Forgotten Freedom:61
Last Plot -- Plot Line Home -- Next Plot
Meanwhile, in the storage and surrounded by many dead and chewed away reshirts..
Mindbold1: *Belch* Told ya ranch was better on fried redshirt.
Mindbold2: I still say Z24 is best.
Mindbold3: What ever. Lets get back to the task at hand.
Mindbold4: Being included so many times in the thread that we don't fade into nothing?
Mindbold1,2, and 3: NO!
Mindbold1: Good idea though, we'll save that as a backup.
Mindbold2: We need to complete the ritual that will allow us to become demigods. We just need 339 more corpses.
Volrath and Nalfien are looking through various tomes in the library.
Volrath: Wait a tick.
Nalfien: What?
Volrath: He still uses 2nd edition stats, right?
Nalfien: I guess so, why?
Volrath: That means none of his stats can be above 25.
Nalfien: Dude, we are so going to pwn him!
Currently in Volrath's room, he has been strung up by Terra's vines. She is most displeased...
Volrath: What'd I do?! Is this about the dress?
Terra: No, this is about the little incident you showed Ketler.
Volrath: What are you...oh, that. How did you know?
Terra: Ketler couldn't keep his mouth shut. He also lusts really loudly.
Volrath: Damn it... But why are you mad at me and not him?
Terra: I took that little crystal ball you gave him.
Volrath: :censored: !
Terra: I owe you good for that...
The following scene of horrible vengeance has been deleted due to it's graphic nature. I apologize for the inconvenience. :P
Volrath: You can't just leave me here like this!
He is currently completely immobilized (including all the extra appendages) and hanging upside down from the ceiling.
Terra: Watch me. :devil:
She walks out of his room and shuts the door. As she head down the hall, she passes P/Y/R.
Terra: He's all yours.
P/Y/R: :schemes: :evillaugh
Terra: Just don't ever tell me what you did.
P/Y/R: *tsk* Fine. You're no fun.
at the Docks a Kalashtar woman walks along the rows of ships, examining them for somthing. she wears a travelling cloak of a grey colour the hood to which is pulled over her face. at her side is a staff topped with a crystal. she see's a passing redshirt on leave and pulls him to one side.
Redshirt: what you whant?
Unknown woman: *in a cheerful voice which seems full of all the goodness in the world.* Hello, i was wondering if you could show me where the forgotten freedom is.
Redshirt: why should i tell you that?
Unknown woman: * a small energy spike is detected by anyone with finely tuned magical senses* because you'll be much gratified to help a woman whos lost. oh and also i belive you should be more polite to a lady like me.
Redshirt: *his features suddenly changing from a scowl to a happy and polite face* why certenly miss. the forgotten freedom is only two ships away. its impossible to miss.
Unknown Woman: thank you, see if your nice things go a lot better.
Redshirt: i'll try to keep that in mind miss.
the woman wanders off, and the redshirt has a slightly puzzled expresion, he seems to not know what just happened. the woman locates the forgotten freedom and walks up the gang plank.
Jarlot: excuse me, but what buisness do you have aboard this ship?
Unknown Woman: *lowers her hood to show a cheery expression and a wonderful smile* Hi, im Mia. i've come seeking employment.
Jarlot: im sorry we're not in need of whenches right now. come back someother time.
Mia: *another spike of power* i belive you should apoligise, thats not way to treat a young lady.
Jarlot:*happy expresion* im terribly sorry miss, do forgive my disposition its just that i've been having a bit of stress recently.
Mia: *another spike of power* oh, how so?
Jarlot: well... i shouldnt be telling you this ...
Mia: Oh do go on. *cheery smile*
jarlot: well, recently the crew havnt had anything to do. they've been a bit restless. especialy the Ubers.
Mia: Oh no, you mentioned there was a job vacancy?
Jarlot: *puzzled look* i dont renember...
Mia: oh yes, you've recently needed a healer since Mickys too drunk to do a thing
Jarlot: *face brightens* now i renember! yes, of course you can have a job. welcome aboard Miss Mia
Mia: *cheery smile* Your welcome Captain Jarlot
Jarlot: ah. not captain. Admiral
Mia: Silly me! i should of regonised the pips on your uniform. i could never renember all those millitary ranks. their so confusing!
