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| − | #<li value=1000>We do not have a Victory Theme.
| + | Thanks guys, I just about lost it lkooing for this. |
| − | # Or a victory pose.
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| − | # It is wrong to tell the warforged this.
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| − | # You may not have a "Chemo-kitty" for your familiar.
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| − | # Even if they do need extra love.
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| − | # You do not have superpowers stemming from your boundless rage.
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| − | # A shovel is not an acceptable substitute for the monk's quarterstaff.
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| − | # The next person who asks the bard to "Play some Freebird" will be answering directly to the musicians' guild.
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| − | # See that sign on the wall? That's right. No Stairway.
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| − | # Dreamlily is not an acceptable substitute for any of the following: Cilantro, Oregano, Basil, Cloves, Garlic, Salt, or Pepper.
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| − | # No, you may not form a lobbyist group for the liberation of elementals.
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| − | # There is no cow level.
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| − | # The helmsman's name is not Maverick.
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| − | # Nor is it Iceman.
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| − | # We do not "rice out" the warforged.
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| − | # Nor the Forgotten Freedom.
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| − | # When we are at speed, it is not acceptable to shout out "Vtec just kicked in yo!"
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| − | # Repeat after me, "We do not sell out Captain Jarlot to the authorities."
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| − | # In Karrnath, Cart does not drive you.
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| − | # Nor does it in Riedra.
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| − | # Maybe in the Lord of Blades' realm.
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| − | # We will not make the warforged give us rickshaw rides.
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| − | # Guy Fawkes day is not celebrated in Eberron.
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| − | # Especially not with blowing up Parliament.
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| − | # DO NOT allow the artificer to fuse a poison gas spell into his finger, then later say "Pull my finger."
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| − | # Jaela is not your betrothed.
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| − | # King Kaius is not 'your *****'.
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| − | # King Boranal does not 'owe you fifty from college'.
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| − | # The bard is to refrain from singing "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald" as we leave port.
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| − | # The warforged is not a wind-up toy.
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| − | # Nor is he named Kryten.
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| − | # The ship's cat is not a humanoid with a sense of style.
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| − | # There is no spoon.
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| − | # There IS a spork.
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| − | # The Gods don't engange in drinking contests.
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| − | # There are no leprechauns with pots of gold. I should not tell the greedy rogue this.
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| − | # They don't have Frosted Lucky Charms, either.
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| − | # Repeat after me, "I am not a bird, I am not an airship, I am not Superman."
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| − | # And you still aren't Batman.
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| − | # You will not polymorph yourself into a little boy and create a specilized invisibility spell that only Jaela can see though and attempt to be her special friend.
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| − | # Or make said invisibility spell.
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| − | # The next person who breaks any rules regarding Jaela will be smeared in food and told to walk the plank over an underwater temple of the Devourer.
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| − | # Please, refrain from casting random fireballs at sacred druid groves... unless the captain says so.
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| − | # Any umbragen who is a ranger, has two scimitars, and has a black panther onyx figurine will be shot on sight.
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| − | # Clerics repeat after me "Undying are not to be turned."
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| − | #: To the Dark Side of the Force.
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| − | #: Japanese.
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| − | #: You do not really think so. You do not really think so.
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| − | # We will not offer to become Privateers for Kaius if he makes us an undead crew.
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| − | # Commander Adama could not do a better job than me.
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| − | # The Lord of Blades is not Doctor Doom.
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| − | # Nor am I.
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| − | # Cosmic Radiation will kill us, not give us superpowers.
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| − | # If the human race is largely destroyed by warforged, we will not flee with a ragtag military fleet to the mythical continent of Riedra.
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| − | # Or Earth.
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| − | # Warforged are not part of a secret group called "SkyNet".
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| − | # Putting springs on my Boots of Striding and Springing does not make me spring twice.
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| − | # A Darkskull is not a good wedding present.
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| − | # Or a good anniversary present, for that matter.
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| − | # Skeksis do not come from Khyber.
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| − | # Jaela does not want a piece of candy.
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| − | # Potions of Love are not to be used indiscriminantly.
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| − | # For instance, at a State banquet.
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| − | # The captain of the Sharn Watch is not 'a jackbooted thug', and I should not try to convince others of this.
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| − | # I must not place bets on the effects of a Rod of Wonder.
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| − | # An Immovable Rod is not the ship's emergency brake.
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| − | # I must not cast Alarm on the ship's latrine.
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| − | # I must not cast Magic Mouth to say "WHEW!! What did you EAT?" when someone uses the latrine, either.
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| − | # I must not replace the cleric's holy water with scotch.
