Forgotten Freedom:26
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A village in Thrane is gathering for evening prayer.
Magical portals begin opening all around the church, which is about a large as the rest of the village put together. From these portals emerge all sorts of aberrations. Among them are grells in great suits of armor that cover all of their body, except for their tentacles, in interlocking azure plates. Their tentacles are covered in a metal mesh and wield lightning lances. Umberhulks appear that have strange metal devices on their antennae, and blades attached to their claws. From other portals come beholders, whose eye stalks that have lengthened to become long muscular tentacles. Last of the regular troops are humanoids covered in chitinous plates, wielding swords that appear to be made of nothing but a sticky ribbon, but the creatures they ride or more hideous by far. They appear to have once been scorpions, but have changed to have three gaping maws, each dripping with acidic saliva. Their tales end in great clubs, covered in cruel spikes.
From the largest portal come Volrath, Kelter, the creature that was once Pholly, and an immense creature resembling a dragon. Pholly's torso has detached from his legs by a whole foot, but kept attached by a spine, that is much longer than it should be. His rib cage has opened into a gaping maws, that gnashes its teath together hungerily. His hands have a glowing eye in each palm, and his fingernails elongated into monsterous claws. Below the kneecap on each of his legs, tentacles sprout forth, slime covered and dissolving anything they touch. His eyes have grown feral, below them his mouth has giant mandibles coming out the sides, and is continually frothing. The dragon has a tentacle where each eye should be, and two more coming off each shoulder. Gaping wounds and sores cover the abomination's entire body. Bulbous sacs have grown along the dragon's back, and continually coat it with with a green slime, that they spew forth.
Volrath steps forward and shouts in a loud voice toward the church that his aberration surround Volrath : Come forth, overly confident worshippers of an uncaring entity. Shouts of protest come from the church, as its oCool Cthulhuupant stream out. However when they see the force awaiting them they shriek with terror and attempt to scatter. Then the abominations surrounding them close in, and the massacre begins. The chitinous humanoids cut people in half with their ribbon-like blades. Beams erupt from the grells' lightning lances and electrocute the humans. Beholders disintegrate or strangle any person they come across. Waves of psionic energy form from the umberhulks' antennae and bombard the Thranes' minds, as the umberhulks' claws rend their bodies. The scorpion-like creatures club their victims and blast cones of sonic energy. Pholly picks up and young woman. The instant he touches her she goes limp, and Pholly stuffs her into his open rib cage. The dragon vomits forth a huge gout of acid, dissolving a throng of fleeing commoners. Kelter has a look of horror and disgust. In a few seconds, everything is still. All of the Thranish have been killed and their bodies either consumed or carried off.
Just as suddenly as they appeared all of the aberrations disappear thru magic portals, that form and disappear after the aberration go thru.
Muradin is walking down a hallway on the FF, not remembering how he got there. Soon he comes to a metal wall, he does not know what it is and their for runs at it with his hammer.
Muradin: MURADIN SMASH!!!
The wall goes down and Muradin finds that the room behind it is filled with booze.
Muradin:
He walks in just as Doog, Michael, and some of the other crew members hear the crash of the door.
Michael and Doog: THE BOOZE VAULT!!!!!
They get to the booze vault a minute later and see Muradin drinking it very fast (he already drank half of the bottles).
Michael: GET HIM!!!!!!!!!
Five minutes later...
Present Crew: It hurts, it hurrrrts.
Muradin: (just finishing the booze) You guys fun, bye bye.
He walks off, but no one sees that some vials are glinting on his belt...
Volrath and Ketler have just returned.
Ketler: Was that really necessary?!?!?
Volrath: Yes, yes it was.
Muradin sees Volrath and walks up to him.
Muradin: Hey buddy, I just got the last of the blood you asked for, even Lisa's.
He gives Volrath the vials.
Ketler: (shrugs) See ya.
Walks back to his Lab.
Volrath: See ya Ketler, good work, Muradin. Your reward.
Tosses Muradin a bottle.
Muradin: What this.
Volrath whispers in Muradin's ear.
Muradin: A decanter of endless Ale!!!!!!!!!
Muradin walks away drinking from it.
Muradin: :D
Volrath: (holding up the vials)
The People of Para-Elemental Plane of Ale.
Booze Elemental: NOOOOO! WE'RE BEING DRUNK DRYYYYYYY!
Norbaz, Michael, and Dooj walk through the Thranish Countryside in cloaks.
Michael: So what are we doing.
Norbaz: Killing a local cleric of the Silver Flame, an old enemy of his paid top dollar for his death.
