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Adapting Tony's suggestions:
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Draft:
  
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SARAH: Psychiatric trials, huh? Sounds serious.
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SARAH: Thank you, Wally. You can go now.
  
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WALLY: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing you need to worry about.  Not with the Swami vouching for you.
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WALLY: Wait, I have to confirm-
  
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SARAH: That's good, because we're kind of in the middle of something here.  Can you give us a moment?
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SARAH: No, you don't.  You were given a message.  You delivered the message.  You've done your job.
  
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WALLY: Actually, I need you to sign-
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WALLY: I like to think my job involves a little more than that.
  
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SARAH: I [i]said[/i] we're busy.  You can go now.
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SARAH: I'm sure you do.  But when you get right down to it, you're pretty much a go-between for two groups of super-people.  Heck, you're a [i]deputy[/i] go-between.
  
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WALLY: It'll only take a-
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WALLY: Well, I-
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SARAH: No, seriously.  Your role is to ferry intructions one way and reports the other way, right?  Well, congratulations.  Mission achieved.  Now if you'll excuse us, we have real problems to deal with.
  
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SARAH: Please, Wally.  Just go away.
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: I'd be inclined to have there be a bit more of a visible struggle and failure on Sarah's part to maintain a nice-girl composure.  More like she tried to be nice, and snapped, than she didn't try at all.  Something more along the lines of:
  
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WALLY: But this is import-
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:: SARAH:  Well gosh, Wally!  Psychiatric trials.  That's ... uh, that's exciting stuff.
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::
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:: WALLY:  Not that you have anything to be worried about, I'm sure.  I mean, if the Swami thinks you're sane.
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::
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:: SARAH:  No, no worries.  It's just ... we were kind of talking here.  'kay?
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::
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:: WALLY:  Well, I'm supposed to have you two sign this ...
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::
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:: SARAH:  WALLY.  DEAR.  We're sort of ... talking.  Here.  Now.  'nother time, 'kay?
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::
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:: WALLY:  Yeah, but this'll only take a ...
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::
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:: SARAH:  SHUT UP!  JUST SHUT UP, OKAY! 
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::
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:: WALLY:  But ... this is import--
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::
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:: SARAH:  I am sick of everyone telling me what's important!  You're '''not important''' Wally!  You're a gopher!  Go fetch somebody some god-damned coffee, okay?
  
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SARAH: Shut up! Shut the hell up!  I am sick of people telling me what's important! [i]This[/i] is important, Wally.  [i]You[/i] are not important.  You're a gopher.  Go fetch somebody a coffee, or whatever it is you do all day, and leave us alone.
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: Anyway, something with more like that type of progression? What do you think? -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)
  
 
Wally opens and shuts his mouth a few times, then turns and leaves.
 
Wally opens and shuts his mouth a few times, then turns and leaves.
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JOEL: Was that necessary?
 
JOEL: Was that necessary?
  
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SARAH: He'll get over it.  Where were we?
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SARAH: Does it matter?  I didn't tell him anything he didn't know.  And anyway, we have more important stuff right now.
  
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JOEL: You were about to explain exactly what you meant when you said your parents were supervillains.
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JOEL: Point.  You want to run that by me one more time?
  
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SARAH: Okay.  Understand that I am not being in any way figurative or melodramatic.  My parents are supervillains.  Retired, but you'd know their names if I told you.
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SARAH: First I need you to know that I am not being in any way figurative or melodramatic.  My parents are supervillains.  Retired, but you'd know their names if I told you.
  
 
JOEL: Which you're not going to do.
 
JOEL: Which you're not going to do.
  
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SARAH: Of course not.  Anyway, they're not the sort that rob banks, and they're not the sort that monologue for hours about the new world order.  They're smart...scratch that, they're [i]very[/i] smart.  They've killed at least one superhero that I know of.  They keep in contact with some of their old friends.  And they think I'm going to follow them into the family business.  Now do you see why I don't want them to find out about my extra-curricular activities?
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SARAH: Of course not.  Anyway, they're not the sort that rob banks, and they're not the sort that monologue for hours about the new world order.  They're smart...scratch that, they're [i]very[/i] smart.  They've killed at least one superhero that I know of.  They keep in contact with some of their old friends.  And they think I'm going to follow them into the family business.  Now do you see why I don't want them to find out about me extra-curricular activities?
  
 
Joel runs a hand back through his hair.
 
Joel runs a hand back through his hair.
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: This progression, on the other hand, is pure gold.  I likey very much.  Joel so clearly '''doesn't get''' how strange his mindset seems from the outside.  Very cool.  Have I given out fan mail this scene?  I'll have to check whether it's still available to me.  -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)
 
: This progression, on the other hand, is pure gold.  I likey very much.  Joel so clearly '''doesn't get''' how strange his mindset seems from the outside.  Very cool.  Have I given out fan mail this scene?  I'll have to check whether it's still available to me.  -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)
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Fixed a small typo.  I agree with Tony's suggested change, although I kind of liked the bit where Sarah gradually gets more and more insulting to Wally.  Some way to combine the two? 
 
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And I agree that the second half is working very well.  It feels very tragic, the way these two can't get past their own views into the other's. [[User:207.69.137.207|207.69.137.207]] 11:48, 18 February 2006 (PST)
 
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I like it a lot. Other than that, I got nothing. I think it's good to go. [[User:James Holloway|James Holloway]] 17:21, 19 February 2006 (PST)
 
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Stuff snipped from above:
 
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SARAH: Thank you, Wally.  You can go now.
 
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WALLY: Wait, I have to confirm-
 
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SARAH: No, you don't.  You were given a message.  You delivered the message.  You've done your job.
 
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WALLY: I like to think my job involves a little more than that.
 
−
 
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SARAH: I'm sure you do.  But when you get right down to it, you're pretty much a go-between for two groups of super-people.  Heck, you're a [i]deputy[/i] go-between.
 
−
 
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WALLY: Well, I-
 
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SARAH: No, seriously.  Your role is to ferry intructions one way and reports the other way, right?  Well, congratulations.  Mission achieved.  Now if you'll excuse us, we have real problems to deal with.
 
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: I'd be inclined to have there be a bit more of a visible struggle and failure on Sarah's part to maintain a nice-girl composure.  More like she tried to be nice, and snapped, than she didn't try at all.  Something more along the lines of:
 
−
 
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:: SARAH:  Well gosh, Wally!  Psychiatric trials.  That's ... uh, that's exciting stuff.
 
−
::
 
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:: WALLY:  Not that you have anything to be worried about, I'm sure.  I mean, if the Swami thinks you're sane.
 
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::
 
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:: SARAH:  No, no worries.  It's just ... we were kind of talking here.  'kay?
 
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::
 
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:: WALLY:  Well, I'm supposed to have you two sign this ...
 
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::
 
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:: SARAH:  WALLY.  DEAR.  We're sort of ... talking.  Here.  Now.  'nother time, 'kay?
 
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::
 
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:: WALLY:  Yeah, but this'll only take a ...
 
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::
 
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:: SARAH:  SHUT UP!  JUST SHUT UP, OKAY! 
 
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::
 
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:: WALLY:  But ... this is import--
 
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::
 
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:: SARAH:  I am sick of everyone telling me what's important!  You're '''not important''' Wally!  You're a gopher!  Go fetch somebody some god-damned coffee, okay?
 
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: Anyway, something with more like that type of progression?  What do you think?  -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)
 
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:::I think I like yours better.  Point taken about the failed attempt to act nice about it.  I'll have a fiddle with it. [[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 02:15, 19 February 2006 (PST)
 

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