Somewhere in Route to Angel

On board Summer's Gift
Somewhere en route to Angel
Nighttime - Jun 27, 2520

It's always nighttime in space. Seriously. The ship's pilot is prone to wandering the ship at all hours, though she rarely disturbs other people who are also wandering. It is during one of those 'nocturnal' ramblings that Nika chances across their newest .... hell, she's not even sure what to call him. Passenger? Is he signing on? He indicated a bit of interest in that idea. And he helped back there. But he's Blue Sun, and that by definition makes him questionable right now. This crew's pissed in Blue Sun's corn flakes far more often than not in their encounters.

The blonde pauses in the doorway to the kitchen and then moves forward to pour herself a cup of coffee from the pot that is generally kept going. "Can't sleep?" she asks Joshua as she takes a seat at the table with him.

"You'd think I'd be used to changes in routine, by now," Joshua says. "Constantly living different lives, different times."

He pauses, rubbing his forehand with his hand in thought. "Maybe it's different because it's my choice. My life." He shrugs his shoulders slightly. "It's all very new."

"Do you mind if I fix myself a little something to eat?" He gets up from the table and moves over to the refrigerator. "It's funny, I'm not even sure I'm hungry, but cooking is comforting."

Sipping her coffee from the cup she poured, Nika shakes her head. "I don't care. Though Christian might have a minor snit," she comments with a faint smile. Not really -- Christian isn't the type to have snits often. She's clearly teasing, though her blue eyes on the newcomer are wary. "What exactly is it that you do for Blue Sun, anyway? And how'd you know the insane wench with the sonic whosiwhatsis?"

"I don't know her personally, the way your friend Rick seemed to." Joshua raises an eyebrow. "We referred to them as Janitorial Services - they're the cleanup crew. This was the first time they've been involved in a mission of mine, and I promise you that I didn't know they were there." He shakes his head and rubs an eyeball, obviously upset. "I couldn't have messed up that situation more, no matter whose point of view you're looking at it from."

He takes some tofu from the fridge as well as some condiments out and starts heating up a pan. "As far for what I did for Blue Sun? They called me a borrower. I substituted for other people. Sometimes with their knowledge. Sometimes without. Human Resources would provide me with an identity and video and audio of the subject and I would spend some time learning to be them. And then I stepped into their life for a while. Became them."

There is tension in Nika's body when he says that. "You know.... I often tell Rina she's too paranoid. And then someone tells me something like that and I wonder that the whole lot of us are not ravening paranoics," she tells the man dryly. "What're you hoping to do now? I sincerely doubt they're going to take your defection with equanimity." Though her word choices and phrasings and her demeanor often have the twang of the Border to them, the blonde pilot has a rather more extensive vocabulary and education than is immediately evident. It seems to suit her to be underestimated.

He sighs, a deep, long breath that he hadn't realized he had been holding in. "The Summer's Gift has been kinder to me than I deserve, really. You're good people. I won't abuse that kindness any longer than I have to. I'll get put off wherever the crew feels it's best and then go about trying to avoid Blue Sun. Starting a new life. Repenting for the old one. Funny, really. Sometimes you're not given any choices, but you're just as responsible for the choices you didn't get a chance to make as the ones you do."

He stares directly at Nika, looking her in the eyes, a small frown crossing his face. "I owe you and yours. I'm responsible for the death of your crewmate. If you wanted to exact justice, I would understand. Whatever you need from me, it's what I have to..." He shakes his head, "No, what I need to do."

Nika meets his eyes with little evidence of rancor. She's wary, but she's not holding him personally responsible for Jake's death right now. She can't. "This is not the first time we've crossed paths with Blue Sun... or with //her//. From what I understand from Rina.... Jake went after the footage." She sips her coffee. "For him, the footage - the truth - is everything. I'm sorry to lose him. He was a good person. And I'm sorrier still to have to tell his family about his death. But.... don't take more personal responsibility than you actually carry." As she watches him cook, Nika purses her lips slightly, and then she looks up at him. "Some things are worth dying for. Jake knew that. I'm not sure what exactly you expect us to exact in the form of 'justice', but... regardless of what you think, we're not in the business of cold-blooded murder."

"I don't know what I expect." Joshua grabs a plate out and serves himself. As he is sorting through a drawer for utensils, he says "My life has been a controlled trajectory up to this point. Blue Sun is all I can remember. I was young when they brought me to the Academy and put me through the training and adjustments. If I had a life before that, I don't remember anything about it really. I've never had personal responsibility before, so please excuse me if I don't have any idea how much of it to take."

He sits down at the table. "All I know is that it weighs heavily on me. Your friend's death. The death of those Marines. I was directly involved in their death. I've been trying hard...so very hard, not to think about how many deaths I might have been unknowingly responsible for, quiet deaths outside the blinders Blue Sun had me wearing. How much evil does it take before a person just is evil?"

He puts a bite in his mouth and chews slowly. "I'm sure that's really more than you wanted to know. You're not my confessor. I'm sorry." He puts another bite in his mouth and puts his head down a little.

As she listens to him, Nika tilts her head. She has an innate unwillingness of giving too much of herself away to anyone, but she's not unfamiliar with the guilt. "A person is only evil if they don't //care// what harm they cause to those around them in their quest for their own ends, Joshua." The blonde pauses and then smiles faintly. "The fact that you were brainwashed and are still able to //ask// the question tells me that you're not evil. It takes a great deal of strength to see past the blinders of a lifetime of indoctrination. Guilt will eat you alive, if you let it. Take it from me. You're the only one who can come to peace with your past... but I can tell you this much: Your personal responsibility really only starts *now*. Now, when you can understand and choose to act in another way, this is when you choose whether you're a good person or an evil one. Not before, when you didn't know any better."

Joshua is quiet for a few minutes, eating and obviously thinking about what she said. "To change the subject a bit - do you ever take passengers on a working basis? I only have 70 credits, which is yours if you want it. But I don't know where I need to go or what I need to do. It would be...nice to be able to stay on board for a while. I'd do whatever work you wanted me to."

In the quiet, Nika seems to settle in to drinking her coffee, her mind idly skimming over the weeks and months that Jake's been on board. There's a small smile around the corners of her lips when Joshua speaks up again, and she turns her attention fully on him, assessing. "Tell you what. Let's have that conversation in the morning when Christian wakes, hmm? We got time to work it out." She grins wickedly, her voice now a long, teasing drawl. "Though I'm thinkin' you should be a //little// more careful how you phrase that offer in the future. If I were of a different mindset, you could get yourself in all //kinds// of trouble." She pushes her chair back from the table, chuckling as she refills her cup. "Get some sleep, Joshua."

Joshua kind of tilts his head quizzically. "I don't know how much more trouble that I could get into, but the morning sounds like a good idea." He starts cleaning his empty plate. "Sleep is good too, but a clean kitchen comes first. Especially when it isn't mine. Thanks for the conversation though."

"Anytime," Nika replies, her expression both amused and thoughtful on him as he starts to clean. She herself heads for the bridge to sit a shift and think.

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