Staring into the Abyss
This occurs about a week after Dark Night of the Soul.--Terri
Working with the children was a joy. Tian found herself relaxing in their company, laughing at the antics of the younger ones and remembering when David was that age. The smallest of the small were still so very affectionate, soaking up attention and praise like little sponges. It brought to the fore all of her maternal instincts and she found herself not just giving help with scraped knees and minor squabbles but also coloring with young ones, giving hugs when needed, and playing cards or talking about books with the older ones. She missed David very much, more so in these moments than at any other time, but the children also gave her a sense of peace.
Were it not for her dreams, she would feel like she was healing. But those were still disturbing. As she walked through the gardens of the monastery, her mind turned over and over some of the dreams and the conversation with Faria.
I think some of them perhaps went out there out of curiosity. Those words haunted her. You’re not curious? Not even a little?
She was. The more she considered his perspective, the more curious she actually was. There was SOMETHING in those minds. Reavers, at least the ones they’d encountered, were insane… but they were not mindless ravening creatures. So… what were their goals? Were their thoughts coherent? What changes in their brains had actually resulted from their exposure to the pathogens? Could they be brought back? Would they even want to be if offered the chance? Were they competent to make such a choice themselves if given it?
So many questions. Her mind wandered through the queries, and as she sat on a bench near a lovely copse of tropical blossoms, other thoughts slipped in. What would it feel like not to be bound by the structures of the Core’s societal norms? To not feel shame?
Someone was whimpering in agony, their voice cracking. She slit her eyes, seeking information about what was going on around her. Being deaf might actually be a blessing right now—she could close her eyes and not know what was happening to others. She could be unaware of one of the deaf passengers from Delilah being assaulted by a Reaver on the floor beneath the hanging body of his wife.
Tian sha de e-mo. Bile rose in her throat and she swallowed convulsively. She clamped her eyes shut tight. The whimpers of the victim stopped long before the grunting of the Reaver and she fought to keep her breathing slow throughout so as not to draw attention Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou.
Shuffling movement came, and her body tensed. She could hear breathing on her left speed up, but she fought to keep her breath steady and her muscles loose. The illusion of continued unconsciousness. The person hanging next to her was struggling to do the same, she could hear it. But they were failing. The steps of the Reaver who’d just finished now stood breathing just in front of her. Close enough that she could feel the heat of his body, smell the reek of his skin. And she prayed to whatever deity might exist that she could retain her own stillness. Please take someone else. Please don’t see me.
Screams accompanied the sound of rattling as the chains anchoring the woman next to her to the ceiling were released. Scrabbling as the woman tried to run away. A hoarse laugh and the sound of boots when the Reaver followed her, apparently enjoying the chase. The feel of hot liquid spilling out of her body up to her waist and the bottom edge of her shirt as she lost control of her bladder in her terror… and her gratitude that it wasn’t her.
Tian gasped as the flash hit her, her eyes flying open in the sunlight to look around furtively. Her heart was racing and she was sweating. That couldn’t have been real. She was no coward. She … wanted to live. Tears flooded from her eyes. She hadn’t wanted to die.
HOW TO SPEAK CHINESE[edit]
Tian sha de e-mo = Goddamn fiends.
Renzi de Shang Di, qing dai wa zhou. = Merciful God, please take me away.
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