Jarlot: no need to worry miss
Mia: *smiles* well i best be off then
she walks off and enters the lower decks in search for a free dorm. Jarlots face becomes puzzled as if he cant tell what was wrong.
Kithle - Sorry guys, we're over quota on demi-diefics for now as it is. One more and Satnak will start a purge. Especially with her big crush coming to town, she's getting getting crazier. ON the other hand your plan B might work.
Mindbold 1 - Hey your the jerk that had flem and nem offed.
Mindbold 2 - Yeah it is him.
Mindbold 3 - Your toast *****.
Mindbold 4 - Payback sucAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kithle - Any questions?
M.Bold 1 - OMG he killed Kenny.
M.Bold 2 - That bastard.
Kithle - Thats Magnicifent bastard to you. :D
Later, Volrath and Nalfein are back in the libary.
Nalfein: Hey. You know how you said that the Flamed One's stats were 25?
Volrath: Yeah...
Nalfein: Well...I did some thinking and remembered that that was his CR in Forgotten Realms. We're in Eberron.
Volrath: So... what's your point?
Nalfein: Well, when he came to Eberron, I think that his stats were upgraded from 2nd edition...
Somewhere in Eberron: *puff of logic*
Flamed One: [COLOR=Red]MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!![/COLOR]
Volrath: ...damn you.
Silence: Hello small mammal...
- Jaela truns around*
Jaela: Oh, Hey Silence, what's up?
Silence: Well... Like, you should probably know that your little boyfriend is a bit of a progenator dragon, right? I was like, doing a bit of like, reading, and I found out something rather, like interesting.
Jaela: Ummm... yeah.... go on...
Silence: Since he's like, been like, around for like, ever, he like totally made part of this like, entire multiverse. So he can totally rewrite stuff.
Jaela: Where is this going?
Silence: Since he can, like, alter reality at, like, will, he can change whatever you ****ing want.
Jaela: Cool. Now go away, HE'S MINE!
Silence: Yeah, like, anyway, you should totally have him give you a, like, breast augmentation.
Jaela: :eek:
Silence: I mean, you, like, have the body of, like, a twelve-year-old girl. You could totally use a few inches too.
Jaela: :hoppingma
Silence: And a bit off the nose too...
Jaela: Can he rewrite people out of reality?
Silence: Yep, he, like, can totally do whatever he, like, wants.
Jaela: :evillaugh Good bye, heretic!
Silence: Well... not anything he wants. There're, like, a few constraints. Most people, yeah, he can like, make them disappear, but a couple of people he can't do jack about. I'm one of about five. The best he could do is to turn me into, like, what I, like, serve. But I would be far from, like, dead. Kanatash, Volrath, cuz anything involving Xoriat is like, totally screwy, and Ketler could probably wiggle his way out, by exploiting the opposite and reciprocal properties, and maybe Jarlot, just because death doesn't seem to stick to him very often.
Jaela: Whatever. Say good bye b*tch.
Silence: *shrugs* Word to the wise, most of the crew, like totally watches the show you put on with Thrys. While it's like, kind of interesting, you should probably read up a bit on the mating habits of dragons. This one's pretty, like, decent. Lots of pictures :D
- Hands Jaela the Draco Sutra.*
Jaela: *flips through it* :whatsthis :blush: :eek: :shocked: :gah: :ghosted:
Silence: I think he'll enjoy it. Ta!
- Walks off*
13: Thank you ever so much, Miss Silence. Now I can finally get some rest.
Silence: You're, like, welcome.
Silver: I thought you totally messed with Jaela.
Crow: I tried teaching her the Draco Sutra. The couatl was sore for a month.
Terra is in Satnak's room, giving her some advice. Satnak is in the outfit she hopes to wear when Levy arrives.
Satnak: Do I have to?
Terra: You want to impress her, right?
Satnak: Well, yeah...
Terra: Then you need to do it in order to get the full effect. It's not just the package, it's how you present it.
Satnak: *sigh*
Lisa: *walking in* What're you doing?
