Three Miscreants
Thanks to Ken! As always guv, you're a right good mate to write with!--Kim.
Three Miscreants
On the way to Wales. . .
For the fourth or fifth time since they left the house, Billy looked over at the other horse and had to bite his tongue to keep from snickering. The two of them were quite the sight, The Russian Noblewoman bint in her Navy Blue coat and trousers, all prim and deadly with Pop draped across her saddle like some oversized prize stole with this big grin on his face. I’m never letting Poppy live this one down, he thought grinning a bit. Even if we live to a hundred.
He looked over again. His friend appeared to be enraptured to the point ofdrooling. The situation was just a bit ridiculous, even for Poppy, but who would’ve thought that Prince Alexi berk would actually believe us. Not that it really mattered.
He had to do something, or he really would start laughing, and Billy knew his laugh tended to frighten the locals, “So”, he said turning his head toward the Blonde Guardsman, “What precisely do they call you?”
"Svetlana," came the crisp answer.
"Just 'Svetlana'? Seems a bit informal, but who am I to judge." Billy turned his head so he could look his friend more or less in the eye. "You doing alright,there your Princeliness?"
The weasel's face was almost split by his grin. "Loverly gov," he stated dreamily. "Just loverly. "
"Sure you wouldn't fancy a pillow for that oversize ‘ead of yours?"
Pop's eyes shone. "If you let me sit up, luv," he said, twisting to look atthe Russian guard, "I'd have two grand pillows for me head." He smiled charmingly despite her gentle cuff to his head.
“Sorry,if his princeliness is a bit forward. You know how them princes are.” Billy kicked his horse so that they were close enough that Pop’s head was squeezed between the horses momentarily. “So, if I may ask, ‘ow did your get a gig guarding your Prince anyway? Me and Prince Eponymous‘ere ‘ave been friends since we were kids.”
Svetlana regarded him for a moment, her blue eyes cool. Finally, the tiniest slip of a smile graced her perfect lips. "I failed to defeat Petra," she answered simply.
"Petra? eh Some kind of head trainer? I'd 've thought guarding a prince, even one like Alexi, 'd be more important duty then freezin your arse off in the Crimea, even if you got to where the fancier uniform." Billy shook his head, "Eh, but what do I know anyway? You still gots the mojo,right?"
"It is a joy to guard the ever-bright sun that is Alexi, large one." She lightly smacked away Pop's hand as it slid up her knee. "Petra was my ...ah...youwould say, competition.” Her brow furrowed and she inhaled, seeming to come to a decision. "If I had defeated her then I would have been one of the Empress's Elite. I did not." Her shoulders slumped as if the weight of the loss still was on her. She was silent again for a while, looking straight ahead and then she added, "Guarding Alexi is still a great honor."
“Still,not so bad. The last of you ‘Prettys’ that we ran into ‘ad gotten ‘erself concussed so badly she had the honor of dying in his Princeliness’s lap.” Helooked down at Pop who was delicately sniffing the top of Svetlana’s left boot top with all the rapture of a connoisseur with a fine bottle of wine. “An honor to be sure, but I think she’d of rather been alive.”
Billy was silent for a moment, trying to decide what all that meant, then shook his head. “I guess sometimes the winning ain’t so great and losing has its consolations. I suppose.”
An elegant eyebrow rose. "One might say that. So you, what were you doing in the Crimea?"
That seemed to strike a bit of a chord. Best to keep things on friendly like. “Well, the Prince and I was visitin’ dignitories don’t cha know” He leaned in towards his friend and chucked his friend under the chin. “Weren’t we, Eponymous?” The weasel was silent, his gaze too involved on the Russian’s tightly trousered thigh to answer as his friendcontinued. “Got the Grande Tour of all the tunnels under the fortifications, that’s where we ran into the her. There was some sort o’ explosion and well, what happened after that’s not the sort of things polite folks talk about. Not that I mind.”
The silent response indicated that a change in topic was in order. Billy shifted his gaze down the road as they continued riding. “So, do you plan on getting something when we’re in town? I figure with the Prince’s money youcould get yourself something nice.”
Her lips pressed together and she inhaled slowly before releasing a sigh. "Imay get my blade sharpened." She then tweaked Pop's ear and then pinched him hard.
"Myarse!" he squeeked, moving his hands from her calf and ankle to hold the offended cheek.
Billy,tried to hide his laugh with a cough before he turned back to Svetlana. "Iknow a Gnome in Whitechapel. 'e does good work.”
