1001 and more Things that the worst party in Eberron is forbidden from doing
See also Forgotten_Freedom:Rules
1001 Things that the worst party in Eberron is forbidden from doing...
From Captain Jarlot, Pirate at arms....
Activities that the Crew of the Airship Forgotten Freedom are Forbidden from engaging in:
1. Do not attempt to rub nair over the shifter first mate while she is asleep.
2. Do not taunt Cardinal Krozen about his inability
to capture/kill the Crew. It's not bad, just tacky.
3. Do not taunt the The Lords of Dust about their inability
to capture the Crew. It really should be bad, but it's not. Still tacky.
4. Do not taunt Queen Aurala about her inability to
capture the Crew. Otherwise she'll stamp her foot and pout.
5. Do not shoot the villain while he's monologuing,
no matter how long he takes.
6. There will be NO referring to King Kaius as Mein
Furher or goosestepping to his orders.
7. Even if he speaks in a thick German accent.
8. Even if the secret service wears jack boots.
9. Even if they're seeking the Ark.
10. ALRIGHT, THEY'RE NAZIS...SWEET TIRA MIRRON.
11. The Captain forbids the Elf from referring to Tira
Mirron as a "Great Lay", "The Feisty Wench", and "The
Naughty Girl who liked to lick."
12. The crew will not attempt to make the Paladin break
his vows.
13. The crew will not point out the Paladin has already
done so by being on a Pirate ship.
14. The crew will not use the Forgotten Freedom to buzz
dinosaurs.
15. No matter how cool they look when they scamper.
16. ESPECIALLY NOT during halfling festival days.
17. The Lord of Blades does not need to see the Wizard
for a heart.
18. He does not need oiling when it rains, nor is this
an effective battle strategy against him.
19. Nor does he need a diploma, medal, or any combination
of these things.
20. The Lord of Blades is not to be referred to as "Skippy"
21. Nor is Pontiff Jaela
22. Even if she skips alot.
23. Queen Aurala is not the Wicked Witch of the West
24. Even if she is a witch and lives in the West and
is of dubious morality.
25. Throwing water on her is not a means of "Undoing
her wickedness"
26. Pontiff Jaela is not to be referred to as "Lolita"
27. Nor will she be referred to as "Major Hot Babe
when she grows up."
28. ...even if she will be.
29. Erandis D'Vol cannot be stopped by dropping a House
on her.
30. Nor can Queen Aurala.
31. King Boranal will not be invited to Frat Keggers
or Orgies with Changeling Girls.
32. Even if he's game.
33. King Kaius is not the last boss in the Castlevania
series.
34. Nor is his mortal enemy Simon Belmont.
35. It is wrong to cast magic mouth spells to play "The
Phantom of the Opera" when he enters the room.
36. Or eat garlic pizza before talking to him.
37. Or hold up mirrors behind him while mouthing the
word "Vampire."
38. Queen Aurala is not to be referred to as Glinda.
39. You cannot summon a Rajah by saying 'Hastur' three
times.
40. Or a Daelkyr by saying "Candyman" into
a mirror.
41. Dolgrim's do not have one head that always lies
and one that always tells the truth.
42. The Aerenal elves will not be referred to as "The
creepy Goth elves."
43. Nor are the Deathless described as "Undead
who all dress like they're in a 70s glam rock band."
44. We will not rob the Lightning Rail wearing scarves
on our faces.
45. If we do, we won't claim to be trying to conduct
a Time Travel experiment.
46. Even if we are.
47. Valenar Elves are not to be called "Romulans"
48. You will not compare a Valenar Elves' performance
to Legolas
49. Even if Legolas could do it much better.
50. I am the reincarnation of King Jarlot, none of you
are.
51. I will not attempt to restart the Great War for
"kicks"
52. Dwarves will not be referred to as "The Swiss."
53. Even if they have fine chocolate and good cheezes.
54. No, it is a rumor you can conquer Aundair by simply
walking into it.
55. It is wrong to use Ventriloquism to predict the
end of the world in a cathedral in Thrane.
56. The Quori are not to be referred to as "The
Q" or are their activities from "The Q Continium."
57. The changeling is forbidden from deliberately appearing
as Earth celebrities she has no idea exist.
58. Darguun are not to be called "Klingons."
59. Even if they have swords suspiciously similiar to
them.
60. Riedra is not Japan or China or any other Oriental
culture, so I cannot go there to spot me some Asian Chicks.
61. The Monk will also not use the word "WO PAW!"
after every strike.
62. Shifters cannot be Catgirls.
63. Or Foxgirls.
64. OR BUNNY GIRLS.
65. Even if they were I could not make a mansion of
them and sell their pictorials.
66. When conducting robberies, I will not give wedgies
to Dragonshard house nobles because they 'richly deserve it.'
67. Merrix D'Cannith is not to be referred to as "Lex
Luthor, greatest crimminal mastermind inventor of the 11th century!"
68. Even if he's bald, an inventor, and a supervillain.
69. Q'barra is not the home of voodoo, plantations,
or good cajun cooking.
