Marry Me
We finally get around to actually making plans for the future. Assuming we have one. Thanks, for indulging me, Andy. I just couldn't let this go by unexplored.--Maer
Sunday, 26 Oct 2010
Village, Novaya Rodina
Georgia (Huang Long) system
After dark
Dinner had been a simple affair. Luck was with us. Oleg had found a rabbit on the outskirts of the village. It was a black and white, an escapee from a hutch that Roskov’s supply party had somehow missed. Joshua made a soup out of it and watered down with plenty of melted snow, there was enough to go around. I had no doubt he bemoaned the lack of vegetables and spices—even something so simple as salt—but it went down like God’s own promise nonetheless, heartening after a harrowing day and warming down to the toes.
I turned away from the fire, my front well-toasted, and listened to Joshua puttering with the remains of our dinner. The bones got tossed back in the pot to simmer into marrow soup come morning, eking the last bit of nourishment out of the animal. Had it been summer, I could have contributed mushrooms and greens to the pot using what I’d learned during my visits at my Uncle’s dascha. It had been literally years since I’d foraged but I was reasonably certain I hadn’t lost my eye or touch. Looking at the snow and ice glittering in the light of our fire, I imagined the forest at midsummer, all dappled shade and resin-scented, yielding mushrooms and berries by the basketful.
Huh. I’m leaving on a suicide mission and all I’m thinking about is food. Things must be looking up.
We’d move out come morning to return to the Gift, there to lure Potemkin to a fight of our own choosing. There was no telling who would be left standing at battle’s end, but it beat milling around like sheep awaiting slaughter.
So ran my thoughts as I warmed my backside and waited for my night vision to settle.
---
He had just been happy to have something to cook in. Lifetimes had passed since he had gotten to cook, or so it felt. The warm fire and the soothing rhythms of cooking had drawn him into some much needed peace. The torture on board the Gift had been hideous, but coming out of it alive had given him new hope. Roskov had unsettled him though. He snorted to himself. As if a lightweight word like "unsettled" could really describe how Roskov had made him feel. He had thought he had understood what dangerous had meant before this. But Roskov redefined the term.
The tangy smell of the new soup floated to his nostrils and he stirred it a little longer with the spoon they had found in one of the huts. The huts that had been emptied by Roskov's men. The people that belonged with the huts killed by Roskov...or by his tools.
The thought of Raskov using someone as a tool to murder brought his thoughts back to the memory of him standing on that icy dome, Rina dangling from his hand over the edge. Joshua turned to look at his lover who stood staring out into the black night of the taiga as if it held the same answers as the real Black did for her. He stood there watching her for a minute, wondering if she ever got tired of him trying to kill her.
He left the spoon in the pot and walked over to where she stood, and wrapped his arms around her from behind. "You know I love you, right?" he asked quietly. "Even if I sometimes wonder you don't kick me to the curb."
---
"I know. I love you back." I leaned into his embrace then turned in his arms to face him. I parsed the meaning behind his statement and decided now was as good a time as any to examine it. "I know I'm not the easiest person to get along with and I don't imagine I'm going to get easier anytime soon. You had a chance back there to kick me to the curb. Why didn't you take it?"
---
"You mean on the roof of the dome?" He wasn't quite following where she was going all the sudden. "Are you asking why I didn't drop you off the side?"
---
“Yes.” His expression told me loud and clear I’d derailed him with my response, even though it was simply his own question mirrored back. I had the answer to it but wanted him to discover it on his own, rather than just handing it to him. I hugged him close and tucked my face against his neck past his parka, the scent of him tickling my nose, his pulse beating softly against my lips. I kissed it and said, “Exactly that.”
---
"Because I wasn't under Roskov's control anymore?" Joshua held her tight up against him, the warmth of her a comfort even through the heavy winter clothing. "I'm not the kind of guy that would break up with someone by murdering them. I just thought you might have gotten tired of me trying to kill you by now." The words sounded strange coming out of his mouth. What kind of normal conversation involved casual talk about murder? The romantic leads in his favorite films had never had conversations like this, for sure.