Dooj: You're splitting the take with us, right?
Norbaz: Yeah, and you guys can keep his gear and stuff.
Michael: Sounds good. Hey, is that the town?
Norbaz: Yeah, that's i- oh sweet Khyber!
The three find the town destroyed and blood everywhere. They enter the town and look around finding no one. After a while they regather in the town square.
Michael: Something fun happened here.
Dooj: No pieces of no one, just spatter and fluid.
Norbaz: Clerics not here either, something's happened.
Soon, silver lanterns shine in the distance, marching into town an army of Paladins, Warriors, Clerics, and Templars of the silver flame advance upon the trio.
SF Leader: In the name of the Silver Flame, villains, prepare to face justice for the horrors you have committed!
Dooj, Michael, & Norbaz: Oh ****!
Kanatash I floats in on Terra meditating in her room.
Kanatash: So I hear you challenged Michael.
Terra: Yeah.
Kanatash: He left with Dooj and Norbaz a little while ago. Apparently some kind of assassination attempt.
Terra: Is that so? I hope he doesn't chicken out.
Kanatash: He won't. (pauses) By the way, why are you doing this?
Terra: Kithle asked me to get him out of plotting. It just messes with the finer details of those of us qualified to do so. Plus, I have my own score to settle with him.
Kanatash: He's just an annoyance. Why go to all this trouble?
Terra: He's like a little kid who wants to sit at the table with the grownups. I'm just showing him what it means to play with the big boys...
Kanatash: And beating him in a duel will accomplish this?
Terra: I don't intend to beat him. (her expression grows dark) I intend to break him.
Kithle: Meeting time, get your arses in here.
Sa'vor: What now?
Satnak: I'm on lunch break.
Kantash: You just ate whatever was infesting Devon, in addition to a gallon of 14 alarm chili.
Phollie: Why am I here?
Kithle: Your brother is busy so I need to test this on you, go forth newspaper of death.
Death paper: schnik shcnik
Phollie: Ahhhhhhhhh paper cuts of dooooooom (runs)
Sa'vor: What in creation is that thing?
Kithle: It's an awakened paper golem frenzied berserker enchanted with enhanced keen ghost touch blades of wounding speed, and when unfolded is always the current Korranburg chronicle, rolled up it does subdual damage and can be used as a club or sword, plus it makes a cool hat. Unfortunatly the awakening was a little hinky, it thinks it's an attack squirrel.
Kantash: Okay, so nothing really unusual then.
Satnak: Not for this ship.
Sa'vor: No offense meant to the deicide with the Uberarm, but you're not a plotter.
Satnak: According to the stupid helmet I'm an alternate of Kanatash.
Kithle: Plus it means we get the first chance to hide behind her when something nasty shows up, like those darkness creeps. Anyway I just wanted inform you that it might be a good plan to pull your minions in the storage ares out a bit. I have inserted the 3 into Volrath's army, there will be explosions.
Kanatash: Okay you are officially a bastard of the first degree. No one deserves that without warning.
Kithle: 1) It's a crewmember on this ship willingly. Anyone here by choice probably deserves it, present company not excluded. 2) it's those 3, 3) It'll be fun.
Sa'vor: Well then, let's pull our minions back. I got a couple extradimensional spaces that we can use.
Kithle: By now this aerodynamic asylum is one giant extradimensional space.
Chalky runs by, still with Devon's arm.
Chalky: I know, it's great.
Devon: Give it back, I'm not possesed anymore and the paint's hardening.
Dooj: "Oh s**t oh s**t oh s**t . . . "
Norbaz: "Okay, the detect evil spells are going to go against us, but if we . . ."
Michael: *squints, then grins evilly* "Four words, you two: Don't. Kill. The. Cuties."
He charges the army.
Dooj: "He's crazy."
Norbaz: "An honorable end to avoid getting owned by Terra? That doesn't - "
Michael reaches the front of the army, and lops off three heads in as many seconds.
Dooj: "Woah."
Norbaz: "By all the gods! Of course!" He sets off running towards the melee. "Come on, you nitwit! Most of that army is low level! We can take 'em!" To himself: "But how did that brute figure that out?"
3 hours pass
The three are stripping the dead of valuables. Michael pulls a helmet off one - glossy black hair cascades down delicate eyelashes and sculpted cheeks.
Michael: "Dammit, Norbaz, I thought I said to keep the hot ones alive."
Norbaz: "First, she was in a helmet. Second, at this rate it'll be another 3 days before you finish up your share of the women. Do you really think there'll be time for that?"
Michael: "We could take them back to the ship."
Norbaz: "H**l no. Lisa."