70. Kobolds are not to be called "Spot", "Fido",
or "Rover"
71. Nor will you attempt to teach them 'tricks'
72. Kobolds do not speak in an accent similiar to Ren
nor do they say things like "It is not I who am crazy, it is I who am MAD!"
73. There will be no characters accepted who are Lysander
Bugbear pilots named Baloo.
74. Nor will lovable kid sidekicks named Cloudkicker
with Tenser Floating Disks.
75. You will not refer to a wand of fireballs as your
"Boom Stick"
76. The Mockery is not your Copilot.
77. Nor the Traveller.
78. Queen Aurala is not to be referred to as the "Virgin
Queen" in a derogitory manner.
79. Any rumors that such a name is inappropriate because
of me is to be squashed.
80. Halflings of Clan Boramar are not to speak like
they're Italian or in the Godfather.
81. Nor is Joe Peschi a Halfling.
82. Even if he claims so.
83. You cannot play four Turtle Ninja Shifters.
84. It is wrong to refer to King Boranal's daughter
as a fine piece of ***
85. Even if she is.
86. I will not attempt to turn the Forgotten Freedom
into a Pimp Mobile
87. The Gods of Eberron do not fail to appear on the
earthly plane because I am "THAT" badass...
88. Kalashatyr are not to be referred to as the Tokra.
89. Nor the Quori as G'ould.
90. We are not the Crew of Firefly.
91. Nor Blake's 7.
92. Even if an Alliance is Chasing us.
93. I am to be referred to as Captain Jarlot not "Jack
Sparrow" or "Keith Richards"
94. Even if there's a frightening resemblance sometimes.
95. Xen'drick is not to be referred to as "The
land of stereotyped minorities brought to light by the glories of colonialism."
96. Pontiff Jaela is not to be referred to as "Ruri"
or "Rei Ayanami"
97. No, you cannot wear the pope hat.
98. Even if she lets you.
99. It is wrong to attempt to make the Lord of Blades
sing "Daisy"
100. He is not to be referred to as R.O.B.B.I.E or any
other warforged.
101. No, I cannot stencil in a Dragonmark for powers.
102. Especially not the Dragonmark of Death
Nr. 103 has been lost to the sands of time.
104. Repeat after me, I did not cause the Day of Mourning.
105. I am not Batman
106. The Demon Wastes will not be referred to as "Athas"
107. A Mel Gibson look alike is not driving around The
Mournland in a V8.
108. What most Mourners do not need is "A good
slap"
109. Sieg Heil is not the correct manner of greeting
King Kaius.
110. Being a pirate does not make me the ultimate enemy
of Ninjas.
111. Being a pirate does not make Boo Radely our King
or the Mockingbird something we must figure out how to kill.
112. The proper response to a defeated foe offering
surrender is not
"ALL YOUR BASE, ARE BELONG TO US!"
113. Or
"YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO DESTRUCTION!"
"HAHAHAHAHA."
114. Even if I laugh like hell.
115. There is not a secret plot to combine Dark Sun
and the Council of Wyrms and the Flanaes into one setting on Eberron to save
money.
116. Even if they did it with Forgotten Realms
117. You shall not argue the merits of the attractive
paladin turning tricks "for the good of the party."
118. Bards are not to be shot on sight for being worthless.
119. Nor shall Gnomes.
120. The Gnomes of Zilargo are not the cast from Cruel
Intentions and every soap opera in history.
121. People from the Eldeen Reaches do not have Plaid
outfits and talk like Hillbillies.
122. I will not make "You might be from the Eldeen
Reaches" lists.
123. Making only the Orcs like this is not a substitute.
124. The Aurrum are not led by Blofeld.
125. Or Doctor Evil.
126. Austin Powers is not a member of the King's Citadel.
127. James Bond is.
128. I will never under ANY circumstances shout "My
name is Indigo Montoya, You killed my father. Prepare to die"
129. Even if they did.
130. You will not try and hum the 2001 theme when encountering
Quori monoliths.
131. Boris and Natasha do not work for Karrnath.
132. King Kaius is not to be referred to as "Fearless
Leader"
133. Moose and Squirrel are not good codenames for the
party when doing undercover work against them.
134. The Wardens of the Forrest are not to be referred
to as the Harpers.
135. Nor are they lead by Elminster.
136. I will not when meeting Kalashatyr shout "Wait,
I've met you before in the ancient civilization of the Giants in a previous
life. Yes, ATLANTIS!"
137. Even if I did.
138. I will not attempt to rescue party members from
the Realm of the Dead by saying to the Maruts "You know a guy thirty miles
away is trying to sneek a way a soul. He's invisible so look really for an hour."
139. If the condition for releasing a party member is
not to look back at them. Do not simply stick your hands behind your head to
block your vision and claim it works.
140. You are not in 8-bit nor is "Haddokken"
or "Stabbity death" a answer for anything.
141. I will not build a spelljammer to surf on the Ring
of Siberys.
142. I will not use Khyber shards to summon Elvis.
143. Warforged are not to be my butlers.
144. The Chamber is not to be called "The Dragonati"
145. Rakashasas are not members of the Masons or effette
British Indian Colonialists.
