TheStarsAreRight:Journal2
Valentine's Day Journal
It is certainly a lot easier to criticize than to take action. I'm starting to think I've been wrong about everything. I mean, what use am I really? My list of successes is negligible, while my failures are legion.
In Bailey, I was clearly more hindrance than help.
That night in Lonon when we broke into Cecil Becker's offices, I sat in the car, while everybody else engaged in the difficult work. Then, the next day when we takled to his agent, Edmund Handley, I just held a briefcase. Will I take part in the meeting that we set-up Feb. 26th? What would I bring to the table?
When we discovered that Henrik was a "General" to Auda and Boris a "General" to Theo, I think Carl felt bad at how useless I was and pretended that I, too, had a role to play as a "Negotiator." I've noticed that Carl and Rebecca are often trying to prop me up when my mood falters.
When we encountered the Outsider, Dark Pharaoh, Carl allowed me to negotiate. However, as nice as he has been to me, here he evinced his lack of trust (and why should he trust me?), making me swear an oath that "when negotiating on his behalf, I would bargain faithfully and not seek to betray him. I could seek no profit or advantage that was not in the Kings' interests."
Even with all of the preparation we had made prior to the simple negotiation, I nearly botched things in the deal.
Upon meeting with the Principle of Aspiration, Laura, I floundered uselessly, while Henrik, with his straightforward approach uncovered relevant information about her family and dealings with the spirit world.
In a later meeting with Laura, Carl and John convinced her to leave the mental hospital without a fuss. John is, apparently, an important figure in the Principle of Aspiration's circle. Her leaving was facilitated by cunning financial manipulations from Boris... I sat and drank tea.
I have no job, no friends, no money. What am I going to do with myself?
