Forgotten Freedom:13
Last Plot -- Plot Line Home -- Next Plot
(Sharn, city of towers)
(A hooded figure walks through the crowd, his black cloak completely covering his body, he walks up to one of the contacts of the Forgotten Freedom, one of V's buddies (Bob), who recently aided their escape from the Breland agents)
Hooded Figure: (Raises a gauntleted hand and withdraws a ransom poster from his cloak, a hissing voice issues from the hood) Where are theysss?
Bob: I... don’t know what you're talking about, I haven’t seen them, whoever they are
Hooded Figure: (Turns and gestures behind him, six more enter the room) I heard that, you wheresssss the lasssst one to ssseee themsss, I repeat, where are theysss?
Bob: I don’t know nothin'! (Reaches under the counter for his repeating crossbow)
(A hooded figure in the background draws a Throwing knife and pins Bob's arm to the counter)
Hooded Figure 2#: He knowssss, we should torture himssss.
Bob: (Sniveling now) Don’t, please, I know where they're headed, they're headed to Sarlona, following this guy... named Sa'vor, please don’t hurt me, please.
Hooded Figure 3#: Sssssa'vor? What do you know of him?
Bob: I only met him once, about a month or two back, before the bank job, he was tall, slightly elvish.
(They mutter amongst themselves)
Hooded Figure: Thankssss you, (turns to the others) Clear the sssstreetsss, this fire sssstartss now (the hooded Figure sets fire to the shop with a small fireball, then they all leave)
(A normal day on the Forgotten Freedom, Chalky chases Squishy, John seeks enlightenment, Pholly explodes... twice, Michael gets beaten by Lisa and so on and so forth, a normal day)
Dooj: My god, we got so much swag, I could afford to get myself a slave!
Devon: We could afford multiple slaves!
Micheal: And we still have that brewery map!
Kithle: Yes, it all went well, too well ...
John: Yes, it does seem like we got off easily.
Jarlot: We... HIC... wessshhh did... well (collapses)
Marish: Yeah and we got rid of all those redshirts we didn't need, and that creepy Sa'vor guy, he was always planning or plotting somthing.
Kithle: We all are always plotting somthing, exept, maybe Pholly, I think too many of his brain cells have been lost due to concussive blasts from explosions and anyway, I still couldn't find his brains.
Jhonny: Me like Brains!!!
V: I've just had a letter delivered by pigeon, Bob's dead, his shop burned to the ground, just yesterday, from eyewitness accounts, seven cloaked figures left the scene.
Kithle: Well. that could be just about anyone, everyone wears cloaks nowdays.
V: These were black cloaked and hooded, supposedly, twenty peasnts were killed after the fire, blood drained, one of them was found with ... no bones ...
Lisa: VAMPIRES! God I hate those things.
Dooj: ( shivers) I hate vampires, it's bad enough meeting King Kaius the third, but (shivers) imagine meeting and fighting seven of them!
V: Bob knew where we were going, to Sarlona, the vampires will obviously follow us there, we shouldn't go.
Andrea: Vampires are no big deal, they're just like normal undead, they can be rebuked, they just have intelligence, that's all.
Jarlot: ( snores)
Stupid: beep, beep, beep
Kithle: Well, we shouldn't fight them, their brains don't taste good, we should go somewhere else .
Dooj: I second that opinion.
V: Third.
Kithle: Against?
( two raise their hands)
Kithle: For?
( everyone exept Jonny and Stupid)
Kithle: Undecided?
( no hands)
V: Well, that's settled .
Norbaz: So if we aren't going to Sarlona, where? If we stick around Khorvaire, then they'll know that we're trying to fake them out. Should we hit the Frostfell, Xen'drick, or Argonesse?
Elemental: How about Xen'drick? Do a little giant hunting, eh. Seriously, we haven't tormented them enough.
Kanatash: Xen'drick sounds good to me too. I would really prefer not to have to deal with the ****ed off dragons we are sure to encounter in Argonesse and there isn't much to do in Frostfell.
John the Keel: I'm sorry, Xen'drick.
"Crikey! This week on the Dinosaur Hunta, we track down the elusive lesser-spotted clawfoot of Xen'Drick's Ruinous Plains, and study them through my tried and true method of ******* them off and seeing how they react!
Blimey, there's one of the Sheila's now... Steady on, girl, you're awright... Gotcha!
Crikey, this Sheila's really ******! I've got to be careful, she's got enough teeth make me into beetroot, and breath hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
I just need to get my arm around her ne- AUGH! SHE'S GOT ME! I'M NOT DICTATING ANYMORE! STOP WRITING AND SHOOT HER!"
Pholly is working late in his lab. A few flasks are suspended over bunsen burners, and a couple are labeled and stored on a shelf. The labels bear names like "should go boom", "I think it works", and "Got no clue what this will do, but it's gonna be impressive." A large 20 gallon jug of liquid, which is frothing so hard it's making the jug rattle, is labeled 'Throw REALLY hard'.
Pholly: Okay, vampires. Vampires. They don't like holy water or silver. Hmmm... I think I can mix in some of that with my alchemist's stuff. Should react nicely when it hits them. Lemme see what Ive got.....
Pholly reaches in amidst the flasks and removes one from a burner. He tenatively sips. "Hmm... Not bad. I guess theres something to this 'hot drinking chocolate' after all." He returns the flask to the burner, and turns back to his formulae.
Lisa pokes her head into the lab, looking a bit confused. "Pholly, I thought the captain told you no mixing after 7 pm? What do you think you're doing?"
Pholly: Well, word has it were going to be facing vampire-y things. So I figured a special Holy Silver Alchemist's fire would come in handy.
Lisa: Are you sure that's such a good idea? What if it blew up? The holy water content would bless half the crew out of existence, including that creepy, pervy Micha....... Great idea, Pholly. Stay the course!
