Lighting a Candle Against the Darkness
Thursday, 02 Aug 2525
Brisbane Regional Hospital, Meridian
Blue Sun (Qing Long) system
The sun was shining. The sky was impossibly blue with fluffy little sheep herd clouds ambling through it. A breeze blew. Birds sang. To Vikki, it was a beautiful day. To the rest of the crew, it might not have existed, for all she could see it reflected in their faces. Ever since escaping the Reavers, everyone else had gone through the motions of daily living but Vikki could see they weren't really present. They were still trapped in the recent past.
And judging from the screams from their cabins at night, especially Tian's, that past was still too raw and immediate to put behind them.
Vikki frowned at the tea tray taking shape under her hands. At the moment there were only two settings but she had employed that tray over the past two days as she approached each crew member in turn to offer tea and a sympathetic ear. The results so far had been mixed, from stoic silence to polite acceptance with little revealed in the telling. Vikki hadn't approached Tian, hoping that a couple of days to gather herself would help her feel safe enough to talk about it later. Sometimes a person needed to get a good grip on something before letting it go.
And now let's see what she's willing to let go ... Vikki thought as she left Delilah's galley to look for her friend.
Tian was on crutches, so her ability to move about was pretty significantly hampered. Even with her bone on the mend, it was going to take a little while for her to be able to put her weight on it. She was sitting on one of the sofas, her foot propped up on a pillow, and she looked weary. More weary than Vikki had probably ever seen her. Despite that, she refused to close her eyes and take a nap. There were things going on in her head that made sleep impossible. She glanced up when she heard Vikki's step, forcing a small smile.
"Hi there," Vikki said, her volume low but her cheer undampened. "Thought you could stand a bit of something warm. Hope you like black. The jasmine green's all gone."
Vikki took the tufted hassock opposite and poured Tian her cup. Two sugars, a splash of dairy, one firm stir and serve. A lemon cookie—the plainest recipe brightened with a squirt of lemon juice—lay next to the cup on the saucer. Once Tian took her cup, Vikki poured herself one and tucked a foot under her. She nibbled the cookie and her eyebrows rose as the citrus note shone through, saving the cookie from cloying sweetness. She hoped Tian would try it. The doctor was off her appetite—not that Vikki could blame her—and Vikki wanted her to eat more. Tian needed to keep up her strength but Vikki knew she would have to tempt her into it. So … cookies.
"I thought maybe you and I could go out later and see if we can't score some more green. There's a market here. I'm sure we could barter for some."
As she took the proffered cup and its attendant cookie, Tian blew out a low breath. "Perhaps tomorrow," she offered, setting the cup down next to her and nibbling on the sweet simply because Vikki was trying so hard. "My leg is still aching quite a bit today," she added by way of a reason. Leaning her head back on the cushion, she asks calmly, "How is everyone holding up?" Because she knew that Vikki had already been making the rounds.
"As well as everyone can." Vikki couldn't quite smile. This wasn't a smiling matter. "I expect it'll be a while before everyone's fully up and running again."
Under no condition would Vikki ever say back to normal. Some things were too horrific, too traumatic, to allow that luxury. One merely had to find a way to live with the fact one survived it. Vikki had seen the effects that trauma inflicted on its victims. Her neighborhood wasn't free from violence and misery, despite it being in the Core. Still, Rim or Core, certain things remained the same and certain principles applied. She kept her tone free from judgment and tried to phrase her conversation with plenty of room for Tian to maneuver. Backing the doctor into a corner and making her defensive wasn't part of her plan.
"I'm glad," Tian replied. She studied Vikki for a long moment. "You're 'handling' me," she told the younger woman. "I'm not certain how I feel about that at this moment." A faint smile quirked her lips. "If there's something you want to know, you're going to have to ask me straight out. I feel at the moment I've little to volunteer to a conversation, and I would hate for the silence to get awkward."
"Guilty as charged," Vikki said and ducked her head with a grimace of chagrin. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a pest. I'm just trying to ..." She sighed, at a loss to say it properly. "There's so much ... darkness ... filling the ship right now it's like everyone's smothering in it. I just want to throw out some light, you know?"
Otherwise, I'll just start crying and never stop. And I didn't even have it that bad.
"I suppose what I want to know is …," Vikki hiked her shoulders and let them drop again. "What can I do for you? How can I make you more comfortable? I hate to admit it but I'm miserable. Not because of what happened to me personally, but because I want to help everyone and I don't know what they need. So …." She sighed, puffing her cheeks. "I'm just feeling kind of useless right now. Sorry. Didn't mean to whine."
"I don't think you're whining, Vikki. I wish there were something you could do to make this easier, but...," Tian trailed off. "There are some things in the Verse that you can't UN-see, no matter how bad you want to." Her mind still shied away from that blank spot in her memory, skirting it as one might skirt a poisonous snake. The memories she did have were bad enough.
Feeling that she'd hit a wall, Vikki sighed and sank back. At times like these, she turned to her mother's adages for comfort and advice. Looking at Tian, she said, "A burden carried alone is a burden doubled. A burden shared is a burden halved. If talking about it will grant you some distance from it, I'm always here to talk to. You don't have to talk now. Just when you're ready, okay?"
Tian picked up the teacup that she'd set down and took a sip from it, lingering over the comforting, steamy scent of lemongrass and chamomile. She didn't know if she'd ever be ready, but she understood Vikki's need to help in some way. So she merely said softly, "Thank you, Vikki. It means a lot to me."
"You're welcome, Tian," Vikki said and sipped her tea without saying anything more, letting her company and her silence speak for her when words would only have gotten in the way.
Return to Episodes | Season Two | Firefly-RPG Homepage | Crew Page |
