TheStarsAreRight:LetterE1
...about to end. However, although any or all of these things may have played a part, I think it is something else.
There are three internal processes that have the potential to generate our external responses: What we feel, how we think, and what we believe. Feelings can change instantly (and dramatically) but are typically constant for long periods of time. They are generally non-rational in nature. For instance, you may have no opinion on dogs until one day you are bitten by one. This may cause you to hate dogs and feel they are dangerous.
Thoughts update far more frequently than feelings (at least for some people). For some, they are generally rational in nature. For instance, you may read well-documented studies that indicate that dog owners live longer than others, that dogs are remarkably loyal, and that 0.01% of dogs bite people. This may cause you to think that dogs are safe and useful.
Beliefs are formulated as an amalgamation of thoughts and feelings. This means that beliefs are a hybrid of a rational and a non-rational process. The above person may believe that, while dogs are general beneficial to mankind, they are also prone to random attacks.
Most people choose their external acts based on their beliefs. When someone discusses right and wrong, or good and evil, they are generally referencing what they believe. Although people may do things that oppose what they believe, in doing so, they will consider their own actions to be wrong/evil and will feel negatively about themselves.
(Finally!), I'll get to the point. As a general rule, I do not act based on my beliefs. I do not trust them. Since they are a mixture of rational and non-rational (so potentially irrational) methods, beliefs are suspect in their veracity. Instead, I strive to act only on what I think. The philosophy that I think to be true, is that of utilitarianism (generally residing somewhere between Bentham and J.S. Mill). Suffice it to say, I would not say that this is the philosophy that I believe. What I believe was formulated (like most people) primarily when I was growing up.
During normal times, this schism between thought and belief is not too troubling. In ordinary actions, my thoughts and beliefs are similar enough as to not particularly disturb my mental well-being.
However, in the current time of troubles, the divide has grown wider. In particular, I have recently been confronted with a situation where a large group of people were sacrificed to the greater good. It turns out that I believe this to be appalling. It, literally, sickens me. However, I have been thinking about doing something quite similar to stave off annihilation by the Outsiders. In fact, I have been actively supporting a plan that would sacrifice millions. It is difficult to convey the appalling nature of my mental situation. I 'know' that what I am doing is 'wrong'. And not just wrong, but profoundly evil. Nevertheless, I have no intention of alt...
