Who, What, and Why?
Transcript of a conversation at the table between Andy and Terri as Valentine and Tian, on 03 Sep 2014, recorded on Andy's phone before the game.—Maer
Sometime in the events in Patience
Galley, Delilah
Tian is in the galley, pulling a Vikki (as the coined term goes): making tea to soothe her nerves. And in truth, Tian has much to be nervous about. Her thoughts are as roiled as the boiling water on the stove and as elusive as the wisps of steam rising from the kettle.
Tian: (softly to self) Who am I? Who have I become since I've walked on this ship? What are they making me into?
Behind her, Valentine stands watching her moving around in the galley and decides that now would be a good time to step in. He quietly moves to her side and puts a hand on her shoulder. Tian's heard him coming but she jumps at his touch anyway. He tries for a little humor.
Valentine: Half a credit for your thoughts? Tenth-credit? A hundredth credit for your thoughts? I don't think I have a full credit to give.
Tian: Don't think any of us have a full credit to give and I'm not sure they're worth that much.
Valentine: So?
Tian: (sighs) What are we doing? You people need to drop me off here and get off planet.
Valentine: (evenly) You people. Okay. What are we doing that's prompted the "you people" comment? Jail break?
Tian: Jail break.
Valentine: Look, we don't have to break her out, but—
She laughs a helpless angry laugh and pours the water over the tea leaves.
Tian: Do you remember sitting there and saying to Vikki, "Who are you?!" That's how I feel about me right now.
Valentine: Apologies for it, Ma'am.
Tian: I'm a Navy doctor.
As if that explained everything.
Valentine: You were a Navy doctor. It's … None of us, except for maybe Rachel—
Tian: (agrees) Except for maybe Rachel.
Valentine: Except for maybe Rachel, none of us are in the lives that we were in. It's not surprising that we're still clinging to them because I'm still clinging to mine, even after having made the decision to take on this job. I don't know exactly who I am. I'm planning a jail break. I'm listening to Poco.
Tian: Now that's just terrifying.
She pours them both a cup and they settle at the table.
Valentine: I know. I know it is.
Tian: We're listening to Poco. You know that Poco's gonna, like … (gestures slitting throats)
Valentine: Well, that said, you have to understand you have to filter Poco. Take everything he says and scale it down. You know, the killifying.
Tian: You know what the worst part of this is?
Valentine: No, what is the worst part of this?
Tian: Rachel understands.
Valentine: Is that bad?
Tian thinks on it, trying to find a way to say it.
Tian: Look at it from my perspective.
Valentine: Okay.
Tian: Alliance Navy was my life. For nearly three decades.
Valentine: (nods) Yeah.
Tian: Now the two people who understand me the best are … Rachel, at this moment, because she knows that I'll go do anything to save my son …
Valentine: Yep.
Tian: And Poco, who just flat out doesn't believe that I would do things—or that anybody would do things—strictly for altruistic purposes.
Valentine: (agrees) … Yeah ….
Tian: Which is the only reason he'll do what I ask, when I go do something totally freaking insane.
Valentine: Like we're about to do?
It's not really a question.
Tian: Well, this is not altruistic, but ….
Valentine: Yeah.
They both think briefly on the other crazy insane altruistic things they've pulled since coming aboard. Tian puts them back on track.
Tian: Poco and Rachel! (pointed look) Poco and Rachel.
Valentine: I—
Tian: Hence, why my thought processes here: "Who am I?!"
Valentine: You're starting to become family, Tian.
He says it with the finality of scientific fact and he says it with the conviction of faith.
Tian: No, I'm starting to become insane.
Valentine: No.
Tian: And I'm going to get all of my new-found family killed.
Valentine: Here's the thing. I'm quickly learning we can get killed doing just about anything out here.
Tian: I knew that before.
Valentine: So, what's … (tries again) … If that's true, then I would much rather get killed trying to help you out than get killed running meaningless cargo from one place to another to put food on the table. At least then I feel I have a purpose behind what I'm doing. Everybody comparing me to my father every time I turn around, both good and bad, and I don't know how I feel about it but anything anybody can do is adjust. And realize that whatever you're becoming is not necessarily any worse—or even any better—than what you were at, it's just … new.
Valentine looks her in the eye and says in the quiet of the galley:
Valentine: Make of it what you will. (a beat) We are about to save somebody, hopefully, from a hundred lashes.
Tian: Yeah, that's not bad but it's for my own selfish ends.
Valentine: Yeah, well. Means. Ends. Justify. Et cetera, et cetera.
Tian: You do realize, of course, when all is said and done, that all I'm doing is giving more fuel to their fire.
Not that she needs to explain who they are.
Valentine: I know. But you're doing it for somebody important to you. Whether it works—
Tian: (smilingly fatalistic) Yeah. I'm just giving David all the ammunition he needs to turn me in. (a beat) He'll be alive.
Valentine: And that's what you care about, right?
Tian: It's all I care about.