---
"Of you?" I pulled back to look at him. Four days off his meds, unable to block the thoughts or emotions from others, Joshua was vulnerable in ways the rest of us never had to fear. And it was fear that prompted his question. Damned if I knew how to allay it. All I had to offer him was the truth. I caressed his face. "Never. Of you getting separated from your meds? I'll admit it's wearing kinda thin. We'll get through this. One way or another."
---
"I know we will," he said quietly, steel in his voice. "But I'm not sure the drugs would've helped against Roskov. He is...something else altogether." He stood there quietly, random thoughts tumbling through his brain, none of them stopping long enough to gain coherence.
---
"What did he say to you?" I asked when the silence grew long. Joshua might have the ability to read the thoughts of others, but I didn't and after a year of living with him, I was finally getting a feel for his mood at times like this. Practice will do that for you.
---
"Nothing that you would find very surprising out of someone known as a new Rasputin. A lot of talk about how I needed a Purpose that he could provide." Joshua shuddered a little as he thought about what someone like Raskov would do with a Reader at his command.
--
“Ah, that’s the trick isn’t it?” I stroked his back, feeling him tense up. “All the good con-artists know to keep things vague til you let something slip and then they have you. I won’t deny that he’s got a lot of charisma going for him and I wouldn’t be surprised if he deliberately cultivated that Rasputin image to make it easier to take over.” I thought back to our run-ins with Swordsman over the years and thought they were somewhat alike. “Half-truths, implications, and lies-by-omission. He used them all to open people up and dig out what he wanted."
I sighed.
"He’s a master at getting others to paint his fence for him. What did he want you to do? He doesn't strike me as someone who would waste his time on someone he couldn't use.”
---
Joshua shrugged a little. "He never did say specifically. But I could guess. When you can control people with your mind, you just need a way to find out who's fomenting rebellion so you can order them to stop. Enter the Reader, stage left." He had thought that when Blue Sun had left the picture, he was done with people trying to use him as a tool. Foolish boy.
He pulled his hood down and let the cold wind blow across his face. He took a deep breath as he let the sharp chill of the wind remind him that he was alive and he was free now. If he had to spend his life trying to avoid those who use what he was, then that was a small price for a large reward.
---
I thought back to our first meeting with Roskov, back when he rescued us off the taiga ... and remembered the sharp look Roskov had given Joshua the second he saw him.
"'Do I know you? Have we met before?' Standard opening to set up your mark, but what if he's right?" I said then, thinking aloud. "What if you two had met previously, during a job you've done for Blue Sun? Maybe in a similar guise as the state we were all in when he found us? Something in the similarity triggering a memory or an idea? Or maybe he's a Reader and just knew you were one too. There's got to be some sort of ... I don't know, mental frequency or wavelength Readers put out that other Readers can pick up on. Although you've always struck me as a comm unit stuck on receive." I gave him a squeeze. "Do you think that's possible? Were there others at the Academy geared only on receive and others only on transmit? Did Blue Sun separate the two to keep anyone from developing skills in both? A divide and conquer sort of thing? Is that it? I'm not saying that Roskov is an Academy student. I just wonder if he's a transmitter looking for a receiver ... and found one in you."
---
Some of what she was theorizing was certainly possible, but she hadn't thought it all the way through to its logical conclusions. "Transmitter and receiver are right, in a way. I don't think I have the transmitting capability. Can you imagine how quickly Blue Sun would've lost control with a bunch of people that could order them to do things?"
He shook his head. "I think you're right about the wavelength thing - we have some sense of other Readers, and it looks like Writers function at the same level. I wonder if that means what I have was natural and accelerated by Blue Sun rather than created by them." He paused. "I wonder if Roskov is the only one in the verse who can do what he does. I hope so."
---
"So do I." Wait a minute. Joshua so rarely let anything from his Academy days slip that I latched onto the word and asked without thinking. "'Writers'?"