At that moment a plan came to Billy’s mind and with the plan came a smile of the sort that curdled milk and caused mothers to involuntarily pull their children closer. He looked back at his companions. “But a likely group of sophisticates such as ourselves might do better in a more fitting place.” He thumped Pop on the head, “Your Princeliness, what say we head over to Ten Bells for a pint and then over to Trumpshaws for our kit?”
"Ow!"Pop yelped indignantly with the thump. "Is there no end to me indignities?" He twisted to look at Svetlana who seemed dangerously close to a smile. "C'mon loverly, let a bloke ride behind ya wi' some dignity."
Her voice was cool. "I did and your hands did not stay put."
Pop grinned. "Your spirited horsey trots with some bounce. Couldn't help it if me hands bounced up and down."
“Thus you stay there like potato sack." Svetlana frowned lightly. "I accept your invitation, large one. I am curious as to how you live. What is fun for poor?"
"Well,playing darts for one thing. You ever play?"
"Yes,”she answered slowly, cocking her head curiously as if he might bite.
"Well, excellent then. We can play for pints." and Pop'll clean up on the side bets "Afterthat, we can go to Trumpshaws. I acquired special access to them just today."
"Of that dreadful swill you call beer?" Svetlana snorted. "Pints? Nyet. Vodka da. None of your Englisher beer." She smiled almost wolfishly. "I play ignorant foreigner? You and I split winnings with rat here? If we play against Englisher idiots who think I cannot drink and play?"
“I’d‘ardly call Truman’s swill or his Princeliness, a rat. I met a rat or two in my time. Trust me ‘e ain’t one, but I think you’ve got the idea. Or we could catch a boxing match. There’s usually one if you ask round. We could make some good coin and I ain’t had a chance to beat no one up all day.” Billy winked. “Better still, if you got in the ring. Everyone down there knows what I can do, but none of them’s even really heard of someone like you. We could clean up.”
Her eyes lit for a moment and then she shook her head. "Would be diplomatic incident, William," she stated with no little regret. "For all fun we could have. But I thank you for the offers. I will ride with little lap warmer here until we stop for the night. Then you and veasal can go have your fun."
Billy looked incredulously at the Russian woman. “I won’t ‘ere nothin of the sort. It ain’t so far really, less’n an hour, faster if we trot.” He kicked his horse, “and much as a night away from your prince might seem like a grand time, his Princeliness and I would be entirely remiss if we did not at least show you some of the finer establishments of the city, particularly Trumpshaws.” He pulled a slightly greasy letter from his jacket. “They got a special porter just for special folks like us that show up at night with special requests. If you can imagin’ it, they got it and all on the Colonel and the ‘obbit. It pays to have friends, dontchaknow.”
Svetlana raised an eyebrow as the orc spoke. As he kicked his horse faster and pulled out a nasty looking parchment from his pocket, her dubious look grew deeper. "Well enough then," she answered, nudging her mount to join him. The weasel man began to shout as her mount responded with an enthusiastic trot.
"Oy! What gives? Ouch! Me gut, me head, oh damnation, me boys!" Pop hollered and Svetlana's calm face was finally split with a grin.
"You vant up?"
"Gods breath, woman, aye! I'm being gelded here!"
With a laugh, Svetlana nudged her horse into a canter. "Ha! You, William,”she called to the orc, “you might need to slow down. Your friend is uncomfortable."
Billy reined in to slow his horse down and looked back at his friend and chuckled,"Oy Poppy, I'd thought you'd like a little bounce in your ride."
Popjust groaned as Svetlana slowed her horse to match. "T'aint natural, riding like this," he grumbled, panting.
The Russian's face had again reset in serenity. "If you say please, then I may let you up," she stated as Pop turned to look at her, his brown eyes wide in supplication. The blonde nodded and stopped the horse. Pop slid to the ground and smiled happily as she reached down to help him back up. He settled happily behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. Taking a deep breath,Svetlana sighed patiently, her eyes on the orc's as she spoke, even thought her first words were for the weaselman.
"I will cut off your hands Pop, if they stray," she stated placidly and then smiled at Billy. "So, now we ride fast to your place of amusement. But we cannot make incident. You swear it?"
Billy held up his right hand. “I swear on me mum” Wherever she is “that there won’t be no incidents, diplomatic or otherwise, unless you say so.” He gave the woman a sidelong glance, “So . .. where first? Alcoholic libations or a trip to the biggest store you’ll ever see?”
"Shopping,"she answered promptly. "I am a girl."
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