146. Sharn is not "New York only more flying carpets"
147. The Gatekeepers are not an anime about communist
fears of Japan.
148. The proper battle cry for a female moonspeaker
is not "IN THE NAME OF THE MOON, I WILL PUNISH YOU!"
149. Even if you are a SAILOR Moonspeaker
150. House Cannith is not Shin-ra nor is it possible
to find Aeris selling flowers in Sharn.
151. Being from Karrnath is not reason enough to wear
a German barmaid's outfit.
152. Especially if you are a man.
153. As a child, Queen Aurala did not have a gingerbread
house that she lured you to try and eat you.
154. If she does own a magic mirror, it's not to scry
the land so she can put to sleep girls who are more attractive than her or lock
them in towers.
155. You will not shout "my ass" when talk
of her benevolent rule is spoken.
156. The Thrane Royal Family will not be referred to
as "the most useless monarchy since Britains."
157. Even if one of you happens to be a subject of the
Queen of England (and Canada)
158. Merrix D'Cannith is not building a giant *fingerwag*
laser on one of the moons.
159. You will not pretend to be Boranal's bastard son.
160. Even if it's 50-50 likely.
161. You will not try and use the Silver Flame to roast
marshmellows.
162. Or weenies.
163. You will not ask if you can put a rotessary over
it.
164. BBQ over it does not taste better because of that
'spiritual goodness.'
165. I will not claim to have had sex with Dol Arrah
166. Or Arawai.
167. Or the Fury
168. Especially not at once.
167. Elves do not react to dog whistles.
168. Kobolds do.
169. Erandis D'Vol is not "Vecna's teenage Goth
daughter."
170. No I cannot import kender via the Plane of Shadows
to leave a mark of fear and terrror across the land.
171. Five warforged cannot join together with five magic
medallions to become Voltron.
172. It is wrong to tell warforged this.
173. The Blood of Vol did not get started by the Rocky
Horror Picture Show.
174. Breland's Collosus of Freedom does not have "Give
me your rich, your pretty, and your gulliable" on her tablet.
175. The airship's mechanic shall not be referred to
as "Cid"
176. Dragonshards will not be referred to as "Materia"
177. Or Mana.
178. You will not hum the Legend of Zelda theme while
walking
179. It is not a compliment to toss catnip on shifters
and watch them trip out.
180. Argonessan is not Australia, I don't know where
you got the idea and all dragons do not suddenly talk like the Crocodile Hunter.
181. Jedi is not an acceptable prestige class because
all things can be found in Eberron.
182. Nor can you refer to the bugbear as Chewie.
183. Cyre will not mutate superintelligent apes and
they will eventually replace us all so we might as well blow the planet now.
184. The Emerald Claw is a frightening group of terrorists
and undead worshippers, they are not to be judged by the fact their name sounds
like a strip club or oriental restaurant.
185. When the Quori view my dreams I cannot imagine
them stomped on by Godzilla to kill them.
186. The Tarrasque is not Godzilla...IN ANY WORLD.
187. Bone Knights should not be challenged by saying
"You get a real boner for combat huh?"
188. the proper response for a mysterious NPC giving
a mission is to not spit whiskey on them and then set them on fire.
189. Booty from treasure hunts will not be referred
to as "bling bling."
190. When we see a distress signal we do not say "F***
that! We're taking this boat to Risa."
191. It's wrong to capture Dinosaurs and try to open
a park on some island near Xen'drick.
192. The proper response when meeting the son of Queen
Aurala is not to say "You know your mom's a real **** right?"
193. If Queen Aurala is ever successfully kidnapped,
you will not try her for witchcraft by putting a fake nose on her and weighing
her against a duck.
194. Jaela's birthday six years from now will not be
a cause for celebration because she turns 'legal'
195. You will not beat the crazzap out of Royal Eyes
members on principle.
196. Or causally announce their status as spies in crowded
marketplaces.
197. Putting up your cloak in blood daylight does not
add 1 to your Hide/Sneak check.
198. The Day of Mourning did not result in mass mutations
that created the Eberron version of the X-men
199. Or the Incredible Hulk.
200. You will not pistol whip Prince Jurian.
201. Unless I order you too.
202. Queen Aurala is not even a Magic user! Why the
hell do you keep making the Witch jokes!?
201. Prince Oargev's name is not a euphemism for his
sexual leanings.
202. Cyre was not Naboo nor was the Day of Mourning
righteous revenge for the Prequels.
203. The Daughters of Sora Kell are not a Lilith Fair
band.
204. You will not ask any Rakashasa Prince to endorse
frosted flakes by saying "They'reee GREAAAAAT!"
205. You may shorten my rank to Cap'n, however my surname
is Jarlot, not "Crunch"
206. You may not hang five warforged from the keel to
make a Newton's cradle.
207. That right is reserved for me and me alone.
208. You will not build a stepladder into the Warforged.
209. Or a bucket seat.
210. Or an umbrella.
211. The Warforged is not a nutcracker.
212. Nor can he light fires by snapping his fingers.
213. You will not refer to Esravash as