Crack from the OoC

"This game is Sin City, as done by the cast of Final Fantasy Advent Children, while on heroin PCP, and written by Jim Butcher channelling Hunter S. Thompson, Robert E. Howard, and William Gibson."

Looks like the Maiden of Weaving finally got drunk enough to compile the commentary of the pattern spiders in AlphaOmega...
This is a running list of as much of the silliness from the game's OoC.

Forum Silliness

As a note, these are filed by who started it.

Aincumis

Movie Crew Ellipse

Avilister

Robert's reaction to Cassidy wanting to be Little Red Riding Hood
"Supernaturally influential mob boss meets shapeshifting canine poker player - they fight crime!"

• Mpascal's pitch for Las Vegas by Night
  • Astra: "Don't forget the virgin femme fatale!"
    • Dakkareth: "Already brought down a different mob boss through her fatal influence! ;)"

"Rob isn't able to come to the phone right now. Its currently melded into his flesh/in another dimension. Please try again later."

AstraKiseki

How to get more willpower, from Captain Obvious
The Cheese Stands Alone
Astra: "DON'T GIVE HIM IDEAS!"

• Meriss: "ESPICALLY NOT WITH ME IN THE LINE OF HEAD CHOPPING!"
  • Mpascal: "And you wonder why I was holding off on any sort of Charm use. 7SE, away!!!"

A humble suggestion on handling totemic Todd

Dakkareth

Dakk's description of John Palmer's method
"Oh. Well, now we have assurance in triplicate."
"It's not an Exalted battle unless..."
"*BEEP* "Oh, just in case you are done early - surprise, there's a zombie plague outside! But don't worry, we can deal with it. Probably. Success is relative after all ..."
"The only question is how much pain and suffering will be spread around in the process."

• Meriss: *twitch, quiver* Is this enough pain for you my lords? *wheeze*
  • Astra: *compassion roll* Sure, why not?
    • Dakkareth: < First Age Solar>Your agony is so beautiful ... Keep doing that, would you kindly?< /First Age Solar>

Look for a building with its top floor blasted off, you'll find us at the bottom of a stairwell now open to the sky.

• Meriss: ":eek:"

"Heheheh, that's right, another point of resonance for you."

• Astra: "Don't you just love doing that?"
  • Dakkareth: "I can't help but think that it will come to bite us in the ass later, but yes, I do."

The question is, will one action be enough to horribly murder one more werewolf?

• Avilister: But... but.... they're so far away...
  • Aincumis: You're a Full Moon. I don't wanna hear that shit from you.

Khayin

"I'm sorry, Gabriel Cordova is not available to take your call right now. He is currently incarcerated in a maximum-security Technocracy holding facility, while the Brujah Antediluvian is pulling a 'The Ring' on him. Please leave a message and he will call you back, assuming he doesn't get Embraced, brain-washed, turned into an Abyssal, or just outright killed. Beep!"

Li of Orchid

Darius's reaction to being threatened with 'reversing the Essence polarity.'
Excuse for pulling out the sword. Sure.
"I'm sorry, Darius Prescott is not available to take your call right now. He is currently occupied walking the road to hell. Please leave a message and he'll get back to you, if he isn't swallowed by the Demon Emperor and trapped in an eternity of agony and pain. Beep!"

Meriss

"My killing machine of a future wife."
"Hey, look what I found for a song, the Dark Chest of Wonders."

• Astra: "Bad pun for the Lover's breasts?"

Mpascal02

Reaction to Sui Mae's getting the media's attention
"the only thing John might have done/do before Brown's departure is sanctify his "I'm going to go suicide in Oblivion all alone" statement. Just to be safe."

• Li: "Wow. That's cold. Ice-cold. Cold like the depths of interstellar space, cold."
  • Mpascal: "I try. ~_^"

Chat Crack

Khayin finding out that Hate is Samuel Haight

(9:51:26 PM) Khayin: I was hoping I'd never have to see him again. Ten years later, he is back to haunt me! I can hear his battle cry now...
(9:51:35 PM) Khayin: "THE NINETIES HAVE RETURNED!!!"

