Forgotten Freedom:2501 3000
Previous Rules Rules Home More Rules
2501. I reapeat do not use poop deck as a toilet
2502. And no its not the cabin boy's job to clean it up
2503. I will not catch the next idiot who jumps out of the ship
2504. I have removed a patch of the keels varnish now it has extra spinters
2505. When we get to 3333 and head to riedra the costs for the behavior mods are coming out of your pockets
2505. No, you did not start the Last War because you were bored.
2506. I will stop selling fake maps to lycanthrope houses to the Silver Flame.
2507. I did not go to junior high with Jaela.
2508. The warforged's arm sheath isnt for -that- kind of wand.
2509. I will stop hiding the wizards wand of Big Kabooms in the warforged's arm sheath.
2510. Or at least tell him to stop high-fiving everyone.
2511. Aeranal elves do not want or need prozac.
2512. Female Talentia halflings to not wear birkas.
2513. yes you have to read whole list, there will be pop quizzes
2514. King Kaius is decidedly not LeStat. And his wife is by no means the Queen of the D****d.
2515. Infact, all Anne Rice references are expressly forbidden when speaking about Karrnath.
2516. ...or the Aerenal elves.
2517. We are not "on the jazz."
2518. And the warforged is not Mr. T.
2519. Even if that is his name.
2520. And he has fashioned himself a mohawk and has a body lined with gold.
2521. No matter how cute Marish thinks they are, there will be no hiring of goblin barbarians.
2522. Nor making plush dolls of the same.
2523. Oh for Host's sakes, warforged plushies? That's just wrong!
2524. The warforged is not the same thing as a pet rock.
2525. It is especially wrong to tell it such during a boarding maneuver.
2525. I will learn to count without resorting to fingers, toes, and appendages.
2527. "Forgotten Freedom" is not a bondage reference.
2528. It is wrong to tell the Keeper of the Flame this.
2529. Rental of the ship and/or artificer's equipment and/or shifter bard with a whip for bondage purposes is strictly prohibited and will cease and desist immediately.
2530. Just because the artificer uses infusions doesn't give rights to anyone on the ship to spend half the day with a needle sticking out of your arm.
2531. Except me.
2532. Because I'm the captain, that's why!
2533. Look, if you had to deal with yourself, you'd understand.
2534. Oh, now you beha... **** thought too soon
2535. BY THE DRAGONS!!!!!! WHAT UNHOLY ??!?!! ... you clean this up, you dump the bodies.?.?. pieces of anyway, you catch me *faints*
2536. This never happened.
2537. The new guy is a bit of a wierdo don't take him too seriously
2538. Do not tease the new guy or try to look under his armor he was badly burned by acid and as such doesn't like to be seen leave him alone
yes I know mine are a little forced but i really want this to get to 3333, i have a great set for after the behavior mods
2539: No, the kalashtar monk will not show you any "nifty moves" so you can "start trashing bozos".
2540: It is best if you do not call the Sentinel Marshal a "Rent-a-cop".
2541: Pointing to Merrix d'Cannith's dragonmark and saying, "Hey, nice ink!" is unlikely to improve his attitude from "indifferent" to "friendly".
2542: The rumor you heard about a shop in the Firelight District selling potions of natural male enhancement is unfounded.
2543: There is no Cult of the Dragon On The Left. 2544. or on the right
2545. or in any other direction, besides below
2546. that includes non-spatial, and quasi-spacial directions
2547. There a re no cheatsheets to get out of a Maze spell.
2548. No, my cheatsheets are not authentic.
2549. Baelful Polymorph does not change the target into a bale of hay.
2550. I must not waste a Wish spell on a candy bar.
2551. I am not to use a Wish spell on Jaela for ANYTHING.
2552. A warforged soulknife is not Darth Vader
2553. Unless it's halloween
2554. A warforged, catgirl shifter, and halfling is not the cast of FLCL
2555. Unless they're funny
2556. Do not call the dogboy shifter Inyuasha
2557. Unless he's half-fiendish, then he brought it on himself
2558. Not all pirates act like Johhny Depp from 'Pirates of the Caribbean'
2559. Even if they're good at it
2560. Jaela wouldn't like it anyway
2561. Catgirl shifters can't wear sailor school girl outfits
2562. Catholic school gear is OK
2563. Halflings named Edward and Warforged partners name Alfonse will be keelhauled, along with Two Weapon Fighting angsty drow
2564. TWICE
2565. Once more for good measure.
2566. I should tell the female changling that she does not have to be naked with blue skin and red hair.
2567. But I will not, and people will thank me for it
2568. Eberron still is not medieval Shadowrun
2569. Nor is it D20 Modern
2570. But I am Batman, accept it, it is true.
2571. No you can't have a female shifter based of Baalah from Pawn
2572. But the changeling could try and look like her, hmm?!?
2573. Especially to dragons named Puff.
2574. I must not use Holy Water Balloons for strafing runs against King Kaius
2575. The Iron Defender is not a pet.
2576. Nor is it a show dog.
2577. ...Unless we can make money from it.
2578. No killing your rival in the first run in.
2579. Even if he looks cooler then you.
2580. Don't be mad if his swords bigger as well...
2581. Permanently scarring your rival on the first encounter is allowed.
2582. Especially if he scarred you first.
2583. I was drunk there is no Batman on this ship.
2584. The galley is not a bath room.
2585. You will not call an Inspired ambassador "dreamy".
2586. You can turn an Inspired to stone. However, calling them a "marble quori" afterwards is just wrong.
2587. No, your dad does not run a secret agency.
2588. And even if he did, it would not be fighting misleadingly named evil outsiders.
2589. And even if it did that, no warforged painted purple would be involved.
2590. Duct tape, cereal boxes, and parts harvested from the trash can not be used to make any kind of construct.
2591. And it's spelled fear, not ph34r!
2592. You do not have an incarnate conscience that sits on your shoulder.
2593. I don't care if you strap wings on your familiar!
2594: You may not suck all the monsters out of Khyber with an enormous vacuum cleaner.
