Forgotten Freedom:1516 1970
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1516. Never put the 120-year-old halfling on guard duty!
1517. Especially by himself or with a cranky barbarian!
1518. Re: 1486. It is wrong to tell warforged otherwise.
1519. We will not make Metal Gear units to take over the world.
1520. My name is not Snake Eater.
1521. Solid Snake is not a reference to my genitalia.
1522. Nor can I pretend it is.
1523. We will not boast that we have a 90% mortality rate.
1524. Not even to necromancers.
1525. We will not sell the dead to necromancers.
1526. Especially not King Kaius.
1527. The artificer does not need to use empty beer cans to repair the warforged.
1528. We told you to do that BEFORE we left.
1529. No, we will not get fly-through.
1530. Any members of House Sivis are not to wander around, saying "Can you hear me now? Good."
1531. No, you cannot have the last slice of pizza.
1532. Or the last beer, for that matter.
1533. The captain gets those.
1534. Unless it is bitter.
1535. Or weak.
1536. Or made on the plane of radiance.
1537. The Kalashtar Soulknife is not allowed to claim that his silver-colored soulknife is a piece of the Silver Flame.
1538. It is wrong to tell Silver Flame worshipers this.
1539. :censored:
1540. Am I understood?
1541. You are especially to never tell this to Jaela. (Thanks to Lup1n3)
1542. If you do you will be keelhauled by the crew, until my ship gets tired.
1543. Being a ranger on my airship does not make you an Airborne Ranger.
1544. Nor does it mean you can sing cadences all day and night.
1545. The next person who shouts "Oohrah!" on this ship gets tossed over the side.
1546. There is always time for love.
1547. Stop calling me Dr. Jones.
1548. Whaddaya mean there's no pilot?!
1549. It belongs in a museum!
1550. Ah, who am I kidding. Let's divvy up the loot.
1551. No, you cannot steal his pants.
1552. The staff is mine.
1553. New regulation. Phobias are not to be treated by punching the affected in the head.
1554. Ever.
1555. Telling the watch to cast an illusion spell of a bat silhouette over the towers of Sharn does not make you Batman.
1556. Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do it.
1557. You are not to tell your stupid, big-ass fighter that there was an order of noble, feared, powerful knights called "The Knights of Suck-ee-Nam-Nam", and make him admire them so much that he begins wearing their signature outfit consisting of a Napoleon-style yellow hat, purple silk tabard, gigantic light-green puff-pants and knee-high blue leather boots.
1558. Even if there was such an order of (obviously colorblind) knights
1559. Crew members are to refrain from sticking a note to the Captain's back reading "Kiss my big fiery ring"...
1560. Especially the morning after Ship's Chili Night.
1561. Crew are to cease petitioning the Captain to rename the ship the Enola Gay just because the Wizard can now cast Meteor Swarm.
1562. No, we won't be mounting an expedition into the Keeper's lair to "liberate" his horse Binky.
1563: You will not sell "Pontiff porn".
1564: ...unless it makes a really good profit.
1565. You cannot find the Rajahs' location by tracing Darjeeling exports.
1566. Aundarian spies do not say "Lizzen very carefullee I zhall say zis only once".
1567. Even if they will.
1568. The Karrnathi are not looking for the painting of Tira Mirron with the big boobies.
1569. But keep it hidden just in case.
1570. The Emerald Claw leader is not watching multiple illusions of you, and never says "I'll get you next time, Forgotten Freedom! Next time!"
1571. You will not start a strip joint called the "Emerald Claw".
1572. You are neither vengeance nor the night.
1573. The wand of summoning nature's ally that summons whales does not make the ship go any faster.
1574. Neither should it be used to "feed those poor starving Talentans".
1575. Jaela does not offer to help turn gay people.
1576. Except undead ones, obviously.
1577. This ship does not have an Improbablity Drive.
1578. And you can't dare the artificer to make one.
1579. Despite his claims to the contrary, the ship's captain is not President of the Universe.
1580. The proper way to handle posessed people is not 300 cc's of Thorazine.
1581. No, the pilot isn't drunk.
1582. At least, we hope he isn't drunk.
1583. You may not do a Touch-N-Go landing with the airship.
1584. Stop sending love letters to Jaela marked "Open when you are legal".
1585. You don't have 'first dibs' on her, either.
1586. Thou shalt not use the warforged barbarian's +5 Flaming Shocking Burst Vorpal Greatsword of Speed to butter your toast.