Michael: "Oh, right."
Dooj: "Hey, Michael, are we gonna be here overnight? I think I'm gonna need to borrow some of your b***hes."
Michael: "Yeah, just don't take any of the ones I haven't gotten to."
Dooj: "What?! That's not fair. The Trouser Titan wants unspoiled meat. Stop holding back!"
Michael: "Do you want me to tell that little freak where the Trouser Titan hides?"
Dooj: *gulp* "Oh, fine!"
Norbaz: *raises eyebrow* "You've been getting a bit tricky in the last week or so."
Michael: "Been trying to. But Dooj doesn't count, he's even worse at plotting than I am. It's a waste of time, though."
Norbaz: "Because Terra's smarter and sneakier than you'll ever be?"
Michael: "NO! Well, yes. But that's not the reason! I've wasted h**l-only-knows how much time trying to set up a night of f*****g with Terra. And for what?"
Norbaz: "A night where you get to act out every depraved fantasy you've ever had. You no longer want that?"
Michael: "Course I do. But that's not the point. Take a look around. All this took about an afternoon to do. And my share is 31 b***hes, and a couple are just as hot as Terra and Lisa. Half a day's work for 31 chicks, or a month's work for maybe one, who'll promptly turn around and try to kill me the next morning."
Norbaz: *horrified* "You've been frustrated beyond belief in the last week, haven't you?"
Michael: "Yep. A good fight and a buncha f**ks was just what I needed. Gotta admit, I didn't think it'd be this good when we set out."
Norbaz: "Succulent Drow blood, I thought you'd figured something out when you charged them! Not that you were so p**sed you didn't care if you lived!"
Michael: "What are you talking about? I hit 'em with Detect Good. Going by the auras, there were maybe ten who were above 4th level. Maybe more, maybe less. Couldn't tell about the warriors, of course, but hardly any of the divine-types were far along in the service of the Silver Flame."
Norbaz: "Huh. Too bad that trick's worthless on the ship."
Michael: "Tell me about it."
Norbaz: "So. Now what?"
Michael: " . . . I dunno. I have to beat Terra, or surrender to her which is not going to happen. If I beat her once, then the status quo is back, and all I have to do is say 'H**l no, you cheat' if she wants a tiebreaker."
Norbaz: "That's not going to stop her, you know."
Michael: "Meh, the captain frowns on open warfare. If she comes up with something too clever, I'll just drink away the memory. Besides, why would I be on the ship that often anyway?"
Norbaz: "Um . . . it's where you live? Planning on changing that?"
Michael: "No. But the ship is where the plotting happens, and out here is where the brutal slaughtering of hapless villages happens. Guess which one I'm going to focus on?"
Norbaz: "Point. So, ah, how do you plan to beat her? We're out of booze right now, remember?"
Michael: "Yeah, and with Pholly and Phollie out we're not going to get the good stuff any time - wait." *unpleasant smile* "I don't need the good stuff. I need the bad stuff!"
Norbaz: "What?"
Michael: "Don't worry about it. Lessee, I'll need 8, 9, 10, 15. S**t. Hey, Norbaz, can I have some of your women? If I need 'em, I mean?"
Norbaz: "You'll owe me a favor."
Michael: "Fine, fine, lemmee see if I need any first." *goes over and examines all of his share of the women that he hasn't raped yet* "Yep. Gonna need 3 more virgins."
Norbaz: "Virgins, huh? This should be interesting to watch."
Midnight
Michael, in recently polished armor smeared with bloody occult symbols: " . . . By the blood of these virgins, pure and innocent, I call thee, Hellspawn. Appear before me, I command it!"
In the center of a pentagon/star formed by the bound virgins, there is a puff of smoke, a flash of hellfire, and a minor lord of hell appears.
Hellspawn: "Holy warriors. Not bad. I thought you were kidding about the 'pure and innocent' part."
Michael: "I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."
Hellspawn: "Suuuuuure. So, what can the forces of evil do for you, unholy champion?"
Michael: "Okay, here's what I need . . . "
Upon returning to the Forgotton Freedom
Terra: *evil smile* "Ah, Mikey, ready for our duel?"
Michael: "Naw, drinking contest first."
Terra: "We're still out of booze, moron."
Michael: "Doesn't matter. I found some in a village. Enough to make me pass out more than twice over. No draw this time."
Terra: *shrugging* "Whatever. Let's get this over with."
About 30 minutes later.
Michael gazes down at the unconcious Terra and smirks.
Michael: "Lightweight."
He then rounds up a crew of redshirts and they roll the rest of the barrels to Norbaz's kitchen.