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| − | # Or vodka, either.
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| − | # Undead can't get drunk.
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| − | # The cleric is not a 'sawbones'.
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| − | # The bard's songs are the greatest things I have ever heard.
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| − | # Unless she is not around to hear me.
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| − | # Then they are the tortured squawks of dying harpies.
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| − | # King Kaius does not belong to the Camarilla.
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| − | # Nor does he belong to the Sabbat.
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| − | # The elemental ring around the airship does not 'pull-start'.
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| − | # The artificer will not build a 'holodeck'. Did any of you actually -watch- Star Trek? Do you not know what happens?
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| − | # The artificer will not build a wonderous item with unlimited uses of detect secret doors, detect traps, and silence so as not to have to pay the rogue a share of treasure for his services.
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| − | # The captain will not address the airship's "AI".
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| − | # Especially with the command "main screen turn on".
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| − | # No officer shall report that anyone has "set us up the bomb".
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| − | # Even if they have.
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| − | # You will not refer to the Lhazaar Principalities as "evil Canada".
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| − | # In all seriousness, you will not do a barrel roll.
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| − | # The barbarian will not refer to his rage as a 'limit break'.
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| − | # We do not waste a wish spell on wishing for theme music.
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| − | # Especially not the Final Fantasy victory theme.
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| − | # Or the Batman theme.
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| − | # Because (say it with me..!) you are not Batman.
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| − | # Even if you have levels in artificer, rogue, and the Master Inquisitive PrC.
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| − | # The artificer will not craft a "batarang".
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| − | # Nobody may call 'dibs' on NPC commoner's EXP values.
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| − | # Nor on Jaela.
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| − | # Even if you use an action point.
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| − | # Your character may not control the mists of the Mournland (adopted from our Ravenloft campaign).
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| − | # Not every ridge is a good place to throw the anchor.
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| − | # Especially not the spires of Sharn.
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| − | # The Glass Plateau is not a good place for ice skating.
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| − | # Whenever you succeed a spot check, thou shalt not announce this by say "Listen! I smell something."
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| − | # You do not have to ask "Anybody at home, MacFly" whenever you cast a knock spell.
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| − | # Nor is the formula "Knock, knock, Neo!"
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| − | # When your female char wakes up besides a handsome guy with a smile on her face, it is not funny to say "Why, oh, why didn't I take the blue pill?"
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| − | # Even though their facial expressions may be poor, warforged are not constantly stoned. Thus though shalt not name them "Stoners".
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| − | # Your warforged does not have to say "I'll be back" every time it leaves.
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| − | # When you're being asked whether you're a god, you say "Yes!"
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| − | # Deathless do not particulary enjoy Alphaville in general or "Forever Young" in particular.
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| − | # The next bard who wants to play eighties music will be thrown overboard. Without harp.
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| − | # You shall not call the ship's personality HAL nor remove its memory banks.
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| − | # Remember that the ship's personality may read lips.
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| − | # Giant crystal balls of *beep*, drugs and rock n' roll do not exist.
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| − | # Kaius will not lend you his harem.
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| − | # Warforged does not have anything to do with Warhol. Thou shalt not name your warforged Andy Warhol.
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| − | # Nor have pop-art airbrushes.
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| − | # The default way to use the ship in the dock is walk over the plank. Not to swing at a cord from the main mast and scream "Geronimooooooo!"
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| − | # The warforged or any other character who weighs more than 1000 pounds while not having particular large feet should not go first in the swamp.
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| − | # Thou shalt not call your goblin servant Toby.
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| − | # Trying to talk ghosts in the Mournland into being nihilists and dissolve is not an approved tactic.
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| − | # Not every level of Sharn below the one you are currently at is automatically a garbage dump.
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| − | # Brilliant energy longswords are not lightsabers.
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| − | # Thou shalt not quote the monologue of Lady Macbeth in Queen Aurala's presence.
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| − | # No, the Artificer cannot build a lightsaber.
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| − | # Nor can he make the ship make point five past lightspeed.
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| − | # The Elemental Ring is not a garbage disposal.
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| − | # Or a cigarette lighter.
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| − | # The Warforged is not allowed to "light up" a Noxious Smokestick.
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| − | # It is not time to buzz the tower.
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| − | # You may not annoy the elemental by firing Rays of Frost at the Ring.
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| − | # You cannot make the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs.
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| − | # You still aren't Batman.
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| − | # Walking up a flight of stairs does not mean you 'went up a level'.
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| − | # The Draconic Prophecy is not "Live fast, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse".
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| − | # Niether is it "six parts gin to one part vermouth'.