Terra: She wanted help when she sees Levy, so I'm giving her some pointers. (to Satnak) Now lets see it.
Satnak: Fine.
Reluctantly, Satnak takes a deep breath and twirls around.
Lisa: :) Not bad. Try smiling next time.
Satnak: Is all this really neccessary?
Terra: Yes.
Volrath: Nalfien although what you informed me about was very ironic and interseting. Was it really necissary to bring me, all the way to the library? You had to drag me here. I can't really move. (gasps for breath) I am acheing in all of my extrimities. All of them. Nalfien: Ew :gah: Volrath: Could you just carry me back to my room and drop me on my bed? Nalfien: Cuddles take him away. Cuddles (under his breath) : Spleeneater. Cuddles then grabs Volrath by the collar of his vest. Then drags him back to his room.
Silver: So Satnak's—mpmph!
Crow has flown into Silver's mouth.
Crow: Do not say words Satnak will get back at us for.
Silver: Well I actually I think it's rather nice that Satnak actually has feelings other than blind rage.
Crow: Of course she has other emotions: they're called extreme annoyance and sadistic pleasure.
Silver: But I'm serious. With all the physical and mental pain that goes on on that ship it could use a bit of love to balance it.
Crow: Norbaz and Andrea.
Silver: Not going anywhere fast.
Crow: Terra and Lisa.
Silver: I wonder if they'll ever get around to repro—mph.
Crow: We did that bit already. Caralot and Kantash.
Silver: You'd think with her passion for forbidden crossbreeds that they'd—
Crow: Bad mental image. Strike from the record.
Silver: 13 and Jaela. My best work yet.
Crow: That's more of a—YOUR work?
Silver: What? A god of :ayyyy!: can't mess with people's love lives?
Crow: I'd weep for the sanity of everyone on board if I thought they had any. I mean, why is it always dragons with you? They seem to have kids with every single species on the planet except other dragons! It was bad enough when you had them abducting the maidens for it—
Silver: I'm sensing that there's something behind this. What is your problem with Satnak in love?
Crow: (pause) You will regret saying that. Satnak is one of my best sources for interesting new ways to die. I need her to be in Kill Mode all the time. I mean, if it was Kithle—
They both pause to consider Kithle in a romantic situation.
Crow: You're right, my bad.
Lisa: What's with the Entities From Beyond Non-Existance lately?
Terra: I think it's best to ignore them.
Lisa: :blush: Would it...really be that bad?
Terra: :blush: Don't encourage them! But...uh...not really, no...
E.F.B.N.E.: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!!!!!!
Terra: Uh-oh.
Kithle - You do know of course I have to hurt you both now. *Oblivion thread*
Silver - You really like this one don't you.
Crow - Wait a second someone else is in this loop.
Kithle - Pholly/ie
Crow - oh craPhooom
Silver - damn yPhooom
Silver and Crow in cartoon char colors.
Crow: We totally deserved that.
Silver: Totally. So do you think Terra—
Crow: Honestly, get off it! I swear, you're almost male the way you think abotu that so much.
Silver: Oh, please. You know neither of us really has a gender. We're just blobs of thought.
Crow: Well you're a blob of very naughty thought.
Silver: This from the guy who introduced Jaela to the couatl of the Silver Flame.
Crow: So we're both blobs of very naughty thought. :devil:
Silver: Well speaking of babies, whatever happened to Aerith's?
Crow: When did that happen?
Silver: Sometime during the Cibi Crisis.
Crow: I haven't seen her for a while……could she still be in labor?
Silver: Hold on, let me check the threads……she was in that bloody scene with Kantash.
Crow: Where's the baby?
Silver: Well, Caralot is pretty much incapable of lieing, so Aerith must've had something.
Crow: (pause (OOC: :censored: there is no good smiley for this!)) This is the Forgotten Freedom. Something is a very broad category. Also tends to mean another horrible event. :plotting:
13: [COLOR=Cyan]Sorry to burst your thought-bubble, but after the first contraction Saberiel hired me to alter the time stream and instead have her bear the child. This has added time to the pregnancy.[/COLOR]
Silver: Then when is it due.
