Glimmer of Hope
Wednesday, 12 Nov 2521
Johannsen/Earhart Ranch
1340hrs, local time
It's amazing how much help a tiny ray of starlight can be in the depths of night. Nika's mood hasn't magically bounced back. There is too much panic lurking in the depths of her psyche for things to be that easily handled. To suddenly have your sight taken is both shocking and disorienting; the darkness is absolute, oppressive. There is no hope of a door or curtain opening to give you a glimmer of guidance toward a door or a window. No blinking console or moon peeping from behind the clouds to light your path through a room. There is only the unending black. But Arden has offered some small amount of hope in the despair -- that she might continue to fly. It is the same hope Joshua attempted to offer, but... that Arden has already looked into the possibilities perhaps gives his word more weight. Perhaps she will not lose everything that she loves.
And perhaps, in some ways, the loss of her eyes has also opened other avenues. She has sought the only comfort she can find on the ranch right now, her mother's piano. Still kept in tune and cared for as a prized possession, it rests in the tiny front parlor of the house. And Nika finds herself in that room for hours at times, her fingers relearning half-remembered tunes practiced years ago for recitals. They slowly come back... if not perfectly, then close enough to allow her to find some measure of solace in the notes that float through the dwelling when she believes everyone is out.
--
Joshua could hear Nika playing as he approached the door to Nala's family house. Each note hung in the air, musical leaves in the cool autumn wind bringing color to an otherwise drab day. He stood there outside the house, just listening quietly, making no effort to go in. As the music turned somber, he closed his eyes and just took in the sheer beauty of it. She was good, to be sure. But more than that, she was sad. More than sad, he thought, she was lost and that darkness that enveloped her weighted down every note with its somber presence. That sadness gave her music a solemn majesty it wouldn't have had otherwise. And she'd give it all up in a heartbeat to see again, Joshua knew.
He waited until she had come to a stopping point and then stepped in over the threshold, clearing his throat as he stepped into the parlor next to the piano. "Nika, I need to interrupt you for a few minutes."
--
Her movements had begun already, in the not-quite-two weeks, to take on certain characteristics that gave away her blindness. As he stepped in, her hands on the keys ceased to move and she tipped her head toward him, not exactly turning. Her eyes continued to look forward and it was almost as if she were tipping her ear -- the sense that would be most important in paying attention to him -- toward him instead of her useless gaze. "What is it, Joshua?" Nika asked calmly. If nothing else, certainly the piano had become an agent of calm, of coping.
--
"Mind if I sit?" He took a seat next to her on the piano bench. He brushed his fingers across the black and white keys, loving their smooth solidity. "There's a possibility," Joshua carefully started, "of finding a surgeon who could handle fixing your eyes." What had Potemkin said about hope? More dangerous than despair. And perhaps it was. Joshua had considered not bringing the information to Nika. But she deserved better than being left out of the loop. And he thought she would risk the danger from new hope because to ignore it was to be swallowed by her despair.
--
She still didn't turn her face toward him, the profile she gives neutral and ... almost serene. The white knuckles on the hands hidden in her lap would give away her absolute terror at believing in this. Potemkin did manage to teach her one thing -- that taking an action might kill her but being forced into inaction would be a slower, far more painful death. "Arden said something about Core-based treatments," Nika allows quietly. "I'm ... concerned that the cost will be very high, though. And I'm not... comfortable with how far into debt the entire crew might go to take a chance on a treatment that might still be for nothing." The admission costs her. She wants to jump on this with both feet and run off into the Black to follow up on it. But .... that may not be what's best for the ship and her crew. "I would tell you to talk it over with everyone, but ... I think we both already know what they'd say," she adds ruefully. Haven't we always looked out for our own? "So why don't you tell me what the catch is that has you approaching me so cautiously."
Even without those brilliant eyes, she misses little, apparently.
--
"The problem is the source of this information. It's a former compatriot of Doctor Sullivan's." He knew he shouldn't be so childish. But if she wasn't going to call him by his name, well then.... "Someone she worked with previously. Supposedly a genius at eyes. She's offered to pay him. In cash."
--
Now that brings Nika's icy, blank gaze around toward him. Not exactly on his face, more to one side of it. Her jaw clenches as rage roars through her once more. "I see," is all that she says to him, as ironic as that statement is. But in some ways, she does -- she already knows that Kiera feels badly enough to be trying to make this up to her. "So..... either you've flat-out read her and already determined for yourself that this offer is on the level but there's something to it you don't like, or you're bringing it to me because the crew is arguing about it. Most likely because she's the one who suggested it." There is a silent which is it? demand clear in her tone. Because otherwise he wouldn't be broaching it this way; he'd be simply telling her that they were going to be packing up the ship to go for it -- they're usually far more gung-ho for any hope at all. Kiera's betrayal would make them pause, though, cause their protective hackles to be up.