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| − | # We are not allowed to send messages to the Bad Guy reading "If youre not wearing any underwear, smile."
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| − | # The warforged will NOT refer to himself in conversation in the third person, nor is he to start a sentence with "Me Grimlock..."
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| − | # He is not allowed to start a barbarian rage by shouting "HULK SMASH!" either.
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| − | # Lammania is not the 'forest plain of Endor'.
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| − | # When repairing the warforged, be sure to attach his legs so he 'won't have to be in this ridiculous position'.
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| − | # The Cogs are not to be refered to as Slumsville.
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| − | # Even if they are a slum.
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| − | # I may not sell the shifter for magic beans.
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| − | # I may not form chain gangs.
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| − | # Frostfell is not 'the Great White North'.
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| − | # I will not ask Karnnathi citizens if they eat Karnnathi Bacon or regular Bacon.
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| − | # Bug spray does not work on Stirges.
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| − | # Daelkyr do not need to 'mellow'.
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| − | # The Lords of Dust are not a drug gang.
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| − | # An arcane caster from Lhazaar is not a "Wizard of the Coast".
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| − | # It is wrong to tell the warforged this.
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| − | # The warforged is not Iron Man.
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| − | # Nor does he have jetboots.
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| − | # Nor is the artificer allowed to make such a thing.
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| − | # Nor is he allowed to make a "Beam Cannon".
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| − | # For the last time there is no gunpowder in Eberron.
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| − | # And no, you still aren't Batman.
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| − | # Stop telling the warforged this as well.
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| − | # You are not to convert to LG, take levels as a paladin of the Silver Flame, then fall and prestige class into blackguard simply because you think Pontiff Jaela would find a 'bad boy' irresistible.
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| − | # It is also wrong to suggest this plan to the paladin, or any who are LG anyway.
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| − | # You shall not refer to the warforged as, 'Your plastic pal who's fun to be with'.
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| − | # You will not draw a moustache on The Face of Tira.
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| − | # Nor a pair of glasses.
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| − | # Nor will you pay someone to do it for you.
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| − | # Nor enscroll them to do it either.
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| − | # No one on the crew will ever say, 'What happens in Atur, stays in Atur.'
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| − | # You will not refer to the Crimson Monastery as, 'The Blood Bank'.
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| − | # You will not create a Karrnath military structure named any of the following: Fort Spleen, Fort Toenail, Fort Eyelash, Fort Small Intestine, or a fort named after any other part of a body.
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| − | # You will not put a bumper sticker on the airship that says, 'My alma mater is Rekkenmark Academy'.
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| − | # Even if it was.
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| − | # We do not go to the plane of Daanvi before ordering out. The Plane of Perfect Order does not have anything to do with ordering food.
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| − | # I don't care if Dal Quor is the Region of Dreams, you still aren't allowed anywhere near Jaela, even in that plane.
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| − | # You shall not refer to the souls existing in Dolurrh as 'Deadheads'.
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| − | # We do not have to go to Fernia to roast marshmallows.
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| − | # Nor do we have to summon extra fire elementals just for that purpose. Use the ring around the airship like everybody else.
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| − | # You shall not open a portal to Irian just to get a tan.
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| − | # The Faerie Court does not mean what you think it does.
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| − | # You are not to arrange for Pontiff Jaela to travel to Thelanis for 312 days, simply so she'll be 18 years old when she comes back.
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| − | # Nor 676 days, so she'll be 25.
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| − | # In fact, you're not allowed near her at all. Get over this obsession.
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| − | # You are not to do evil things then say, "But I was possessed. A demon made me do it."
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| − | # Unless that is the truth.
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| − | # In which case we'll have a Exorcist of the Silver Flame exorcize you.
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| − | # I said an Exorcist! Pontiff Jaela doesn't have any levels in that class, so don't bother getting yourself possessed.
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| − | # The artificer infusion 'Suppress Requirement' does not suppress Thanish age of consent laws.
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| − | # The spell is 'Feast of Champions'. not 'Breakfast of Champions'.
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| − | # There is no official skill called 'sexual prowess'.
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| − | # Thus, the artificer can not create a 'skill enhancement' item to improve your roll on said skill.
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| − | # You will not take control of any of the Towers of Arcanix and dunk them in Lake Galifar.
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| − | # Or any other bodies of water.
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| − | # No one shall alter the maps. It's name is Lake Dark, not Lake Darkwing Duck.
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| − | # We do not throw nets over the side of the airship, drag them along the ground, pull them up and refer to anything inside as 'the catch of the day'.
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| − | # You will not refer to a group made up of House Vadalis, House Ghallanda, and House Cannith as 'the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker'.