1587. It's just not right.
1588. Because it's named the Silver Flame doesn't mean it came in second.
1589. So stop telling that to Silver Flame worshippers.
1590. Do not tell the Minotaur that he can practice juggling with the halfling.
1591. Or the gnome.
1592. Kobolds are okay, though.
1593. You cannot name you shifter Lion-O.
1594. And your sword is not the Eye of Thundera.
1595. The Artificer will not make you one.
1596. Our origin was not chronicled in "The History of the World Part I" as a counting house that rebelled and killed its managers to sack Wall Street.
1597. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
1598. Flying across the edge of the map will not make us fly into the campaign setting handbook.
1599. Being Sky Pirates is not to be described "A lot like Star Wars except it's not in space and doesn't involve fighting an Empire".
1600. No casting Enlarge on any extremities.
1601. Especially THOSE.
1602. Valenar Druid elven girls are not to be called "Deedlit".
1603. Would-be paladins are not to be called "Parn".
1604. Do not cast enlarge on Elven ears so they look like anime elves. That's the equivalent of porn actresses for them.
1605. We will not try to use magiscience to create flying burning sharks to ride.
1606. Do not use illusions to give our ship motion blur.
1607. Warforged are not to be encouraged to adopt a female personality.
1608. The monk is forbidden from spouting wisdom by simply giving a statement then reversing it.
1609. For example: "For a warforged to become a human, he must first be a human that becomes a warforged."
1610. "For the deck to be swabbed, the swabbed must be the deck."
1611. I do not appreciate one day just randomly waking up to find that the boat has adopted a 70's Disco theme.
1612. You may not hang a mini disco ball in the control room.
1613. Fuzzy dice are okay.
1614. Do not ask the female shifter barbarian if she's 'put on a little weight'.
1615. We are not a bus, and we will not be back in 20 minutes.
1616. Our ship does not have the outline of a... Winnebago.
1617. Look, I already said no to the codpiece of holding. Unless you want a jockstrap of devouring instead, drop it.
1618. No, you can't have one for practical jokes! That was a threat, dammit!
1618. Boasting about the size of your ECL is not a good way to get chicks.
1619. I will not dress up as Santa to get Jaela to sit in my lap.
1620. Or in general.
1621. We will not head to the North Pole to find a lost tribe of Elves enslaved by an immortal druid.
1622. We need the huge amounts of coal he leaves us every year to power the ship.
1623. The warforged cannot crush coal into diamonds.
1624. No, the warforged cannot be given a cape of flying.
1625. Painting him blue and red does not make him anymore "Super".
1626. It is wrong to tell him that regular Dragonshards weaken him, Siberys dragonshards remove his powers entirely, and Khyber Shards turn him evil.
1627. He is NOT the last survivor of a race of warforged from another planet!
1628. That Jaela has a 21 Charisma is not an excuse for all this.
1629. Queen Aurala's brother is not to be called "Fatty McGaylord".
1630. It's insulting to homosexuals to be compared with the tubby Lord Chancellor that's why.
1631. Is not a Neil Gaiman comic.
1632. Is a very bad parody of a Neil Gaiman comic.
1633. When we kidnap Queen Aurala, we will not sell her for "magic beans".
1634. The national sport of Aundair is not Quidditch.
1635. The Arcane Congress is not a democratically elected form of government.
1636. I will not run for it.
1637. Not even on the platform of less work for more money.
1638. I am not a number.
1639. Leaving the ship will not be accompanied by the monologue "I will not make any deals with you. I've resigned. I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own. I resign."
1640. Do not give numbers to crew new members.
1641. We do not press anyone into service on the ship (usually).
1642. Especially not by gassing them and giving this speech when they wake up:
Recruit: "Where am I?" Pirates: "In the Village." Recruit: "What do you want?" Pirates: "Information. We want... information"
1643. You won't get it.
1644. Even if you insist by hook or by crook, you will.
1645. The first mate will not be referred to as "Number Two".
1646. I AM NUMBER ONE! Stop demanding to know who I am!
1647. Queen Aurala is not "Queen Amidala if she grew up to be a real frosty *****".
1648. Painting targets on the ship for the authorities when you're cross about your pay is not appreciated.
1649. The Captain's quarters is not the bathroom.
1650. Nor is the first mate's.
1651. Do not fish for people over the side of the boat.
1652. Even in Aundair.
1653. A black tie dinner doesn't mean you show up naked but for a tie.
1654. We were attending a peace agreement with Aundair, it is counterproductive to smash through the windows on ropes from the ship.
