Part of me laughs that I'm writing to a king. To "My King" And that you might actually accept my word.
My sister Doria and I came to Amber and in the course of 5 years met and with the help of kinsman, defeated the Lord of Chaos who had tormented us since birth. He had even been responsible for our birth so in a way it occurs to me that in the final death of the Dominator, also named Darnuthas rasaka afuras, it severed completely any connection to my past.
My life before Amber was a long one filled with wars, and horrors, and rank pleasures too numerous to name. It gave me madness and hatred. I was enslaved first by the Dominator and then by my sister who our world knew as Lady. To list the grievances i held and the crimes i committed would be the litany of hours.
I was awash in madness, bloodshed, anger, and conquest for centuries. Then something akin to shock when my sister and I were suddenly pulled from our realm and brought to Amber. Our wars were done though shadows of them continued to grisly unforseen ends.
Coming here i experienced several things immediately. I had a purging of all the magical entanglements that had wrapped me in might and fury. This procedure performed on my sister and i by no less then Dworkin felt like a snake shedding a million layers of skin at once. What was left behind was a very differant, much smoother and much cleaner creature.
There was a moment of clarity after this procedure that i can never explain. You know the details so i shan't go on.
Let it be said, that afterwards, i felt a of freedom i had never felt. It was behind me. I even settled my ancient grievances with my sister who i knew as Lady, and Doretea Senjak. For the most part anyway. After a long walk in shadow with my grandfather Benedict and my Sister Doria I realized that all debts were paid, all crimes forgotten and as best as possible, forgiven.
I sat at a table near the front of your hall, the first day of 5226, for the New Year celebrations. At our table sat Prince Benedict, Doria[] and I[], our newly discovered sister Yalla[]. With us were Banidoc and Visaly, my step-brothers. I felt part of a family in a way i never had before. I was a whole new woman.
Soon after that i walked the pattern. You instructed me yourself. I transported into shadow and spent a few years doing little more then wander. I indulged in familiar vices to find they did not delight me as they did. I engaged in casual cruelties and gave me no pleasures. Isaw new lands, learned new tongues, sampled new pleasure and new vices. I sought out new magics and new powers. My old self was not totally gone. Then something unforeseen occurred.
I was offered a job. It came by surprise. I was eating in a restaurant and a harried manager asked if i wanted a job? It seemed the most insane suggestion i had ever been given. Soulcather of the Ten Who Were Taken, The Protector of Taglios, Credence Senjak, daughter of Benedict, granddaughter of Oberon, being asked to be a waitress in a diner. I laughed in the man's face.
I also worked there for 4 years.
In many ways those four years were the best of my life. Formative even. My past was unknown. I spent time with people who asked few questions. their ambitions were small. Comfort, companionship, love. I met men who wanted my fresh body and had no desire for power. I met women who wanted my strength and had little ambition. I made love for pleasure. This was new to me.
I ate and learned to cook. I attended school. Me, a student. I had refused to attend the school you wanted me to when i first arrived in Amber. Filled with anger, spitting vengeance, ready for blood. Now, i was in a 2 year college wearing blue jeans. The universe began to amuse me.
I left that land after 4 years and the woman i was had only the memories of the woman i had been.
Though to be fair, memories did remain. And lessons learned in blood are hard to forget. While i no longer felt like a driven destroyer of worlds i was well aware that there were monsters with might far beyond mine. Those 4 years left me a new recognition of potentials.
I returned to Amber. I attended Benedict's private hell. I attended Fantalin. With reasoning i don't understand Dame Margot convinced me to attend her private culinary training school.
After 5 years of education in Amber i went into shadow again. Before i went Bleys told me something and its what brings me to this missive today.
He said, "There are monsters everywhere you go. There is great beauty. But in the end one must plant one's flag and see it defended. Even Death is no reprieve from duty. Like it or not you're duty is to Amber. Be on good terms with it and it will be a place to come should the monsters be too hard to swallow on your own. I paid for that knowledge with my own blood and i give it to you free of charge. Visit the places in the deck. There are reasons they are there. Call me if you like. "
So i traveled a bit. I visited the places in the deck. Most of them at the time. They convinced me he was right.
So i recognize my duty. I plant my flag. I render my service and fealty to Amber.
Call on me if there is need, till then i shall travel. Learn. Grow. Enjoy. And when the monsters come, the ones i can't eat myself, i will bring home.
Desri ak'Benedict at'Lintra ak'Oberon at'Clymnea ak'dworkin at'Unicorn
Knight and Lady of Amber