---
"Huh?'" It took his brain a second to figure out where Rina was headed. "Sorry, it just seemed natural to call him that. If I'm a Reader, then what Raskov does is more like Writing, isn't it? Writing the next sentence in someone's story." Until he had said it to Rina, Joshua had never really considered the idea that he might have had some of his abilities before Blue Sun mucked about with them. If they really did belong to him, they were a gift, not something unnatural.
Of course, that was what Rina and Nika and Kiera had been saying to him. And that meant he owed it to himself to try and get comfortable with them. He had been trying to avoid to using them, associating them with Blue Sun. Maybe it was time to take them back.
He reached forward and gave Rina a big hug. "Thank you."
---
"Pazhalusta," I said, hugging him back. I felt it the second something clicked inside his head. I didn't know what it was. I could only observe the results. A stiffening of his spine, a shoring of resolve--it was all in the hug he gave me. "You're welcome."
---
"In thanks, I promise not to try and kill you for at least 3 months," he said, the edge of his mouth quirking slightly as he said it.
---
"Don't jinx it," I said, putting a finger to his lips. "You never know when the Universe will be tempted to prove you wrong."
---
He grabbed her finger and held it as he kissed it. "If we live for 3 months, then we're doing well for ourselves, considering the situation." His face grew thoughtful for a minute. "But we will want to think about that as we plan."
---
"Three months is too far ahead." I curled my fingers around his and gave his hand a little shake. "Let's just shoot for three days and take it from there. As for coming up with a plan ...," I added. "If we don't get some sleep, we won't be able to think straight come morning, much less plan anything. Still...," I grew silent, thinking of what I'd do with the rest of my life if I made it past the next three days. Having already faced Death and cheated her of her prize, nothing seemed improbable--if I survived our coming battle with Potemkin. I looked up at Joshua and found him looking back at me.
"If--When--we get out of this, what's the first thing you want to do?"
Yes, things are definitely looking up if you feel you have room to ask that question.
---
He didn't even have to think. "Marry you," he said promptly. "Life's too short and if I'm going to be trying to kill someone, I want it to be my wife, not my lover." He smiled an impish little grin and gave her a brief kiss on the lips.
---
I stood frozen as the words “Marry you” hit my ears. I barely felt his kiss. All I felt was certainty, of something falling into place inside. I took a breath, then another, and could think and move again.
"Marry me?" I asked. "You're not going to ask me to raise goats with you, are you?"
---
"Why? Do you have some sort of urge to raise goats that you've never told me about?" Joshua grew a little more serious. He knew that Mike had asked her once but she had never really laid out the details. And he hadn't asked. But he had no intentions of taking her away from what she loved. "I figure we'll keep flying with the crew, however that ends up working out. At least until that day far in the future when/if I get my own captaincy. And if 3 months is too far out, then THAT moment is a lifetime away."
He clasped her hands in his. "That doesn't sound too bad, does it?
---
“No. Not too bad,” I said, the certainty growing like a hot balloon in my chest, painful and incredibly light. It stretched and popped, spilling out of me as laughter, liberally mixed with tears. “As for the goats? Transport them, yes. Raise them? No. Oh, God, no.”
---
"And maybe we could transport some goats back to Lucifer's Landing every now and again? I'm not going to be Lem's father, but if I'm going to be married to you, I'd like to spend more time with him." He squeezed her hands and then wiped a tear away from her laughing face. "Besides, he's a sweet kid, from what I've seen."
---
"Not a kid for much longer, the rate he's going," I sniffed, pulling myself together. "But he won't be too old to appreciate having you there."
---
Joshua looked at the woman he had grown to love so much, so quickly. "See, something to fight for. Not that you needed it, mind you. And if we ever find my mom, this way I won't be living in sin." And he chuckled a little of his own, as he pulled his hood back up to block the wind once more. No more reminders of being alive needed, thanks.
