know all the new crew members, now normally "getting to know" a crew member involves Brain lock, a dark room, mental probing, and memory erasing but since you are at least as good at mind reading as I am you would be able to block my attempts so I had to go about it another way.

Kithle: Fine. I wouldn't mind asking a few questions about you either. To begin with what do you call this game?

Kanatash: This? Doog came up with a while back. I don't think he came up with a name for it. The rules are simple (points towards redshirt tied to a spinning target) I call a limb and try to hit it with one of these darts. If I hit you try to hit the limb. If you hit I call another limb and go again. If you miss I get one point and get to go again. If I miss you get to call a limb. The game ends when the redshirt goes unconscious.

Kithle: Fine, since you invited me I'll go first. LEG! (hurls a dart impaling the redshirt's leg)

Redshirt: MY LEG! YOU SHOT MY BLOODY LEG!

Kanatash: Good shot. First I was wondering how you can retained some of you memories after the illithid transformation. From my experience with illithids the hosts mind is destroyed. (telekinetically throws a dart and strikes the redshirt's leg)

Redshirt: DEAR SWEET JAELA! MY OTHER LEG!

Kithle: Its an odd story. I had a talent at mimicry from an early age and when they implanted the tadpole I mimicked its thought which confused it something awful. Eventually it stopped eating my brain so the transformation is really somewhat incomplete. ARM! (impales the redshirt's arm)

Redshirt: PLEASE GODS! NO MORE!

Kanatash: Interesting. So which one is in control? The tadpole or the human? (fires and misses redshirt's arm) ****

Redshirt: Oh, whatever god was listening, thank you! THANK YOU!

Kithle: Neither. Both minds have more or less fused together over time. Now for my question. Is it true that this ship visited the motherland of Xoriat earlier? HAND! (throws and misses redshirt's hand)

Redshirt: (crying) ThankyouThankyouThankyou. No more pain…

Kanatash: HA! My turn! Yes the ship visited Xoriat a while back. I had made an ill fated attempt on control of the ship and implanted a few "suggestions" in the captain's mind so even after I was defeated he ended up taking the ship to Xoriat with some strange device. HAND (takes off the redshirts middle finger)

Redshirt: AHHH! MY FINGER!

Kithle: Really. Is it all they say it is? (strikes the target between two of the redshirt's fingers) ****

Redshirt: (gasping) Ok, keep breathing. Just keep breathing.

Kanatash: Oh yes and much more. The crew didn't experience much of it on their brief trip but before I joined the crew I aCool Cthulhuidentally planeshifted myself there and spent several hundred years there. Words cannot describe the perfection of its madness. What I do on this ship is really only a pale imitation. FOOT (Impales the redshirts foot)

Redshirt: …whimper…

Kithle: Pity I didn't join this crew earlier. I would have liked to see Xoriat. (slices several toes of the redshirts foot)

Redshirt: … mommy…

Kanatash: I do have some connections among the ranks of deranged ones. I might be able to arrange a short vacation of a sort although it would be difficult. HEAD (strikes the redshirt in the middle of the forehead)

Redshirt: gluega… (slumps forward unconscious)

Kithle: Looks like he's out cold. Does that me we tie?

Kanatash: Yes I believe it does.

Kithle: So what do we do with the body? I expect that eventually Lisa or the captain will have to notice the redshirts missing.

Kanatash: Thats the beauty of the game. I modified Doog's version slightly. You see these darts are specially enchanted by Kelter with the merciful ability and a special illusion power. The darts are incapable of doing lethal damage but it deceives the victim into believing they are suffering garish wounds. Now we just dump him back in the redshirt quarters and he will wake up tomorrow feeling terrible with a horrible memory that he can't distinguish between his dreams and reality.

Kithle: Hm, an excelent mix of psychological and physical torture. Wait some one's coming. I think it's Lisa, let me shield us so she doesn't find us.

Kanatash: No wait. I want her to find us

Kithle: Ok... But if you're trying to screw me over I eat your brain and get some of your powers.

Lisa: (noticing the darts and the redshirt’s slumped form) What manner of evil is being perpetrated here!? (grips warhammer tightly)

Kanatash: Don’t bother wasting one of you uses of smite evil on me.

Lisa: (not letting go of the hammer) Oh? And why not?

Kanatash: Well besides the 50% miss chance it would be doing nothing to reduce the evil in the universe because since I have been tainted by the Delkyr I have no more control over my evil nature than the Delkyr themselves. You would be just taking out conflicting emotions at you questionable actions on an external target. Most unpaladin like behavior.

Lisa: (lowering the hammer slightly) My questionable actions?

Kanatash: Oh yes. Since you became part of this crew you have fallen far. I’ve been inside your minde and there are too many infractions to name really. A few of your sins bear naming, we’ll start with the Pride coming from feeling yourself better than anyone else on the crew because of your abstract beliefs. Wrath springs from all your anger at the crew for their actions even though a fair number of them have some deeper nature which drives their actions that is beyond their control. Then there is Envy of those in Thrane who live every day with the blessing of the church and Gluttony for the blessings and praises passed out by the clergy of the silver flame. Oh, Sloth since it has been months the last time you sat down to pray to the silver flame for any reason other than to regain your daily spells and you don’t do latrine duty even when you are scheduled. Plus Greed as you so nicely demonstrated with your help on the bank job since even if you claim you helped so you could take down Sa’vor you still didn’t oppose us when we cleaned out the vault and even took your share of holy artifacts. Finally buried deep, deep within you is the spark of Lust. Specifically for Michael even though you know that he is probably the most despicable member of this crew because he does all his evil of his own free will with none of the supernatural tendencies or extraplanar manipulations that encourage most of the other crew members. There you have it, all seven deadly sins in one handy package. Face it, after all the bounty on your head is bigger than Doogs, you should just start taking blackgaurd levels right now.

Lisa: (looks at her hands as if they are diseased) I need to think… and pray. I need to pray a lot. (runs from the room)

Kithle: (giving Kanatash a sly look) That was planned wasn’t it.

Kanatash: I’ve been preparing for months. By the way if you try anything with me I make you wish you had never been born/spawned. I’ve been on this flying madhouse for a lot longer than you have and I have certain “contingencies” in place that will ensure that I’ll come back to return whatever you do to me a thousand fold.

Kithle: I’ll keep that in mind. Anyway, (smiling broadly) mindgames are fun aren’t they?

Kanatash: They’re the only type of game worth playing.

Kithle: Of course, by the way have you ever tried coupling them with the modify memory spell? I’ve found its effects particularly pleasing.

Kanatash: I’ve thought of it but never tried it. Care to expand upon your experiences with it?

Fade to black

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