--
"I've Read her. I wouldn't even come to you if I hadn't. It's on the up and up. And no, the crew isn't talking about it because I haven't told them yet, Nika." His voice was firm, if not strikingly confident. He continued on, "Kiera wanted me to lie about where it came from because how the crew would likely to take it. But Rina seems to have decided that Kiera and she are bestest buddies. I Read her. I'm sure Arden will freak and either you or I, will have to talk him off the ledge. But I came to you first. Not because I'm afraid to make the decision." And he wasn't. He had already made the decision in his mind. "But this is your decision to make, Nika. Your vision, your eyes."
--
Her face turns slightly away again. Nika looks... less than thrilled. "You tell her I want to see her," she says calmly. "And don't you gorram well lie to the crew about anything. I'll deal with Arden." She is not liking this whole thing with Rina and Kiera. Not a bit. The distaste and skepticism and even... perhaps some level of jealousy and even betrayal involved there... are roiling in her emotions. Separating which she felt toward either woman alone would be difficult, at best, right now. "You still haven't told me the catch here," Nika said calmly. "She wants to front the money, but I get the impression there's more to it than that -- what's looking to bite us in the ass on this offer?"
--
She still ordered him about like a captain. Which was okay by him. If this thing worked out, she'd be captain again before long.
"Nothing," he said quietly. "Well, other than the fact that this genius, Hannibal Chu, is a black market surgeon with all the risks associated therein. But I don't think there is a catch on Kiera's part. She just wants it to happen. She offered the information, willing to give up the credit for the idea and willing to give up the cash, even when it sounds like she's broke. I don't like her very much at the moment, but this feels genuine from her end."
Of course, nothing they ever did went completely smoothly, but this was probably not the best juncture to bring that up.
--
Nika is silent for a long time. Finally she says quietly, "Unless Arden knows someone, there's..... " She bites her lip. "The best I can hope for is to get put on a transplant list. And since there's nothing else wrong with me and it's not life threatening...." It could be years. "I'm willing to go. To see this man. But I .... would like it if you made a point of Reading him intently when we get there. I don't want to get everyone else screwed, Joshua. I'd rather stay blind and have to remain grounded."
--
"Oh yes," he reassured her. "I'll serve as point along with...Doctor Sullivan when we meet the guy. I'll Read him so deep I'll know what he was thinking in the womb."
As far as that staying blind thing? Like there was anyway Joshua planned to let that happen. "I've gotten everyone else screwed multiple times, Nika. Doctor Sullivan's failure to inform us of Bychek's sell out being the latest one. We're all willing to take the risk. Hell, we'd willingly take the hurting if it meant you got your eyes back."
--
"And that's exactly what I don't want, Joshua," Nika says quietly, her face turning toward him again. Faint lines beginning to etch themselves into the grooves of her cheeks. She hasn't much to smile about right now. "Bychek is something we're going to have to eventually talk about too, you know," she says softly. "Are we just going to let it go? Or are we going to make a thing of it?"
--
Bychek. They could get revenge, but that seemed to open more dangerous doors than he was willing to think about. Instead, he shifted his voice into a storytelling cadence as he recited the last few lines of a fable he read once that seemed appropriate now:
Then the snake bit the woman that had fed him and brought him in from the freezing cold. And as she slowly died there on the floor of her house from the poisonous venom of the bite, she cried out, "Why did you bite me after all the good things I did for you?" And the snake's tongue hissed out as it said, "You knew very well what I was when you took me in."
Joshua admitted, "I can't find it in myself to forgive Kiera because I trusted her. Thought she was my friend. But with Bychek? He bit us and it is hard to feel like I should act surprised and indignant about it."
--
Yeah... Nika can relate. She purses her lips and nods slightly. "Yeah. I'm not exactly in a mood to go starting more crap with anyone, if you want the truth." The cost on this has been so high. "But I can't forgive her right now. Her reaction was .... just too extreme. She was pissed at one person and just... to hell with the rest of us."
That said, though, she does say quietly, "There's a caveat to that, though. I'm beyond displeased to find out what caused this, Joshua. Even without your Reader abilities, I rely on you to be an adequate judge of people. And if you want me to stay on board in some capacity, that's going to be a reliance that's even deeper. That situation? Was entirely avoidable -- at least in terms of the specifics. I'm not saying Kiera's reactions are your fault -- she's an adult. She can take responsibility for her own immature and dangerously sociopathic behavior. But you do have to own your part in this. You're usually far better at knowing when the gorram hell to back off someone. What gives?"