13: [COLOR=Cyan]Two minutes.[/COLOR]
A portal opens on the Deck of the FF
The familliar visage of Illis is mared by a grey and green creature wrap around his head.
Next out Is a Massive warforged with Crystal spikes studding its adamantine plates. A particulirlary large piece of crystal on the right arm is broken along the center, it looks as if it was set that way. A sliver of crystal that loks like it came from the broken edge of the one on its right arm is set above the left eye.
The 3rd is a Lanky Half-drow, who wears tan baggy pants, Blue dragon hide boots, and bears a large Falchion on his back. The crossgaurd bears a living eye, and the edge is serrated almost like a massive tooth. THe Half-drow's left arm has a skyship rushing through clouds, and under his right eye a jolly roger sits next to his nose.
THe final stranger is a tall Woman who carries the impression of the eye of a hurricane. Her clothes consist of a durable adventurers out fit, punctuated with crystal jewelry (earstuds, necklace, Bracelets, and belt). A pattern of grey and red lightning sweeps up her right arm around her neck behind her left ear and across her for head.
After Volrath has rested up he said that he would find a way to locate the Flamed One, and then told Nalfein to go away while he does his work.
Nalfein: (walking down a hall) Why does nobody like me? :weep:
Terra: (walking by) Because you are a whiny little shi*.
Nalfein: HEY!!!
Terra ignores him and walks away.
Nalfein: ... What did I do to make everyone hate me? I mean, I'm not the only whiny person on this ship. Sure I'm evil, but so is 80% of the crew.
Lisa: (walking by) You're greedy.
Ninja Jaela: (coming from the shadows) You're fire obsessed.
John: And you have a short fuse, even for this ship.
Nalfein: :bigeyes: :weep: :allalone:
(elsewhere on the Forgotten Freedom)
Terra: Whoa, that's a lot of power...
Lisa: No kidding. I think Satnak's friends are here.
Terra: C'mon, I'm dying to meet the woman she fell for.
Admiral Jarlot SR. (you honestly think I'd let that kinda material go?) - Well blow me down, we have visitors, ALL HANDS ON DECK.
Jarlot - Someone shut him up PLZ.
Half-Drow - What a monster of a ship!! I'm Rixle 2nd Lt. in the in the Acedemy's Private Navy. This here is Telfon ee's a bit of a jackanape but ee has uses.
Warforged - Is this your wallet. :D
Kanatash - yes, and I keep it in a pocket dimension that defies all laws of reality :eek:
Telfon - Where there's your problem you leave it lying out where any one can find it.
Rixle - I here you've already met Illis, so the critter on his head is called Fluffy. Finally the hose beast behind us is Levy the Dreadknaught of Heaven's Tears.
Levy - Geeze such a casual intro Rix, one freaking month out of my class and your already getting disrespectful.
Rixle - We heard about you lot from Illis, and decided to see how "Wrack Attack" Satnak was doing.
Telfon - No, remember after she dissapeared her Official title came in, She's now Satnak the Breaker Prime.
Illis - heff sis ack uff uf e (get this cat off of me)
Rixle - Yeah sure, I dont need 2 hands anyway. OH HO who is this lovely vision in the white dress leaning on the bow. I must request that you join us, A lady of your beauty shouldn't be alone.
Satnak - I'd be flattered if I didn't know for a fact that, you say pretty much the same thing to everything with two legs. *Spins and Smiles at Levy*
Rixle - WTF :eek: :mymy: :shocked: :blink: :gah: :OMG! SATNAK!!!
Telfon - SProing
Levy - oh my...
Illis - I anth thee nd I shill fow umthins og (I can't see and I still know something's wrong)
Satnak - Fluffy, off the scratching poOOOOOOOOSSSSSST.
Illis - I can breathe, WTH !!! SATNAK!!!
(big sister hug attack)
Levy - Satnak you little Hellion, You broke their poor little brains!!
Satnak - (Slightly pained look) Levy I haven't been little since I was 15, your just tall. Anyway Ketler see if you can put Telfon's head back together. Take Rixle to the healer while your at it. Watch Out when Telfon wakes up He has sticky fingers. The rest you back to work shows over for now.