1655. It is counterproductive to do that every time we enter any building whatsoever.
1656. I am the original Captain Jarlot. I have not passed down my title several times to men named Wesley.
1657. It is not true we own property in Xen'drick.
1658. It is wrong to sell it to the warforged.
1659. When attending a ball, it is wrong to impersonate "The King of Asskickia".
1660. Eberron was not built by the Giants of Xen'drick to destroy all life in the galaxy.
1661. Stop telling the Master Chief this.
1662. When we recieve news that the world is in dire peril and may be destroyed, the proper response is to stop it... not "Tell the Twelve and go about our merry way".
1663. A warforged's "grand slam" is not to be followed by an atomic elbow.
1664. Even if the warforged is named "Macho Man".
1663. The ring of Siberys shards is not an ancient weapon called Halo.
1664. You cannot set the warfoged to 'stun'.
1665. Stop telling the artificer its possible.
1666. We may not paint bomb markings on the side of the hull.
1667. We cannot paint dragon silhouettes, either.
1668. We are not allowed to 'hit the door like titans'.
1669. Half the time, the door hits back.
1670. We are not martial law.
1671. You may not waterski behind the airship.
1672. You cannot hook up a propeller to a stationary bicycle to make the ship go faster.
1673. Even if you did, its wrong to tell the warforged it's his job to pedal.
1674. I am not allowed to interrogate prisoners by shouting "WHO DO YOU WORK FOR?!?"
1675. There is no division of the Dark Lanterns known as CTU.
1676. I am not Jack Bauer.
1677. I am not allowed to start each job by stating "The following takes place..."
1678. The privy is not a Planar Gate to Xoriat.
1679. I should not spread that rumor.
1680. There is no saying, "What happens in Xen'drik stays in Xen'drik."
1681. No, you may not start it.
1682. No matter what you did there.
1683. ...ewwww.
1684. The Warforged are not Rock'em Sock'em Robots.
1685. Stop selling tickets to these events.
1686. Trust me, I WILL notice if you replace the entire crew with Muppets.
1687. Except Gonzo the Great, he fits right in.
1688. Animal is not a manifestation of the Devourer.
1689. Scratch that, he might be...
1690. We will not catapult crew members at enemy vessels.
1691. Even if the crew members like it, because it's a small cut, and pirates love being cut.
1692. Tycho and Gabe are not crew.
1693. We are not allowed to use a fire extinguisher to stop the ship.
1694. The Fire Elemental is not to respond in Alan Rickman's voice "Sweet Jesus, did you have to use the whole can?"
1695. We are fairly obviously the culprits of most of our crime spree, trashing the CSI of Sharn will not help us.
1696. Even if you really hate that show.
1697. This boat's crew was not collected from people who thought they were joining the cast of the 'Real World'.
1698. It was collected from volunteers for Jackass.
1699. Turtle Shifters are not to be stomped on.
1700. Nor Mycanoids.
1701. Their leader is not a Dragon named Koopa.
1702. Sharn Halflings who ride dinosaurs and happen to be plumbers are no... oh the hell with it, call 'em Mario if you want.
1703. Torture is not forcing prisoners to watch episodes of the Golden Girls.
1704. We're not that cruel.
1705. Yo Ho! is not to be used to point me to prostitutes.
1706. Especially followed by "Blow the man down".
1707. Sixteen men on a dead man's chest is not instructions.
1708. Long John Silver's name was not dirty.
1709. Nor was Captain Hook's.
1710. Hook and Smee were not gay lovers.
1711. Oh sorry... er, I wasn't aware that the two were together.
1712. Hey, I've got nothing against that sort of thing... it just took me by surprise, is all.
1713. A Rakshasa crouching and a Dragon hiding doesn't mean that we can do wuxia moves or find the Green Destiny sword.
1714. Eberron Drow women did not "learn their place".
1715. The Scorpion King of the Drow is not played by the Rock.
1716) We don't break for dragonhawks- not even the awakened kind.