2595: The Silver Flame are not to be called regarding agricultural pests.
2596: Reforged do not get visited by a blue fairy one night and become real boys.
2597: "It's not big and it's not clever" does not translate as "now that would be SOOO KEWL!"
2598: The Quori are not led by a long haired goth who looks like Robert Smith
2599: You shall not test if warforged have souls by offering one to a rajah for ultimate power.
2600. Warforged to not have to be rented.
2601. I should stop colleting rent for warforged.
2602. Tossing alchemists fire in the flame elemental ring does not make the ship go faster.
2603. It makes a pretty bang, though.
2604. Magnetizing the warforged is not funny.
2605. Sleeping with the paladin chick is not a 'religious experience'.
2606: You may not have a miniature giant space hamster as your familiar.
2607: ...or your animal companion.
2608: That one's been done. Twice. Give it up.
2609: No, Trent Oster still doesn't want to give you your job back.
2610: No, you may not usurp control of all the undead in Karrnath and use them to purge all of the "Un-Darkly Cute" from the world. Speaking as the former head of the Church of Miho, that power is mine and mine alone.
2611: The Warforged does not have a "rejection mode."
2612: Not even while raging.
2613: The Artificer may not invent the Killstick, Chibi Killstick, or any variant therof. Crowiko beat you to it.
2614: Any young, jailbait female necromancers with mental issues are not allowed to wear hair ribbons.
2615: The ultimate source of your power is not the Necrowombicon.
2616: It is, however, mine.
2617: Yes, Duct Tape is an effective weapon against Stick golems.
2617: You may not summon fanboy armies.
2618: Or ex-Idols.
2619: You may not make any sort of "URGENT ANNOUNCEMENT!!" unless your name is Scott Douglas "Draegos" Thompson.
2620: If the Captain is sick and calls off the day's activities, it is not a DPD (Dead Pirate Day).
2621: 6o 3z o\/\ 73h n0()8z, d00d. [2621: My brother, you must provide subtitles for they who are not among our elite order.]
2622: Oh look, more bombs.
2623: Next time, use shorter taunts.
2624: Okay! Enough MegaTokyo references already!
2625. You are not to summon Cthulhu
2626. Not are you to have the artificer make a scroll of hold divine being
2627. And then use it while the bard plays elevator music.
2628. Nor is Cthulhu to be introduced to any Daelkyr
2629. I have so little sanity left from last time.
2630. You will disregard any similarity between the Silver Flame and the Golden Throne.
2631. Even if the bound divine beings in either have told you different.
2632. No, the quori don't have drinking games.
2633. Nor can you get them drunk.
2634. I swear that Kalashtar was sober when I left her...
2635. Painting the Warforged red will not make him go faster
2636. Especially if he has an Admantine Body
2637. It is wrong to tell him this
2638. Same goes for painting the ship red
2639. We are not Karrnathi
2640. The ship stays green.
2641. Because I am Captain and I say so.
2642. The artificer is not to be refered to as that "Rambling Wreck from Cannith Tech, with skillz in cogs and gears."
2643. You will not get a Lycanthrope to infect Aurala.
2644. Or for any other purpose.
2645. Especially not that....
2646. You will not get Dragonmark Tattoos.
2647. We have enough trouble as it is.
2648. Renegade Mastermakers are not Cyborgs.
2649. Nor are they named Batou or Motoko Kusanagi.
2650. Riedrans have no trouble with Rs or Ls.
2651. Riedrans are not stupid.
2652. Just because they are the only ones who don't understand that thier "inspired' leaders are evil demons from the relams of dreams and that the kalashtar are the good-guys, uh actually i take back 2651.
2653. Riedrans are stupid.
2654. Telling your familiar to "go for the beer" is never, ever a good thing.
2555. Hamster familiars give a -2 penalty on all saves to resist drunkeness, and render you immune to alcohol poisoning.
2556. Telling the crewmates with hamster familiars this is a keelhaulable offense.
2557. The artificer MAY NOT gain warforged cohorts with the Adamantine body feat, kill them, then salvage them for the 'raw material'
2558. The Forgotten Freedom is NOT fully submersible.
2559. It is wrong to tell the warforged this.
2560. No, not even if we get a water elemental bound to the ring.
2561. Hamsters are to be kept seperate at all times we don't have enough food for another tribble parody.
2561. No one on this ship can kill people with their brains.
2562. Yes, is wrong to tell the warforged this.
2563. Oh, I'm sorry--no one on this ship without a great bloody quori stuck in their head can kill people with their brains.
2564. None of the major holy texts of the Silver Flame or the Host are fuzzy about kneecaps.
2565. You may not refers to the shifters as trained apes...without the training.
2566. Being struck with water balloons does not cause warforged to go on murderous rampages.
2567. And yes, it is wrong to tell them this.
2568. The artificer may not craft anything while drunk.
2569. Especially after the "Captain's Undergarments" golem we had a few weeks back.
2570. After the "Girdle of Reverse Masculinity/Femininity" incident, the artificer may not craft anything at all.
2572. Especially garments of enhance Masculinity/Femininity.
2573. The artificer will deconstruct that golem and give me my stuff back immediatly