Illis - phffft gag cat hair, I'm getting out of this looey bin while I still can. (bounces back through portal and closes it behind him.
Satnak - I see Rixle Graduated While I was away.
Levy - Yeah he dishtinguished himself on his middy cruise, made Lt on the Wrath Chaser.
Satnak - Thats one of our Privateers right?
Levy - One of the reason I thought he should come out here, the Privateer crews can be rough.
Satnak - If he can handle these guys without resorting to genocide, He'll be fine. Oh I want you to meet some firends. THis is Terra, she's a druid, and the red head is Lisa.
Levy - Pleased to meet you girls, how has my Satnak been doing?
Lisa - She pretty much keeps every.... I'm sorry but your tall.
Levy - I get that a lot heh heh.
Terra - I heard about the incident with argonessen and the keys, ... I was expecting I dunno more balefire, and tusks.
Levy - I get that alot too.
VWOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHH
Levy - Huh?
Lisa - that sounded like...
terra - oh no the FF2
Satnak - Telfon and Rixle I guess they're fine.
Lisa - Most of the Lesser used were on that ship.
Terra - And the Mi-Go cannon.
Levy - Well that oughta keep them entertained for a few days.
Rixle - Set sail for... You know we really didn't think this through, also give me back my boots.
Telfon - Here, lets ask one of the crew.
Rixle - Good idea, you shorty.
Mindbold 2 - Yeah!?
Rixle - Where can we find some high flying adventure?
Mindbold 2 - Kinda new in town myself.
Lucky - The xendric lanes are always troubled by national privateers.
Rixle - Lets go.
Fluffy sneak up on Quench (Caralot's little yappy pomeranian who's an amalgum of two Thyrs plus DNA from Caralot and Satnak).
Quench: mindless *yip*
Fluffy: :devil: *ponce* <You're my b*tch>
Quench: :) *ruff*
Fluffy: :confused: *mrow?* (beats Quench about)
Quench: :w00t: *yip, yip*
Fluffy: :blink: *mrow?* (attempts to scratch)
Quench: :drool: *rrrrrrrrrruff*
Fluffy: :uh-huh: *mrrrowow* (leaps on Quench in attempt to disembowl or at least serious rough him up)
Quench: :love: *purrrrrruff* ;)
Fluffy: *mro—* :OMG!
Adventures in Demon Lording Chapter one: Getting ready for the Trip.
P/Y/R walks in to the library and finds her beloved Volrath and his fire-loving sidekick Nalfein.
P/Y/R: Hey Hon, Mommy, Chibi-Balor and I are going to go to storm home, I’m just letting you know… but I can see your busy trying to save your side-kicks ass.
Volrath stands up and goes over and kiss P/Y/R, Nalfein starts to make gagging noises.
Volrath: What for good?
P/Y/R: No, don’t be silly we are just going shopping and mommy has to deal with the house of storm… she still has the dragon mark you know.
Nalfein: Can we hurry this up I’m fearing for my life here. And I’m NOT his Sidekick!
P/Y/R stares had him then her body glows and a wave of color washes over Nalfein. * [COLOR=Indigo]Blinding[/COLOR][COLOR=DarkOliveGreen] Color [/COLOR] [COLOR=MediumTurquoise]Surge[/COLOR] *
Nalfein: Gah! I’m Blind!
Volrath: You now some times I forget you are a spell caster…
P/Y/R: Just because my spell aren’t all big and flashy doesn’t mean they don’t work. So anyway, I’ll bring you some thing back.
Volrath: Ok Have a fun trip, I’ll miss you… and don’t get any sex cloths you don’t wear them that much.
- * *
Beryl: Now then, I’m Take My daughter and Chibi-Balor for a little vacation. I’m putting you in charge, and that’s why I gave you an up grade… You’ll have to do all you standard duties plus you going to be in charge of gain converts and making the Alcohol.
Chibi-Marilith: Yesss Mistresssss
Beryl: If you do that one more time… I’ll turn you ass in to a Dretch and fine some one else. In addition, I if you mess any of my plans up I’ll make your life one of endless torment; in fact, I’ll give you a ring of regeneration and let Volrath Harvest grafts from your ass! However, if you do well you get to keep this form.