Lisa leaves, and Pholly returns to his work. He reaches for the chocolate flask, but is so lost in thought, that he grabs the wrong one. He drinks and replaces the flask, then stops. His stomach burbles ominously. Pholly bolts from the lab, hands over his rump. "MICKEY, LITTLE HELP! I DID IT AGAIN!!!"
Kithle: (Sneaks into lab while Pholly is away) hhhmmm let's see... this and this go here and let's mix a little bit of this and so when he adds this and a let's put a barrel of this under the table, and hide on the other end of the ship. This will get him for sure, he may be blast proof but that won't help against this. (sneaks out)
(Somewhere in Sarlona, the hooded figures stand around a campfire of violet flames, they appear to be talking to a apparition within the flames)
Hooded Figure 1#: We couldn't findsss them, dread Missstresss, we seek your forgivenesssss
Apparition: Fools! Bunglers! You call yourselves the greatest warriors of your times! I should have left you in the streets all those years back when the plague had its hold over you!
Hooded Figure 2#: Itssss not ourss fault, theysss must have been warned, theyss must havess more contacts withinsss the city, they have leftsss the continents of Sssarlona and hKorvaire, we believessss they have gone to either Frossstfell orsss Xen'drick, though there'sss a slight chance of them goingssss to Argonesson.
Hooded Figure 3#: Theysss would not have goness to Argonesson, they would not risk the threat of the dragonsssss
Apparition: So where would they have gone, fools?
Hooded figure 1#: (clicks his mailed fingers) We do not knowsss, but theysss have had an ally in the passsst that issss a friendss of oursss.
(The seventh and sixth hooded figures drag in the form of Sa'vor, he is in his humanoid form, many cuts and burns mark his body, he hangs limply from their grip, they drop him before the flames)
Apparition: Sa'vor? So, that is where you hath been sheltering all these years, amongst those pathetic Pirates, a being of such nobility reduced to cowering amungst curs! (the apparition laughs high and shrill)
Sa'vor: So, it's you, then, is it? And no I have not been hiding there all these years, just recently. What brings you to finding them then?
Hooded figure 5#: You willss addressss her with the title dread mistressss, cur! (kicks Sa'vor)
Apparition: You wonder why I seek them? Isn't it obvious?
Sa'vor: (smiles) Of course, you seek him, the prophecized one.
Naz'roth: Be careful, they will kill us if they assume we know too much. Sa'vor: She won't, I'm too important to kill, she needs me.
Apparition: Yes, I seek him, you must know whom he is, you were with that crew for a while, yes?
Sa'vor: Yes, I do (pushes himself to his feet), but I won't tell you, you have to find him yourself, as per the Prophecy.
Hooded figure 7#: (his voice is slightly echoed rather than hissing) He speaks the truth, Dread mistress, the Prophecy states that " she shall findss him, only her alone will find him, and upon finding him the prophecy will begin.."
Apparition: So, you know where they will have gone?
Sa'vor: Of course, they will have gone to Xen'drick, there's more treasure to be found there.
Naz'roth: We should escape and warn them. Sa'vor: Yes, we shall, soon as well.
Somewhere in Xen'drick, the crew now journey in a forwards direction, hopelessly lost.
Dooj: Is it me or are we lost?
Kithle: Well done, must have taken you hours to figure that one out, DESPITE the fact that the captain just mentioned it a second ago.
Dooj: Oh, I wondered what gave me the idea.
Jhonny: We lost?
Andrea: Yes, Jhonny, we lost.
Jhonny: That make Jhonny sad.
John: Indeed, we are lost, we've passed this mountain twice today.
Dooj: How do you know? They all look the same to me.
John: They would.
(The crew bickers for about half an hour before night falls, then they all go indoors and sleep)
(The bloody body of Sa'vor drops to the deck)
Sa'vor: Ow.
Naz'roth: Falling from two hundred feet will hurt. Sa'vor: No, really, I had no idea! Naz'roth: I was only pointing out the flaw in your plan, the fact that arrow wounds through your wings will make you fall quite quickly. Sa'vor: You could have helped! Naz'roth: I was, the only reason that we were flying was because of me. Sa'vor: You have a point there, now let's find the Captain before the Keel or Paladin or even Kithle finds us.
(Sa'vor creeps across the deck, blue blood forming small pools as he walks)
(Chalky follows the trail and finds Sa'vor)
Chalky: Poor little traitorous half-dragon one, all alone and helpless.
Sa'vor: Hello, Chalky, how's things?
Chalky: Better, now I've found you, dragon always tasted good.
Sa'vor: I can see why, ( raises a hand) now back away before I blow a hole in you.
Chalky: You wouldn't dare, I would attact the attention of the keel.
Sa'vor: True, but I'm not in the mood for arguments from feral changelings.
Chalky: Suit yourself. (walks off)
(Sa'vor walks across the desk quietly, and moves towards the captain's quarters, Lisa appears out of nowhere)
Lisa: Hold it right there, Demon.. Dragon thing, your foul taint shall not last one more second.
Sa'vor: Oh ****.
(Lisa smashes his skull in with her hammer)
Lisa: Well, that was easy.
(Sa'vor's bloody corpse hits the ground and remains there oozing)
John: Wha? what was that?
Lisa: I just killed Sa'vor.
John: That easily?
Lisa: Yeah, he was in pretty bad shape before but... oh no, he was defenseless and I killed him... he was evil though.
John: I'll pretend I didn't see anything.
Lisa: Thank you.
John: You're welcome, didn't like the guy anyway.
(Now as Sa'vor hovers as a incorpereal spirit,
Sa'vor: THAT REALLY HURT!! Naz'roth: And now the real fun begins. Sa'vor: How? my death caused us to fuse. Naz'roth: Exactly, I have a demonic failsafe, watch.
(Greeen light swells around the corpse of Sa'vor, healing its wounds, strengthening it)
Sa'vor: Interesting Naz'roth: Exactly, why do you think they called me Naz'roth of Legion?