1717) So stop trying to get those Aundairian bumper stickers that say otherwise.
1718) Technically, this Airship doesn't even have a bumper.
1719) And if it did, it would be covered in too much squished dragonhawk to see what the stupid stickers you lot keep putting on it say.
1720) You are not to tell Jaela that as she is both the secular and temporal leader of Thrane, she has the power necessary to declare herself "legal" whenever she sees fit.
1721) Even if it's true.
1722. As air pirates, we rob from water ships, towns, the lightning rail, forts, airships, and storehouses.
1723. We do not copy music and videos then distribute them.
1724. Except if it's a realllllyyyyy awesome movie not out on DVD yet.
1725. Stop getting people to play with Aurala's name.
"She's A rula a alright. A very bad A rule a."
It's childish.
1726. Do not pinch your nose before saying this is a "A Pirate ship".
1727. If you take off Aurala's glasses, she doesn't become a hot sex maniac.
1728. Girls with glasses often are already.
1729. A pair of glasses is NOT sufficient disguise to fool the guard.
1730. Unless it's the Sharn guard, in which case they're idiots.
1731. Do not refer to Queen Aurala's brother as "Jabba".
1732. Or slap a bumper sticker on his back that says "Wide load".
1733. If the airship be a-rockin...
1734. ...the warforged fell down.
1735. We will not moon King Kaius every time we fly by.
1736. Every other time will do.
1737. The warforged can't have a Predator mask.
1738. Even if it would make him look cool.
1739. We must not mistake Zilargo gnomes for end tables.
1740. Q'barra is not the home of good gumbo.
1741. The captain is to be called Bandit One or the Bandit.
1742. The first-mate is to be called Bandit Two or Snowman.
1743. All law enforcment agents are to be referred to as Smokies.
1744. There are two types of Smokies, friendly ones and not-so-friendly ones.
1745. Do not by any means behave like Lord Flasheart. If you understand this, you've watched Blackadder before.
1746. Do not make lewd sexual jokes about Pontiff Jaela. That is what Lord Flasheart would do.
1747. "Bah weep granna weep ninny-bong" and offering them a gp is not the universal greeting.
1748. Although it may work in Darguun.
1749. I will not put waffles into the possessed toaster.
1750. I must not give the gnome artificer coffee.
1751. Or cappucino.
1752. Or espresso.
1753. I am not allowed to mod the warforged with neon lights, spinners, or killer subs.
1754. I am not allowed to install a 'pet door' in the door to the shifter's quarters.
1755. Even if the shifter has a pet.
1756. I must not write the Daughters of Sora Kell for dating advice.
1757. There is no Animal House frat at Morgraive University.
1758. Nor am I allowed to start one.
1759. Toga parties are still okay.
1760. Aquatic dire animals don't make good sushi.
1761. Dire boars don't make good pork chops.
1762. The bacon is okay, though.
1763. Must not ask the cook for MLT... Mutton, lettuce, and tomato.
1764. He did not say "To blave"...
1765. I am not left handed.
1766. I dont have six fingers on my right hand, either.
1767. Do not sing Lieutenant George's version of Row Row Row Your Boat to Pontiff Jaela. This is Lieutenant George's version of Row Row Row Your Boat. "Row, row, row, your boat, gently down the stream, belts off trousers down isn't life a scream."
1768. Don't behave like the Bishop of Bath from Blackadder.
1769. Or like Prince Ludvig the Indestructible.
1770. The warforged is NOT a toy!
1771. The catgirl is NOT a toy!
1772. Jaela is NOT a toy!
1773. Don't tell the artificer about hammerguns.
1774. EVER!
1775. Do not put video cassettes in the warforged. It only takes beta!
1776. To the mages: Fireball should not be your instinctive reaction to everything.
1777. You cannot be a suicidally depressed warforged.
1778. The warforged's name is not Marvin.
1779. Or Gundam.
1780. Or Ropanmatsu.
1781. Or Evangelion.
1782. Don't wish to shoot the DM or the Captain with a hammer.
1781. The warforged is not to be referred to as Metal Gear.
1782. Nor the warforged Titan.
1783. Nor will you add a nuclear missle launcher to it.
1784. NO, you can't have nukes anyway!
1785. Not even if you blow a wish spell.
1786. When finding a famous relic of Cyre, you will not fall on your knees and scream "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU! You filthy apes!"