Chibi-Marilith: Yes Mistress, Thank you Mistress.
- * *
Chibi-Balor: I’m ready.
P/Y/R: Me too.
Beryl: Good Then I’ll just Teleport us there.
- Bamf [Teleport sound] *
Fluffy takes to the skies to think.
Quench - :confused:
Fluffy - :devil:
Fluffy summons his dragon breath a cone of corrosive gas admixtured with the power of thunder.
BOOOMkchissssssssss
The blast drops the mutt through 5 floors.
Fluffy - Meow.
The cat goes looking for someone else to torment.
Quench distills out of the mist in front of Fluffy.
Quench: :D
Fluffy: :shocked: *Mommy's patented hairball breath weapon of super-total annhilation!*
Quench dissolves. Quench reforms.
Quench: *rrrrrrrrrr* ;)
OOC: Do not think I will let this go. Not be a long shot. :schemes: Unless you need Fluffy for something else. I already have an eye on my next victim. :plotting: Hey, why not now?
IC: Fluffy: <Mommy!>
Satnak: *growl* *(the following special move is too graphic to describe)*
Quench: :inlove:
Satnak: (anime teardrop)
Fluffy - MeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooooOW (Blazing Hell Bind God Breaker)
From point blank range, fluffy unleashes a five element admixture , that perists and clings to quench sticking the creatre to a reinforced section of timbers.
Satnak Ports out, and fluffy lingers just long enough to ensure its binds hold the dumb dog, at least until the breathe weapon dissapates, before leaving.
Levy - Were did you run off to?
Satnak - Fluffy had some trouble with the ships mutt. Let me introduce you to its owner.
Knock knock
Caralot - Don't worry Kanatash is still trying to telfon proof his wallet.
Levy - That is an exercise in futility, i've seen that rascal steal things that weren't even there.
Caralot - Huh?
Satnak - Something about first stealing the possibility that something isn't there, and stealing the item when its presence becomes a certainty.
Caralot - Wait a second he can do that, and he doesn't own everything why?
Levy - According him he already does, he's just using space and time as a warehouse.
Caralot - I think my head just broke.
Satnak - Lot of that going around.
Levy - So besides being a dog owner what do you do?
Caralot - Oh I specialize in rapid manipulation of genetics in order to alter existing lifeforms.
Satnak - Think Bio-stitcher. Anyway Its almost time for lunch, ever since you vaped Thrane back home, you've complained about not being able to find a decent biscuits and gravy Place.
Levy - The only good thing that came out of there was food, and now glass. Bunch of freaking zealots, even had their children completely brainwashed. I WANNA RIP THEIR HEARTS OUT AND
Satnak Grabs Levy by the arm and whirls her out the door and down the hallway.
... oh gods Satnak every time I think about what they did to the kids there...
Satnak - Oh damn, I found this nice place north of flame Keep, but now.
Levy - Jus give me a minute, this isn't there, I can manage.
Satnak - All right, but I'm porting us right back if you start loosing it. The war ended years ago hear. These people couldn't handle one of us on a rampage. Not that anyone ever could handle you when you go berzerk.
Levy - Well you just did, and Forbes could always path me down.
Satnak - Please don't mention Forbes to me.
Levy - Why do you hate him so much? he always said you were his best student, you should have seen how proud he was when you blasted him in that arena fight.
Satnak - What do you mean? I was there he just ignored my attacks.
Levy - You hit him so fast he couldn't respond, you blasted right through his shielding. He didn't respond, because he couldn't you were so fast that night. Not the most powerful attacks I've seen, but never such rapid execution of so many assaults at once. You even kept ahead of his active deflection systems and hit his defenses dead on instead of sliding around like he wants attackers to.
Satnak - So i really beat him? not just some stat, but real victory :OMG!
Levy - Did you think he would just take a beating like that if he could avoid it? Especialy that last move, whatever it was it looked painful.
Satnak - I never named it, I just kinda latched on to his empathic network and forced it to collapse in on him.
Levy - Wow, thats amazing.
Satnak - Whats amazing is that either of us survived. I was in there too.