(The spirit jumps into the repaired body) (Sa'vor gets to his feet, his form shimmers and sparks with black energy, the shimmering stops)
Sa'vor: (raises a hand before him) It's amazing, like sunlight in your veins, like the elements are mine to command! I can hear the blood sing in the veins of all around me and mine, I can hear their hearts!
Lisa: I thought you were dead!
Naz'roth: Naz'roth of Legion never dies.
John: I remember hearing someone saying they're immortal before...
Sa'vor: True, I have to warn you, you may have thought I was powerful but can't imagine how powerful what's chasing you is, those vampires are only the beginning.
(Jarlot leaves his quarters)
Jarlot: Oh no, not you again.
Sa'vor: You can't stop her, there's no stopping her until she gets what she wants, the Prophesized One.
(Norbaz comes up from below deck, sees Sav'or... goes back below deck instead of staying to deal with this predicament.)
Pholly: What the hell is this stuff, I didn't make this, ITS EATING ME OH DEAR HOST ITS EATING ME HELP I'M STUCK AND THIS GOO IS EATING ME.
Kithle: Oh dammit, Sa'vor, did you have come back now, I finally figured out a way around whatever is protecting the redshirt. You just ruined a moment for me. Immortality is not always an advantage. Personally I'd like to find out how this "Immortality" of yours interacts with a lobotomy.
Mickey, Michael and Dooj are playing poker in the lounge. Mickey is soused to the gills, Dooj doesn't know how to play, and Michael is taking advantage of both of them.
Michael: Okay, Dooj. My ace beats your two eights, two aces and a jack. I win.
Dooj: Okay. Hey, You had the aces and eights last time, and it beat my ace. You cheat'n me?
Mickey: (tossing back a Lesser Restore-schlager) Who cares?
Pholly goes running through the lounge, stark naked. Lisa is chasing after him with her hammer, and hollering something about decency even among the indecent. Pholly is screaming that his lack of clothing isn't his fault, that the goo ate his clothes.
Mickey, Dooj, and Michael look downt the corridor after Pholly and Lisa. Devon strolls in.
Devon: Hey, you guys seen Pholly and Lisa?
Mickey: I saw something.
Dooj: I'm kind of wishing that I hadn't seen it.
Devon: Okay, just wondering. Deal me in, will ya?
Kithle: Dammit all to Khyber. Why won't he DIE?!
Lisa: So, evil being, who is the chosen one?
Sa'vor: Why should I tell you that? You will all find out when they catch us ..( shivers) and I'm not letting that happen, not while blood still flows through my veins.
John the keel: So this prophecy is bad?
Sa'vor: Very, badder than even Naz'roth and I could be.
Kithle: So, you're immortal?
Sa'vor: Yes and no.
Kithle: How so?
Sa'vor: I'm not telling you that.
Naz'roth: Reading our mind won't help, I can block it.
Kithle: Damn.
Jarlot: So, how powerful is this woman that we must face? And who is she?
Sa'vor: I can't tell you that, you have to find out for yourself and they know you're here.
Jarlot: Thank you for the warning, crew, take him to the brig and throw him into the containment cell for demons/ extra-planar beings!
(Lisa and Kithle grab Sa'vor's arms and lead him below deck)
Andrea: Well that's intresting, so, what are we going to do?
Jarlot: Hand in Sa'vor for the reward money, he gets found by the vampires, then we run very far away from here.
Andrea: That simple?
Jarlot: We could always hold him in the cells and wait for the vampires to come, then use him as a get out of jail free card.
Andrea: Can we torture him?
Jarlot: If you wish.
(Much later, after being tortured by various crew members for many hours, Sa'vor hangs limply from the chains, Kanatash floats before him)
Kanatash: So, how shall we begin?
Sa'vor: Well, I've already had thumb screws, cutting on me, flensing knives, had fingers shut in desk drawers, holy water, silver, garlic and anything else involving physical torture, now they're trying Sarlonan water torture, I've also been liquid keelhauled ... twice.
Kanatash: How about a run through your lives' memories ?
Naz'roth (through Sa'vor): Yes, please, I want to see those Couatl burn in the demon wars!
Kanatash: How about witnessing the horrors of Xoriat?
Sa'vor: Okay then, can't be worse than what I've already seen at the hands of those vampires.
(An hour later, screams emit from the cell)
Kanatash: I think it's working.
Kithle: It's my turn next, I want him alive, I thought he was already insane.
Kanatash: I know, I'm just making him more insane, what are you going to torture him with?
Kithle: Some of Devon's poetry. (both shudder)
(Another hour later, Sa'vor is in his cell alone)
Naz'roth: I've never heard worse poetry in all my life. Sa'vor: My ears are bleeding, and what I saw in that scrying bowl, that is true madness, the Daelkyr are pretty weird guys.... Naz'roth:The crew actually flew throught that! Sa'vor: I was just starting to enjoy the pain and they stopped. Naz'roth: Devon's next, followed by Chalky, I really hate to think what he has cooked up, Devon will probabaly read us some more of that.... poetry... if you could call it that, or he'll show us his amazing chat-up line collections, I just hope he doesn't know the Worm-do one .... Sa'vor: They'll need us soon, it won't be long before those vampires show up, I'm itching to get them back for beating us Naz'roth: Oh no, here comes Devon...
Kithle: I have a request, Devon, Worm-do. Your little friend maybe able to block your secrets of immortality, but he is slipping on the trivia.
Sa'vor: You bastard.
Kithle: This is why I love my job. Also the reason I put up with the lousy pay. Note to self: Next chance I get eat the brains of a master artificer. Merrix d'Cannith if I can get at him. Now I'll let Devon get started, and as to Chalky, let's just say he has been taking notes from both Smig and Norbaz. *Insert Maniacal Laughter*
Sa'vor: Hey, cut it out, that's my job.