---
I pulled the edges of his hood a little closer, wanting the excuse to touch him.
"Living in sin, living in virtue... I'll settle for just living, thank you. And I'd like to meet your Mom." I rose on my toes and kissed him on the cheek. "So I can thank her."
---
Me too.
"Maybe we can go to Lourdes after all this is done, using the ship we don't have to travel there and the money we don't have to pay for our expenses." If there was one thing he had discovered about himself from being with this crew...his family...it was a surprising talent for snark that he was pretty sure he hadn't had when he left Blue Sun seventeen months ago.
---
"I'd like that." I wrapped my arms around him. "Maybe we can talk the Captain into turning the trip into shore leave. Maybe ... a honeymoon?" I frowned then. "Maybe we should invite Christian and Lem along. I don't think either would forgive me if we got married without them."
I bit my lip then, thinking of all the people who wouldn't be there: my parents, my brothers, my old crew … Mike.
"Or we could elope."
---
"As long as we end up married at the end of it, I'm happy to do what makes you happy." He didn't have any family other than the crew or any home other than the ship which was now radioactive wreckage. He frowned a little. Phrasing it that way made Joshua realize how much Potemkin had cost him. He didn't want to kill anyone, but Potemkin was definitely the closest to making him change that decision.
He shook his head clear of the thoughts and turned back to the matter at hand. "Look, we could even get married twice, once for the formality, once for the ceremony. Just as long as you'll have me, that's all that really matters."
---
"No worries on that score." I breathed a laugh and looked up at him. "And for the formalities, at this point it's simply a declaration before witnesses what we already have. Doing it once should be sufficient for the task, don't you think?"
---
He raised an eyebrow. "Don't we need a justice of the peace or a Shepherd or someone to produce an official document or something?"
---
"Not always." I shook my head with a slow grin. "Nika could do it. Traditionally speaking, a Captain has the legal authority to marry us so long as we did it in the Black."
---
He had actually already thought of that. "I hate to say this." And he did. Really. But it had to be said. "Don't we have to have a ship for her to be a Captain of?"
---
"Yeah," I said, deflating. It was a nice idea and under other circumstances, it would have been a cinch to execute. "We do. However, we were talking about what we'd do once we got out of this mess we're in."
The real world intruded, as it tended to do, and I thought for a minute on everything that waited for us if we won free of our current predicament.
"And as long as we're being realistic, even if we can get a ship--any ship--capable of taking us out of here, we're still on the hook to You Go for those power stations. At the very least, we're going to have to go back to Yan Wo, stock up again--assuming they'll even take us back for the job--and fly back to Georgia. It'll be two months turnaround before we install the first one. That can't be good for business or our reputation. Hell, if Beglan doesn't make it out with us, we'll be out an engineer."
---
The phrase on the hook suddenly had Joshua remembering what HE was on the hook for. "Oh crap, the robot is toast. Debtor's prison for sure." The idea that he was concerned about a long stay in debtor's prison made him smile a little. A quiet stay in a prison cell somewhere might be looking good tomorrow when they were being chased by stitches. The dog bite on his side took that moment to remind him there wouldn't be a whole lot of running being done. At least not by Joshua, anyway.
---
I felt him flinch and checked my arm--I didn't want to put any pressure on him where it would hurt.
"And the robot is toast. I'm sorry about that but even if I hadn't shot it, there's no telling what Potemkin did with it and we'd still be on the hook for it. And I do mean 'we', mister. I'll be contributing my share to paying that one off."
Robots, power stations, bills ... it all seemed so petty compared to what we'd face come morning, but I welcomed the illusion of normalcy it offered. It was better than morbidly dwelling on everything that could go wrong in our face-off with Potemkin.
---
"I love you." he said simply. With Roskov and Potemkin looming large, saying those words over and over felt even more important than usual. He pulled her tight against him, letting the physical motions match the verbal ones.
---
I let Joshua hold me and said nothing. Words would only have ruined the moment.
---
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