1787. You will not tell the warforged that the Day of Mourning was the result of said filthy apes.
1788. You will not cast a sleep spell on a person after telling them you're casting a permanent time stop spell and put on ape costumes to say "Human, explain yourself" when they wake up.
1789. Do not cast multiple enlarge spells to try and make a monkey that will kidnap a girl and climb to the highest tower in Sharn...
1790. Just so you can fire the crossbows on the airship at it.
1791. You will not use real-life actors to represent your characters. Especially not...
1792. Kurt Russell in Escape from New York.
1793. Kurt Russell in Big Trouble in Little China.
1794. Kurt Russell in The Thing.
1795. Kurt Russell in Soldier.
1796. The Kurt Russell lookalike in Metal Gear Solid.
1797. Not even Kurt Russell in Captain Ron because he kinda looks like Snake with the eyepatch.
1798. When your character is old, he won't look like Sean Connery either.
1799. King Boranal is not Sean Connery either... even though it's entirely possible to pay him to appear in our games apparently with some of the movies he's done.
1800. I know you didn't say it, but someone had to.
1801. Harrison Ford in ANY OF HIS FILMS before he got so old he started to look like Emperor Palpatine.
1802. Yes, warforged, we eat steak. Yes, warforged, most people are made of meat. No, this does not mean that fallen party members are "emergency rations" or "free protein".
1803. No, warforged, your immunity to fatigue and sleep doesn't mean that you get extra shares of treasure. May I suggest a hobby?
1804. Dressing up in a costume and fighting crime is not a hobby.
1805. House Cannith is not to be referred to as GM.
1806. House Deneith is not to be hired to do my adventures for me.
1807. House Ghallandra is not to be referred to as "Hilton".
1808. Nor its heads daughter, Paris Halfling.
1809. House Jorasco does not accept Medicaid as payment.
1810. House Kundarak will not be confused with Gringots.
1811. They will kill you if you mention goblins run that.
1812. House Lyrander is not to be referred to as National Airways.
1813. And we are NOT to be referred to as "Con Air".
1814. Even if we were a bunch of prisoners who acquired this ship by stealing it.
1815. Oh hush, it's the plot of Farscape too.
1816. House Medali did not learn their investigation techniques from Blues' Clues.
1817. Or "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?"
1818. House Phiarlan will not be suggested to that the best way to replace their lost fortune is with an Emmy program.
1819. Or Reality programming.
1820. The Captain reserves the right to only one Reality TV quote and that is to say "You're Fired" with the Trump point before you're launched out of the cannon.
1821. House Sivis is not Random House.
1822. They are not interested in your life's story.
1823. House Thrashk members will not have you sneak into their mines with a dead canary to shout "OH LORDIE! THE CANARY'S DEAD!" to start a panic.
1824. Unless we're robbing it.
1825. House Thuranni are not ninjas.
1826. Except when they put on nightsuits, carry katanas, and somehow fly.
1827. House Valadis is not to be asked whether you can adopt a Pound Puppy or not whenever you see them.
1828. The Wayfarer is forbidden from carrying a bullwhip or a fedora.
1829. Even if EVERYONE is expected to when they play one.
1830. The Wayfarers are not to be treated as old stuffy Brelish men who talk like they're on the History Channel.
1831. Even if 99.9% of them are.
1832. As an old standby... do not toss the dwarf.
1833. Or the gnomes.
1834. The Halfling will bite your leg off.
1835. No replacing dwarven beard shampoo with Nair.
1836. Elves will not be told to pierce their ears more.
1837. Shifters cannot use their tails like periscopes.
1838. Dog Shifters can talk perfectly normal and not like Scooby Doo.
1839. Any gnome that acts like a tinker gnome will be killed summarily...
1840. No jury in the world would convict me.
1841. Kender and your next three characters will die.
1842. Teleport without error will not be used as a weapon.
1843. (re: #1825 & #1826) Especially not when they totally flip out, play guitar, and fight pirates.
1844. None of you... I repeat, none of you have Real Ultimate Power(tm).
1845. I do.
1846. Our "theme tune" is not "da-na-na-na-na na-na-na-na-na-na Forgottenfreedom!"
1847. Because it doesn't scan, that's why.
1848. The Lord of Blades is not so called for being really good on rollerblades.
1849. The call for a descent is not "Squadron 14: DIVE!!!"
1850. Do not ask us to check the angular velocity of the moon without saying which one.
1851. "Proving you're worth something" doesn't always involve killing a lot of people.