Kithle: Hello, that's what I do.
When no-one's looking, Slip sneaks down to the cell where Sa'vor is being held.
Sa'vor: Who the **** are you?
Slip: I don't exist.
Sa'vor: *mutters* What manner of torture are you planning? I've had it all. Anyway, what have I ever done to you?
Slip: *flames encasing her hand* "You're getting blood all over my ship. Those wounds really ought to be cauterized. Don't worry, in a silence spell, no one can hear you scream."
(Screams)
Lisa: Whatever happened to the reversed Stupid, uuhhhhmm Scholar wasn't it?
Kithle: *BUUURRRRRRRRP*
Lisa: *Glares*
Kithle: In my defense he knew meteorswarm, nightstalker transformation, and tenser's transformation.
Lisa: *confused* Do warforged even have a physical brain?
Kithle: Wouldn't know I talked him into polymorphing into a bear first. Just to be sure.
Lisa: Why do I tolerate you?
Kithle: Because, aside from Norbaz, I'm the only one on board with whom you can have a meaningful discussion without resorting to the hammer in less than 2 minutes, and the cooky is always busy this time of day.
Lisa: By the Flame, have I really fallen so far?
Kithle: Not yet, but you almost lost it when we were torturing Sa'vor and you helped.
Lisa: *Groans*
Kithle: Well see ya, I sat through 3 hours of John the Keel and the path of enlightenment. Now I'm going to repeat it back to Pholly word for word until his head explodes.
Lisa: You shouldn't... oh, what's the point.
The door to Sa'vor's cell creaks open as Norbaz enters pushing a large cart.
Savor: And what torture, pray tell, will you visit upon me in this hour.
Norbaz: Nothing, actually. I'm not scheduled to torture you until tomorrow, it's mealtime.
Norbaz removes a large tray from the cart, it seems to be a large rack of beef. Then he sets a large bowl of almost glowing, thick, red bubbling liquid.
Norbaz: Beef and Chili is the order of the day. Enjoy.
As Norbaz pushes the cart out, Michael and Dooj step in.
Michael: We're here to make sure you eat, and you don't have anything left to hide as a weapon.
Dooj: You're not getting a fork or spoon either, too risky.
Michael: And don't even think of trying to use the chili to escape, we've downed enough potions of acid resistance to keep this up all night.
(Jarlot has recently left with Marish to buy supplies in a local town, they left on a small scouting skiff to make sure they don't attract the attention of their vampire enemies, now Jarlot and Marish return)
Jarlot: Well, that whent better than expected
Marish: We got into TWELVE bar fights, two brawls, sixteen major scuffles, and a small fistfight.
Jarlot: All in all, a good day.
Marish: Just tell me you managed to get the supplies
Jarlot: Of course, beer, more beer, liquor and gruel.
Marish: Well, that's settled.
They approach the Forgotten Freedom, something is terribly wrong, a black Warairship is moored to the ship.
Jarlot: Mercs! Right, they've probably already seen us, Marish, you keep on flying and I'll use these boots of levitation we stole to gain acess to the ship.
They dock, Jarlot drops off the deck silently and proceeds to find an opening, he finds the sewerage shaft.
Jarlot: Oh great.
After many an hour he manages to work his way into the ship, now he stands in the Cargo bay when a voice calls through a magical speaker.
Merc boss: Come out, Captain Jarlot, and surrender to us, its no use, we know you're on the ship, we have your crew hostage.
Jarlot sneaks through the ship to the armoury.
Meanwhile in the bridge
Merc 1#: We have found all the crew, we have identified them through their payslips, in the treasury we have found the ones known as Squishy and Tabitha, all passengers and crew have been captured, all the cells are empty, exept one, where we found a bound and gagged goblin ninja.
Merc Boss: Excelent, now all you have to do is to capture the captain, proceed to lead the crew onto the deck of our ship.
Merc 2#: Sir yes, sir! (salutes) (all crew members are led to the deck of the mercs' ship)
Dooj: (whispers to Andrea) Shoudn't we be planning an escape?
Andrea: Impossible, you saw how quickly the captured us.
Kithle: If I heard right, Sa'vor wasn't in his cell.
Micheal: Doesn't that mean he escaped?
Ketler: But that's impossible, I created the cell myself, it's enchanted and made from a combination of silver and adamantine, even if he did escape the chains, the containment spells, the force fields, he would have to use a key gem, there's only one of them.
Norbaz: The goblin ninja had that, didn't she?
(All groan)
Dooj: Has the captain got a chance at beating the Mercs?
Ketler: Maybe.
(At the armoury, Jarlot approaches the door stealthily, he almost reaches for it before a roguh and bloody hand grabs him around the mouth and pulls him into the shadows)
Jarlot: What was that for?
Sa'vor: If you want to die, go ahead, there's twelve guards waiting in there, they'd cut you apart.
Jarlot: Okay, but how did you escape?
Sa'vor: I could always escaped, I was just waiting for the opportunity to be useful, though the wards caused me some trouble. ( massages his burned hands)
Jarlot: So what now?
Naz'roth: It's tactically imperative that we take them out one by one, then we assault the leader with deadly force and free the others.
Jarlot: Right, what weapons do you have?
Sa'vor: None, you took the ones that I brought on me and the others where stolen by the vampires, though my claws and teeth should be sufficent.
Jarlot: Well, I have a plan, would you mind being bait?
Sa'vor: No, better than being read that horrible poetry.
Jarlot: Okay then.
Later in the cargo bay, four mercs walk in, swords drawn.
Merc 1#: Come out, come out wherever you are.
(Sav'or leaps our of the shadows and blasts one with a blast of energy, this is absorbed into the merc)
Sa'vor: Oh ****.
(The mercs raise a hand each and blasts of green light strike Sa'vor and knock him backwards into the wall, They advance with swords parallel, twelve steps later a scythe swings at head height from the wall and decapitates them)
Naz'roth: (picks himself up from the floor) IMMUNE TO MAGIC! THATS HOW THEY OVERCAME THE CREW SO QUICKLY! That's brilliant.