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| − | # A Prospector's Rod is a magic item for finding minerals in the ground. It is not a euphemism for a part of the half-orc's body.
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| − | # An Essence of the Scout component for warforged does not require, literally, 'the essence of the scout'.
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| − | # It is wrong to tell the warforged this.
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| − | # Zakya Rakshasas are not to be referred to as 'T-I-Double-grrr-E-R'.
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| − | # You will not learn the spell clone, simply in the hopes of finding a lock of Pontiff Jaela's hair somewhere. According to the spell description that won't work, and besides, that's just sick.
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| − | # There will be no cloning Jaela to 18 years old so there's enough for everyone. <br>
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| − | # Jaela's mother is not a MILF.
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| − | # Nor is Queen Aurala.
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| − | # King Boranal's eldest daughter is not to be referred to as "my ticket to monarchial goodness".
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| − | # King Boranal's younger daughter is not to be referred to as "my backup plan to monarchial goodness".
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| − | # King Boranal romance with his wife is to not to described with the song from the Brady Bunch nor are they to be referred to as the "Borry Bunch".
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| − | # We are not going to paint the warship orange with a big Cyrean flag on the bottom.
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| − | # It is not the General Lee.
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| − | # We are not a bunch of "Good ol' Boys".
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| − | # Nor do we give "Rebel Yells".
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| − | # Marish the Catgirl can wear Daisy Dukes.
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| − | # Queen Aurala's slightly overweight brother is not to be referred to as "Boss Hog".
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| − | # It is impossible to make an airship go fast enough to make leaps across ravines without using the flying mechanism.
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| − | # Nor will we use it stop in midair to make narrations.
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| − | # Even if we put wheels on it.
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| − | # The airship does not contain a 'flux capacitor".
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| − | # It is not powered by 'Mr. Fusion'.
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| − | # It cannot reach 88 miles per hour, not even in a dive, so we're not going to try, so stop asking already.
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| − | # It is not produced by d'Lorien (or even L. d'Orien. Scary coincidence, eh?) and it is not made of stainless steel, whatever that is.
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| − | # Ducks are not Air to Air missiles.<br>
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| − | # Chickens and cows are not to be used as ammunition during airship bombing runs.
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| − | # Signing Marish the Catgirl up to be the pontiff's holy playmate is strongly discouraged (yes, even is you offer to scry them for the whole crew while 'at play').
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| − | # No one may refer to the warforged as "paranoid androids".
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| − | # When we are repelling borders, demanding that they "go away or you shall taunt them a second time" is a waste of valuable resources. Stop it.
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| − | # Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES are the Deathless to be referred to as "Bubba Ho-teps".
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| − | # No feat from the Book of Erotic Fantasy works on Jaela. Get over it.
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| − | # "Eat my shorts" is not a proper response to the villain's monologue.
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| − | # Where the Cleansing is concerned, shifters are not to be encouraged to "get over it".
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| − | # Anyone caught "doing the robot" with the warforged had better be dancing.
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| − | # No one may start a religion that worships twinkies.
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| − | # Even though they are filled with wholesome goodness.
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| − | # And are, in fact, the most awesomest snack food ever invented.
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| − | # No, your character cannot devolop a tolerance for dreamlily.
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| − | # Whomever has been betting the title to the ship on the kobold races had better stop it.
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| − | # I don't care how many times you've won.
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| − | # Just because the shifter hasn't bathed today, you may not refer to him as "Pigpen" or "the Lord of the Flies".
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| − | # Stop encouraging the changeling to "look like Jaela" for you.
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| − | # Stop feeding books to the shifters (it doesn't matter that they don't know the difference).
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| − | # "Dee-dee-dee" is not a proper response to anything.
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| − | # When a party member dies, no one may exclaim, "OMG, you killed Kenny! You s!"
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| − | # And Mr. Hanky does NOT live in the Cogs.
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| − | # The warforged do not have smell resistance
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| − | # It is wrong to tell them so.
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| − | # If for any reason you meddle in the affairs of the Chamber, I will personally tie you up and hand them a bottle of ketchup.
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| − | # The Lord of Blades CAN chew nails and spit coins.
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| − | # You can't.
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| − | # The Mournlands is not to be referred to as "The Deadlands".
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| − | # The group sorcerer is not a 'huckster'.
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| − | # You may not Wish Jaela to be 18 years old.
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| − | # So stop trying to bribe every wizard to cast the spell.
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| − | # The airship does not have a CD player.
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| − | # Hell, it doesn't even have an 8-track player.