1852. Dodging bullets really isn't that impressive.
1853. Being drunk does not make you safe from falling.
1854. You shall not taunt your party's Warmage by letting the Gnome Sorcerer use his Ghost Sound to make him believe there is a colossal Gorilla behind him.
1855. The Captain's Pop Culture-fu shall not be corrected.
1856. You shall NOT attempt to strike up a relationship between the captain and the pontiff.
1857. You shall NOT convince the pontiff to dance in the previous pontiff's robes and pope hat.
1858. Even though it looks incredibly funny.
1859. And she would.
1860. The warforged's battlefists are not "Hulk Hands", and shall not be refered to as such.
1861. Even if we do have a catapult, we do NOT refer to the warforged as "armor-piercing ammunition".
1862. Even if he has an adamantine body.
1863. Neither the captain's Eternal wand of Knock, nor his Eternal wand of Presidigitation shall be refered to as a "Sonic Screwdriver".
1864. Kalashtar named Lyta Alexander will be shot on sight. With the ballista.
1865. Keelhauling the warforged is forbidden. Any who attempt it must pay for repairs to both warforged and keel.
1866: When someone yell 'Don't read from the book!' ...don't read from the the gods-damned book.
1867: Even if the book is called "How to age the Speaker of the Silver Flame: the Jaela edition".
1868: Because it is a trap, that's why.
1869: The captain is not now, nor has he ever been a marmoset!
1876. Crew will not hang banners depicting their artistic impressions of how Tira Mirron "merged" with a Couatl over the side of the ship as it approaches Flamekeep.
1877. No matter how graphic it is.
1878. All artistic members of crew will be expected to chip in to repair the multiple-flamestrike damage to the ship's hull following the recent eventful flight through Thrane...
1872. A delayed-blast fireball is not the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch.
1873. Neither is a necklace of fireballs.
1874. There shall be no counting to 3, 5, or 13 when using the above items/spells.
1875. I count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13. You should too. If necessary, take off your boots when counting.
1876 Never take off your pants when counting, even if you only need one more.
1877. Plan B is not "Twice as many Fireballs as Plan A".
1870. Warforged were not "Forged in the heat of battle".
1881. Due to last year's... misunderstanding... Jaela will not be trick-or-treating at our house this year.
1882. Don't ask what the misunderstanding was.
1883. In Eberron, dragons are not color-coded for your convenience.
1884. We do not have a mini-warforged named R2-D2.
1885. When meeting a noble djinn, wishing for phenomenal cosmic power is not recommended.
1886. You will not use a wish to get Jaela as your girlfriend.
1887. You will not use a wish to get Jaela to join the crew.
1888. I said earlier you can't attempt to get the captain in a relationship with the pontiff, doubly so with a wish.
1889. Asking the female changeling to dress up as Jaela is just WRONG.
1890. Unless it's for Halloween.
1891. You are not allowed to carve the number 3.1415 into a pumpkin for Halloween or Thanksgiving and call it Pumpkin Pi.
1892. You can't tell the warforged to do so, either.
1893. There is no beer in Dolurrh, so we have to drink it here.
1894. The warforged is not allowed to show off by crushing beer kegs against his forehead.
1895. You will not have the wizard cast Geas on Jaela with objective being to bring her anywhere near us.
1896. Or you.
1897. Nor shall you commune with the fiends of Khyber to overthrow the Silver Flame just so you can get them to give you Jaela as spoils.
1898. Getting the Dreaming Dark to brainwash Jaela while she sleeps is also forbidden.
1899. And just plain wrong.
1900. Using an Eldritch Machine to do any of the above will result is a solo visit to the Ring of Siberys.
1901. Said visit shall not be the result of using the machine...
1902. Although if it is a result the scoundrel deserves it.
1903. Rakshasa do not have a springyest tail that gives them a plus to jump checks.
1904. And even if they did, they would still be unable to catch us.
1905. House Thuranni girls do not look like the cast of "Dead or Alive".
1906. House Thuranni are not all monk/rogue/assassins.
1907. They are not Ninjas!
1908. You cannot play a shifter trained by House Thuranni with adamentine claws... because Wolverine is not a ninja.
1909. No, you cannot date a King's Citadel Agent named Irene after slaying a demon as a House Thuranni Ninja as your backstory.