Just as Jarlot and Sa'vor finish with the mercs, Kanatash floats through the deck.
Kanatash: Bravo, quite a nice trick captain.
Jarlot: Where the did you come from?
Kanatash: Well, I made a point to avoid the Mercs when they proved they were easily overpowering the crew, and being incorporeal they never even knew I was there.
Jarlot: But the mercs said that they had the entire crew.
Sa'vor: Yes, I understand that they identified everyone from their payslips.
Kanatash: All of that is true, but you see the captain here does not pay me, being incorperal I have no bodily functions to meet and have no need of material wealth, or at least that is his justification for it. (glares at Jarlot) I stay anyways, though, for the many opportunities to commit acts of evil and madness this ship provides.
Sa'vor: Well then, what do we do now?
Jarlot: Hm, you and I had best continue our guerilla tactics for now, but I don't know what good Kanatash can be since they seem to be immune to his powers.
Kanatash: On the contrary. They are immune to MAGIC. My powers are unhindered. In fact, I have already picked off one merc and have another two under mind control.
Sa'vor: Well, that does change things a bit.
Kanatash: Yes, and may I suggest that we try to make a point to preserve a brain or two? I'm sure Kithle will be interested in seeing if he can... appropriate... that magic immunity they possess.
The crew is shackled in a room, muttering and mumbling, and generally blaming the whole thing on someone else.
Mickey: Hey, where's Pholly? I don't see him anywhere?
Lisa: Oh, they havent tried to lock him up. They aren't brave enough to enter his lab.
Michael: I'll be damned, the little weirdo has a use after all.
Lisa: We already know you're damned, you lecherous drunk.
Dooj: Wheres Tabitha? She's not here either.
Lisa: She's helping these brigands do their taxes. I dont know who's the more evil in that reguard.
Mickey: Okay, but where's Devon? And the cook?
Lisa: Oh, Devon is in the corner. The wasted no time in gagging him and knocking him out when they heard his poetry. They seemed to work the head and shoulders rather thoroughly.
Mickey: What about the cook?
Lisa: Simple survival. Hes the only one that the food actually fears, so they keep him in the kitchen to keep the food from attacking.
Klaz: Crikey! They've got us in chains! This doesn't look good, mates!
Marish: I dunno... it kind of reminds me of my glory days. *smiles*
Doog: Yeah, yeah, whatever... Klaz, who cares? We all know it looks bad! We've got eyes!
Klaz: Whoa there! No need to get arsed up, mate! I've got a plan!
Doog: Awww man... not again...
Klaz: No, no, this one will work, trust me *flashes way too big smile with a conspiratorial wink*
Doog: Well, what do we have to lose anyway... certainly not our pride...
Klaz: It's simple! Tease Ajihazi!
Ajihazi: What!?
Doog: I fart in your general direction, your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!
Ajihazi: Hey, that was a cheap shot!
After several more minutes of insults...
Dooj: I ridicule you, you pflithy, English Kan-Igget!!
Ajihazi: I'M NOT AN ENGLISH KNIGHT!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Guard 1: Oh ****! He's going Super Saiyan or something! Someone knock him out!
Guard 2: (Advances and knocks Ajihazi out with the butt of his repeating crossbow) Phew, that was close. For a second there I thought he was going to -
Dooj: (Loops the chain of his manacles around Guard 2's neck) *crack* "Man, this is my new Chain of Command, baby!"
Guard 1: ****! (whips up his crossbow, just as Klaz flicks the dead guard's crossbow up with his feet and fires) - *thunk!*
Dooj: You're uglier than the old crone from scene 24! And weigh more than a duck!
Marish: (As they're looting the bodies and unlocking their manacles) Dooj, we're out. Why are you still insulting Ajihazi?
Dooj: (Taking a well-concealed Bourbon of Bull's Strength from the lining of his vest and skulling it) Why not?
Kithle: OKAY THATS IT, NOW I'M MAD, RIGHTEOUS MIGHT, TENSER'S TRANFORMATION, RRRRRAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHGG (rage). BEHOLD THE UBER-ILLITHID. CRRRAAAACKKK (chains go bye-bye)
Chalky: Hey, putzers little thing. I'm a shapeshifter. ALL YOUR KNEECAPS ARE BELONG TO US.
Slip: They always forget me. *nightstalkers transformation* Time for some stabbity death.
Ketler: Chains, CHAINS, you insult me.
Andrea: Rusting grasp. Too bad that immunity only goes so far.
Ninja Jaelas: Oh come on, did you really think you would catch us. *shuriken storm*
Pholly: Its breakout time, *****es. *rushes out covered in flasks of alchemical mayhem* AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE
Norbaz: Rise, my minions, and destroy all who oppose your creator.
Elemental: Give me back my crew, they're my pets and I don't have to share.
John: Please, I'm begging you, just run while you still can.
Old dwarf lady: Soup, dear? Be careful, it's a mitewarm.
Random Merc: OH HOST MY EYES.
Smig: I summon the forces of nature to my aide. Rise my Pigeons and coat the unworthy in your rage.
After a long and hard fought battle involving much dirty fighting and swearing, the crew have been supressed once more, this time by the pure magical might of the Merc Captain.
Merc Captain: You fools really thought you could stop me! I mock your petty attempts at freedom, see my mocking! FWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, now, where is the captain going to go next?
Kithle: Like I'd tell you that. (in his thoughts) He's probably heading for the armoury and then Ketler's lab, he'd next go and pick up Pholly as a human shield.
Merc Captain: Really, now who was in that cell, we know it wasn't the goblin ninja, we have overheard that it was occupied by another member of the crew, and thanks to your Tabitha, we know it's some kind of half-dragon hybrid. But what is his name? Tabitha's memory is strangely blank on that factor and all crew records have been erased.