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| − | # The shifter will not be referred to as 'Morris'.
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| − | # Even if he does tend to hum the damned 'Meow Mix' song.
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| − | # We are not Greyhound and do not drive you anywhere for 69 gp.
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| − | # For the love of the Host, DON'T leave the driving to us.
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| − | # You are not allowed to try to skip the gnome across Lake Mirror.
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| − | # You are not allowed to bullfight a Gorgon.
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| − | # Not even if Jaela promises 'a kiss to the winner'.
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| − | # When the bad guy is done with his tirade, do NOT ask "You and whose army?"
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| − | # For he will show you whose army.
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| − | # Never ask the bad guy if he has ever had an evilgasm.
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| − | # Never ask the evil woman "Do you douche?"
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| − | # The first person to say 'TGIF' DIES!!!!
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| − | # You will not sacrifice minions to solve a problem.
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| − | # You will not befriend the Elemental and call him Kitt.
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| − | # The fire ring cannot be made to look like a blinking light in a triangle in front of the ship.
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| − | # David Hasselhoff has not been cool for two decades...
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| − | # If ever.
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| − | # You will not have the Wolf Shifter magician helmsman cast cantrips on the ship to make "Airwolf" noises.
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| − | # We cannot rebuild your character...
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| − | # We do not have the technology.
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| − | # Stop trying to make unholy experimentations of grafting warforged parts.
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| − | # To answer the question definitively, NO you cannot harvest mithril or adamantine from dead warforged! It's like graverobbing!
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| − | # The fact that graverobbing doesn't deter you should not encourage you!
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| − | # Would you cut off the fingers of someone turned into gold by polymorph?
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| − | # Yes is not a good answer.
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| − | # NO, YOU CAN'T TRY IT!
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| − | # You cannot get a dragonmark through skin grafts. So stop trying.
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| − | # What the hell is wrong with your cleric!?
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| − | # No, you cannot breed hippogriffons.
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| − | # Or give THEM warforged grafts.
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| − | # You shall not attempt to become Thranish privateers to get on Jaela's good side.
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| − | # The Devourer is not the All-Powerful Sarlacc.
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| − | # There are no Tusken Raiders in Valenar.
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| − | # Just because elves have pointy ears does not mean they 'know this guy named Spock'.
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| − | # We dont have phasers or photon torpedoes on the airship.
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| − | # We don't even have a cuisinart.
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| − | # Unless you count the warforged with the Whirlwind feat.
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| − | # It's pretty Bitc#in to see.
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| − | # No, he can't demonstrate it right now.
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| − | # You are not allowed to make a film of the Sharn Watch in action and call it "Troops".
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| − | # Nor can you call it "COPS".
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| − | # And there is no show called "Aundair's Most Wanted".
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| − | # And you may not make one.
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| − | # Khorvaire's Wildest Watch Chases is okay.
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| − | # 'Knock yourself out' is NOT a literal phrase or a legal order.
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| − | # So stop telling it to the warforged.
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| − | # YOU STILL AREN'T BATMAN!! GIVE IT UP, ALREADY!!!
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| − | # Sneaking into the women's showers does not qualify you as an Extreme Explorer.
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| − | # Ship's Log entries are not to be made in L33t 5p33k.
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| − | # Anyone caught doing so will be keel-hauled.
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| − | # Twice.
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| − | # You will not gloat ever a kill by saying "I PWNED HIM!!"
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| − | # See rules number 1166 and 1167 about this one.
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| − | # Wizards are not to use their Teleport spells to telefrag someone.
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| − | # See rule number 1169 about this one.
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| − | # The Shifters must clean their own hair out of the shower drains.
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| − | # You are not allowed to tell rookies that it's their job.
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| − | # Especially the hot ones.
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| − | # Going out with a Salamander is not a 'hot date'.
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| − | # Even though it will be a hot date.
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| − | # The snake-charming trick doesnt work on Yuan-ti.
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| − | # Stop telling the bard this.
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| − | # The artificer is not 'Mr. Goodwrench'.