AstraKiseki and Dakkareth talking about theme parks

AstraKiseki: I can see Cassidy wanting to get something princess-y.

AstraKiseki: ... And then proceed to use it as a weapon.

Dakkareth: As long as she doesn't make Rob play the Beast :p

AstraKiseki: Of course she wouldn't.

AstraKiseki: That would be silly.

Dakkareth: I'm amused by the idea that it would be *possible*

AstraKiseki: Cassidy would go for... Snow White, actually. XD

Dakkareth: Don't let Troile poison you!

Dakkareth: Or the Lover for that matter.

AstraKiseki: She is Snow White with Resistance Charms.

Dakkareth: This is Exalted. Snow White has resistance charms and Red Riding Hood has Summoning the Loyal Steel and a Grand Daiklave.

AstraKiseki: Yeah, pretty much.

About an alternate universe where the PCs Exalted as Lunars

Dakkareth: Gabriel - No Moon ... what totem, though?

AstraKiseki: Gabe would have been a bear, according to Khayin.

Dakkareth: That would have been my next guess. Interesting AU.

Dakkareth: Mmmh, how about a Exalt-Type switch for all the A&O cast?

AstraKiseki: I have fun with AUs.

AstraKiseki: I had been working on one involving it.

Dakkareth: We have Gabe as Bear No Moon, Rob most likely as Dawn ...

Dakkareth: Maybe coyote for Liz, what with the trickery and mocking.

AstraKiseki: Heh.

AstraKiseki: Yeah, I can see her as a coyote.

AstraKiseki: Cassidy as a Cat Waxing would be more bookish.

AstraKiseki: She'd be very charismatic, an activist, but...

Dakkareth: Maybe a little pissed at getting the 'ugly' animal ... and also because it fits :p

Dakkareth: Darius as Full Moon, probably also Wolf.

Dakkareth: That means Palmer gets Snake.

Dakkareth: heheheh, that fits as well

AstraKiseki: Yep.

Dakkareth: Liz as Coyote would probably be a little less physical and more sneaky.

AstraKiseki: Heh. Casey Marlin, 21-year-old activist with cat-eyes.

Dakkareth: it poses the question, since the Tell is disguised by mental influence, would it show up on photographs?

AstraKiseki: I think it would, but it would be hard to realize it.

Dakkareth: Elizabeth, Coyote totem Waning Moon. Not sure yet what else would change

AstraKiseki: ... Not much. :P

AstraKiseki: Cassidy would probably favor intelligence.

Dakkareth: DBs are more difficult. I was thinking about Johnny and Sui Mae ... maybe make them Sids in the AU? Sui Mae as Chosen of Battles, Johnny ... Journeys or Secrets probably.

AstraKiseki: Johnny is a Journeys. :P

Dangerously Hot

Dakkareth: Or maybe should I ask, is there the opportunity for a hilarious scene where everybody tries not to say anything about the food as to not offend her in there? :p

AstraKiseki: No, it'll go like this:

AstraKiseki: "Can I have some?" "I made it." "So?" "... How do you think I am so damn resistant to /poison?/"

Meriss and Astra after working on the cards

Meriss: you did all the work

Astra: No, you did help.

Astra: After all, you took notes and helped me decide.  :)

Meriss: well you did MORE work

Astra: (Shut up and take the XP, bitch)

Yes, it does sound wrong out of context

mbpascal: But the previous posts got stunts for her being at the top of Jian's tornado (which sounds horrifically wrong out of context.... ~_^)
(...)
mbpascal: There's far worse ways I could've put that. "Sui Mae is riding the air dragon's tornado out of sight." Yeah, and we wonder why people claim that sexual deviancy is a path to Real Ultimate Power in Exalted.)
astrakiseki: YOU are SO fucking LUCKY I wasn't drinking anything.