Kithle: Jimmy the war midget.(in his thoughts) Well it's Sa'vor and that Naz'roth dwelling in his mind, I'd like to eat their brains some time ... I wonder what dragon brains taste like?
Merc Captain: Good, now, (walks over to the communications officer) send a message to these coordinates, (a list of coordinates),
Comm Officer: Patching through now, sir.
(A magical holo-gram appears, within it stands a being wreathed in violet flames)
Apparition: Do you have them?
Merc Captain: Yes my liege, all but those named Jarlot and Sa'vor, some of the crew think of a being named Kanatash.
Apparition: So that's where the half-dragon got to, my flagship will be here shortly.
(In the background, Lucky screams somthing about a huge air-ship with an aura of death)
Merc Captain: Of course, my liege.
Meanwhile
Sa'vor: (screams and drops to his knees clutching his temples)
Kanatash: What? What is it? Let me in your mind.
Kanatash probes into his mind, within swirls eternal images of battles, fires, death, blood, gore and millions of glowing runes
Naz'roth: Greetings Kanatash, welcome to the abyss which is Our mind.
Kanatash: (looks at some of the battles) Interesting, so, where are your magical secrets?
Naz'roth: Like I'd tell you, well, to the matter of hand, the thing thats affecting Sa'vor is the presence of a ship known as the Harbinger. The aura of death around the ship is so strong that it affects the highly tuned spiritual sense of dear Sa'vor here, he can't drown it out, he must listen, unlike me. I am shielded by his mind.
Kanatash: All right, tell me about this ship, what makes it so powerful? It's a seafaring ship?
Naz'roth: No, an airship, an ancient artifact of bygone days, it's forged from Darkwood in which the souls of thousands of demons and mortals have been bound, its elemental ring is powered by a creature called ( a brief sounding of demonic syllables) or in your tongue, Soul Harrow, a elementalist demon, he became an elemental through magical means, then he was imprisoned by the being that controls this ship.
Kanatash: How powerful is Soul Harrow?
Naz'roth: An Arch-demon, about twice as powerful as me as I am now. In my full power I was forty times as powerful as he was, though without the artifacts wich hold four of the five parts of my soul I am weak. Once i get them back I would be able to destroy that ship and its commander, but she insists in tormenting me, alas, I am reduced to stealing.
Kanatash: Who is this being, this she?
Naz'roth: In the age of demons there were four of us, the most powerful Matriarchs and Patriarchs of our race, we were Xantral, Queltrish and Ullzul, and of course me. When the couatls sacrificed themselves to bind our kind, I along with them were bound into crystal prisons, our power was separated from us by using dark magics of soul splitting and placing them into our main artifacts. The being I talk of is Ullzul the seductress, she delighted in luring mortals to her when we were free, of course, she found a way to escape, now she wants her full power back, she must fullfill a prophecy rather than gather artifacts like I and the others must.
Kanatash: Who is the prophecised one then?
Naz'roth: Our fair captain, Jarlot.
Kanatash: Really?
Naz'roth: (nods) We must make sure she doesn't complete the prophecy.
Kanatash: How?
Naz'roth: By killing him if we have to.
Kanatash: How do we stop Sa'vor from screaming?
Naz'roth: I'll have to take control.
(Kantash is forced from Sa'vor's mind)
(Naz'roth rises to his feet, black flames flowing around his form, he transforms into the form used in their battle over the gauntlet)
Jarlot: All better?
Naz'roth: Much.
Kithle: Soooo boooored *in his head* Note this merc captain is now on my list of brains to eat. Might want to have John nuke the creepy boat.
(Aboard the Harbinger)
Ullzul: Is the Forgotten Freedom within sight?
Hooded Figure 1#: Yesss, dread mistressss.
Ullzul: Prepare to pull up alongside the Forgotten Freedom. ( the Hooded Figure raises his hand and a large group of Imps begin to work)
Ullzul: Soon I will fulfill the prophecy and be at full power again, then the world will be mine for the taking. ( evil laughter)
(Aboard the Forgotten Freedom)
Naz'roth: They approach, there's no time, we'll never be able to escape!
Jarlot: Then we'll fight to the death.
Naz'roth: Don't be a fool, Jarlot, we'd never survive, and you'd be taken prisoner, me she'll just kill.
Kanatash: Look on the bright side, at least we'll die, we don't have to put up with a fiend-ruled Eberron.
Naz'roth: You call THAT a bright side? you should have seen the demonic Eberron, it was so ... beautiful.
Jarlot: How so?
Naz'roth: I have no time to describe it, we must get down to business,.
Kanatash: How can we hope to win? I mean, these Vampires you warned us about, they beat you into a pulp, how can we contend with that?
Jarlot: We should free the crew.
Naz'roth: Yes, that is the best course of action.
Jarlot: We should infiltrate the merc ship and pick off the guards one by one, then we should attack the captain, then we'll free the crew.
Naz'roth: And then die.
Jarlot: Pretty much.
Kanatash: Am I the only one disagreeing with the whole dying part?
Naz'roth: No, I hate the idea as well, its just I have nothing better to do with my time.
(Aboard the Merc Ship, a guard walks down the corridor whistling. As he turns the corner, a dark shape drops from the ceiling and proceeds in draining his blood)
Kanatash: I didn't know you could do that ...
Naz'roth: (wipes blood from his lip) It's not something I enjoy doing often, I prefer it since its silent and doesn't waste my energy, plus, blood has a nice metallic taste.
Jarlot: You ... are ... one very weird person, you know that?
Naz'roth: Yes, my ways are just different from your race. In our demonic culture, it was considered weird to NOT drink blood and NOT rip off the heads of your victims and play rugby with them.
Jarlot: Remind me never to let you regain full power.
Naz'roth: I really can't be bothered with taking over Eberron, it's a waste of my time. I'd rather manipulate all mortality to their doom over the millennia and THEN take over what's left.