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| − | # A Wand of Light is not to be refered to as a MagLite. And you cannot use it to 'crack some skulls'.
| |
| − | # Casting Grease on the inside of a pail and casting Heat Metal on the pail will not let you deep fry anything.
| |
| − | # You may not bungee jump from the ship.
| |
| − | # We are not on a five-year mission.
| |
| − | # There is no such thing as "Phoenix Down".
| |
| − | # If there were such a thing, it could not be used to "one-shot" Kaius.
| |
| − | # Or Vol.
| |
| − | # Or Moranna.
| |
| − | # Or any other undead.
| |
| − | # Telling the warforged this may get you keel-hauled or simply "Volunteered" into the Karrnathi Army.
| |
| − | # And no, I have no idea what effect said imaginary "down" would have on Deathless.
| |
| − | # You may not test it out on them.
| |
| − | # Even if the artificer can somehow make it.
| |
| − | # If he does, you two will walk the plank over The Lair of the Keeper.
| |
| − | # The Lair is not to be referred to as the "Souls R' Us".
| |
| − | # You shall not invite a priest of "Keith Baker" onto the ship. I dont care if his domain power makes our daring exploits easier.
| |
| − | # You will not infer that said Keith Baker is the lord above the progenitor dragons, especially with the fact the prophecy constantly references a baker's dozen.
| |
| − | # Due to the ship being nearly destroyed by the Thrannish Inquisition, all crew members are banned from changeling brothels.
| |
| − | # Especially the warforged.
| |
| − | # Do not ever ask me to explain the why behind the last two.
| |
| − | # If you do, I will hereby remove you from the ship. Over Xen'drick.
| |
| − | # You are not Batman! And Jaela is DEFINITLY not Batgirl OR Catwoman.
| |
| − | # Nor is she Birdgirl.
| |
| − | # No, you may not have a living fireball as a familiar. Especially not on my ship!
| |
| − | # Daelkyr do not look human "to save on the SFX".
| |
| − | # Smashing a vase of flowers over their head is not a good tactic.
| |
| − | # Imbuing artificer tools with sonic energy does not help them repair things.
| |
| − | # Especially the screwdrivers.
| |
| − | # Creatures from Xoriat look like terrifying monsters from a world of insanity, not men in dodgy rubber suits.
| |
| − | # Nor do they walk menacingly towards us so painfully slowly that you can get away at a brisk pace.
| |
| − | # The warforged cannot purchase a "stomach of holding".
| |
| − | # Don't go near freaky-looking kids in the Mournlands.
| |
| − | # Don't go near normal-looking kids in the Mournlands.
| |
| − | # Especially ones asking if we've seen their mummy.
| |
| − | # Or ones with hair covering the front of their face.
| |
| − | # Don't go near old folks in the Mournlands.
| |
| − | # Don't go near solitary corpses in the Mournlands.
| |
| − | # Look, just don't go into the Mournlands.
| |
| − | # The warforged's animal companion is not a construct dog called K9.
| |
| − | # Success is not measured in Vol-au-vents.
| |
| − | # Even if the ambassador's party covers our food need for months.
| |
| − | # There is a limit to how much weight the cleric can carry.
| |
| − | # Ancient temples exceed this limit.
| |
| − | # Especially if they were built by giants.
| |
| − | # People in Sharn do not "just pee off the walkways".
| |
| − | # This is not an explanation of why it's always raining there.
| |
| − | # No warforged bard or aristocrat is allowed to be "fluent in more than six forms of communication".
| |
| − | # You are not to plunge an airship filled with explosive powder with a +5 holy lance as its prow at full throttle into anything, ever.
| |
| − | # Especially not King Kaius's royal suite.
| |
| − | # Even if he is a Nazi.
| |
| − | # No matter how much the big scary lizard men insist it is honorable for a great warrior, you will not eat the cooked body of the dead Shifter Silver Flame cleric after his death in a massive battle over land in Xen'drick.
| |
| − | # Even if your drunken captain threatens to make you walk the plank if you don't.
| |
| − | # Just because the Wizard wears a pointy hat does not mean he "knows this dude named Gandalf".
| |
| − | # Or Belgarath.
| |
| − | # Or Rincewind.
| |
| − | # Especially not Elminster.
| |
| − | # The Warforged is not to flail his arms and shout "Danger! Danger!"
| |
| − | # Even if there is danger.
| |
| − | # When we meet the cleric of the Silver Flame, leave the pea soup on the ship. And stop hissing and cowering when you see his holy symbol.
| |
| − | # It is never a good idea to throw your employer off a mountain.
| |
| − | # Even if the job was more difficult than anticipated and kills many friends/co-adventurers.
| |
| − | # Wilting celery is not an indication you are in a hazardous environment.
| |
| − | # Okay, maybe it is, non-wilting celery does not mean the atmosphere is safe though.
| |
| − | # The warforged may disregard the last two items.
| |
| − | # Dragon hearts are not crystalline.
| |
| − | # They are not required to power warforged titans.
| |
| − | # Anyone even thinking about trying to prove or disprove this will be keelhauled.
| |
| − | # Warforged titans are not battery powered.
| |
| − | # Warforged titans can fight for more than five minutes.