--
"I was angry and she pushes my buttons, Nika," he said simply. "Her original tantrum was because I quote, 'offered to listen sometime if she ever wanted to talk.' And I was, stupidly, worried about her after two days in her room with nothing but alcohol and firearms. We both said some ugly things. She told me that I'd end up killing all of you in the end." And, he thought, she was closer than even she probably realized on that matter. "Then Rina jumped to my defense and that was the last straw, it seems."
"I thought I was trying to help her. But instead...." he trailed off, "well, you know what the results were." Everyone was standing against him on this one. Kiera said it was sulking that he had stopped asking on how people were. Maybe it was. But judging by how people viewed it, maybe it was just sensible on his part. Noone wanted to be helped that way, so leave them alone, he told himself.
--
Nika listens intently. Both to what he says to her and how he says it. "Your explanation of her tantrum ... makes some sense to me because she's told me what the situation was. After the gorram fact," she says quietly. "The woman needs serious help. But I'm not sure we're the ones to give it. And quite frankly, she's a passenger. And if she's broke, then you're going to have to decide what you want to do about this. I'm ..... " She pauses and then admits, "I don't want to cut off my nose to spite my face. And she owes me a hell of a lot. But I don't know if I want to be her road to penance. I'm not sure I'll ever find in myself to forgive this," she admits softly. "And even if I do, I'm not sure I will ever trust her again. So what the hell do we do with that?"
She isn't standing against him so much as looking for... answers. Trying to see where he was coming from and what actually happened. How hard had he pushed? And to her, it doesn't sound like he pushed hard enough that it should have garnered that reaction. It doesn't improve her opinion of Kiera at all. Merely reinforces the idea that the woman is not trustworthy.
--
"I'm making her the steward, Nika. I can't do that and be captain at the same time. When you get your eyes back, we can reevaluate. But I'd rather have her following orders where I can see her."
Joshua sighed. "She was broken, Nika. I don't know if she's fixed and it certainly wasn't anything I did, but she's changed. At least in some ways. I believe in second chances. I got one from you guys and it changed my life completely for the better. I'd be one hell of a hypocritical bastard if I didn't give her that chance, no matter how much right now she reminds me of my role in screwing things up." He paused briefly before continuing. "Doesn't mean unconditional trust, of course. I'll Read her when necessary."
--
Nika looks.... startled. "She's hiring on?" Okay... that just wierds her out. Although.... the skill set would be adequate certainly. And Joshua's already made that decision without even speaking to her about it. The blonde simply nods slightly and moves to turn on the bench. "Is that all you wanted to let me know? About the doctor? I guess... if the rest of the crew is all right with trying it, I'm not really about to say no, am I?" So damn good at the poker face sometimes. And without expression in her blue eyes, it would be far harder for someone other than a Reader -- or perhaps a Companion -- to tell that her stomach dropped into her toes.
--
"I'll start figuring out details then and keep you in the loop." Joshua put a hand on her shoulder. The startled look on her face suggested that the idea of Kiera as crew wasn't a pleasant surprise. Not that bit was particularly rainbows and sunshine for him either. "If hiring Doctor Sullivan is going to be a problem, let me know, okay? I'm just keeping your seat warm."
--
Are you? Nika didn't voice the words, though she shied from his hand for a moment, instinctively trying to shield him from her chaotic emotional state. Even she herself wasn't entirely sure that's what Joshua was doing.... sometimes she thought she might be competent enough to do the managerial parts of her job, and that if they did fix the consoles so she could fly, maybe.... maybe she'd be okay. And then there were moments like this. Where she had the sudden pang of uncertainty as to her place in all of this. And she had no right to be upset, because she's already told Joshua he should take over. And he should. Someone has to!
She hates being this conflicted; it makes her feel gorram near insane. She reaches up to put her hand atop his in reassurance. "Do what you need to," she says quietly. "I'll back the call." It's what he'd do for her.
--
For what seemed like the millionth time since he joined this crew, Joshua wished strongly for some companion's training. He could feel the roiling emotions coming off of NIka, although he couldn't (or wouldn't) break them down into their components. She needed help, Kiera needed help, hell, he needed help. But they didn't have a Companion. They had Joshua and no matter how inadequate he was, he would just have to do his best and hope it was good enough.
He rubbed her hand and said, "Thanks, Nika. You can trust me." And he walked back out the door towards the ship. There was research to be done and questions to be asked of Kiera about how to get in touch with her surgeon 'friend'.
Go to Joshua's Crew Page or to Nika's Crew Page
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Go to Mutineers
