Damaged

[With thanks to Terri for RPing this conversation with me--Maer]


An excerpt from Peripatetica, by M. K. Sebastien, Engr. ret.

Wednesday, 07 Sep 2518
Kuiper II Class Summer's Gift
En Route to Blue Sun System
14:00hrs, ship's time

         We hauled our asses out of Serenity Valley and threaded through the mountain range at the end of it. I was on my back on the bridge, yanking the Gift’s pinger to keep the Feds from tracking us once we cleared atmo. I popped the last pin and pulled the transponder free. I didn’t bother wasting my breath telling Nika, I just stowed the pinger in the side pocket of her chair and headed aft for the engine room. If we were going to outrun pursuit, we’d need to boost the engines. I figured we’d have about an hour of hard burn before we’d have to shut down or melt. Certainly it would be enough to get us out of range. As I quit the bridge, I heard Christian suggest hiding in the shadow of a communications buoy, using its signal to mask any residual traces we’d make on the scanners.
         Good luck with that, I thought, and hustled aft. Mike was in the passenger lounge where we’d strapped him into a jump seat, his head lolling with the action of our ship. Fast asleep. If we did buy it out here, at least he’d be spared knowing what happened as he died. Not that he’s up to noticing anything even when awake, a cynical corner of my mind whispered. I told it to shut up and kept on going. I secured myself in the engine room, told Nika via the comm that I was in place, and got my tools ready.

         Sometimes the Universe throws you a bone. Nothing was waiting for us when we cleared atmo and Nika flew us out of Hera without a hitch. She sounded surprised and relieved when she hit the all-ship with the news.
         “We’re in the clear, guys.” Her voice sounded scratchy and I made a note to check the speaker. “I'm going to keep watch for a bit, but we're on course and steady for Blue Sun.”
         “Copy that. I’m coming forward,” I called back and keyed the comm off. I took one last look round the engine room, saw everything was running well within the norm and left for the bridge. I gained the passenger lounge and was halfway through it when Mike stirred in his jump seat. I changed course to check him. Maybe whatever the bastards had doped him up with was wearing off. Hope made me float inside, even as dread of what I’d find weighed me down. His eyes were open. He gave no sign he saw me. I knelt on the deck in front of him and said his name.
         “Mike. It’s Irina. Can you hear me?”
         I put a hand on his knee and gave it a shake.
         No reaction.
         Damn.
         The jump seat was small and never intended for long-term use. After a couple of hours, even a lightweight would be sore from sitting in it. We had staterooms aplenty going to waste, I knew, and as we had with the receptionist bot, we had the means to strap Mike down if we needed to.
         “Let's get you up.” I rose and unbuckled the harness securing him. “Put you somewhere more comfortable—.”
         He made no sound, I had no warning. He struck out and had me in a sleeper hold between one breath and the next. I slammed a fist on his elbow to loosen his grip. Anyone else would have jerked away, numbed to the wrist. Not Mike. His forearm tightened around my neck and I felt the blood in my head go thin.
         Oh God, he doesn’t know me... And I'm running out of time.
         “Mike,” I rasped, and hit his arm again. “Let go. Let it go.”
         His free hand found my hair and grabbed it, and I felt the neck-snap coming.
         “Mike.... Misha, please.”
         My feet left the deck and I closed my eyes, and forgave him.

         I should say here that had I been thinking straight I would have waited for Nika to join me before getting near Mike. Which just goes to show where my head was that day.

         “Carter! Stand down!”
         Nika’s voice rang out, brisk as a slap, and I felt Mike hesitate. I elbowed him hard in the gut, and rammed my boot heel against his shin and dug for his instep. Mike hit the deck and took me with him. His grip loosened and I scrambled free on the last bit of my air. My scalp stung, my head swam, but I got to my feet and spun to face him. He didn’t know me and right now, I didn’t know him. Never let sentiment cloud your judgement, he’d once told me. It doesn’t matter if you’ve just gone to bed with the guy. If it comes down to a fight, keep your head in the game and show no mercy.
         Too late, I remembered his advice and cursed myself for an idiot.
         “Grab his arm,” Nika said as she stalked closer. “Get him back in the jump seat. Until Arden’s in shape to help him, the jump seat’s gonna have to do.”
         I coughed, disliking it, but did as ordered. Mike had gone blank again, the fire in him snuffed out, and he offered no resistance. When we were done strapping him in, I cleared my throat and said, keeping my eyes on Mike, “We can’t keep him there forever. He’s going to need to eat, go to the head, get up and stretch. Eventually.”
         “Yeah, he will.” Nika tested the buckles, found them secure. She stepped back out of range and nailed me with a hard stare, her tone quiet and stern to match. “But you don’t do it alone, with no backup and no one knowing what you’re up to. You know better than anyone just how fast he can kill a man.”
         She was right. Had she not gotten impatient waiting for me on the bridge, she’d be saying those words over my corpse. Assuming Mike had left anyone alive to find me.
         “Don’t let him loose again, Rina,” she continued. "If he’s hallucinating and gets away from you, he could kill one of us or we could be forced to kill him. And I didn’t go through all this mess just to shoot his ass in the middle of the Black.”
         I was past caring what happened to me, but the threat posed to Mike’s safety got me thinking again. My thoughts settled and focused.
         “You’re right. I was stupid. It won’t happen again.” I smoothed an errant strand of hair from Mike’s forehead, and under my fingers I felt no response. The man who’d been my savior and my talisman against my inner demons was no longer there. His blank stare was a vicious stab in the gut and I had to look away. I took a deep breath and got a grip….and got back to business. Mike was now a job, like any other, and the knowledge burned like acid. I faced Nika and said, “And when we deal with him, I say we each keep a patch ready, and slap him unconscious if he goes off again.”
         Nika shrugged: no harm, no foul, it said. Then she flicked a glance at Mike and her expression softened, clearly remembering something. It was there and then it was gone and she said to me gently, “Go ahead and sit with him. I gotta check in on Christian and Arden.”
         “Spasiba.” I flipped down the jump seat next to Mike’s and sat down. That lock of hair was in his eyes again. I smoothed it back. I heard Nika withdraw and I said as she turned away, “Thank you. Call me if you need me.”
         They say that coma victims can hear you when they’re unconscious. I took Mike’s hand in mine, stroked his hair and talked to him. Little things, innocent things, nothing that dealt with war or captivity or torture. Through it all, he kept his hazel eyes fixed on the opposite wall and after an hour I had to stop. I got one of the others to spell me and walked straight to the crew head. I had the shower to myself. I stripped, turned the water on full blast and held myself under the icy spray, where no one could hear me grieve.

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