Valentine: Then there you are. You're making an informed adult human being decision that David's life is the most important thing in the equation. And that's okay. My job is to help you out and keep everybody alive while we're doing it. Poco's job is to tell us we're stupid and explain why we should all be running for the hills while helping us out.
Tian: (amused) Umm-hmm. And yours?
He thinks on it. Then:
Valentine: My job is to keep us alive. That seems to be my job. Or at least, my job is to take the flak. That's what the captain's all about, right?
Tian: (breathes a laugh) Better you than me.
Valentine: And that's exactly the point. But it'll be fun.
Tian: Actually, I'm really glad in some ways that I never had to take command of that base.
It takes him a minute to understand what she means. Then:
Valentine: In some ways, I am too. Cuz if you had, you probably wouldn't be here. And I like having you here. As to that, I kinda even like having Poco here. For as long as I get to keep him.
Tian: He won't shoot himself in the foot too soon.
Valentine: I'm not worried about him shooting himself in the foot. If he shoots himself in the foot, then my job is the exact same thing it is when I'm standing behind you: to help him get out of it and keep all of us alive while we do it. I just occasionally worry that Poco's going to decide that we're all a bunch of crazy people—like really crazy people—and try to make a run for it.
Tian: (laughs) He already knows we're a bunch of really crazy people.
Valentine: Yeah, well, I think he's just continuing to gather information on that.
Tian laughs into her cup.
Valentine: And to be fair, I've gotten a little weirder as we've gotten along. I think that he thought I was going to be—
Tian: I don't think you've gotten weirder.
Valentine: No?
Tian: I think that of this entire group, possibly excepting Vikki, you and I are the only two who have anything approaching a Coreward mentality.
Valentine: That's fair.
Tian: And it's become a gorram lot more flexible than it used to be.
Valentine: That's also true. I never would have considered myself a particularly moral person—
Tian: I didn't say moral. I said Core. That's a very large difference.
Valentine: That's fair. That is also fair. Yeah. (a beat) Can I tell you something?
Valentine pauses with his cup halfway to his lips and he cuts a look at her over the rim.
Valentine: I'm having fun. Which kinda leads me to the thing I need you to do for me at some point though not right now, you've got other things on your mind, but … just keep an eye on me. I'm having fun and now that I think about it, it's been a long time since I've had any. But that leads to everything going wrong.
Tian: Okay. Before you—(holds up a warning hand)—Spell it out for me: are you asking me to vet your girlfriends?
Valentine: No, no.
Tian: Or are you asking me in general to keep my eye on you?
Valentine: No, I already know you don't trust my girlfriends, and—.
Tian: Cuz here's the thing—You're out there having fun and that's fantastic.
Valentine: Not that way. I mean—
Tian: Okay, just checking. Cuz right now I gotta deal with Poco hanging his pants over the railing, okay?
Valentine: Here's what I mean: I mean, that before I boarded this ship, I was all about risk/reward management. And I still am to some respects but I'm kinda rating the risk a little lower and pushing the reward a little higher than I probably should for a lot of things because I'm having a lot of fun doing it. And that's from my personal end. That's great … except that it's not just me. It's everybody on this ship that I'm responsible for. So … just keep an eye on me and if I make a decision that seems too much of the crazy and too much because of I think it's gonna be—
Tian: (shakes head) You're trusting the woman who's literally—
Valentine: I'm trusting you. If I didn't trust you, we wouldn't be doing this in the first place.
There. He's said it. Tian just stares.
Tian: Hmm.
Valentine: I trust all of you. Even Poco, within limited parameters. (off her look) I'm not kidding. It's all about knowing where you draw your lines. With Poco, I have to draw very tightly. We're going to be fine. We're going to break her out of jail.
Tian:You know, I somewhat—no, not somewhat—I owe Poco.
Valentine: We all owe Poco.
Tian: I owe Poco my freedom at this point. Because without what we both thought was a reckless move at the time … they would have had what they needed.
Valentine: Poco's good people. Generally. Notice that I have to qualify every statement that I make about Poco. "Poco [the Qualification]." But … that's okay. We're all going to do this. We're going to do a good thing for a selfish reason. And I'm okay with that. Because like I said: You're crew.
Tian sips her tea in silence for a moment.
Tian: I don't know if I've ever done a good thing for a selfish reason.
Valentine: I'd argue—and not a lot of people would argue with me—but I'd argue every good thing we do, a little bit of it is for selfish reasons. We do it because we like how it feels.
Tian: Poco would absolutely agree with you.
Valentine: Yes, he would.
Tian: That's an utterly terrifying thought.
Valentine: A little bit.
Tian: A little bit, yeah.
Ain't it though? And yet, there they are. With Poco. Still crazy. Planning a jail break.
Valentine: In the list of things I never thought I'd say out loud … "We're going to do a jail break." (grins) It's going to be fun.
There's very little left to say after that and what hasn't been said already doesn't need to be said aloud. So Tian and Valentine say nothing and enjoy the tea (and company) in silence.
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