Levy - You were still standing!! He collapsed for bit after that. Took him a week to recover. Your amazing Satnak, Forbes isn't undefeated, but he has never been out toughed.
Satnak - (IHH : you think I'm amaz... :cloud9: )
Levy - Lets celebrate, you said you had a biscuits and gravy place to check out?
Satnak - OH yeah, ... We're setting down in a minute. Lets grab Lisa, she's from the area, and if Lisa's coming Terra might want to join us.
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Hey Folks. I'm back from my vacation.
Captain Jarlot Jr. Oh hell. Didn't we strip you to your underwear, take your money, and abandon you on a tropical island? WITH DROW.
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Yeah, those Darkies sure were a lot of fun.
Drizzt Do'Urden: RACIST!
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Yeah go carry my luggage would you?
Captain Jarlot Jr. Dad, you do realize mom was of an....ethnic persuasion right?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: You halfies, you always keep wanting to broadcast you're part of the CROWD...*wags fingers*
Captain Jarlot Jr. Okay, what are you doing on my ship?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: I'm declaring a state of Martian Law.
Captain Jarlot Jr. Again?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Yep. My butter ran out, which means that one of your crew must have stolen it!
Captain Jarlot Jr. Or...you ate it all.
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Son, you have to understand the first rule of Captaining. When something goes wrong; Blame the Fruit Loops and Darkies.
Captain Jarlot Jr. WHAT NOW!?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Yeah, those damn sissy elves and their...ELFNESS. Doing all sorts of...manish things with other....*shudder* It's unnatural! By god when I was a Captain, women were women and men were men!
Captain Jarlot Jr. Eberron has been sexually emancipated since the Dhakaani dad.
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: I knew you'd end up problematic when I didn't realize you were a boy until you were eighteen.
Captain Jarlot Jr. You What!?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Well sorry about buying you a dress every year then.
Captain Jarlot Jr. That does explain a few things at least.
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: In any case, I'm here to clean house as the Captain of the FF2. KANATASH!
Kanatash: Oh Xoriat, you're back. What is it you want you half-brain dead old man?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: I'm going to make an example of you.
Kanatash: What now?
- Captain Murphy conjures a baseball bat and slams it over Kanatash's head*
Captain Jarlot Jr. Oh god!
- WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM*
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Damnit. That's the problem with those psychics. Few hit points. I think I killed him.
Captain Jarlot Jr. You animal!
Satnak: Oh Hell, is he back?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Ah! Dearest! it's so good of you to greet your husband upon his return home!
Satnak: Excuse me?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: When you blew up our home continent of Seren, I knew it was true love at first sight.
Captain Jarlot Jr. Yes, by the way. Sharn, Seren, and Thrane are fine now. We had to give up our plunder for the next 900 years in settlements for rebuilding. Your arm is officially proscribed from mass genocide.
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: As Lord High Commander of Sacred Red Mars, I hereby further declare that....ummmm....
- he pauses*
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Uhh what was I here for?
Kanatash: *moans* A thief?
Captain Jarlot Jr. DAMNIT! Don't...
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Ah yes! Alright, well its obvious Doog did it. Martian Knights, take him out back and slit him.
Doog: Oh I see, the BLACK Orc did it.
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: Well who else?
Michael: Wait...grandpa? Is that you?
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr.: My beloved grandson!
Michael: *fires a repeating crossbow at the Captain Sr.* STAY AWAY!
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr: Hey, a penny!
- kneels down as Kanatash gets up slowly only to see a hail of bolts sail at him*
Kanatash: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr: A copper a day keeps the doctor away. In any case Michael, its about time you started getting interested in girls.
Michael: I'm already interested in girls!
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr: I don't mean those fake ones in anime son. I mean REAL ones. Like THIS ONE!
- he points to Terra*
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr: I hear her prices are quite reasonable.
Terra: WHAT NOW!?
Marish: Yeah, least he could do is point to the real *****! Terra just gives it away! Cheap harlot.
Terra: You know, my druid powers have effect against cat girls.
Marish: Meep....
Captain Murphy Jarlot Sr: Oh well. I had something to do. I think I'll just go bomb Karrnath, that always seems to cheer me up.
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