Editing SPARCs:Kibbitzing006

Adapting Tony's suggestions:

SARAH: Psychiatric trials, huh?  Sounds serious.

WALLY: Oh, I'm sure it's nothing you need to worry about.  Not with the Swami vouching for you.

SARAH: That's good, because we're kind of in the middle of something here.  Can you give us a moment, please?

WALLY: Actually, I need you to sign-

SARAH: I [i]said[/i] we're busy.  You can go now.

WALLY: It'll only take a-

SARAH: Go away, Wally.

WALLY: But this is import-

SARAH: Shut up!  I am sick of people telling me what's important!  [i]This[/i] is important, Wally.  [i]You[/i] are not important.  You're a gopher.  Go fetch somebody a coffee, or whatever it is you do all day, and leave us the hell alone.

Wally opens and shuts his mouth a few times, then turns and leaves.

JOEL: Was that necessary?

SARAH: He'll get over it.  Where were we?

JOEL: You were about to explain exactly what you meant when you said your parents were supervillains.

SARAH: Okay.  Understand that I am not being in any way figurative or melodramatic.  My parents are supervillains.  Retired, but you'd know their names if I told you.

JOEL: Which you're not going to do.

SARAH: Of course not.  Anyway, they're not the sort that rob banks, and they're not the sort that monologue for hours about the new world order.  They're smart...scratch that, they're [i]very[/i] smart.  They've killed at least one superhero that I know of.  They keep in contact with some of their old friends.  And they think I'm going to follow them into the family business.  Now do you see why I don't want them to find out about my extra-curricular activities?

Joel runs a hand back through his hair.

JOEL: Whoa, Sarah, I...I had no idea.

Sarah takes a deep breath.

SARAH: Of course you didn't!  Nobody does!  And nobody can!  Joel, this cannot come out.  It just can't.

JOEL: Okay, okay.  I get it.

SARAH: Alright.  Now, your turn to spill.  What's going on?

JOEL: Oh...actually, kind of a funny coincidence.  There's another supervillain who's going to be at open day, passing himself off as my legal guardian.  I don't know what he's up to, but he's prepared to kill anyone who gets in his way.

He pauses.

JOEL: Not really all that funny, now I come to think about it.

SARAH: Perfect.  Just perfect.  We have to keep him away from my folks.  What if they recognised each other?

JOEL: Actually, getting them to meet up at some point might not be a bad idea.  If they start talking, we might get an idea of what he's up to.

SARAH: Wait, what?

JOEL: And of course, it'd be the perfect opportunity for you to practise your Little Miss Evil act and throw them off the scent-

SARAH: Joel, what is this?  I'm telling you things I haven't trusted anybody else with, and all you can think about is how to best work it to your advantage?

JOEL: [i]Our[/i] advantage.

SARAH: That's not even remotely the point.  You're trying so hard to be a hero that you've forgotten how to be a decent person.

JOEL: I'm only-

SARAH: Exemplar must be very proud of you.

For once, Joel doesn't have an answer.  Sarah shakes her head, picks up her bag and walks out of the room.

[[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 10:07, 18 February 2006 (PST)

: This progression, on the other hand, is pure gold.  I likey very much.  Joel so clearly '''doesn't get''' how strange his mindset seems from the outside.  Very cool.  Have I given out fan mail this scene?  I'll have to check whether it's still available to me.  -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)

Fixed a small typo.  I agree with Tony's suggested change, although I kind of liked the bit where Sarah gradually gets more and more insulting to Wally.  Some way to combine the two?  

And I agree that the second half is working very well.  It feels very tragic, the way these two can't get past their own views into the other's. [[User:207.69.137.207|207.69.137.207]] 11:48, 18 February 2006 (PST)

I like it a lot. Other than that, I got nothing. I think it's good to go. [[User:James Holloway|James Holloway]] 17:21, 19 February 2006 (PST)

Stuff snipped from above:

SARAH: Thank you, Wally.  You can go now.

WALLY: Wait, I have to confirm-

SARAH: No, you don't.  You were given a message.  You delivered the message.  You've done your job.

WALLY: I like to think my job involves a little more than that.

SARAH: I'm sure you do.  But when you get right down to it, you're pretty much a go-between for two groups of super-people.  Heck, you're a [i]deputy[/i] go-between.

WALLY: Well, I-

SARAH: No, seriously.  Your role is to ferry intructions one way and reports the other way, right?  Well, congratulations.  Mission achieved.  Now if you'll excuse us, we have real problems to deal with.

: I'd be inclined to have there be a bit more of a visible struggle and failure on Sarah's part to maintain a nice-girl composure.  More like she tried to be nice, and snapped, than she didn't try at all.  Something more along the lines of:

:: SARAH:  Well gosh, Wally!  Psychiatric trials.  That's ... uh, that's exciting stuff.
::
:: WALLY:  Not that you have anything to be worried about, I'm sure.  I mean, if the Swami thinks you're sane.
::
:: SARAH:  No, no worries.  It's just ... we were kind of talking here.  'kay?
::
:: WALLY:  Well, I'm supposed to have you two sign this ...
::
:: SARAH:  WALLY.  DEAR.  We're sort of ... talking.  Here.  Now.  'nother time, 'kay?
::
:: WALLY:  Yeah, but this'll only take a ...
::
:: SARAH:  SHUT UP!  JUST SHUT UP, OKAY!  
::
:: WALLY:  But ... this is import--
::
:: SARAH:  I am sick of everyone telling me what's important!  You're '''not important''' Wally!  You're a gopher!  Go fetch somebody some god-damned coffee, okay?

: Anyway, something with more like that type of progression?  What do you think?  -- [[User:TonyLB|TonyLB]] 10:22, 18 February 2006 (PST)

:::I think I like yours better.  Point taken about the failed attempt to act nice about it.  I'll have a fiddle with it. [[User:BlackSheep|BlackSheep]] 02:15, 19 February 2006 (PST)