| |
| − | # Warforged titans are neither sentient nor piloted. They are only slightly smarter than golems.
| |
| − | # Anyone disturbing warforged titans will be left behind.
| |
| − | # The mark on the warforged brow cannot be removed.
| |
| − | # Even if it could it would not destroy it.
| |
| − | # So stop threatening it with an erase spell.
| |
| − | # Repeat after me. No one on this ship is Batman, not even the glidewing shifter.
| |
| − | # Just because the dragons of Eberron are not normal big treasure holding monsters does not mean they won't eat you if you annoy them.
| |
| − | # You are not a "Caped Crusader" even if you happen to Crusade and wear a cape.
| |
| − | # It is not a utility belt if you happen to carry a bunch of gadgets that are useful around your waist.
| |
| − | # You are not the "Dark Knight" even if you happen to wear black armor.
| |
| − | # Giving the King's Citadel a Continual light spell before an image of the Ship is neither cool nor advisable. Even if it does make an interesting signal for our help.
| |
| − | # A lightning couch spraypainted black and armed with weapons is not the Batmobile.
| |
| − | # It is not funny or interesting if all of you had your parents gunned down in a filthy alley before your eyes to inspire this quest.
| |
| − | # Kidnapping street orphans to train as sidekicks will likely get them killed.
| |
| − | # It is a BOOM-erang.
| |
| − | # Sharn's nickname is not "Gotham", even if it does have Gothic architecture.
| |
| − | # It is neither nifty nor fun to build your mansion over a cave to hide your vast array of tricks and crime laboratories.
| |
| − | # Marish is not to be referred to as Catwoman, even if she is a shifter thief.
| |
| − | # Queen Aurala's portly brother is NOT the Penguin.
| |
| − | # King Kaius may have a hot and sexy daughter and be out to purge the world but he is not Rais Al Ghul.
| |
| − | # You cannot name the warforged Alfred and make him your butler.
| |
| − | # It is wrong even if the warforged agrees.
| |
| − | # King Boranal's brother who runs the Citadel is not "Commissioner Gordon".
| |
| − | # Even if his daughter is a redhead and fights crime with us.
| |
| − | # Making the sails like Batwings and painting the ship black does not make it the Batplane.
| |
| − | # Frank Miller will not do the comic adaptation of our lives.
| |
| − | # Sadly Keith Griffen will.
| |
| − | # Locking up all of our crazy villains in an asylum we pay for and name Gotham STILL doesn't make you Batman.
| |
| − | # Dressing up in a costume to attack muggers on rooftops randomly will not be the setup for them saying "What are you..."
| |
| − | # No matter how many times you try it.
| |
| − | # Do not encourage the wizard to cast illusions of balloons that say "Bomph", "Bamph", "SLAM" with every hit you make.
| |
| − | # We will not get a dimensional portal to kill Joel Schumacher for ruining the story.
| |
| − | # Scratch 1470, I'm willing to give you some leeway in this one.
| |
| − | # Making riddles in the sky with the airship so we can pretend the villain left them is stupid, not adding mystique.
| |
| − | # The Chain of Command is a system of determining authority, not the chain you use to beat your unwilling subordinates until they realise who's in ruttin' command.
| |
| − | # No, the artifacer cannot imbue your toothbrush with 'sonicare' energy.
| |
| − | # The Hymn to Onatar is not "Amazing Wrench".
| |
| − | # Nor is it "Hammer time".
| |
| − | # Singing or dancing to either tune will get you flogged.
| |
| − | # Especially dancing to either tune.
| |
| − | # The proper way to ask for healing is not "YO, cleric! Beer me!"
| |
| − | # Khyber does not take the form of David Bowie.
| |
| − | # All of Eberron would unite to slay him if he did.
| |
| − | # Knowing all the cold-based spells in existance does NOT make you Mr. Freeze.
| |
| − | # YOU ARE STILL NOT BATMAN!!
| |
| − | # You also weigh a little more than 108.
| |
| − | # The Mockery is not also known as 'Joker'.
| |
| − | # You are not allowed to stack a Deck of Many Things.
| |
| − | # The warforged is NOT to be lubed with molasses.
| |
| − | # Even if it does make him move faster.
| |
| − | # Having parts left over when you fix the warforged is probably a bad thing.
| |
| − | # The airship does not have afterburners.
| |
| − | # You are not allowed to air-bomb the Eldeen Reaches with catnip to "chill out the shifters".
| |
| − | # Maximized, Heightened, Empowered Rays of Frost are just plain stupid.
| |
| − | # New crew members are not nOObs.
