A Hard Practicality

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(Terri very quickly made this one with me. Thanks, Terri!--Maer)


Sunday, 03 Nov 2520
Kuiper II class, Summer’s Gift
Lorngaard, Highgate
Blue Sun, (Qing Long) system
0230hrs, local time


We’d hightailed it out of the mine, extracting our target and delivering him to Shepherd Faria in Lorngaard. I remained in the back with the prisoner, keeping an eye on his bonds, looking to catch him playing possum and plotting escape. Eyeing the shuttle cockpit from the rear, I could see the line of Nika’s jaw in profile, could map the line of her shoulders as she flew. Both were tense.

Considering what nearly happened to her at Escobar’s hands, I couldn’t blame her. It was hard to resist kicking the bastard in the head now that he was unconscious and so conveniently trussed up at my feet…but I managed it. Just. Faria wanted the man alive, so alive he had to remain. Maybe later, I promised myself. Assuming Escobar has a later once Faria’s done with him.

Imagining what awaited him in Faria’s hands kept my bloodthirstier tendencies gainfully occupied as I continued to watch Escobar and sit out the remainder of the flight.


It wasn’t til later, after we’d dumped Escobar and returned to the Gift that I found an opportunity to discuss what I saw in the shuttle cockpit with Nika. As I suspected, she’d gone to the bridge to think and quite possibly to get away from the rest of us. I quickly made up two mugs of hot tea and took them with me as a peace offering. It was an understatement to say I felt partially responsible for the entire degrading incident and I wanted to let Nika know how I felt about it. And to apologize, if she’d accept my apology.

Which, given your typical eloquence, might land somewhere between apology and insult, but still….you should show you care.

So it was with that thought in mind that I crossed the threshold of the bridge and called her name.

 ***

Nika was sitting on the quiet bridge, music playing on the small screen next to her. When Rina came through the closed hatch, she turned it off and turned to face her friend. "Hey there," she greeted with a smile. "How're things back there?" The cup of tea was taken with a grateful expression. "Thank you." Her body language was less tense than it had been several hours before.

 ***

“Hey,” I said, relieved at what I saw. Either Nika recovered faster than I would have or she was more adept at hiding her distress. I preferred to believe the former over the latter. “Things are fine back there and you’re welcome.”

I took possession of the copilot’s chair, put my feet up and sipped my tea in companionable silence. When my tea was half gone, I said softly to the air, “I’m sorry about what happened. I should never have gone for it. God knows, you’re family, not some sacrificial goat staked to a tiger trap. We could have—I could have suggested another alternative. I’m sorry, Nika.”

 ***

Nika looked surprised, glancing over at Rina. "For what?" she asked, genuinely confused.

 ***

‘For what?’ ” Of all the reactions I anticipated from her, confusion wasn’t one of them, and it threw me. It also completely destroyed any chance I had for tact. “How about throwing you to Escobar to get worked over? And leaving you alone with him, rather than following you as your back up? Christ, Nika, you know what happened to me during the War. Of all the people on this boat, I should have been the one to 86 the idea the second it came up, I should have refused to put a woman in that position. But I didn’t and the guys, being guys, didn’t think of all the ways it could have gone wrong.”

 ***

There was a soft laugh. "Christ, Rina... get over yourself," Nika replied mildly, sipping from her tea. "I'm not some babe in the woods, and I thought I could handle it. I overestimated my own ability to handle him, and underestimated just how big a sociopath he was. That's on me." She considers and says quietly, "If I'd fought him, it would have turned ugly. If the bathroom hadn't had a window in it, I could have psyched myself around to get laid in a more friendly-like fashion. Wouldn't have liked it much, but could have lived with it."

 ***

"You know, you're right," I said slowly, stung. I put my boots on the deck and stood up. "I should have realized that practicality trumped conscience on this job. Yeah, forget I mentioned anything. I'll be aft if you need me."

 ***

Her eyes came upward, and Nika moved to set the tea down. "Shi, Rina.... " She sighed. "I didn't mean it that way. Look...." She trailed off, seeming to struggle for words. "Life is never neat and tidy. You know what can happen to women out in the Black if they can't take care of themselves. But you can't run about taking responsibility for my actions. Do you remember me telling Christian and even Joshua.... we would never ask something of one of them that we wouldn't be willing to do ourselves?" Nika scratched the back of her head. "I'm not averse to using a few feminine wiles to get us intel, or to act as a diversion. Did I want to wind up in bed with that guy? Hells no! Would I have done it willingly to keep it from being rape?" She looked up at Rina and nodded slowly. "I would have, yes. Not for practicality, not for the mission.... but just to be able to keep my own sense of self-worth intact."

She studied Rina quietly, waiting to see if her friend understood. "My body... my choice. Even pinned in a corner, in this case... I had a choice." Wasn't a good one. But it was one.

 ***

I well understood what Nika meant. I'd spent three weeks enduring that choice daily and in that three weeks, I'd weathered a lifetime's worth. As such, I'd reached my limit and lost sight of the simple fact that my experience wasn't a universal one and that other women in the same situation would have come out of it differently. Nika had been 100% correct about one thing: I had to stop projecting.

Knowing this didn't ease my guilty conscience one bit but it did let me see that Nika shouldn't have been the focus of it. But how to say it gracefully?

Hell, why assume graceful even enters into it?

"That's....pretty damned amazing," I said finally, knowing it to be true. "I don't know if I'm there yet, but it's good to know you are. It's the better viewpoint to take, really. If you can."

 ***

"Well," Nika drawled quietly, "I wasn't actually raped. Trey did what he did and I ... retaliated. And it was done. So... I was pretty shaky for a while there with adrenaline, but... I'm okay, Rina. I promise." She smiled a little. "Now quit takin' responsibility for my choices, willya? I'm okay."

She felt the need to reiterate that for her friend.

 ***

"All right," I said, summoning up a grin. "All right, already. You made your point."

I gestured with my mug toward hers, glad to be back on solid footing between us.

"You need a refill on that?"

 ***

As if they were ever on anything but solid footing. Nika grinned. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks for the cuppa."

 ***

“Anytime,” I said and hugged her. “Thanks. I’ll be aft if you need me.” And I pulled away and got out of there feeling a little lighter than when I arrived.


Since this season turned out to be RP heavy, it's only fair to include the link to everyone's efforts.

Go back to Before and After | Go to Connection
Go to Peripatetica - Rina's Journal entry and RP log
Go to Rina's Russian Glossary
Go to Rina's Crew Page
Go to EPISODES or TIMELINE