Kanatash: Not before my masters turn this reality into a twisted vortex of pure chaos.
Naz'roth: That would be an improvement.
(They manage to reach the Bridge of the ship)(They enter the room to find the Merc Captain waiting for them)
Merc Captain: Greetings, Captain Jarlot, how good of you to join my little ... get-together.
Jarlot: Are we going to exchange pleasantries or are we going to fight ?
Merc Captain: Well, I was hoping for a bit more of a monologue and then a bit of beer followed by a climatic battle to the death, but it seems we'll have to cancel that.
(Jarlot draws his sword and thrusts, The Merc Captain parries with a sword of psionic energy) ' Merc Captain: Not bad, Captain, now, lets see if you can block.
Naz'roth: (sneaks behind the merc captain and breaks his neck) God, I hate that kind of villain.
Kantash: That makes you a hypocrite.
Naz'roth: Indeed it does, but I hate monolouges, I prefer to keep it short but, of course, tradition of villainy means I have to do other wise.
(Theres a horrible SNAP noise as the Merc Captain rises to his feet and readjusts his neck)
Merc Captain: Well, that was just rude. (a lance of Psionic energy pins them all to the floor)
(The door opens, and Ullzul steps through in the guise of a beautiful Human female)
Ullzul: Well done, Captain, that was quite a spectacular ending.
Merc Captain: Thank you, and if you wouldn't mind I would like my payment, in gold.
Ullzul: Of course, My Servants will give you your just reward (clicks her fingers, the Hooded figures enter)
Hooded Figure 1#: Yes, dread mistress?
Ullzul: Give him his payment.
(Hooded figure one bows and walks up to The Merc Captain, He raises a mailed hand and plunges it into the Captains chest, the captains form writhes and deflates)
Memo to the Crew
Despite our affirmative action policy; we are hereby banning all members of the Cult of the Dragon Below, Quori, and hideous monsters from the dark reaches of the universe from the crew.
Cool Cthulhu: *single tear drop*
John: Oh, well... It's kind of funny actually, the guy who's getting thrown off is one of the only honestly good people on this ship... Maybe he can find enlightenment elsewhere.
Jarlot: I don't want to hear about it. Now turn mah Ship!
John: ... okay...
Chalky: If it ain't on the list you can ignore it, if it's on the list we call it plagiarism.
Lisa: Something's going down, maybe the merc captain will be distracted.
Norbaz: All right then, crew, one more time, for booze, blood, gold, and mayhem.
Cool Cthulhu: *hides in storage bin*
Jarlot: Now maybe we'll get some sanity around here!
Kithle and Kanatash: Not if I have anything to say about it.
Norbaz rolls up his sleeve, revealing a red inky tatoo of a goliath warhammer, he presses it and it emerges from his arm, the black adamantine shimmering in the candlelight, with a mighty blow he attempts to open the door containing the crew.
Jarlot, Sa'vor, and Kanatash are standing on the bridge of the merc ship still with Ullzul and her minions.
Kanatash: Well, that plan went to hell. Time for plan B then. (telepathically to Jarlot and Sa'vor) I'll be back shortly, I'm going for reinforcements.
Kanatash's incorperal form darts into Jarlot's head and vanishes.
Meanwile Norbaz and the rest of the crew has finished of the mercs who are guarding them. Unfortunately a squad of another dozen Mercs charges through the door just then.
Norbaz: Oh, **** no. Not again...
Ketler: Can I just surrender now and save myself from a third beating today?
Right then, Kanatash is violently expelled from one of the mercs' heads using his uncarnate bridge ability and proceeds to immolate the remainder of the merc squad.
Norbaz: What the **** are you doing here?
Kanatash: Getting reinforcements. The captain and Sa'vor on the merc ship, trapped by the merc's demoness employer and her vampire lackeys, so I thought I should go acquire some help.
Norbaz: Oh, well what do you expect us to do? I'm the only one with a weapon and most of us have been thoroughly beaten by the mercs.
Michael: Did you say demoness ? (Lisa, lacking her hammer, punches him in the kidney) Ow... Ugh, yeah what now...
Kanatash: Well I took the liberty of acquiring some supplies from Ketler and Mickey's rooms. (pulls out two small sacks and dumps out a small pile of flasks and a large pile of weapons and assorted devices of mass destruction) I assumed you wouldn't mind, considering the circumstances.
Ketler: How did you know what to grab? I don't keep lists of my inventions or even label most of them.
Kanatash: After the "Giant Mooon Laser incident"(inserts left pinky into mouth and points thumb downwards) I made a point to read you mind so I would know what you were working on. Now where was I... Oh yes I have weapons mundane and magical, along with some scrolls and wands here, so help yourselves. Beyond that, I grabbed a few "special" items. (Telekinetically toses a long metal tube with a small tank attached to it towards Norbaz) This thing will fire off blasts of 12 alarm d'Norbaz chille. Its already loaded with twelve shots and I would give that tank about a half-hour burn time. I would advise against being anywhere near it after that time.
Norbaz: Out of curiosity, did you use the chili I serve or the weapons grade stuff I keep in the back?
Kanatash: The weapons grade stuff so it should turn steel to slag in under six seconds. Now Lisa, I figured you would want to go after the vampires so I have a case of enchanted undead bane silver coated wooden stakes.
Lisa: (running her hand down the side of a stake) I think I'm going to get some use out of these.
Kanatash: I figured you would. Now Andrea, I have a talisman of undead controlling. It should it make it easier for you to take command of any vampires or other undead you encounter and increase the number of undead you can control.
Andrea: (watching the light glint off a blood red skull necklace) Where have you been all my life?
Kanatash: Yes, yes. Now for Doog I have a new spiked magic chain of command with the cheap shot ability.
Doog: Cheap shot ability?
Kanatash: On a good hit it will disembowel your opponent.