Michael: "Okay, Norbaz, here's the rest of the Hellbrew. Remember, I get dibbs on a cask if we get another succubus on board."
Norbaz: "That didn't take you long."
Michael: *fills up mug from open keg* "To all boozes wholly unnatural and otherworldly, may they trip up arrogant druid b***hes now and forever."
Norbaz: "You still owe me a favor. Speaking of b***hes . . ."
Terra: "HELLBREW?!"
Michael: "How'd you get up so fast?"
Terra: "Volrath gave me the antidote. Alright, we're 1 for 1. Duel time."
Michael: "Yep. So, we go find a fair and impartial judge?"
Terra: "Right. Ketler's in his lab, I think."
Michael: "Not Ketler."
Terra: "We agreed on Ketler."
Michael: "I just changed the agreement to 'fair and impartial judge', and you agreed."
Terra: "Arhg. I hate hangovers. Fine. But Ketler's still impartial."
Michael: "No he's not."
Terra: "How - what do you mean?"
Michael: "You're about the sneakiest person on board."
Terra: "Sweet talk will get you nowhere."
Michael: "If you suggest Ketler, that means you've suborned him. Or something even more clever."
Terra: "Okay, how about-"
Michael: "No, for the same reason."
Terra: *clenched teeth* "I didn't name anyone yet."
Michael: "How does that invalidate my statement?"
Terra: "You think you're clever, don't you?"
Michael: "Nope. If I were clever, we'd have gotten around to our night of sweet, sweet torment by now. Which I'll miss. But hey, I've gotten off 50 times in the last 3 days, spread out over a dozen women. We'll have the duel when I'm so hungry for it that I lose all sense."
Terra: "You know what? F**k you."
Michael: "Not for a while, hot stuff. And, hey, I've got ogling rights again! Speaking of which, how's the seduction of Lisa going?"
Terra: "And f**k the rules! Not-Walter, sic 'em."
The next few minutes involve much swearing and wrestling by Michael and Not-Walter.
Jarlot: "Pretty sure there's a rule about this. Liquid Keelhauling for both of you."
Terra: *chugs bottle* "Whatever. It's not like this could be . . . IIIIAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!"
Michael: *snickering* "That's her first time for an LK, isn't it?"
Jarlot: "Michaaaaael?"
Michael: *grimaces* "Oh, right." *drinks* *his screams join her a moment later*
Kanatash, observing, thinks to himself: Well, that was amusing. Time to turn off that implanted cleverness, I don't think he'll even notice it's gone.
Explosions rock the ship, however due to its enchantments put in to reduce Pholly cost, the ship itself is not damaged. A shreak of joy emrupt from where the explosion were.
Volrath: That's what it needed, heat!!! Thank you Kithle.
Kithle: Oh great, what have I done now
A few moments later, Volrath emerges from the lowwer decks, scorched but aparently unhurt. He gathers up Terra's unconscious form. Takes her to her room, puts her inside, and is careful not to touch anything inside. Finally closes the door from the outside and uses a schema of arcane lock on the door.
Volrath: Sorry Terra, but I don't want you to get hurt in the upcoming battle, and I really want to catch them without forewarning.
That night, back in the village after the slaughter of the army of the Silver Flame, in an abandoned house.
Norbaz: Okay, that's 1000 gp each to say I raped you.
Paladin Girl 1: I still don't get it?
Paladin Girl 2: Nor do I, villain.
Norbaz: Hey, I didn't slaughter this town, I set out here to kill one guy, but someone got him and the whole town before I got here. I'm a professional, and I need to keep up appearances with my coworkers, and the country at large. Choose to believe me, choose the think me a liar. I don't care. You're getting off light compared those the others claimed.
Paladin Girl 3: Scoundrel, never will we submit to your base vile plo - *SAP!*
The third paladin girl falls unconscious as Norbaz hefts his sap.
Norbaz: Damn it, I gotta figure out what happened here.
Present Day...
Norbaz: Ketler, Open up!
Ketler: um...what, who is it.
Norbaz: It's Norbaz, I need some equipment, do you have any scrolls of Augury or and divination spells in stock.
Opening the door, Ketler eyes the half-giant suscpiciously.
Ketler: Yeah... sure.
That night, Norbaz, activating the scroll through means of use magic device, inquires what happened in that isolated village that killed everyone. He is greated to a replay of his, Michael's, and Dooj's fight against the army.
Norbaz: No no no, before that.
He is greeted with the truth and witnesses the aberrant horror show. So enthralled and shocked that he fails to notice the creeping shadow behind him.
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