1910. No, we cannot be pirate ninjas!
1911. That would be too badass for the space/time continium.
1912. Pirates do not 'flip out and kill people for no reason'.
1913. We do it for money.
1914. You cannot be a millionaire playboy whose parents were gunned down before studying with House Thuranni... because Batman is not... okay, Batman IS a ninja... at least in Batman Begins.
1915(Originally numbered 1945). Is an important day in WW2.
1916. I cannot play an Elemental Sorcerer House Thuranni specializing in Ice.
1917. I cannot play an Elemental Sorcerer House Thuranni that's dead and specializing in fire.
1918. I cannot play a House Thuranni WARFORGED named Cyrax.
1919. Because robots and ninjas don't mix.
1920. After beating someone with monk abilities til they're dazed, I will not shout "FINISH HIM".
1921. After a spectacular kill, I will not say "Flawless Victory".
1922. Or... "Fatality".
1923. I will not say "Friendship" to anyone.
1924. Unless it's the Pontiff, because we need the street cred.
1925. It's wrong to tell Jaela she was created by monks and she's actually the Key.
1926. So we can "hide" her from evil.
1927. There is no plane of Eberron named Outworld.
1927. We are not a water bomber.
1928. We are, however, a beer bomber.
1929. We are not police, and we aren't a charitable institution.
1930. We don't protect or serve.
1931. Except ourselves.
1932. And maybe Jaela.
1933. The warforged is not to show off by crushing gnomes against his forehead, either.
1934. We will not sell shirts that say "Kiss her where it smells, take her to the Cogs".
1935. The Mournland is not a nuclear crater.
1936. Okay, maybe it is.
1937. We must refrain from pointing at the bad guy and telling the wizard 'Fire for effect'.
1938. 'Cause the wizard can't shoot worth a damn.
1939. I am not Batman.
1940. I still am not Batman.
1941. All Gnomes do not have a pot o' gold.
1942. I must not tell the warforged this.
1943. Or the greedy rogue.
1944. I must stop hiding in the paladin chick's room to watch her undress for the night.
1945. Or at the very least, stop shouting "Take it off!"
1946. One the note of 1944: Repeat after the captain- "Bribing powerful wizards to cast improved invisibility on the Paladin chick's full plate is not sanctioned".
1947. The above also aplies to any and all articles of the Pontiffical wardrobe.
1948. Exept the Pope hat.
1949. Whoever took those posts about "not stopping for Dragonhawks" and crossed out the "hawk" bit while the captain was off trying to bargain with the Serens for access to Argonessan is going to get keelhauled- even if he's a warforged.
1950. To spite any prior decrease pertaining to Keelhauling.
1951. The Warforged will not be used as a figurine for the mast.
1952. Even if she does have a female personality, you will not have blacksmith give the warforged "boobies".
1953. You must not use doilies to reach ULTIMATE COSMIC POWER!!!
1953. Ask Kaius if he "Vants to suck your blud".
1953 Offer him a garlic hoagie.
1954. Must not taunt King Kaius by doing a bad Bela Lugosi impression.
1955. While King Kaius is within earshot.
1956. Must not hand King Kaius a cup, asking "you wanted tomato juice, right?"
1957. Must not ask King Kaius 'So, talked to Vol, recently?'
1958. "Eep oop ork ah ah" does not mean 'I love you.'
1959. I am not allowed to make crop circles.
1960. Especially ones of Tira Mirron and 'the big, bad snake'.
1961. And I'm REALLY not allowed to make them just outside of Flamekeep in Thrane.
1962. Kang and Kodos do not work on our ship.
1963. You will not refer to Rhukaan Draal as a "wretched hive of scum and villainy".
1964. Even though it is.
1965. The Mourning did not give anyone an "Atomic Wedgie".
1966. Nor did it give anyone a normal "wedgie" either.
1967. You shall not call the sunrise before a day of combat the "Dawn of War".
1968. War has been around far longer than that.
1969. Neither shall you call any form of combat in Frostfell a "Winter Assault".
1970. You shall not challenge Aurala's authority by demanding a recount.
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