Doog: Nice.
Kanatash: Then for my compatriate Kithle, I have a special invention from Ketler that will allow you to suck brains from a distance.
Kithle: Magic immunity, here I come.
Kanatash: Finally I have a device for Michael. It will cause you to temprarily polymorph into an exact duplicate of the captain.
Michael: Why are you giving me this? Why can't I get some cool weapon!
Kanatash: The reason the demoness is here is that she needs to complete some prophecy to regain her full power and to complete that prophecy she needs the captain for something. I plan to switch you with the captain so she has no chance of completing her prophecy since I don't want to face a demon lord.
Michael: And why the **** do you think I will go along with this?
Kanatash: The demoness is known as Ullzul the seductress and she delighted in luring mortals to her before she was bound by the Couatls.
Michael: Okay then.
Norbaz: Now that that's settled, do you have a plan for dealing with the other mercs on the ship?
Kanatash: Of course. I have already created a small army of Johnny, Squinty, and Melvin clones as fodder and sent them to deal with the mercs. There shouldn't be any left by now though.
Norbaz: The clones or the Mercs?
Kanatash: Preferably both. Now I still have the cloning machine warmed up for you if you want it, Ketler, but the rest of us should go rescue the captain.
Norbaz: Are they on the deck above us or below us?
Kanatash: One of the upper decks, I believe.
With reckless adandon, Norbaz fires one shot of chili at a diagonal towards the ceiling... and the ceilings of the next few levels. He then proceeds leaping up.
Norbaz: Who needs stairs, onward.
Kithle: Schlurrp!! Got you, you fugging pain in the wexlsquorp. Magic Immunity is mine at last.
Merc Captain with a long-distance labotomy: Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh?
Jarlot: SHARDS!!! I can see the back of his ruddy eyeballs.
(During the battle Ullzul and Naz'roth come face to face)
Ullzul: Naz'roth, I haven't seen you since you lay beaten and bloody before my feet.
Naz'roth: Ullzul, you seem to have sagged a bit in the last few millennia!
(she swipes at him with her talon-like nails)
Ullzul: You seem to have lost your taste, hiding within a Half-dragon elf scum? Do you have no standards?
Naz'roth: (parries her attack and takes a swipe with his scythe) Well, at least I'm not masquerading as human filth, and from my view point we were wrong to go to war with the dragons, they were far too powerful. We should have gathered our strength, WHOSE FAULT IS IT THAT WE WERE TRAPPED TO BEGIN WITH!!
Ullzul: YOU'RR BLAMING ME! (knocks the Sythe from his hands) YOUR DRAGON BLOOD HAS BLINDED YOU! Where is the once great Naz'roth of Legion? Where is Naz'roth the Great? Where is Naz'roth the Black? Where is Naz'roth Lord of Shadows? I'll tell you where! A sniveling coward within this mortal shell! (strikes Naz'roth with a blast of fire which hurls him across the room) ENOUGH! (raises her hands, a flash of crimson light paralyzes all the combatants apart from her vampire minions)
Hooded Figure 1#: We have captured the prophecisssed one, mistressss
Ullzul: (Lookes over the paralysed form of the Fake Jarlot) YOU FOOLS ! We have been tricked, the real Jarlot is gone! We will find him, but first, take Naz'roth and any crew members whom you will.
(Hooded figures bow and drag out Naz'roth and a few of the others)
(Aboard the Harbinger an hour later)
(Jarlot is dragged aboard)
Naz'roth: Great, today just gets better and better.
Andrea: How many Vampires did we kill?
Lisa: I killed at least three.
Naz'roth: In total? Five.
Ullzul: Now we have him, we shall complete the prophecy.
Naz'roth: Not quite ( stands up) you see, you have captured the wrong Prophecized one, it's me you want.
Ullzul: How can this be? we have the prophetic writings
Naz'roth: Forgeries, there is no Prophecy, aside the one concerning your slayer, me, it speaks
At the Moment of his freedom, Naz'roth of Shadows shall be bound to one of scales, Within his mind he shall access draconic blood, with this blood forged there be the one, One bound to destroy the Deamon Ullzul with fires of black, One bound to be immolated with these fires, One bound to destroyed and Free Eberron from the Foul Taint of Ullzul Prepared to Die!
(Raises a hand and speaks an enchantment, black fire shoots from his outstretched hand and encircles Ullzul, it also encircles Naz'roth)
Andrea: Then what happens to us?
Naz'roth: Flee, flee now, you are free, you shall continue your adventures and so on and so forth, oh and when she dies it causes a huge explosion, so run VERY fast. (resumes chanting)
(They run, and jump off the Deck of the Harbinger landing on the Forgotten Freedom, which speeds away)
Jarlot: are we far enough away ?
Elemental: Yes, captain.
Jarlot: Then I suggest we watch the fireworks.
(Huge explosion of black fire, thousands of souls stream from the explosion in a neverending tide)
Jarlot: I have a strange feeling we haven't seen the last of Sa'vor and Naz'roth.
Kantash: Actually we have, from my viewing of Naz'roths mind his power only works as long there is just a small part of him remaining, but nothing could have survived that.
Narrator: With Naz'roth's sacrifice, the crew is safe to continue their adventures, and pillage and burn and steal and drink.... maybe we should just leave before they notice us ...
Naz'roth and Sa'vor: *floating in the astral plane*
Sa'vor: Aren't I supposed to be in the realm of the dead and you be totally destroyed?
Naz'roth: Well you would assume so, but the DM seems to have used plot device magic to keep us around for future adventures.
Sa'vor: DM?
Naz'roth: Never mind.
Narrator: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH GODSDAMMIT CHALKY THATS MY PANCREAS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT CHILI?!?. GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. NOT THE LUNGS NOT THE LUNGS!!! MY SPINE DOESN'T GO THERE!
Last Plot -- Plot Line Home -- Next Plot