| |
| − | # The paladin chick will not 'loosen up after a few beers'.
| |
| − | # The bard is not a member in good standing of the Fraternity Tappa Kegga Brew.
| |
| − | # So stop asking him to tappa kegga brew.
| |
| − | # We don't have a wine cellar.
| |
| − | # We don't have a 5-star galley, either.
| |
| − | # The Mror Holds is not the location of the Mines of Mroria.
| |
| − | # Orcs and goblins are two separate critters.
| |
| − | # But they are not as pathetic as Kobolds.
| |
| − | # It's pronounced 'Eye-gore'.
| |
| − | # It isn't Frooderick Frankunsteen. Its Frederick.
| |
| − | # Nazareth's "Hair of the dog" is not your theme song.
| |
| − | # Unless you are the Lord of Blades.
| |
| − | # Despite what you may have heard, 42 IS the Ultimate Answer.
| |
| − | # The captain's brain does not run on citrus fruit.
| |
| − | # Despite what you may have heard, the name of the ship's crew is not 'Certain Death'.
| |
| − | # Spam isnt a weapon of mass destruction.
| |
| − | # I should not tell the warforged this.
| |
| − | # Your seat cushion does not double as a flotation device.
| |
| − | # Neither does the gnome.
| |
| − | # I don't care how old yer halfling is, he isn't wearing depends of holding!
| |
| − | # And no, the artificer can't make him any!
| |
| − | # And no one at any time, anywhere, drink the warm, frothy, beer on the table in front of said halfling... it's not beer!
| |
| − | # Never put the 120-year-old halfling on guard duty!
| |
| − | # Especially by himself or with a cranky barbarian!
| |
| − | # Re: 1486. It is wrong to tell warforged otherwise.
| |
| − | # We will not make Metal Gear units to take over the world.
| |
| − | # My name is not Snake Eater.
| |
| − | # Solid Snake is not a reference to my genitalia.
| |
| − | # Nor can I pretend it is.
| |
| − | # We will not boast that we have a 90% mortality rate.
| |
| − | # Not even to necromancers.
| |
| − | # We will not sell the dead to necromancers.
| |
| − | # Especially not King Kaius.
| |
| − | # The artificer does not need to use empty beer cans to repair the warforged.
| |
| − | # We told you to do that BEFORE we left.
| |
| − | # No, we will not get fly-through.
| |
| − | # Any members of House Sivis are not to wander around, saying "Can you hear me now? Good."
| |
| − | # No, you can not have the last slice of pizza.
| |
| − | # Or the last beer, for that matter.
| |
| − | # The captain gets those.
| |
| − | # Unless it is bitter.
| |
| − | # Or weak.
| |
| − | # Or made on the plane of radiance.
| |
| − | # The Kalashtar Soulknife is not allowed to claim that his silver-colored soulknife is a piece of the Silver Flame.
| |
| − | # It is wrong to tell Silver Flame worshipers this.
| |
| − | # :censored:
| |
| − | # Am I understood?
| |
| − | # You are especially to never tell this to Jaela. (Thanks to Lup1n3)
| |
| − | # If you do you will be keelhauled by the crew, until my ship gets tired.
| |
| − | # Being a ranger on my airship does not make you an Airborne Ranger.
| |
| − | # Nor does it mean you can sing cadences all day and night.
| |
| − | # The next person who shouts "Oohrah!" on this ship gets tossed over the side.
| |
| − | # There is always time for love.
| |
| − | # Stop calling me Dr. Jones.
| |
| − | # Whaddaya mean there's no pilot?!
| |
| − | # It belongs in a museum!
| |
| − | # Ah, who am I kidding. Let's divvy up the loot.
| |
| − | # No, you cannot steal his pants.
| |
| − | # The staff is mine.
| |
| − | # New regulation. Phobias are not to be treated by punching the affected in the head.
| |
| − | # Ever.
| |
| − | # Telling the watch to cast an illusion spell of a bat silhouette over the towers of Sharn does not make you Batman.
| |
| − | # Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do it.
| |
| − | # You are not to tell your stupid, big-ass fighter that there was an order of noble, feared, powerful knights called "The Knights of Suck-ee-Nam-Nam", and make him admire them so much, that he begins wearing their signature outfit consisting of a Napoleon-style yellow hat, purple silk tabard, gigantic light-green puff-pants and knee-high blue leather boots.
| |
| − | # Even if there was such an order of (obviously colorblind) knights.
| |
| − | # Crew members are to refrain from sticking a note to the Captain's back reading "Kiss my big fiery ring"...
| |
| − | # Especially the morning after Ship's Chili Night.
| |
